“Fiddlesticks!” Allie tossed her head. “Lan should go back to Simon Magus College and finish his schooling, the way Mama and Papa want. He’s got no business traipsing off into the Far West and getting eaten by saber cats or petrified by a medusa lizard or who knows what else!”
“There’s no saying that’s what would happen,” I told her. “And besides, it’s his choice.”
“I bet you don’t feel that way about Roger!” Allie retorted.
“I do so!”
“Have you talked to him about it?” she demanded.
“Not really,” I said. “It isn’t any of my business.” He hadn’t seemed to want to talk about it, the two times I’d seen him since the letters came. He’d just accepted my congratulations gravely and changed the subject. I didn’t push him to talk because along with the excitement and being pleased that he was getting such an opportunity, I couldn’t help feeling a little jealous of him and Lan and Brant.
Allie glared at me. “Well, it should be your business! Anyway, Lan’s your twin; he’s your business, surely.”
“Not the way you mean.” I hesitated. “Lan likes the West, almost as much as he likes learning new magic, and going on this expedition means he can do both at once. Why should I stop him?”
“He should think more about his family!” Allie snapped. “And so should Brant!”
I looked at her really hard for the first time in a long time. I’d always thought of Rennie as the bossy one of my sisters, and Allie just as more determined and sure of herself, but it occurred to me that she’d been developing a bossy streak ever since Rennie ran off with Brant. I hadn’t noticed because she didn’t boss people to do things she wanted for herself, the way Rennie always had. Allie bossed people to do what she thought they ought to do for other people.
“Allie,” I said slowly, “why do you think what Mama and Papa want is more important than what the Settlement Office wants or what Lan wants?”
“I don’t!” she said, but her cheeks reddened.
“Well, you’re sure enough acting like it.”
“Somebody has to think about the family!” Allie said furiously.
“Yes,” I said. “And somebody has to work in the Settlement Office and at the railroad. Somebody has to study medusa lizards and any other new wildlife, somebody has to invent new spells to take care of them, and somebody has to go to Washington to make sure the National Assembly knows what’s happening in the territories. But somebody has to go West, too. And you don’t get to decide for other people which somebody they’re going to be.”
“I’m not! I’m just saying that —”
“Yes, you are. Or at least, you’re trying to.” I took a deep breath. “It’s right that Brant’s wife has a say in what he does, but you’re not Brant’s wife. You’re not Lan’s mother, either. And if Mama is staying out of Lan’s decision, I don’t see that you have any business pushing your nose into it.”
Allie stared at me for a minute, then flounced off. After that, she didn’t talk to me about Lan’s invitation again.
In the second week of December, Lan announced over dinner that he’d accepted and would be going on the new expedition to the Far West. Allie gave him a disapproving sniff, but she didn’t light into him, so I thought maybe our talk had done some good.
Brant was still considering. “I can’t deny I’d like to go,” he said with a sigh, and Allie frowned at him for even admitting so much. “But I don’t know if I can justify the risk, or taking so much time away when I have three little ones that need looking after.” He smiled across the table at his children.
Albert scowled ferociously. “I’m not little!” he said indignantly. “I’m almost ten!”
Everybody laughed, and after that things were a bit less uneasy around the house. Allie grumbled and glowered, but Rennie settled down and stopped pestering Brant to say no, even though he still hadn’t made up his mind. I decided that it was because he was taking her seriously.
Right before Christmas, the Frontier Management Department published the list of people who’d accepted their invitation to go along on the expedition. There were still some gaps, especially in the list of scientists and magicians and support people, but most of the army and Settlement Office folks had been chosen.
I was surprised at how many I knew. Besides Wash, Lan, Roger, and Professor Torgeson, the list included Professor Ochiba, and Professor Lefevre from Simon Magus College. And of course there was the Cathayan magician, Adept Alikaket Shilin; he brought the total number of people to thirty-one. He’d been Master Adept Farawase’s second in command, and I’d thought at the time that he knew more English than he was letting on.
I wondered how Cathayan magicians worked when they didn’t have a team. I didn’t think the master adept would send somebody along just to observe things, not to a place as dangerous as the Far West.
I went back to the list. Pierre le Grise, the trapper that everyone called Greasy Pierre, was among the people from the Settlement Office, and Dick Corman, who I remembered from back in day school, was in the army unit that was coming up from the South Plains. I wondered how he’d ended up down there.
And then I got to the list of assistants and support people, and my eyes went wide in surprise.
The third name was William Graham.
My first reaction to seeing William’s name on the expedition list — after I got over being surprised — was to be cross and a little hurt that he hadn’t written and told me about it himself, and a little jealous that I wasn’t going with, too. My second reaction was to wish I were back out at the study center and away from all the talk that was certain to follow. William was practically family; Mama and Allie wouldn’t be any happier about him heading West than they’d been when Lan and Brant got invitations, only since William wasn’t around, they’d be able to fuss as much as they liked. And I didn’t want to think how Professor Graham was going to react.
