Chapter 1 ~ "The chicken thing was just a misunderstanding."
It was his Last Day.
For any other person, that would have explained the lost-in-thought expression on his face as he sat alone in the quiet hall. But the thickest ruler of the world had only ever been "lost." He gave other people slips of gold to do the "thought" part for him.
He also didn't know it was his Last Day. But that was about to change.
---
"King Oren!" shouted the voice across the empty throne room.
The middle-aged king looked up from his gold and leather throne. He saw the old professor-white-haired and squatty-enter into the long hall filled with windows. He had a way of perpetually trembling, Oren had noticed some time ago, which made his tufty hair quiver like an agitated skunk. Oren always liked skunks.
The afternoon sun illuminated the other professors that Oren employed as his advisors, as well as the High General and about a dozen soldiers in blue woolen uniforms who followed.
Oren didn't like the High General. Everything about him was too hard and gray, like a rock come to life, and it wasn't happy about it.
Oren gulped.
"We all are here this day," the professor gestured to those behind him, "to deliver our judgment and punishment, on the 47th Day of Planting Season, the year 317-"
"I know what day it is," King Oren offered helpfully.
"-to announce to you that . . . what?" the old professor squinted.
"The date. You don't need to tell me anymore. I figured out how to read calendars a few years ago, remember?"
"Did you hear that?" the professor announced to the men behind him. "Forty-four years old, and Oren now knows how to tell the date!"
"Right after I hired you, we spent several days going over the dating system," Oren continued, not recognizing the sarcasm in his advisor's voice. But Oren did realize that Professor Mal was trembling even more than usual. He usually did that just before he'd start yelling. "We have four seasons, 91 days in each, and each year starts again in Planting Season, although I always thought it was in the middle of Raining, but-"
The professor, incredulous, turned to the High General. "Do you still insist he deserves my carefully prepared speech? Listen to him babbling!"
"-it does make more sense for the year to begin in Planting, since dogs-"
The High General, a hulking man in his fifties, sighed loudly. "Nicko, we went over this."
"-although I'm sure the cats disagree-" Oren scratched his chin and lost his thought. The High General's gravelly voice always made him forget what he was talking about.
It was cats, Oren suddenly remembered.
He liked cats-not skunks.
Simple mistake. Both are the same size, same shape, just different coloring. It was easy to confuse a skunk for his cat lost in the mansion's compound at night.
But do it four times, and the servants begin to complain.
"King Oren deserves to know why this judgment is being handed down to him." The High General's face tightened as the king raised his hand to say something.
"Whatever happened to my cat? Mal, I haven't seen her around for-"
"Oren!" Professor Mal bellowed, his white hair shaking. "Shut up!"
The King of the World clamped shut his mouth and cowered on his throne. Mal never did like his cat.
Or maybe it was the skunk he didn't like. The smell, Oren-don't you notice the smell? Mal had yelled that at him once when he wrestled the skittish, terrified cat into the mansion, only to realize he had the wrong animal. It was the smell of worry, Oren had thought. He knew that smell intimately. Surely his cat would feel worry, too-
Mal straightened his woolen jacket. "We're here to explain to you why you'll no longer be ruling our world nor occupying that chair."
"This has to do with the market last week, right?" Oren squeaked, beginning to make his own scent of worry. "The silk cloak?"
"Among other things, yes!"
"Because I have that figured out now," Oren said, trying to avoid the steady glare of the High General. Normally he enjoyed looking at all the shining medals, counting the stitched patches on his blue uniform, and admiring the silverwork on the hilt of his sword. But today the High General of Idumea's army had an even harsher expression which refused to let Oren focus on his uniform.
"You see," Oren started, "you explained to me that even though I possess the world-"
"That's only what your grandmother claimed," Mal reminded him.
Oren kept going, because Mal always said that and he didn't know why. "-I just can't take from it what I want. People get mad when I raise taxes so that I can make my mansion lovelier. But I can't get more things if I don't have more slips of gold or silver, and I have to take those from the people. So when I took that silk cloak last week, I didn't give any slips of gold because I didn't have any, and I didn't want to take any. Instead of taking gold that's mine but being held by the people, I just took the cloak!" He smiled proudly. It had taken him all night to work that out, but finally he got it. And without any of his advisors' help.
He never followed what they said anyway.
Mal closed his eyes. "High General, do we really have to continue this? He's a waste of my breath-"
"Nicko, tell the man. This will be put on the message boards, remember?" he said out of the corner of his mouth. "You know full well that how history is recorded is how it's understood. The world needs to understand this in the right way."
Oren heard his low muttering, but just didn't worry about it. Life was so much easier when you stop worrying about the bits that make no sense.
The High General glanced over at the nervous scribe in the corner who was trying to read his lips. The man immediately hunched back over the stack of parchment on his small desk and returned to his scrawling.
Mal grudgingly opened his eyes. "Your theft in the market place caused a riot," he resumed his explanation to Oren. "Remember us telling you about that?"
Oren nodded slowly. It had seemed to be a rather good party.
