them back when we'll be home...
KIDAL: What?!
SAHEED: ...right after I'll report you for high treason and corruption.
EDWIN: Wait, you can't do that, we didn't do nothing wrong!
LEON: It's true! I mean, that was just a stupid phone call! Tell him, Edwin, tell him it was just a joke!
SAHEED: Trying to bribe an embassy official is not a joke! It is a prosecutable offense, one you will surely have to answer for. You just put yourself into a big mess, and if you ask me your future looks all but bright... (slowly moves for the door) unless, well...
EDWIN: (a tense beat) Unless ..?
Saheed turns around with a hint of a smile.
SAHEED: Unless, how can I say... (a cynical, disturbing grin) you will give to me what you promised to my brother.
An awkward beat as the guys look in a daze at each other.
EDWIN: There's a misunderstanding, sir, we didn't promise him anything!
SAHEED: Oh, I'm sure he's ready to state just the opposite! Three idiots, fifteen thousand pounds, that's what he said!
LEON: We couldn't have promised all that money, we wouldn't know how to find it anyway!
SAHEED: Well, that's not my problem, just rack your brains! (Moves again for the door) If you managed to get here maybe you might even find a way to win the tournament... (grin widening) and hand me your medals and the rewards the President will surely award you.
EDWIN: Sir, we can't win the tournament! I mean, it would be easier to win the lottery without buying a ticket!
SAHEED: (drops his grin) Well, then I shall content myself with the glory of having foiled the escape of three vile, ignoble traitors.
A last glare and he finally walks out, leaving Edwin, Kidal and Leon in a deep, dejected silence. They look at each other, appalled and distraught, when an ORIENTAL TUNE starts playing from the alarm-clock over one of the beds. Kidal takes out his wooden fetish and starts to pray.
LEON: Put away that thing, we're so screwed up it couldn't help you in any way!
EDWIN: Alright, let's not panic now, I put you into this mess and I'll get you out of it, okay?
LEON: And how? You have another relative you want to ask for the money or you're going to just kidnap somebody?
EDWIN: Come on, I won't kidnap anybody, we're not criminals, are we?
Edwin keeps silent for a long beat. Then nods at his buds, trying hard to fake some confidence.
EDWIN: It may seem incredible, but maybe that old hyena's got a point. (Off Kidal's puzzled glance) If we managed to get up to here maybe we could really try to win our tournament...
INT. LONDON EXCEL – TABLE TENNIS ARENA – DAY
Leon stands taut before the table, fast breath and dripping sweat. A fast ball flies past him without he can see it.
REFEREE: (whistles) Eleven to zero Russia: game and match.
LEON: Damn!
INT. OLYMPIC VILLAGE – RESIDENTIAL BUILDING – DAY
Kidal catches up to Leon and Edwin, winks to an OLD MAID standing down the hallway as he unfolds a big map of the village.
EDWIN: Alright, now we have everything we need to get moving!
KIDAL: Why you're so sure? We don't even know if this map is updated.
EDWIN: Don't worry about that, we just need to study the hallways and find a safe place for a hideout.
LEON: (shakes his head) Come on, guys, what the hell are we doing? You don't even know what you're talking about! We never stole a loaf of bread, how the heck do you think we could actually kidnap someone?!
EDWIN: Well, we never played table tennis, too, and here we are at the Olympics! We just need to plan our moves, okay, we're not going to hurt anybody. We'll hold up that guy for a couple of hours, he almost won't notice!
KIDAL: How the hell could you kidnap someone without him noticing?!
EDWIN: Do you remember when you locked up with my cousin and you were pretending the lock was broken?
KIDAL: What?! It was your cousin who broke the lock, she snapped the key inside on purpose!
Edwin is taken aback.
KIDAL: And by the way, my mother came looking for us and she managed to open the door just before we --
EDWIN: Okay, it doesn't matter! That Gold guy is old enough, I'm pretty sure he got here without his mom!
LEON: Sure, just with a pair of bodyguards, his trainer, a masseur and another dozen people!
KIDAL: Why don't we just sneak into his room and put one of your swills into his lunchbox?
LEON: Too risky.
EDWIN: Yeah, we want to kidnap him, not kill him!
LEON: I mean we'd risk getting caught by somebody in his room.
EDWIN: Listen, why can't you just trust me? It doesn't matter how many people he's got with him, they won't do anything at all if they don't know where he's locked in!
Kidal heaves a sigh, spreads his arms in despair.
KIDAL: Edwin, they don't know 'cause he's not locked anywhere!
EDWIN: Well, just not yet!