Sure enough, when I got home from work, Papa was holed up in the study with Professor Graham. Allie said Professor Graham was almost as upset by seeing William’s name on the expedition list as he’d been when he and William quit speaking to begin with. When I asked her what she meant, it turned out she hadn’t been home when he arrived, so she didn’t really know any more than I did. She was just guessing.
Papa and the professor came out just before dinner, and the professor didn’t look all that upset to me. Mama invited him to stay, but he declined politely. He wished us all a Merry Christmas and left. Papa didn’t say what they’d talked about, but he was very firm that evening about turning the dinner conversation whenever it started to drift toward the expedition.
Two days later, I got a letter from William. I felt absurdly pleased to find that he’d written to me before the list was published after all; the letter had just taken longer to get to Mill City than he’d expected. He’d been asked to go as a special assistant to Professor Ochiba.
The selection committee let the scientific personnel choose their own assistants, within certain guidelines, he wrote. It’s lucky I grew up in Mill City; that counted as “frontier experience,” which neither of the other two candidates had. So Professor Ochiba chose me.
I snorted. It was like William to make out that it was no big thing, but I knew better. Being picked out by Professor Ochiba meant even more than being picked out by the expedition committee, as far as I was concerned. I wondered who Professor Torgeson would pick for an assistant, and for just a second, I hoped it would be me. I had “frontier experience,” no question, but the students who’d help move the mammoth had that, too, and all of them knew a lot more magic than I did, and they’d already asked Roger. I fought the hope down and went back to the letter.
It’s an amazing opportunity, William went on. Of course, I’d want to go even without the money, but the hazard pay certainly doesn’t hurt. Between that and the experience, I’ll be in a much better position when we get back.
I frowned at the letter. Brant and Lan hadn’t
mentioned hazard pay, but I could see why it might interest William. Neither he nor his father ever spoke about each other directly, but everybody knew that Professor Graham had cut William off without a penny. William had expected it, too; he’d found a patron to pay his way at Triskelion even before he wrote his father about what he was planning. Having a starting-out stake for when he finished up his schooling would be a big help.
I wrote back right away. I knew William must have seen Lan’s name on the expedition list already, but he wouldn’t know about all the arguments, or about Brant still waffling over whether to go along or not. I almost said something about Roger going, too, but at the last minute I decided not to. They hadn’t exactly hit it off when William came to help study the medusa lizard last spring. I finished up with all the news from Professor Torgeson’s lab, and sent the letter off the day before Christmas.
The holidays were uneasy. Everyone knew that this was the last Christmas we’d all be together for a long time, and if things went badly, it might be the last one, period. Mama worked hard at making everything extra special, but she couldn’t keep the tension from showing in the way Lan avoided Allie, or the way Rennie’s mouth pinched in whenever she looked at Brant.
Brant was still considering. He’d written to the Frontier Management Department, asking some questions, but he wouldn’t tell anyone what they were. In fact, he’d pretty much stopped talking about the expedition at all, and he’d pick up and leave the room if anyone else started. It made things difficult, because Lan and Robbie didn’t seem to want to talk about anything else.
Three days after Christmas, Roger Boden came by. I was the one who answered the door, so I got to warn him not to bring up the expedition in front of Brant or Rennie before he went on in to see the others. It didn’t help any; practically the first thing Lan said when Roger walked into the sitting room was, “Have you heard yet who they’re assigning as the expedition leader?”
“No,” Roger said. He gave me an apologetic glance as Brant got up and left. I gave him a little smile to show that he wasn’t the one I blamed for it, and he relaxed a little.
“It’s only another four months until you leave,” Robbie complained. “You’d think they’d know by now.”
Rennie got up and followed Brant out. I glared at Robbie, who gave me a bewildered look. I sighed. At least all the people who didn’t want to talk about the expedition were gone, so I didn’t have the impossible job of trying to turn the conversation to other things.
Sure enough, Lan and Robbie kept on about it, speculating about routes and what new wildlife the expedition would discover. Roger was usually happy to join in, but that day he seemed distracted. He kept losing track of the conversation and having to be reminded what they were talking about. Finally, he shook his head and said, “My mind is fuzzy this afternoon. Maybe a good walk would clear it.”
Lan looked puzzled, then shrugged. “I’m staying here, thanks. But if you want something to do, Mrs. Callahan was saying yesterday that the pond had frozen over and someone should check how thick the ice is before the young ones find it and start agitating to go skating.”
I leaned over and poked him. “Lan!” I whispered furiously. “You shouldn’t be shoving your chores off on someone else, and a guest, too!”
I thought I’d kept my voice down, but Roger heard me. “It’s no trouble,” he said, and hesitated. “In fact, would you care to join me, Miss Rothmer?”
“All right.” I didn’t have to think for even a minute; I was glad for a chance to get away from my brothers and all the expedition talk.
We got our coats and left. It was a clear, crisp winter day, warm enough to be comfortable walking but not enough to turn the snow to muddy slush. We’d had enough snow to whiten the ground, but not so much that it was difficult to walk through. “This is nice,” I said as we started toward the pond. “Another week or two and it’ll be too bitter cold to go out in unless you have to.”
“That’s one thing I didn’t miss when I was in Albion,” Roger said. “The cold.”