"And that riot spread to nearly each of the seventeen villages surrounding Idumea. We've been hearing reports of deaths and chaos, and the army has been dispatched to quell the riots in villages where we didn't even need forts before. The world has been devastated by your ineptitude!"
Oren silently mouthed in-ep-ti-tude. Mal liked big words. Oren didn't.
The scribe hurriedly dipped his quill in the ink and scribbled on the parchment.
Mal cleared his throat and resumed his speech. "Since your ancestor Querul the First took control of our world in 190, he didn't stop the chaos, but added to it. Starting in 195 we suffered from the Great War for five long years. Two hundred thousand were dead at the end of it."
Oh, another lecture, thought Oren glumly. How many lectures had he sat through, bored to squirming because Mal said he needed an education? He'd done school. Lots of it. It was all the same. Words, writing, reading, staring out the window and waiting for something interesting to happen. As a boy he'd look at his piece of chalk and wish it could turn into a . . . into a stick, or something.
Maybe that wasn't too interesting. But maybe two sticks-
"Oren?"
The king blinked and sat up straighter to face the snarling voice that said his name.
Mal had his arms folded, his hair so jittery that Oren knew the explosion of temper was coming at any moment. He gritted his teeth and braced himself. "Yes?"
"Where are you?!"
The king blinked twice at that. He looked around and considered that maybe Mal had been wrong to yell at him for years about being stupid. Clearly Mal was the one struggling right now. "We're in the throne room," Oren said kindly. Mal was an old man, after all.
"Oren!"
"Yes?"
"Pay attention!" Mal bellowed.
Oren jumped in his throne and nodded. That was the only way to calm Mal-silent obedience.
Professor Mal cleared his throat, shot a fur
ious look at the High General who ignored him, and continued on the same dull lecture.
"The violent faction who prolonged the war-the Guarders-were carelessly allowed by Querul the First to escape their punishments by fleeing to the dangerous forests beyond our borders. We weren't saved from them. They still attack us and steal our goods!"
Oren knew better than to sigh loudly. His grandmother's slap always reminded him that she never approved of that, and neither did Mal. Sighs always made the old professor shake more, and right now he was quivering as if he stood on his own land tremor. All Oren could do was focus on the brass buttons on the High General's uniform, and wonder what they'd look like hanging in the windows where they could catch the sun's light.
Maybe his cat would come back if he saw them shining . . .
"Querul didn't bring peace," Mal droned on. "Neither did his son Querul the Second, a brutal and paranoid king who employed twenty percent of the population to spy on each other looking for evidence of Guarder collaboration and bringing the need for execution squads. Under his rule another twelve thousand perished, according to our best guesses. Many of them simply vanished."
Too many big words. But something Mal said . . .
Oren's thoughts shifted away from wondering if skunks liked shiny things, and he looked into Mal's enraged eyes.
Maybe he should pay attention.
"His son, Querul the Third, was no better, continuing the reign of terror of his father. And his wife-your grandmother, Oren-was the most evil woman to ever stalk this world. Since she died seven years ago we've done all we can to undo her influence upon the world and you-"
"She wasn't that bad," Oren feebly tried to defend her. He couldn't help it. Even though she'd been gone for years, somehow she was still in his mind, pinch-lipped and pointing. That finger was gnarled and bony, but somehow it was the scariest finger in the world. And you couldn't turn your back on it, or it'd get you.
"She disposed of your wife and two daughters, Oren!" Mal shouted. "Do you know what happened to them?"
That was one of those worrying things Oren found it easier to just not worry about. He timidly shook his head.
"Never bothered to ask, did you? Your wife couldn't produce a son, and you can't legally have more than two children, so your grandmother cleared the way for you to have more children by various women in the world to finally produce a male! And what about your own mother, Oren? What happened to her?"
Another worrying thing. Mal seemed to be strangely interested in those today. "Umm," Oren began, although his grandmother also smacked him whenever he began a sentence so inarticulately, "they went for a walk. She just disappeared."
"Just disappeared," Mal repeated tonelessly. "The wife of the king, out walking with her mother-in-law, in a city of tens of thousands, and she just disappears. I know you believed that as a boy, but still? Oren, no one would ever have accused your grandmother of kindness. She didn't want anyone else to influence her two grandsons but her."
Oren's mouth dropped open, and he absently rubbed his face where she hit him every day for the thirty-seven years she ruled his life. No-she was mean, certainly, but not . . . She'd never have-
"Then your father, Querul the Fourth, was an idiot! Not as big as you, granted," Mal conceded, "but-"
"The chicken thing was just a misunderstanding," Oren insisted. Here was something he did know about. "He didn't want the pocks to-"
"The chickens were never infested with pocks, Oren!" Mal barked. "Any other thinking man would have asked for a second opinion, instead of taking the word of cattle ranchers that the chickens were ill and advancing disease! Any other man would have asked a scientist before killing off ninety percent of the world's poultry. It took the world years to recover from your father's gullibility."
Oren bit his lip. Without even knowing what all those words were, he was beginning to suspect things weren't going his way.
