Nigerians, Jamaicans, Cubans, Canadians, and so on and on and on again, down to the very end of the procession, where our boys from Zimbabwe, the only members of their representative, look quite uneasy before the TV cameras and the endless flashes from the stands as in their shabby uniforms they struggle to carry on a tall and wobbling flagpole.
EXT. OLYMPIC VILLAGE – NIGHT
Music fades to a soft chill-out floating over the gardens and the outdoor bars, teeming with athletes, coaches and staff members from all around the world.
Edwin is in seventh heaven as he makes his way among the smiling crowd to lay three cocktails on a candle lit table.
EDWIN: And here's to you, three wonderful Piña Coladas! At least that's how they called them at the counter.
Sitting at the table Leon and Kidal are far from smiling.
LEON: Thanks, but I don't feel like drinking.
KIDAL: Yeah, me too, I'm still aching for the plane trip. I told you we should've got here by boat!
EDWIN: By boat? You wanted to get here after the Games?!
LEON: Well, you wanted to take a trip, you would have got a longer one!
EDWIN: We're not here for a trip, we're here for --
KIDAL: We shouldn't be here at all!
He beckons Edwin to take a look around.
KIDAL: What do we have to do with this place, with these people?
LEON: Yeah, since we arrived I understood less than half of what they've been telling us!
KIDAL: Not to mention that the fact that we're here is immoral!
EDWIN: Immoral?!
LEON: Immoral, that's right! We got here by deception!
EDWIN: No way, bud, we won our round, just like everybody else!
LEON: We won because of your cheating!
EDWIN: No, we won thanks to your slops!
LEON: What the hell do my slops have to do with it?! It was all a plan of yours, you carried us along just because you were afraid to come here alone!
EDWIN: Sure I had a plan, I -- what do you mean I was afraid to come alone?!
LEON: I mean that besides being a lunatic you're also the shyest person I've ever known, and even if with words you could move a mountain, without us you wouldn't even stick your nose out of the bedroom!
EDWIN: That's ridiculous, I --
MALE VOICE (O.S.): Excuse me guys...
Edwin jumps behind Leon as before them appears ABEBE, an Ethiopian marathon runner as thin as a grasshopper.
ABEBE: ...could you show me where the bar is?
Kidal and Leon grin at each other as Edwin's hand pops from behind them to show the way to the puzzled man.
ABEBE: (moves away) Thanks guys, and thanks to that hand, too, whoever it belongs to!
EDWIN: (clears his throat) Alright, even supposing this shyness thing is true, the fact that I've come here in spite of it should make you see how much it means to me, right? (Off Leon's glare) I'm doing this for you, too, you know? Do you remember when you were talking about travelling and how you couldn't even afford the fuel to cross the village? (Turns to Kidal) And you, I've been hearing you talk about going to a concert for the last twenty years, haven't I?
KIDAL: Yeah, so what? You set up an international scam just so we'll stop complaining for two weeks!?
EDWIN: I told you, we're not swindling anybody, okay? And by the way, who talked about two weeks?
Leon and Kidal frown in concern as he slowly sips his drink.
LEON: What the hell does that mean?
EDWIN: Why should we settle for two weeks when we could just not go back at all?
Leon drops his mouth, Kidal swallows his drink in one gulp.
LEON: Man, you really got crazy on that airplane!
KIDAL: I told you, we should have taken a boat!
Edwin shakes his head, sadly lays his drink on the table.
EDWIN: Well, I'll be shy and wussy, but surely I will never be so sissy, negative and pessimistic as you!
Leon and Kidal just watch him walk away when an unkempt, 50-something Ukrainian big man, VITALI, totters up to them with flushed cheeks and eyes swollen as tomatoes.
VITALI: Hey guys, where did you get those drinks, uh?
KIDAL: Down at the bar, I guess.
VITALI: And say, do they make them pretty loaded?
The guys just look at him.
VITALI: I already had my welcome cocktail, do you have three pounds to lend?
LEON: You mean, for a drink?
Vitali doesn't answer. As he staggers away the guys notice a young gardener, WILSON, standing right in front of them, stern eyes set on Leon and the bunch of leaves before him.
LEON: Can I help you, sir?
WILSON: No, I guess you can't. Unless, of course, you can find a way to reattach those leaves to my begonias.
LEON: Huh, I'm so sorry! I, huh, just took some leaves for a tisane, sir, I didn't mean to ruin your flowers.
WILSON: Well, next time you need a tisane just call the room service, okay? You just... I warned you, okay?
