there again.
About the time that I was fourteen years and a quarter old, my goodnurse, mother I rather to call her, fell sick and died. I was then ina sad condition indeed, for as there is no great bustle in putting anend to a poor body's family when once they are carried to the grave, sothe poor good woman being buried, the parish children she kept wereimmediately removed by the church-wardens; the school was at an end,and the children of it had no more to do but just stay at home tillthey were sent somewhere else; and as for what she left, her daughter,a married woman with six or seven children, came and swept it all awayat once, and removing the goods, they had no more to say to me than tojest with me, and tell me that the little gentlewoman might set up forherself if she pleased.
I was frighted out of my wits almost, and knew not what to do, for Iwas, as it were, turned out of doors to the wide world, and that whichwas still worse, the old honest woman had two-and-twenty shillings ofmine in her hand, which was all the estate the little gentlewoman hadin the world; and when I asked the daughter for it, she huffed me andlaughed at me, and told me she had nothing to do with it.
It was true the good, poor woman had told her daughter of it, and thatit lay in such a place, that it was the child's money, and had calledonce or twice for me to give it me, but I was, unhappily, out of theway somewhere or other, and when I came back she was past being in acondition to speak of it. However, the daughter was so honestafterwards as to give it me, though at first she used me cruelly aboutit.
Now was I a poor gentlewoman indeed, and I was just that very night tobe turned into the wide world; for the daughter removed all the goods,and I had not so much as a lodging to go to, or a bit of bread to eat.But it seems some of the neighbours, who had known my circumstances,took so much compassion of me as to acquaint the lady in whose family Ihad been a week, as I mentioned above; and immediately she sent hermaid to fetch me away, and two of her daughters came with the maidthough unsent. So I went with them, bag and baggage, and with a gladheart, you may be sure. The fright of my condition had made such animpression upon me, that I did not want now to be a gentlewoman, butwas very willing to be a servant, and that any kind of servant theythought fit to have me be.
But my new generous mistress, for she exceeded the good woman I waswith before, in everything, as well as in the matter of estate; I say,in everything except honesty; and for that, though this was a lady mostexactly just, yet I must not forget to say on all occasions, that thefirst, though poor, was as uprightly honest as it was possible for anyone to be.
I was no sooner carried away, as I have said, by this good gentlewoman,but the first lady, that is to say, the Mayoress that was, sent her twodaughters to take care of me; and another family which had taken noticeof me when I was the little gentlewoman, and had given me work to do,sent for me after her, so that I was mightily made of, as we say; nay,and they were not a little angry, especially madam the Mayoress, thather friend had taken me away from her, as she called it; for, as shesaid, I was hers by right, she having been the first that took anynotice of me. But they that had me would not part with me; and as forme, though I should have been very well treated with any of the others,yet I could not be better than where I was.
Here I continued till I was between seventeen and eighteen years old,and here I had all the advantages for my education that could beimagined; the lady had masters home to the house to teach her daughtersto dance, and to speak French, and to write, and other to teach themmusic; and I was always with them, I learned as fast as they; andthough the masters were not appointed to teach me, yet I learned byimitation and inquiry all that they learned by instruction anddirection; so that, in short, I learned to dance and speak French aswell as any of them, and to sing much better, for I had a better voicethan any of them. I could not so readily come at playing on theharpsichord or spinet, because I had no instrument of my own topractice on, and could only come at theirs in the intervals when theyleft it, which was uncertain; but yet I learned tolerably well too, andthe young ladies at length got two instruments, that is to say, aharpsichord and a spinet too, and then they taught me themselves. Butas to dancing, they could hardly help my learning country-dances,because they always wanted me to make up even number; and, on the otherhand, they were as heartily willing to learn me everything that theyhad been taught themselves, as I could be to take the learning.
