Jason thought for a minute. Actually, there was something he needed from Kyle.
“Kyle, I need to know something.”
“Shoot.”
“My mom and dad were good people. No, they were great people. They gave everything they had so that I could have a good life. They raised me right. They worked hard, did charity work, had tons of friends.”
“I know that,” replied Jason. He could sense his friend was on the verge of tears.
“Kyle, I need to know that my parents are in heaven. I need to know that I’ll see them again.”
“I’m sure they are,” said Kyle.
“No, you don’t understand,” interrupted Jason. “They never really accepted Christ. Not like I did. Not like you had me do. They were just Sunday-go-to-church people. I need you to tell me that was good enough.”
“Jason,” Kyle began, desperate to comfort his friend, “in John 14:6 Jesus says:
‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.’
“Jesus is saying that all believers, however they believe and to whatever extent they are able to express their beliefs, can achieve eternal life through him.”
“You still don’t get it.” Jason was insistent now, sobbing uncontrollably. “I tried to get them to accept Christ, and they refused. They said it wasn’t necessary, that they didn’t need to just go through the motions. How could they go to heaven if they didn’t do that?”
Kyle wished he was in Tulsa. “Look, Jason. We are all sinners. We all fall short of what God wants from us. It’s what makes us human. But God knows our heart. He knows what we think, and feel, and what makes us who we are. God knows that your folks were Christian, caring people. He knows that in their hearts they tried their best to live as He would have them live.”
Kyle said a brief, silent prayer that God would help him reach his friend. Then he continued.
“God loves those who love Him, even when they’re not entirely sure how to express that love. And He would never abandon anyone who sincerely accepted His teachings in whatever way they felt they could.”
During the next half hour Kyle did his best to reassure his friend. He avoided the ‘God has a plan’ message, as he was sure that Jason would be unwilling to accept any plan God had that included killing his parents in a tornado. And Kyle had the uneasy sense that Jason’s relationship with God was going to be tested by the events currently unfolding.
*****
Jason spent just over two weeks in Oklahoma taking care of paperwork, funeral arrangements, and personal affairs. There was no estate sale to arrange or house to be sold. The tornado had taken care of that. But there were services to attend.
The memorial service and funeral were community affairs. With so many funerals, Jason was afraid that no one would bother to attend the service for his parents. He need not have worried. As he had told Kyle, his parents were lifelong residents of the community, much admired, and much loved. The memorial service was packed to overflowing.
Jason’s eulogy was filled with emotion, as he recalled his early years and all the ways his parents had loved and supported him. He talked about growing up as an only child, about how his parents had raised him to respect hard work and the rights of others. He talked about getting in trouble, as boys do growing up, eliciting laughter when he recalled the time he knocked the top off the lamp post in the front yard with a curve ball that didn’t break, and the time he almost killed the mailman as he backed over the mailbox just as the mail was being inserted.
But Jason brought tears to the room and cried himself as he proclaimed, “I loved my parents more than anything. More than anything or anyone I will ever love as long as I live. But I know they’re with God in heaven. They just have to be. Because there’s nobody on earth who deserves to be in heaven more than they do.”
That was all he could bring himself to say. Because as much as Jason wanted to believe it was true, he couldn’t be sure. And that both frustrated and angered him, to the point where he wasn’t sure he trusted that God was really running things anymore. He found he couldn’t even pray about it, because he had neither the desire nor the energy to reconcile his feelings of emptiness and despair.
Following the memorial, Jason politely mingled with people he had not seen in years. Some he had gone to school with. Some were former teachers, or coaches, or long-time friends of the family. Others he knew from church or from his work at the service station when he was in high school. Some had lost loved ones of their own. Some were just grieving members of the community, coming together as a show of support, silently thankful that they were not burying one of their own.
Jason made promises to attend other memorial services, other funerals. But he knew that to be a lie. His grief was a private affair. He held it deep, and he harbored it alone.
Jason politely returned phone calls to Kyle, Tub, Susan and various other friends who had somehow been informed of his loss. He had a brief conversation with Merle Perkins. And he did his best to do what was needed and expected of him in closing out his parents’ affairs and helping the rest of the family cope with the loss.
But mostly Jason wrestled with what it was to be a Christian when things seriously did not go according to plan.
Chapter 33
Jason had been asked by Kyle to call as soon as he landed in San Diego on his return from Oklahoma. So as he walked to his car in the parking lot, he got Kyle on his cell.
“Hey, welcome home,” said Kyle. “I have a small change of plans for you.”
Kyle requested that Jason meet him at the new condo, instead of driving to his apartment. When Jason pulled into his garage, Kyle was already sitting on the steps outside.
“Just wanted to get your keys back to you.” Kyle was grinning.
“Yea, right. What have you done to my condo?”
Turns out that Kyle, Tub, and Susan had completed the painting of the entire condo. Then they had moved all of Jason’s furniture and belongings into the condo, arranging things as best they could. Kyle had even cleaned Jason’s old apartment and completed the walkthrough with the manager. All Jason had to do was discontinue the utilities, pick up the last of his mail, and turn in his key.
