“It seems to me like you just want to play games, Theo. I want to be mad at you for a little while. Maybe I will eventually be able to forgive you, but I really liked you and you hurt me.”, I sniffle, surprising myself for admitting my feelings to him, even after not being able to admit them to myself. I turn and walk down the hallway; I'm not sure what kind of emotion to feel. I've never broken up with anyone. I mean we weren't together but he was supposed to be part of my soul. My heart hurts and my stomach swirls around with each step. The room is growing dark, the white is disappearing like a painted canvas, and it’s covered by black paint. I feel sick, I can feel the room spinning and I fall to the ground with a loud thud.
Is she going to do this every time? I mean I can't carry her around everywhere we go. Why can't we cross paths with each other without her blacking out? I hold her in my arms, her limp body fluidly moving with each bouncing step I take. It reminds me of an odd dance, one where neither of us is in rhythm. I brush her bangs out of her face and listen to her shallow breaths; a deep inhale and a small exhale, its music to my ears. This girl is driving me crazy, and I need her more than I need the air I breathe. I open the door wide and lay her down on the bed. I sit on the bed next to her; and watch her chest as it moves with each breath. I want to kiss her right now; No, I need to kiss her this very minute. I walk over to the side of the bed and lean over her angelic face. What if she wakes up? What would happen if she found me kissing her? I stroke her cheek; it's delicate and soft beneath my fingertips. Her skin is cool and refreshing, and it reminds me of swimming in the river on a hot summer day. I lean closer towards her lips; I close my eyes. I feel kind of creepy leaning over her but I need to be near her, always. I feel like part of me is missing without her in the room. I can feel her hot breath inches from my lips and I finally reach them. The soft suppleness of them intrigues me, and I want more but I feel her moving around. She slaps me hard and I fall to the ground in amazement holding my cheek.
“That hurt!” I proclaim.
“Good. I hope it did.” she hisses.
“I really need to kiss you.” I groan, rubbing my face. The stinging is nonstop and she's angry. Our first kiss wasn't as I hoped it would be. “I'm in love with you Ali.”
“What?” she replies.
“I love you.” I repeat. She looks at me with her big violet eyes growing wider by the second. “Say something please.” I beg.
“You just met me! You can't love someone that you just met.”, she assures me. “I know you think that we are soul mates but we aren't.”
I get up and brush my face with my fingertips. “I don't give up.”, I boom, and I leave the room slamming the door loudly behind me.
Why does she have to deny what she feels for me? I walk downstairs towards the kitchen in search of Victor. We've become really close, and he really understands how I feel about everything. He's like the older brother that I've always wanted. We play video games together and have food fights, and we can act like we're 10 and no one thinks it's strange. He recently asked me to be his best man in his wedding, and I'm pretty excited about it. I'm not very good at writing speeches though so I'm dreading that part but I'm glad to see him happy with Olivia. I see him wrapped up in Olivia's arms and I wave at him, wishing that Ali would let me hold her the way he gets to hold Olivia.
“Victor!” I shout.
“Hey Riley!” He greets.
“Hi Riley.” Olivia chimes in.
“Olivia.”, I nod. “Would you mind if I steal Victor for awhile, I'm having some lady troubles?”
“Sure.”, she beams.
“No getting into trouble you two.” she warns us.
“Not us.” we say innocently together. When we're out of earshot I start to explain my problems to Victor and he listens intently.
What is it with everyone? Everyone's telling me about their feelings and I just want to be left alone. My stomach starts to growl, and I groan. I get up out of bed, feeling like I'm in a drugged state. I rub my eyes groggily wondering how long ago I fainted before I woke up. I look at my clock on the wall.
It's 8 pm and we arrived home from town at 5 so that means between finding Theo in the arms of another girl, talking to my dad, fighting with Theo, and blacking out it had been three hours. I put on a pair of comfortable tan fuzzy slippers and walk downstairs towards the kitchen. My stomach gurgles loudly again. I can't wait to cook because it always takes my mind off of things. The fridge is full of every ingredient that you could imagine. I decide on pancakes so I place all the ingredients on the counter before me and begin to work. I put my hair up in a high ponytail and roll my long sleeves back. I hum a familiar tune, Blackbird by the Beatles and dance around the kitchen, stirring and cooking madly. It smells wonderful, and when my delicious creation is finished I cover it in too much syrup and scarf it down hungrily.
I lean back in my chair and moan because my stomach is filled to the brim. A breeze blows behind me and the hallway door slams loudly shut. I gulp and turn around in my seat hoping that it's not Riley or Theo behind me. It's Victor and Riley awkwardly keeping stride with each other. I look up at their faces, there is sweat trickling down them and their shirts are drenched in sweat. They're gasping for breath and holding onto the wall behind them for support.
“Are you guys all right?” I ask shocked. They start laughing uncontrollably and collapse to the ground. The house shakes from their loud bellowing laughter.
“What is so funny?” I demand haughtily, folding my arms across my chest. They continue their childish fits of laughter so I decide to turn around in my seat and ignore them.
“Oh man, I so beat you Victor. It was a close one, but I'm the champion!” Riley shouts with glee. He jumps up in the air and the floor thuds when he lands back down.
“My god, I didn't know we invited an elephant to come stay with us.” I say angrily.
“Are you going to take that from a girl, Riley?” Victor asks jokingly.
“You guys are so annoying!” I shout leaping out of my chair and racing up the stairs to my room.
I jump onto my bed and land breathlessly on my mountain of pillows. I stare outside at the setting sun. It's a beautiful evening and the sky is already filled with thousands of fireflies dancing in the meadows below me. I get out of bed and open my door to step out onto my balcony. I sit down and stare at the fireflies as they flicker on and off in the distance. I smile and stare into the clouds enjoying the wonderful colors painting the sky. There is a noise which brings me back to reality; it's a knock at my door.
“Who is it?” I shout loudly.
“It's Riley. Can I come in please?” He begs behind the thick wooden door. His voice is barely audible.
“Okay.”, I sigh. I don't really want him to come into my room, but I don't want to get up and yell at him so I give in.
“Ali.”, he breathes. He stares at me completely engrossed.
“How can I help you?” I ask. I'm trying to ignore his weird behavior. What the hell is he staring at? Is there something on my face? I brush my face with my hand just to check, but he just stands there staring.
“What is wrong with you?”, I ask.
“Nothing, it's just that you look especially beautiful in front of the sunlight, it makes you look illuminated. I didn't mean to look so strange.” He says clearly embarrassed by his behavior.
“It's okay. Do you want to sit with me?” I ask. He looks stunned for a moment, but gathers his composure; walks over and pulls out a chair for me, and then sits across from me.
“Thanks.”, He says bemused.
“For what?” I ask.
“For this, for letting me be near you without any confrontation between us.” He sighs.
“You're welcome, I guess.” I mumble. He doesn't respond to my answer and gets a very distant look in his eyes. He stares at the dancing fireflies below, flickering on and off rhythmically.