As he grins convinced Leon walks over to the elevator.
EDWIN: Where are you going now?
LEON: I need to go to the bathroom, the one on the fifth floor is always empty.
KIDAL: Sure it is, they all have toilets in their rooms. We have one, too.
LEON: I can't use the one in our room, because of the noises, you know...
EDWIN: Come on, don't be a bumpkin!
LEON: Me?! When you saw the TV in our room you nearly passed out!
EDWIN: Sure I did, it's in color! And by the way, you can use our bathroom, we're out of the room now.
LEON: Well, how can I know you won't get back?
KIDAL: Why on earth should we -- what noises could you ever do, anyway?!
LEON: I'm nervous and I just want to take a walk, okay? See you here in fifteen minutes, half an hour top.
INT. HALLWAY – DAY
The buzz of neon lamps and the sound of muffled footsteps echo in the empty hallway as an attendant pushes away his cleaning trolley.
Edwin pokes from the opposite corner, warily sneaks forward in the hallway. Leon and Kidal glance around behind him as he stops before a door. Takes the STORAGE ROOM plate off from it, pins an ANTI-DOPING sign in its place.
EDWIN: Don't know what anti-doping is, but I saw people line up just to get it!
He takes the key from the door, Leon and Kidal taut as bowstrings as he nods to the end of the hallway.
EDWIN: Gold's room is that way, he'll walk across here to take the elevator, as soon as he'll see the --
Kidal pulls him away as GOLD appears down the corridor with a plastic can in hand. The guys jump behind the corner just as Gold reads the signs on the door. Sneaks inside the storage room.
Edwin jumps back from around the corner, runs to double lock the door. He stands still and out of breath for a long beat, then turns in triumph to his friends.
EDWIN: See? Easier than I thought!
He keeps smiling wide when a door opens behind his back, a perplexed Gold steps out of it.
GOLD: Don't waste your time, guys, someone messed up with the signs here.
He walks away, leaving Edwin, Kidal and Leon to stare at him like sloths before an astronaut.
MALE VOICE (V.O.): ...it's been clear for centuries, if not millenniums, that the ambition of man is to gracefully soar beyond his lifetime and the limits mother nature has imposed upon him...
EXT. OLYMPIC VILLAGE POOL – DAY
The sun looms majestic over the pool as a solemn looking GREEK MAN stands before the water like a messiah in front of his temple.
GREEK MAN: ...so we fulfill our history and our genetics by using every cell of our body and every neuron, and all this in search of what?
Lying gloomy upon their loungers, Edwin, Leon and Kidal just look at him in silence.
GREEK MAN: Perfection. The perfect equilibrium of this trees and of the water of this pool, we find it here...
He smiles at the guys as he lifts up a table tennis ball.
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GREEK MAN: And thanks to your efforts millions of people in your continent, too, will soon start on this quest. (A long, felt beat) Thanks again on behalf of the sport and whoever loves it as I do.
As he moves away the guys share a puzzled look.
KIDAL: You know, I'm starting to think there's someone really worse off than us in this place.
EDWIN: Hey, as long as we're here we're not that bad, everybody's being kind to us.
MALE VOICE (O.S.): Well, what have we got here?
The CHINESE TABLE TENNIS TEAM catches up, its haughty members grinning at the guys from behind futuristic shades.
CHINESE ATHLETE: Don't sweat it, guys, you don't want to get tired before your next match, do you?
His mates keep grinning as HUANG XIONG, two-time champion of the World and undisputed champion of arrogance and brass, steps up to the guys.
HUANG: Yeah, the bridge tournament is in less than two days, good luck!
KIDAL: Thanks, and astride on the zebra to you, guys.
HUANG: Astride on the zebra? I mean, will you listen to you? Where do you think you are, in the savannah? In a damn zoo? (Shakes his head in disgust) You're a shame for the Games and for our sport! I just hope you'll get thrown out as soon as possible, it would be a disgrace even to just share a table with one of you!
The guys sit in silence as the Chinese men move away, keep staring daggers at them until they finally disappear.
LEON: You were right, Edwin, as long as we're here we'll just be okay!
EDWIN: Well, think what you want, but it won't be a bunch of idiots to put sticks in our wheels! In fact, you know what? (Stands up with a smile) I'm going to have a drink in spite of them!
Leon heaves a sigh as he watches Edwin walk away.
LEON: That's ridiculous, he can't really think this folly can go on! We are in a big mess and the only thing he can think of is how to get into a bigger one!
KIDAL: Yeah, not to mention that we're far from home,