There were even fresh flowers, with thoughtful cards from Garrett Motors and WADP.
Jason wrapped his friend in a huge hug. Then, with tears in his eyes, he called Tub and Susan and thanked them as well.
When Jason hung up the phone, he went to the refrigerator and grabbed a couple of beers. Snapping the caps off, he handed one to Kyle, then went into the living room and sat in the leather recliner opposite the sliding glass door to the deck. Kyle took a seat on the sofa across the room. Jason took a sip of his beer. Then, exhausted, he closed his eyes.
Opening his eyes moments later, Jason saw that Kyle was looking directly at him, a concerned expression on his face.
“Jason,” Kyle began, “you know you’re my best friend and that I’d do anything in this world for you, right?”
“I know that.” replied Jason. “You’ll never know how much I appreciate what you did with my condo.”
“Well, thanks. But this isn’t about that. This is about what you’re holding inside, about what you’re not telling me. ”I can’t help you if you won’t tell me what’s on your mind.”
Jason closed his eyes again. When he reopened them, he just looked at his feet, stretched out in the recliner. He avoided looking at Kyle.
“Look, the short of it is, I’m sad and angry that my parents are dead. And even though I don’t really understand why, I blame God for that. As a Christian, I know I shouldn’t feel this way. But I do. So I’ll just have to work through it. If I can.”
Kyle waited to see if Jason had any more to say. He didn’t.
“Jason, God knows what you’re going through. And He understands. He’s willing to wait for you, because He loves you. So take whatever time you need. P
ray to God for guidance when you feel you can. He’ll be with you all the way through this. And so will I.”
Kyle almost thought better of trying to quote scripture to Jason when it was unlikely Jason would be receptive to the message, but Kyle went ahead anyway.
“Let me just leave you with one thought, Jason. It’s from 2 Corinthians 4:8-9, where Paul says:
‘We are pressed hard on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.’
“You see, Paul was chastised for preaching the Gospel of Christ. But he held steadfast to his convictions. Your challenge is similar, even though the circumstances are different. In the midst of your despair and doubt, you should seek to hold fast to the one thing that is constant. And that is God’s love for you. In time, I’m certain you’ll see God at work, even in this tragedy.”
Jason wasn’t so sure about that. And if he had any doubts about how difficult it was going to be to find God at work in his life in the aftermath of his parents’ death, those doubts were removed the next day when he returned to work at Jagged Edge.
*****
Since his explosive call with Sam, Jason had not heard from anyone at Jagged Edge. No apologies. No flowers for the funeral. No nothing. As he sat in the conference room with Sam and Alex, he found himself feeling angry and resentful.
“So where do we stand on key accounts?” Jason asked, not really caring one way or the other. “What’s happened with Pearson and Bannister since I’ve been gone?”
“Not so fast,” replied Sam. “First things first. I think you owe me an apology.”
“For what exactly?” Jason was in no mood for games.
“For disrespecting me. For ignoring your responsibilities and leaving us holding the bag.” Sam obviously had her own perspective on things.
Jason weighed his words carefully.
“Look, if I offended you, I apologize. But I just lost my parents. A little compassion would have been appreciated. And none of that stuff we’re working on is so critical it couldn’t wait until I got back. It’s not life and death. Trust me, I know life and death.”
Alex took her shot. “Right. We understand. It’s too bad about your parents. But we’re trying to run a business here. We don’t have the luxury of additional people if someone chooses to just take off for two weeks.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Jason couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You equate me taking time to bury my parents with just taking time off? Who the hell do you think you are?”
“Excuse me? You better be real careful, Mr. Matthews.”
“I think maybe…” Sam began. But Jason cut her off.
“Now you listen to me,” Jason said, his gaze fixed directly on Alex. “I’ve given you all I’ve got every day since I’ve been here. So I’m not going to sit here and take a bunch of crap from you because I took time off for my parents’ funeral. If you’ve got a problem with that, then you can just fire me right now!”
Sam jumped in again. “OK, hold on both of you. I think things have gotten a little out of hand here.”
“You will NOT speak to me like that!” screamed Alex, glaring at Jason. “And if you think I won’t fire you, then you’ve got another think coming.”
“Well, you do whatever you think you need to do,” replied Jason. “But know this. In the six years I’ve been here, I’ve personally been responsible for over eighty percent of the contract value of advertising sold. Go check your books if you think that’s inaccurate.
“And you know why that is? Because the customers like me. They trust me. Fact is, I’ve been told more than once that customers come to Jagged Edge because of me -- in spite of you.”
Alex sat staring, disbelieving, her mouth half open.
Jason finished, “So you can be certain that if I go, then so will eighty percent of your existing business, just as soon as those contracts come up for renewal.”
Without another word, Jason pushed back from the table, got up, and left the room. He slammed the door shut behind him.
*****
Back in the solitude of his office, behind his closed door, Jason could feel the pulse pounding in his head. He sat and stared blankly at the plaque in the corner of the desk.
