“But I am not the only woman who was lied to and abandoned. My own mother warned me. She warned me that men are not capable of love. She told me, but I didn’t listen. It happened to her too. She told me they lie to get what they want, and then they cast you aside. They have no real tenderness. You must not let them fool you.”
“No, Mother, I won’t.”
“And now I have the chance to set things right,” she went on. She shook the knife to emphasize her words. “To make him pay for what he did, for breaking his word. Not only him, but the son of the man who dealt so treacherously with my mother. I shall have my revenge on them both.”
The knife in her hand shook.
“Mother, please.” Rapunzel’s breath was so shallow she could barely speak. She willed herself to breathe more evenly. “You are upset. You cannot mean that you would harm anyone.” By the look on her mother’s face, her words were having little impact. “Mother, listen to me. If you harm that man, Duke Wilhelm will put you in the dungeon.”
She suddenly laughed, a harsh bark of a laugh. “Duke Wilhelm. He thinks he is so mighty and perfect.” Her face twisted in a hard look. “I have my reasons for hating him too.”
The look on Mother’s face sent a cold shiver down Rapunzel’s back. She had to take her mother’s mind off these torturous thoughts.
“I’m sorry I asked you about it. I didn’t mean to upset you. Please forgive me. We don’t have to talk about it anymore.”
Mother turned around again, her back to Rapunzel. “Never you mind about it. I-I never should have told you.” Her voice sounded almost normal again. “Perhaps we shouldn’t have come back here. Perhaps we should go.”
She couldn’t leave, not now that she was learning so much and was actually reading German and studying Latin. Surely her mother wouldn’t actually take revenge on anyone.
“But, Mother, it is good that we came back here. You are already gaining a name for yourself as a skilled midwife. You were paid handsomely today for a job well done, and you have two more pregnant women wanting your services. This is a good place for us, for you, for your business. We will prosper here. Don’t you see that, Mother?” She held her breath, waiting for her mother to respond.
“Perhaps.”
Mother hardly spoke while they finished cooking. Even their feast of chicken and pie was not enough to change her morose expression.
That night, when they lay down to sleep on their straw mattress, Rapunzel sang to her mother a slow, soothing song. When she could hear her mother’s even breathing, Rapunzel closed her eyes and tried to remember some of the scriptures she had been reading from Sir Gerek’s Bible books. The lines, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus,” came to mind.
Father God, I am rejoicing that you have given me my wish, to be able to read. I want to pray continually, which I thought only nuns and monks were able to do, but I will try to do as well. And I will give thanks in all circumstances, and so I thank you even now, when I am worried about Mother. Thank you, God, for allowing Mother to safely deliver the puppies today, for the two women who wish for her to help them with their births, and I thank you that we have a house and food and a warm fire.
She felt a bit less worried when she finished her prayer. Then she added, And thank you that Mother will not do anything violent to that man, whoever he is.
Chapter Thirteen
Rapunzel sat reading with Sir Gerek beside the river. The sun was shining and glinting off the ripples of water. Sir Gerek looked behind them. Rapunzel turned to see what he was staring at.
Mother came running at them, a knife upraised in her hand.
Rapunzel stood to get out of her mother’s way. Sir Gerek stood, too, in spite of his splinted leg, and Mother raced toward him, screaming, “Don’t touch my daughter!”
Sir Gerek knocked the knife out of her hand, but Mother began clawing at his eyes—clawing them out and blinding him. Rapunzel lunged at her mother to stop her, but when Mother sidestepped, Rapunzel fell headfirst into the river.
Water closed over her mouth, her nose, her eyes. She struggled, pushing with her arms to free herself from the water.
Rapunzel opened her eyes; she was in her bed, pushing herself up onto all fours.
She collapsed, breathing deep draughts of air. It was only a dream.
