CHAPTER XVIII.
MAJOR TOBIAS CLUTTERBUCK COMES IN FOR A THOUSAND POUNDS.
John Girdlestone had frequently heard his son speak of the major in thedays when they had been intimate, and had always attributed some of theyoung man's more obvious vices to the effects of this ungodlycompanionship. He had also heard from Ezra a mangled version of theinterview and quarrel in the private room of Nelson's Restaurant.Hence, as may be imagined, his feelings towards his visitor were farfrom friendly, and he greeted him as he entered with the coldest ofpossible bows. The major, however, was by no means abashed by thischilling reception, but stumped forward with beaming face and his pudgyhand outstretched, so that the other had no alternative but to shake it,which he did very gingerly and reluctantly.
"And how are ye?" said the major, stepping back a pace or two, andinspecting the merchant as though he were examining his points with theintention of purchasing him. "Many's the time I've heard talk of ye.It's a real treat to see ye. How are ye?" Pouncing upon the other'sunresponsive hand, he wrung it again with effusion.
"I am indebted to Providence for fairly good health, sir," JohnGirdlestone answered coldly. "May I request you to take a seat?"
"That was what me friend Fagan was trying to do for twelve years, andruined himself over it in the ind. He put up at Murphytown in theConservative interest, and the divil a vote did he get, except one, andthat was a blind man who signed the wrong paper be mistake, Ha! ha!"The major laughed boisterously at his own anecdote, and mopped hisforehead with his handkerchief.
The two men, as they stood opposite each other, were a strange contrast,the one tall, grave, white, and emotionless, the other noisy andpompous, with protuberant military chest and rubicund features.They had one common characteristic, however. From under the shaggyeyebrows of the merchant and the sparse light-coloured lashes of themajor there came the same keen, restless, shifting glance. Both werecrafty, and each was keenly on his guard against the other.
"I have heard of you from my son," the merchant said, motioning hisvisitor to a chair. "You were, I believe, in the habit of meetingtogether for the purpose of playing cards, billiards, and other suchgames, which I by no means countenance myself, but to which my son isunhappily somewhat addicted."
"You don't play yourself," said the major, in a sympathetic voice."Ged, sir, it's never too late to begin, and many a man has put in avery comfortable old age On billiards and whist. Now, if ye feelinclined to make a start, I'll give ye seventy-five points in a hundredfor a commincement."
"Thank you," said the merchant drily. "It is not one of my ambitions.Was this challenge the business upon which you came?"
The old soldier laughed until his merriment startled the clerks in thecounting-house. "Be jabers!" he said, In a wheezy voice, "d'ye think Icame five miles to do that? No, sir, I wanted to talk to you about yourson."
"My son!"
"Yes, your son. He's a smart lad--very smart indeed--about as quick asthey make 'em. He may be a trifle coarse at times, but that's thespirit of the age, me dear sir. Me friend Tuffleton, of the Blues, saysthat delicacy went out of fashion with hair powder and beauty patches.he's a demned satirical fellow is Tuffleton. Don't know him, eh?"
"No, sir, I don't," Girdlestone said angrily; "nor have I any desire tomake his acquaintance. Let us proceed to business for my time isvaluable."
The major looked at him with an amiable smile. "That quick temper runsin the family," he said. "I've noticed It in your son Ezra. As I saidbefore, he's a smart lad; but me friend, he's shockingly rash andextremely indiscrate. Ye musk speak to him about it."
"What do you mean sir?" asked the merchant, white with anger."Have you come to insult him in his absence?"
"Absence?" said the soldier, still smiling blandly over his stock."That's the very point I wanted to get at. He is away in Africa--at thediamond fields. A wonderful interprise, conducted with remarkableenergy, but also with remarkable rashness, sir--yes, bedad, inexcusablerashness."
Old Girdlestone took up his heavy ebony ruler and played with itnervously. He had an overpowering desire to hurl it at the head of hiscompanion.
"What would ye say, now," the veteran continued, crossing one leg overthe other and arguing the matter out in a confidential undertone--"what would you say if a young man came to you, and, on the assumptionthat you were a dishonest blackgaird, appealed to you to help him in avery shady sort of a scheme? It would argue indiscretion on his part,would it not?"
The merchant sat still, but grew whiter and whiter.