He had never, ever lost his temper like that. It probably wasn’t a very Christian thing to do. But right now Jason wasn’t feeling very Christian. His journey had suddenly gone bad. The plan was seriously broken. He couldn’t deal in abstract Christian concepts or hopes of eternal this and happier that. His issues were with the here and now, with his dead parents and an irrational, unreasonable front office.
There was a knock at the door.
“Yea, come in.”
It was Sam. “Jason, mind if I sit down.”
“Sure. Go ahead.”
“Jason, I’m sorry things got a little heated in the conference room. Alex was probably out of line. But in her defense, she’s just watching out for the business.”
“Look, I understand, but …” Jason started to say.
Sam cut him off. “Let me finish, please. What I was going to say is that Alex may have been out of line, but so were you. We’re a small company, so we have to somehow find a way to make things work with what we have. So we all need to just try to get along. We don’t want to lose you. But we need you to be onboard with who’s in charge and show the proper respect. Can you do that?”
Jason was constantly amazed at how Sam and Alex operated. One minute, Sam’s apologizing because Alex acted like a jerk. Then in the very next breath she’s telling him he needs to sit down and shut up.
“Sure,” was all Jason was willing to say. It was, in fact, the only civil thing he could think to say.
They agreed to get back to business.
But Jason suspected that the part of his journey that included Jagged Edge would soon be over.
Chapter 34
Two months later, Jason met Karen during one of those chance encounters that only happen to someone else.
Jason had gone to Sea World to meet with the Director of Destination Marketing about an advertising campaign Jagged Edge was designing for Sea World. The meeting had gone well, and Jason was feeling pretty good. It was mid-July and warm in San Diego, and Sea World was swarming with people.
Since he was already at the park, Jason figured he might as well enjoy a bit of the sunshine, even though he wasn’t all that interested in what Sea World had to offer during the summer, when the place was thick with tourists. He hated crowds.
But the cool sea breeze coming off Mission Bay felt good. Besides, he really didn’t have anywhere else he had to be. Since the death of his parents and the resultant problems at work, Jason found that any time away from the office was good time.
Karen was at Sea World on a field trip with her third grade class from Creekside Elementary School. She was there with her best friend and roommate, Sydney, who was shepherding her own gaggle of fourth graders. Somehow, the group ended up in the first four rows of the amphitheater at the noon killer whale show. Karen was two rows in front of Jason.
Jason knew from past visits to Sea World that people sat in the front rows surrounding the two million gallon aquarium at their own risk. At some point in the show, the killer whale was going to swim around the tank and slap its tail, soaking everyone in the first couple of rows. Regular visitors left those seats to first-timers who didn’t know any better.
Sure enough, twenty minutes into the show, along came the whale, followed immediately by a wall of water, which spilled over the rim of the tank and into the crowds. Momentarily distracted by the antics of a couple of her students, Karen had not been paying attention to the show. When the wave of water washed up into the first three rows of the audience, Karen was completely surprised. So much so that she literally climbed backwards over two rows of seats and into Jason’s lap.
Karen wasn??
?t all that wet. But she was plenty embarrassed. There were clumsy apologies, casual introductions, and some light-hearted conversation. Phone numbers were exchanged, and phone calls followed.
*****
Karen was two years younger than Jason. She was raised in Kansas, so in Midwestern terms, she and Jason had actually been neighbors growing up.
It was the Kansas connection that caused Jason to start calling Karen ‘Oz’ -- as in the Wizard of Oz. It could just as easily have been ‘Dorothy’. But that was longer than her real name, so not quite appropriate as a nickname. And ‘Toto’ was never really up for consideration, for obvious reasons. So 'Oz' it was.
For her part, Karen didn’t mind the nickname. After all, it conjured up images of home. It somehow helped to keep Karen grounded in who she was and where she came from. As much as she liked San Diego, it seemed that most of the people there lived fast, loose, and in the moment. There seemed to be little thought given to character or consequences. People lost who they were.
Which was understandable. Because many of the people Karen met in San Diego wanted to lose who they were. They came from someplace else, looking for something else. They wanted something as different as possible from what they had known. They came from the northern states to find the sunshine. They came from the desert to find the seashore. They came from the Midwest looking for adventure.
And almost everyone came to Southern California to live life in the fast lane, expecting to exceed all speed limits on life’s freeway.
For most, the California lifestyle worked out just fine. But Karen had also met plenty of 'others' for whom traffic on life’s freeway was bumper-to-bumper. For these people, San Diego was a parking lot of unfulfilled dreams. They never quite managed to shift beyond second gear and merge into the flow of traffic. They were routinely passed without so much as a wave by those faster, meaner, smarter, or stronger.
Karen was not one of these 'others'. She had adapted just fine. She was, after all, not trying to lose something from her past. She wasn’t at all interested in becoming somebody different, because she was perfectly fine with who she was. For Karen, San Diego was simply a pleasant change of scenery with new opportunities. She didn’t want to climb, conquer, or control. Karen was more about contributing. She wanted to make a difference, one place at a time. San Diego just seemed like a good place to start.