A memory suddenly came to her. She was little. Blond curls hung about her face, falling in front of her eyes. She was in the trees. A boy, older than her—she had a feeling he was her brother—played nearby. She saw a pretty butterfly and followed it until she came quite close to the bank of a river.
Someone grabbed her leg and pushed her. She fell headfirst into the river. Just like in her dream, the water rushed over her. Then someone lifted her out. Rapunzel was so startled. She didn’t cry, but she looked to see who was holding her and saw Mother.
That was all she could remember. At least, it seemed like a memory, and not quite like the dream she had been having.
Mother stirred beside her, then began talking in her sleep. The only words she could understand were, “Not yours. Not yours. Get away. No.”
Perhaps there was a bad wind blowing outside, getting in the cracks of their drafty home and bringing them bad dreams. Or perhaps there was an evil spirit near them, causing these nightmares.
Rapunzel whispered, “Jesus.” Her heart seemed to slow as she said the name. She said it again. “Jesus.” She heard no sound from her mother. Rapunzel reached out to rub her back. Mother went back to breathing evenly.
Rapunzel drifted back to sleep.
The next morning, as they were breaking their fast with bread and cold chicken, Rapunzel silently practiced the Latin poetry Sir Gerek had made her memorize. When they were finished eating, she mended an old underdress while Mother put on her best dress. All the while, Rapunzel repeated the verses to herself, then another passage from the Bible that she had memorized in German. As soon as Mother left to go to Hagenheim, Rapunzel could run to the monastery for her lesson.
Rapunzel suddenly remembered her mother’s words from the day before. “Mother, you are not going to search for that man in Hagenheim today, are you? Please tell me you won’t harm him.”
Mother did not meet Rapunzel’s gaze as she folded some clothes that had been drying by the fire. Finally, she said, “I think you should go with me to town today.”
Rapunzel looked up from where she sat on the floor with her mending in her lap. “To town? Today?”
“It is very strange to me that you don’t want to go to town with me.” Mother narrowed her eyes. “I thought you liked it the one time you went. You’ve always wanted to go to Hagenheim, ever since you decided you wanted to read.”
“And I still want to read.” Even though she had learned to read German, she did still want to learn to read in Latin. “Being around all those people made me a little uncomfortable. I felt as though I might get run down by a horse or a cart.”
“You mustn’t be so fearful. As long as you’re with me, you’re safe. Will you work on your painting while I’m gone?” She still looked at her with suspicion.
“Probably.” Rapunzel would have to come back early from her lesson in order to get some painting done to tamp down Mother’s suspicions.
Finally, Mother left for Hagenheim, and Rapunzel wrapped her hair up and set out for the monastery.
As she approached Sir Gerek’s door, she heard a whistle. Glancing to her right, she saw Brother Andrew coming her way.
Her mind went instantly to what her mother had told her the day before, about what that man had done to her, how a man had betrayed her mother as well, that women were foolish for trusting them. Was Brother Andrew such a man? He was a monk, but was he trustworthy? Would he attack her to get what he wanted, the way those two men on the road had attacked her and her mother?
Her stomach twisted into a knot as Brother Andrew came toward her. She had the sudden urge to turn and flee. She
placed her hand on her knife, her heart pounding in her throat.
He was smiling as he drew near. “Sir Gerek is waiting for you. I’ve just set him up in the sheep meadow so he can get a bit of sun. Come. I’ll take you there.”
Brother Andrew turned to lead her around the side of the monastery dormitory. Would he do something bad to her once they were on the other side of the building where no one could see them? She could hardly breathe as she followed him, her feet moving slower than his as she fell farther behind.
Were all of her mother’s dire prophecies about what men would do to her finally coming true? Would this be her punishment for deceiving her mother by coming to the monastery, amongst all these men?
As they turned the corner of the building, Sir Gerek was sitting in the middle of the open meadow, his leg propped on a stool with a blanket underneath as he sat in the sun.