"And if on the top of that he gave you all the details of his schame,without even waiting to see if you favoured it or not, he would be morethan indiscrate, wouldn't he? Your own good sinse, me dear sir, willtell you that he would be culpably foolish--culpably so, bedad!"
"Well, sir?" said the old man, in a hoarse voice.
"Well," continued the major, "I have no doubt that your son told you ofthe interesting little conversation that we had together. He was goodenough to promise that if I went to Russia and pretinded to discover afictitious mine, I should be liberally rewarded by the firm. I wasunder the necessity of pointing out to him that certain principles onwhich me family"--here the major inflated his chest--"on which mefamily are accustomed to act would prevint me from taking advantage ofhis offer. He then, I am sorry to say, lost his temper, and some wordspassed between us, the result of which was that we parted so rapidlythat, be jabers! I had hardly time to make him realize how great anindiscretion he had committed."
The merchant still sat perfectly still, tapping the table with his blackebony ruler.
"Of course, afther hearing a skitch of the plan," continued the major,"me curiosity was so aroused that I could not help following the detailswith intherest. I saw the gintleman who departed for Russia--Langworthy, I believe, was his name. Ged! I knew a chap of that namein the Marines who used to drink raw brandy and cayenne pepper beforebreakfast every morning. Did ye? Of course you couldn't. What was Italking of at all at all?"
Girdlestone stared gloomily at his visitor. The latter took a pinch ofsnuff from a tortoise-shell box, and flicked away a few wandering grainswhich settled upon the front of his coat.
"Yes," he went on, I saw Langworthy off to Russia. Then I saw your sonstart for Africa. He's an interprising lad, and sure to do well there._coelum non animam mutant_, as we used to say at Clongowes.He'll always come to the front, wherever he is, as long as he avoidslittle slips like this one we're spaking of. About the same time Iheard that Girdlestone & Co, had raised riddy money to the extint offive and thirty thousand pounds. That's gone to Africa, too, I presume.It's a lot o' money to invist in such a game, and it might be safe ifyou were the only people that knew about it, but whin there areothers--"
"Others?"
"Why, me, of course," said the major. "I know about it, and more betoken I am not in the swim with you. Sure, I could go this very eveningto the diamond merchants about town and give them a tip about the comingfall in prices that would rather astonish 'em."
"Look here, Major Clutterbuck," cried the merchant, in a voice whichquivered with suppressed passion, "you have come into possession of animportant commercial secret. Why beat about the bush any longer?What is the object of your visit to-day? What is it that you want?"
"There now!" the major said, addressing himself and smiling moreamicably than ever. "That's business. Bedad, there's where youcommercial men have the pull. You go straight to the point and stickthere. Ah, when I look at ye, I can't help thinking of your son.The same intelligent eye, the same cheery expression, the samedevil-may-care manner and dry humour--"
"Answer my question, will you?" the merchant interrupted savagely.
"And the same hasty timper," continued the major imperturbably."I've forgotten, me dear sir, what it was you asked me."
"What is it you want?"
"Ah, yes, of course. What is it I want?" the old soldier saidmeditatively. "Some would say more, some le
ss. Some would want half,but that is overdoing it. How does a thousand pound stroike you?Yes, I think we may put it at a thousand pounds."
"You want a thousand pounds?"
"Ged, I've been wanting it all me life. The difference is that I'mgoing to git it now."
"And for what?"
"Sure, for silence--for neutrality. We're all in it now, and there's afair division of labour. You plan, your son works, I hold me tongue.You make your tens of thousands, I make my modest little thousand.We all git paid for our throuble."
"And suppose I refuse?"
"Ah! but you wouldn't--you couldn't," the major said suavely."Ged, sir, I haven't known ye long, but I have far too high an opinionof ye to suppose ye could do anything so foolish. If you refuse, yourspeculation is thrown away. There's no help for it. Bedad, it would bepainful for me to have to blow the gaff; but you know the old saying,that 'charity begins at home.' You must sell your knowledge at the bestmarket."
Girdlestone thought intently for a minute or two, with his greateyebrows drawn down over his little restless eyes.
"You said to my son," he remarked at last, "that you were too honourableto embark in our undertaking. Do you consider it honourable to make useof knowledge gained in confidence for the purpose of extorting money?"