“It’s only a week, usually,” I replied. “You can stand anything, if it’s just for a week. And we’ve had a thaw in February the last two years to make up for it, and then there’ll only be a month left until winter is really over.”
“And then we leave.”
I glanced over at him quickly, but his head was turned to stare westward and he didn’t notice. “Are you having second thoughts?” I asked after a minute.
“Not exactly.” Roger took a deep breath and turned to look at me. “I’d planned to do this properly, but I don’t think either of us would be too pleased if I went down on one knee in the snow out where anyone passing can see. Miss Rothmer — Eff — the one thing I regretted most when I went off to Albion was leaving you here, and your letters were the thing that brightened my days there the most.
“I know it isn’t fair to ask you to wait two years for me to come back from the expedition, but I couldn’t leave again without letting you know how I feel. I admire and … care for you greatly, and if you could see your way to it, I would be honored and … and … very happy if you would consent to be my wife.”
“Roger, I …” I didn’t know what to say. Roger had hinted some, back before he went to Albion to study, and I spent some time then deciding not to encourage him. I thought it had worked, and that he was dropping by mostly to visit with Lan and Papa now, but —
“I don’t mean to settle things between us now,” Roger hurried on as if I hadn’t spoken. “Two years is a long time, and there’s always the chance that … well, it wouldn’t be right. But if … when I get back, I’ll have a sizable stake to set up a household with, and everyone who goes will have their pick of jobs when we get back. I’ll be well able to support a wife. So I hope — that is — if you would consider —” He stuttered to a stop.
“I don’t know,” I said, half to myself. Roger’s face fell, and I said hastily, “I didn’t mean it that way! I just meant that I wasn’t exactly looking for this. I need to think about it.”
His expression cleared. “That’s all I … expected.” He hesitated again. “Could you see your way to giving me an answer before the expedition leaves?”
I frowned. “I should hope so! It wouldn’t be fair to leave you hanging all the time you’re away.”
He nodded. “Thank you. I — shall we see about that pond, then?”
We walked the rest of the way to the pond in silence. When we arrived, I couldn’t help but stare. The pond was frozen over, all right, but the ice was flat and clear as window glass, with just a tiny bubble here and there where the water weeds had trapped a bit of air. You could only tell that it was frozen by the dusting of white where a bit of snow had blown across the ice.
“Black ice,” Roger said, sounding surprised. “No wonder your Mrs. Callahan wanted it checked.”
We hunted around and found a couple long branches, and Roger and I used them to test the ice around the edges. When we were sure it was firm, we stepped gingerly out onto it, poking with the branches and bouncing every few steps to see if it was still solid. We both slipped a couple of times, just because it was so smooth.
“It’s thick enough, in spite of the way it looks.” He smiled. “It’s like walking on water; you can see straight down to the bottom except in the deepest spots.”
“The childings will love it,” I said.
“So will everyone else, I expect.” He gave me a sidelong look. “I don’t suppose you’d be interested in joining me to test it out more thoroughly tomorrow? Between the weather and the skaters, it won’t stay clear like this for long.”
I nodded. We headed back to the house, talking almost normally about skating and the weather and my niece and nephews. Neither of us mentioned the expedition, or his proposal, and I didn’t tell anyone about it when I got home. I wanted to think on it for myself.
I lay awake a long time that night. I couldn’t decide whether I was truly stunned by Roger’s proposal, or whethe
r I was just trying to convince myself that it had been a surprise. My sisters had been saying almost since they met him that Roger was sweet on me, but they’d all been full of suggestions about how to catch him. Apparently even they hadn’t thought he’d propose without me doing something on purpose to persuade him.
At least once Roger’s name showed up on the expedition list, they’d quit pushing me to encourage him. I sighed. If I told Roger yes, I’d have two years of listening to the three of them fuss at me. Nan wasn’t so bad — she had her own home, and another new baby any minute, so she wasn’t around to nag very often. Rennie was busy with her own childings, and she and Brant were looking to find a place of their own as soon as might be. But Allie …
I sighed. Allie was going to fuss and fret the whole time Lan was gone anyway, but if I got myself engaged to someone else who was on the expedition, she’d have someone to fuss and fret at. I didn’t relish the thought, but keeping an engagement secret for two years didn’t seem right, either.
I told myself firmly that I was avoiding the real question, which was whether or not to accept Roger. I liked him. I liked him a lot. But did I like him enough?
Finally I shook my head. The expedition wasn’t leaving until the second week in April; I had another three months to make up my mind. I didn’t have to decide everything right then. I rolled over and resolutely shut my eyes, then had to untangle the cord on the wooden pendant. Maybe I’ll have one of those dreams tonight, I thought. Maybe it will give me an idea of what to do.
No special dreams came to help me out, though, just the normal kind, full of Rennie throwing cups at the wall and breaking them, one at a time, while Nan built the fire in the stove so high that little flames came out the vents and Allie tried to fill a live swarming weasel with bread stuffing so they could bake it for dinner and I ran back and forth among them trying to persuade them to stop. I woke up feeling tireder than when I’d gone to bed.