By this means I had, as I have said above, all the advantages ofeducation that I could have had if I had been as much a gentlewoman asthey were with whom I lived; and in some things I had the advantage ofmy ladies, though they were my superiors; but they were all the giftsof nature, and which all their fortunes could not furnish. First, Iwas apparently handsomer than any of them; secondly, I was bettershaped; and, thirdly, I sang better, by which I mean I had a bettervoice; in all which you will, I hope, allow me to say, I do not speakmy own conceit of myself, but the opinion of all that knew the family.
I had with all these the common vanity of my sex, viz. that beingreally taken for very handsome, or, if you please, for a great beauty,I very well knew it, and had as good an opinion of myself as anybodyelse could have of me; and particularly I loved to hear anybody speakof it, which could not but happen to me sometimes, and was a greatsatisfaction to me.
Thus far I have had a smooth story to tell of myself, and in all thispart of my life I not only had the reputation of living in a very goodfamily, and a family noted and respected everywhere for virtue andsobriety, and for every valuable thing; but I had the character too ofa very sober, modest, and virtuous young woman, and such I had alwaysbeen; neither had I yet any occasion to think of anything else, or toknow what a temptation to wickedness meant.
But that which I was too vain of was my ruin, or rather my vanity wasthe cause of it. The lady in the house where I was had two sons, younggentlemen of very promising parts and of extraordinary behaviour, andit was my misfortune to be very well with them both, but they managedthemselves with me in a quite different manner.
The eldest, a gay gentleman that knew the town as well as the country,and though he had levity enough to do an ill-natured thing, yet had toomuch judgment of things to pay too dear for his pleasures; he beganwith the unhappy snare to all women, viz. taking notice upon alloccasions how pretty I was, as he called it, how agreeable, howwell-carriaged, and the like; and this he contrived so subtly, as if hehad known as well how to catch a woman in his net as a partridge whenhe went a-setting; for he would contrive to be talking this to hissisters when, though I was not by, yet when he knew I was not far offbut that I should be sure to hear him. His sisters would return softlyto him, 'Hush, brother, she will hear you; she is but in the nextroom.' Then he would put it off and talk softlier, as if he had notknown it, and begin to acknowledge he was wrong; and then, as if he hadforgot himself, he would speak aloud again, and I, that was so wellpleased to hear it, was sure to listen for it upon all occasions.
After he had thus baited his hook, and found easily enough the methodhow to lay it in my way, he played an opener game; and one day, goingby his sister's chamber when I was there, doing something aboutdressing her, he comes in with an air of gaiety. 'Oh, Mrs. Betty,'said he to me, 'how do you do, Mrs. Betty? Don't your cheeks burn,Mrs. Betty?' I made a curtsy and blushed, but said nothing. 'Whatmakes you talk so, brother?' says the lady. 'Why,' says he, 'we havebeen talking of her below-stairs this half-hour.' 'Well,' says hissister, 'you can say no harm of her, that I am sure, so 'tis no matterwhat you have been talking about.' 'Nay,' says he, ''tis so far fromtalking harm of her, that we have been talking a great deal of good,and a great many fine things have been said of Mrs. Betty, I assureyou; and particularly, that she is the handsomest young woman inColchester; and, in short, they begin to toast her health in the town.'
'I wonder at you, brother,' says the sister. 'Betty wants but onething, but she had as good want everything, for the market is againstour sex just now; and if a young woman have beauty, birth, breeding,wit, sense, manners, modesty, and all these to a
n extreme, yet if shehave not money, she's nobody, she had as good want them all for nothingbut money now recommends a woman; the men play the game all into theirown hands.'
Her younger brother, who was by, cried, 'Hold, sister, you run toofast; I am an exception to your rule. I assure you, if I find a womanso accomplished as you talk of, I say, I assure you, I would nottrouble myself about the money.'
'Oh,' says the sister, 'but you will take care not to fancy one, then,without the money.'
'You don't know that neither,' says the brother.
'But why, sister,' says the elder brother, 'why do you exclaim so atthe men for aiming so much at the fortune? You are none of them thatwant a fortune, whatever else you want.'
'I understand you, brother,' replies the lady very smartly;