"And then there's you," Mal spat. "I've been tutoring you for years, but to no avail. Perhaps if your older brother Querul the Fifth hadn't died as a teen, the world may have been in a better state today, but I doubt it. He was more closely knitted to your grandmother and her love of the execution squads than you are. I suppose we have that to be grateful for," he added. "But the world is tired, Oren. Tired of your family, tired of your abuses, tired of your stupidity-"
"They could take naps," Oren offered lamely, nothing else coming to his mind. "When they're tired. I do. Every afternoon . . ."
Mal exhaled loudly. "Nearly half of our history has been dictated by your family, but no more. By nightfall, the world will find itself governed by a body of twenty-three experienced and wise professors from the University of Idumea. Tomorrow, the future of the world will be brighter because there will be no more Queruls or Orens in it!"
"What do you mean?" Now it was Oren's turn to tremble.
Now he was sure this wasn't going well, not at all.
The scribe scribbled so frantically that flecks of ink splattered around his desk.
"King Oren, today we are charging you with gross negligence and complete indifference toward the one million people of the world you have pledged to rule. You have done nothing to alleviate suffering, but instead increased it. You have not shielded your people from death, but brought more to them. You have not listened to their cries for help, but ignored them. We have not progressed under your rule, but have stagnated."
Oren wondered when he had done any of that. All he could remember doing was staying in the mansion and doing what kings do.
Although he'd always been a bit vague as to what exactly that was-
"I am here to inform you that you are not fit to lead this world," Mal announced, "and that in your stead will be placed a body of administrators and a chairman who will govern and protect this world in the way it was meant to be ruled, supported by the Army of Idumea. We will be here for the people. Oren, if you believe in a creator, now would be the time to begin a conversation with him."
Oren's tongue went limp as he watched the soldiers come around from behind the High General. He made a slight motion with his hand, and Oren could do nothing but watch the soldiers draw their swords. The scraping of the metal had always seemed to him a rather pretty noise, but today it seemed to scratch the inside of his ears.
Ten men.
There was a lot he knew he didn't know. It was as if the rest of the world had an edge up on him. Maybe they had extra eyes, because they always saw more than him. Additional ears, to hear things he never picked up. And maybe even more in the head. Mal always shouted at him, Use your brains, Oren! That always worried him. He knew he had a brain, so did others have more than one?
But there was one thing Oren did understand: the number of men in an execution squad. They used to be called killing squads in his grandparents' days. The name change was supposed to make people feel better.
As he stared at the ten approaching blades, he realized the change wasn't helping.
He hoped his cat would be all right. And the skunk-
---
A few moments later Professor Mal-now Chairman of the Administrators Nicko Mal-smiled grimly as the body of their dead king slumped in his throne. Ten sword blades thrust simultaneously was humanely efficient.
"Well," the High General tilted his head, "that was simple."
Mal nodded in satisfaction. "Yes, all of this was far simpler than I ever imagined. Could portend of good things," he muttered to himself, "or it could all prove to be disappointingly easy."
The High General glanced briefly at Mal's unusual musings before gesturing to a waiting servant at a side entrance. "Call in someone to clean up this mess. Then you and the others may have whatever you can carry from King Oren's private rooms, as agreed. But make sure that silk cloak he took is brought to me the moment it's found. Chairman Mal will be presenting it to the surviving family of that dead silk seller when he announces the change in government this evening. You-"
He pointed to the sc
ribe, who had momentarily forgotten his duty and was staring at the growing pool of blood. He paled as he looked up into the terrible expression of the High General.
"-You will show me that record before it goes out to the copiers. I want to verify every word."
The scribe whimpered his response, and the servant dashed off to find the cloak.
Chairman Mal nodded. "Excellent, High General. I suppose that's why I'm keeping you on."
The High General scoffed. "As if any of this would have happened without my help."
Mal smiled thinly. "And why you'll also keep that mansion."
"You've taken care of his former friends?" the general asked, one eyebrow arched.
"Only the two sons of that mistress had any possible claim. And since they were never legitimately his, the claim is weak. So weak that a couple of bags of gold quashed it completely. She left that mansion for good years ago, and neither she nor her sons will be coming back to take it from you."
"The way seems to be wide open, Nicko," the general said plainly, "with only one man's blood shed. Indeed, quite efficient."
Mal looked around the throne room. "This is too ostentatious for a gathering room, wouldn't you say?"
The High General didn't even glance at it. "Perhaps better suited as an eating hall, or a-"
"Library!" Mal whispered, his smile growing. "I own nearly every book ever created in the world. And my personal writings . . . there's enough room here for those and more."
The High General sniffed. "Books. Thinking. This room won't know how to react to such behavior. Never saw it before."
Chairman Mal's grin chilled the throne room. "There are going to be all kinds of changes and progress made now, High General. The world will hardly know what to do with it all."
The High General looked askance at his new ruler, but said nothing.
Mal turned slightly to a slender older sergeant, formerly the head of the king's guard, who watched from a shadowed alcove.
The sergeant nodded almost imperceptibly back.
Stage One had begun.