"Me dear sir," answered the major, holding up his hand deprecatingly,"you put me in the painful position of having to explain meself in plainwords. If I saw a man about to do a murther, I should think nothing ofmurthering him. If I saw a pickpocket at work, I'd pick his pocket, andthink it good fun to do it. Now, this little business of yours is--well, we'll say unusual, and if what I do seems a little unusual too,it's to be excused. Ye can't throw stones at every one, me boy, andthen be surprised when some one throws one at you. You bite the diamondholders, d'ye see, and I take a little nibble at you. It's all fairenough."
The merchant reflected again for some moments. "Suppose we agree topurchasing your silence at this price," he said, "what guarantee have wethat you will not come and extort more money, or that you may not betrayour secret after all?"
"The honour of a soldier and a gintleman," answered the major, risingand tapping his chest with two fingers of his right hand.
A slight sneer played over Girdlestone's pale face, but he made noremark. "We are in your power," he said, and have no resource but tosubmit to your terms. You said five hundred pounds?"
"A thousand," the major answered cheerfully.
"It's a great sum of money."
"Deuce of a lot!" said the veteran cordially.
"Well, you shall have it. I will communicate with you." Girdlestonerose as if to terminate the interview.
The major made no remark, but he showed his white teeth again, andtapped Mr. Girdlestone's cheque-book with the silver head of hiswalking-stick.
"What! Now?"
"Yes, now."
The two looked at each other for a moment and the merchant sat downagain and scribbled out a cheque, which he tossed to his companion. Thelatter looked it over carefully, took a fat little pocket-book from thedepths of his breast pocket, and having placed the precious slip ofpaper in it, laboriously pushed it back into its receptacle. Then hevery slowly and methodically picked up his jaunty curly-brimmed hat andshining kid gloves, and with a cheery nod to his companion, who answeredit with a scowl, he swaggered off into the counting-house. There heshook hands with Tom, whom he had known for some months, and having madethree successive offers--one to stand immediately an unlimited quantityof champagne, a second to play him five hundred up for anything he wouldname, and a third to lay a tenner for him at 7 to 4 on Amelia for theOaks--all of which offers were declined with thanks--he bowed himselfout, leaving a vague memory of smiles, shirt collars, and gaiters in theminds of the awe-struck Clerks.
Whatever an impartial judge might think of the means whereby MajorTobias Clutterbuck had successfully screwed a thousand pounds out ofthe firm of Girdlestone, it is quite certain that that gentleman'sseasoned conscience did not reproach him in the least degree. On thecontrary, his whole being seemed saturated and impregnated with thewildest hilarity and delight. Twice in less than a hundred yards, hewas compelled to stop and lean upon his cane owing to the breathlessnesswhich supervened upon his attempts to smother the delighted chuckleswhich came surging up from the inmost recesses of his capacious frame.At the second halt he wriggled his hand inside his tight-breasted coat,and after as many contortions as though he were about to shed thatgarment as a snake does its skin, he produced once more the little fatpocket-book. From it he extracted the cheque and looked it overlovingly. Then he hailed a passing hansom. "Drive to the Capital andCounties Bank," he said. It had struck him that since the firm was in ashaky state he had better draw the money as soon as possible.
In the bank a gloomy-looking cashier took the cheque and stared at itsomewhat longer than the occasion seemed to demand. It was but a fewminutes, yet it appeared a very long time to the major.
"How will you have it?" he asked at last, in a mournful voice. It tendsto make a man cynical when he spends his days in handling untold richeswhile his wife and six children are struggling to make both ends meet athome.
"A hunthred in gold and the rest in notes," said the major, with a sighof relief.
The cashier counted and handed over a thick packet of crisp rustlingpaper and a little pile of shining sovereigns. The major stowed awaythe first in the pocket-book and the latter in his trouser pockets.Then he swaggered out with a great increase of pomposity and importance,and ordered his cabman to drive to Kennedy Place.
Von Baumser was sitting in the major's campaigning chair, smoking hischina-bowled pipe and gazing dreamily at the long blue wreaths.Times had been bad with the comrades of late, as the German's seedyappearance sufficiently testified. His friends in Germany had ceased toforward his small remittance, and Endermann's office, in which he hadbeen employed, had given him notice that for a time they could dispensewith his services. He had been spending the whole afternoon in perusingthe long list of "wanteds" in the _Daily Telegraph_, and his ink-stainedforefinger showed the perseverance with which he had been answeringevery advertisement that could possibly apply to him. A pile ofaddressed envelopes lay upon the table, and it was only the uncertaintyof his finances and the fact that the humble penny stamp mounts intoshillings when frequently employed, that prevented him from increasingthe number of his applications. He looked up and uttered a word ofguttural greeting as his companion came striding in.