Brother Andrew stopped and glanced back at her. “I will leave you to your lesson.” He turned back toward the monastery. He passed right by her with only a nod and a smile.
“Thank you,” Rapunzel said, breathing a sigh and pressing her hand against her chest to tell her heart to stop pounding so hard.
Her knees were weak and she tried to calm her breathing before facing Sir Gerek. How very foolish she had been for thinking such things about Brother Andrew. Of course he would not harm her. But all of Mother’s warnings had bombarded her at once. All of her dire predictions had filled her with fear.
Perhaps she and Mother were both mad.
As she continued to walk toward Sir Gerek, her mind flashed back to her dream. Sir Gerek was sitting just as he had been in her dream. Had she prophesied this? Would her mother come running and screaming toward them with a knife?
Rapunzel turned and looked behind her. No one was there. She looked back at Sir Gerek. Now that she thought about it, there was no river rushing beside Sir Gerek, and his clothes were not the same as in her dream. He also still wore his beard, whereas in the dream he had been clean-shaven.
Perhaps Rapunzel had slept with moonlight on her face last night. She would move their bed farther from the window when she got home. She passed a shaking hand over her forehead and cheek.
As she walked the rest of the way to Sir Gerek, she reminded herself that she could run away if he tried to attack her since he was injured.
Besides, she had been alone with Sir Gerek many times, although with his door open. His gruffness and arrogance had actually put her at ease. If he had been friendly and kind, she might have suspected him of wanting to trick or manipulate her in some way.
As she approached him, he looked up from the book on this lap. “Very pleasant weather, is it not?”
“It is, although still a bit cold.”
He stared at her and finally said, “You aren’t smiling today. You’re usually smiling.”
“I am smiling, see?”
“Is your mother well? She did not find out you are coming here for lessons, did she?”
“No, she did not find out.” If she had, Rapunzel would not be here. She sat down.
“Shall we begin, then?” Sir Gerek opened the book and passed it to her. “This is where we stopped reading yesterday.”
She began. After a few moments, she stopped. “I don’t understand anything I’m reading. Perhaps I am too daft to learn Latin.”
She pinched her nose and closed her eyes. She shouldn’t be here. If Mother found out, she would be so upset, there was no foretelling what she might do. She should just go back home and stop trying so hard. What did it matter if she learned to read in Latin? Peasants had no use for Latin or reading or writing, especially peasants who were still living at home with their mothers who wanted to shelter them from the world forever. Besides, she was so suspicious of everyone because of Mother’s warnings, she could not go out among people without cringing in fear, as evidenced by how she had just behaved.
“You are not daft.”
Sir Gerek’s words startled her into looking up.
“You are very clever. I’ve never seen anyone learn to read as quickly as you did.”
He had never complimented her before. “You think I’m clever?” She stared at him openmouthed. But perhaps he was only flattering her for some sinister reason.
“I know you are. Now let’s get back to our lesson before you have to run off.”
Rapunzel concentrated harder than ever and learned many more Latin words by the time she realized she needed to go. When she left, she wished Sir Gerek a good day. He only grunted and nodded.
Good. He wasn’t turning kind and friendly. She didn’t have to like him or be too grateful to him—or fear she was falling prey to him as her mother feared—as long as he was grumpy.
Chapter Fourteen
Over the next two weeks, Rapunzel read more and more of the Holy Writ. A pattern seemed to be forming in the passages she read: God was like a loving father. She’d never had a father, and she’d never thought of God like this. All her life she had heard God described in many terms—holy, almighty, righteous, even vengeful.
He was a righteous Savior when he saved the Israelite nation from slavery in Egypt, and he was a righteous Savior in the form of Jesus, the crucified Lamb of God in the Gospels. She knew those things already, but she had never truly thought of him as loving.
Her heart ached to tell Mother what she was learning. Eventually, she would have to tell her, when her mother discovered that Rapunzel could actually read.