He shoots Leon a killer look and moves away.
KIDAL: What the heck is wrong with everybody here?!
MALE VOICE (O.S.): Well, well, well, I'm happy you're already acclimatizing...
The guys recompose themselves as SAHEED appears before them, a tracksuit instead of his uniform and the same haughty air.
SAHEED: Be careful with the distractions, though, I want you focused and ready for sacrifice, do you understand?
Kidal and Leon nod at him as he glances at the athletes all around them, specifically at a group of young blond Swedish beauties.
SAHEED: You'll have to be ready in your tight, wet costumes, as you just keep sweating...
KIDAL: (quite puzzled) Well, sure, I guess we're ready for that.
SAHEED: ...tight in your uniforms, panting but happy, oh, so happy...
He keeps staring hungrily at the blond girls when a fat, grim, hairy woman by the name of HELGA lays a hand upon his shoulder.
HELGA: Have you lost something, sir?
SAHEED: (snaps back into himself) No, I --
HELGA: You got a problem with my girls?
SAHEED: By no means, not at all!
HELGA: Well, so much better! (To the girls) Let's go, kids, time to get some rest.
Saheed puffs his chest out as he gets a last glare from Helga, then turns to the guys.
SAHEED: Well, I just hope you won't embarrass me, here and in the tournament, or we'll have to square things up when we get back home.
He grins at them before he resumes glancing around.
SAHEED: This doesn't mean, of course, that in the meantime you can't take the opportunity to make acquaintances and to fully get into the Olympic spirit..
INT. OLYMPIC VILLAGE – MAIN DINING HALL – THE DAY AFTER
Edwin, Leon and Kidal move bewildered along the border of the huge hall, walking past big stands serving all sorts of delicacies and drinks with only bread and water on their trays. As they approach a table the whole Russian basketball team greets them with a wave of nasty looks.
LEON: Well, I guess this one is full...
They turn to another table, where TARKAN CANKUT, a scarred behemoth from Turkey, sits alone with his scary tattoos and two inches of chest hair.
KIDAL: I'm sorry, would you mind if --
Leon yanks his arm as the Turkish ogre bites the head off a big trout.
LEON: I think this is definitely full, too.
They keep moving when a gigantic judoka from Brazil, RICARDO, beckons them to join him.
RICARDO: Come on guys, there's room for you too here!
Edwin looks down at the table, covered in every square inch by food of every kind as Ricardo throws down a ladleful of Russian salad.
EDWIN: Don't worry, we don't want to bother you.
KIDAL: Yeah, you know, like lice in the salad.
RICARDO: Oh, I usually eat that, too! (Nods at their empty trays) You're not paying in here, you know, you can eat everything you want.
&n
bsp; KIDAL: (glares at Leon) What did I tell you? I'm starving, I haven't eaten anything but bread since we arrived!
Leon just goes to sit at a nearby table when Kidal bugs his eyes out at a table full of young veiled beauties, the Qatari Female Equitation Team at the end of their lunch.
KIDAL: Don't know about you, guys, but I think I just found my place! (To the girls) Good morning, ladies, I hope your day did start wonderfully as mine just did!
His smile dies as the girls stand up in unison and take their trays. Kidal sits down anyway while Edwin meets the curious stare of TALITA, cheerful eyes and a beauty her veil just can't hide. It is just a second, but it's enough. Edwin keeps staring at her, still as a statue as she walks away with her teammates.
EDWIN: Did you see her?
KIDAL: Who, the one you just made run away? Didn't I tell you to throw that bran soap away?
EDWIN: She didn't go for the bran, and she also turned back before walking out!
KIDAL: Well, maybe she thought she forgot her cappuccino. (Bites his bread) Now, will you tell us the big plan or you want to wait until next week?
EDWIN: Wow, so you're with me in the end!
LEON: No, buddy, we just want to know what's on your mind before you get us in trouble!
Edwin just looks enchanted at the door Talita left through.
LEON: Edwin!
EDWIN: (snaps back to reality) Okay, you're right, we'd better get started! Even if we won't have to do much, actually...
He takes a wary look around, nods the guys to move closer.
EDWIN: You remember the nephew of that friend of mine you met last year at the birthday of my cousin's husband?
A long beat of silence.
EDWIN: Okay, it's not important. What is important is that he's got an uncle, who's married to a woman whose brother works into none other than, dear friends of mine... (whispering) the Zimbabwe Embassy of England!
Silence again.
KIDAL: And?
EDWIN: And before we left home I called him on the phone, and note that it cost me the wage of three months, to tell