"Get out of this," the major said abruptly. "Get away into thebedroom."
"Potztausand! Vot is it then?" cried the astonished Teuton.
"Out with you! I want this room to meself."
Von Baumser shrugged his shoulders and lumbered off like a good-naturedplantigrade, closing the door behind him.
When his companion had disappeared the major proceeded to lay out allhis notes upon the table, overlapping each other, but still so arrangedthat every separate one was visible. He then built in the centre tenlittle golden columns in a circle, each consisting of ten sovereigns,until the whole presented the appearance of a metallic Stonehenge upon aplain of bank notes. This done, he cocked his head on one side, like afat and very ruddy turkey, and contemplated his little arrangement withmuch pride and satisfaction.
Solitary delight soon becomes wearisome, however, so the veteransummoned his companion. The Teuton was so dumbfounded by this displayof wealth, that he was bereft for a time of all faculty of speech, andcould only stare open-mouthed at the table. At last he extended afore-finger and thumb and rubbed a five pound note between them, asthough to convince himself of its reality, after which he began togyrate round the table in a sort of war dance, never taking his eyesfrom the heap of influence in front of him. "Mein Gott!" he exclaimed,"Gnadiger Vater! Ach Himmel! Was fur eine Schatze! Donnerwetter!" unda thousand other cacophonous expressions of satisfaction and amazement.
When the old soldier had sufficiently enjoyed the l
ively emotion whichshowed itself on every feature of the German's countenance, he picked upthe notes and locked them in his desk together with half the gold. Theother fifty pounds he returned into his pocket.
"Come on!" he said to his companion abruptly.
"Come vere? Vat is it?"
"Come on!" roared the major irascibly. "What d'ye want to stand askingquestions for? Put on your hat and come."
The major had retained the cab at the door, and the two jumped into it."Drive to Verdi's Restaurant," he said to the driver.
When they arrived at that aristocratic and expensive establishment, thesoldier ordered the best dinner for two that money could procure."Have it riddy in two hours sharp," he said to the manager. "None ofyour half-and-half wines, mind! We want the rale thing, and, be ged! wecan tell the difference!"
Having left the manager much impressed, the two friends set out for aready-made clothing establishment. "I won't come in," the major said,slipping ten sovereigns into Von Baumser's hand. "Just you go in andtill them ye want the best suit o' clothes they can give you. They've agood seliction there, I know."
"Gott in Himmel!" cried the amazed German. "But, my dear vriend, youcannot vait in the street. Come in mit me."
"No, I'll wait," the old soldier answered. "They might think I waspaying for the clothes if I came in."
"Well, but so you--"
"Eh, would ye?" roared the major, raising his cane, and Von Baumserdisappeared precipitately into the shop.
When he emerged once more at the end of twenty minutes, he was attiredin an elegant and close-fitting suit of heather tweed. The pair thenmade successive visits to a shoe-maker, a hatter, and a draper, with theresult that Von Baumser developed patent leather boots, a jaunty brownhat, and a pair of light yellow gloves. By the end of their walk thereseemed nothing left of the original Von Baumser except a tawny beard,and an expression of hopeless and overpowering astonishment.
Having effected this transformation, the friends retraced their steps toVerdi's and did full justice to the spread awaiting them, after whichthe old soldier won the heart of the establishment by bestowing largessupon every one who came in his way. As to the further adventures ofthese two Bohemians, it would be as well perhaps to draw a veil overthem. Suffice it that, about two in the morning, the worthy Mrs.Robins was awakened by a stentorian voice in the street below demandingto know "Was ist das Deutsche Vaterland?"--a somewhat vexed questionwhich the owner of the said voice was propounding to the solitarylamp-post of Kennedy Place. On descending the landlady discovered thatthe author of this disturbance was a fashionably dressed gentleman, who,upon closer inspection, proved to her great surprise to be none otherthan the usually demure part proprietor of her fourth floor. As to themajor, he walked in quietly the next day about twelve o'clock, lookingas trim and neat as ever, but minus the balance of the fifty pounds, nordid he think fit ever to make any allusion to this some what heavydeficit.