As she walked to the monastery through the forest, thick with ferns and beech trees that had not yet started growing their spring leaves, she caught a glimpse of someone not far away, walking in the same direction. Perhaps she should hide. But it was too late.
“I see you there!” the other young woman called, raising her hand in greeting. The maiden came toward her, walking at a slow, steady pace.
“Good morning. My name is Cristobel. Are you also on your way to the monastery?”
“Yes.” Rapunzel couldn’t help but smile back at the girl’s friendly face. She also couldn’t help but notice that she wore absolutely nothing to cover her long dark hair, and it wasn’t even braided.
“My brother is at the monastery. He has not yet taken his vows. I go to visit him sometimes.”
Rapunzel nodded as the girl fell in beside her and they continued walking.
“What is your name?”
“Rapunzel.” She must seem very rustic to the talkative girl.
“I like that name. I’ve never heard it before—as a name, that is. But it has a very pleasant sound.”
“Thank you. I like yours . . . Cristobel.”
“Thank you. My father wanted me to be a boy and wanted me to be named Cristof. So my little brother is Cristof and I am Cristobel. Are you going to visit someone at the monastery?”
Rapunzel hesitated. It went against her instincts to tell the girl exactly why she was going to the monastery. Mother certainly never told anyone anything when they asked. But Mother was not here.
“I am going for a reading lesson.”
“A reading lesson?”
“Actually, a lesson in Latin.”
“You are learning to read Latin?”
“Yes.”
“My brother knows how to read. He told me I should go to the town school and learn, but Mother said I was better off staying home and learning to cook and sew and help her with the little ones. And now I am a maid at Hagenheim Castle.” By the look on her face, she thought Rapunzel would be impressed.
“Do you like working there? I long to know what the castle looks like inside.”
“It is hard work, but they treat me well and pay me with real coins every month.”
Rapunzel made sure to look impressed. “Is it difficult to get a job working at the castle?”
“Ja, I should say so. You have to know someone who works there, someone who will say that you are honest and trustworthy.”
“Oh.” Who would do that for Rapunzel? She had been here such a sho
rt time and no one knew her. Not that Mother would allow her to work there anyway.
“We are almost to the monastery. My brother is usually in the garden or the vineyard working.”
They came out of the forest and into the clearing where most of the monastery buildings were visible.
“Which building are you going to?”
“That one over there.” Rapunzel pointed to the dormitory.
“I shall see you later. Shall I walk home with you?”
Suddenly, Rapunzel wanted that very much. “Yes. I will either be at that door there, or just behind the building, in the sheep pasture.”
“I shall see you in an hour or two. Fare well!” Cristobel waved and hurried toward the vegetable garden.
Rapunzel knocked on the door, but when she didn’t hear Sir Gerek’s familiar call to enter, she walked around the building and found him where he had been sitting the last time, in the sun with his leg propped up.
“How much longer before you get the splints off?” She sat down beside him without waiting to be invited.
“Two weeks,” he said, glancing up at her.
“Will you shave your beard then?”
“Perhaps not.” He stroked the lengthening hair on his cheeks and chin. “It makes me look more ferocious, don’t you think?”
“Frightening, as I told you before. But I thought you wanted to marry a wealthy lady. You aren’t likely to attract any with that weasel fur on your face.”
He scowled and mumbled, “Weasel fur,” then humphed.
“Will you leave the monastery when your leg and arm are healed?”
“Of course. I’ll go back to Hagenheim Castle and to my duties.”
He would no longer be able to teach her Latin. Why hadn’t she thought of this before?
He raised his brows at her. “I’m sure there will be a monk who will be willing to teach you when I’m gone,” he said, as if reading her mind. “Only be careful. Not all monks are as safe and righteous as Brother Andrew.”
Rapunzel wasn’t sure she would trust anyone as much as she had trusted Sir Gerek. And it was only because of his injuries that she had trusted him; she could run away and he couldn’t chase her down.