Rapunzel ran as fast as she could. Gothel was chasing her with a handful of holly berries. Rapunzel fell, her face landing hard in the dirt. She was just pushing herself up when she opened her eyes. It was a dream. She heard her own raspy breathing as she laid her head back down, but even though her eyes were open, she could see nothing but darkness. Why could she not see?
Then she remembered—she was in a cave with Sir Gerek, and he had extinguished the torches when they lay down to sleep.
She shivered as the dream came back to her. Gothel’s eyes had been so vivid, so dark and sinister. Rapunzel’s heart beat hard against her chest. She had been so afraid. And Sir Gerek had not been there. She’d wanted him to come and save her, but he was not there.
She reached out. Her hand touched something solid. She had insisted that Gerek sleep next to her under the blanket, too afraid of the dark cave and the thought of some wild animal coming in and attacking them in their sleep. But once he had extinguished the torch, she had fallen asleep quickly.
“Rapunzel?” The vicinity of Gerek’s voice let her know it was probably his arm she was touching. He rolled over and she felt his breath on her hand. “Are you well?”
“I-I had a bad dream . . . about Moth—about Gothel. But I am well.”
He put his arm around her and pulled her close. She buried her face in his chest. O Lord God, please let this be love.
They lay perfectly still for a few moments before Gerek said, “Will you feel better when I get this torch lighted again?”
“I feel better now.” Her voice was muffled against his tunic.
She felt something briefly touch the top of her head. Had he just kissed her?
After a few more moments, she asked, “Do you think it’s morning?”
“I’ll go and find out. Stay here.”
He stood and she heard him moving toward the entrance. A few minutes later, he came back carrying the lighted torch.
“It’s just after dawn.”
Rapunzel stood. Once outside again, Rapunzel was grateful to see it wasn’t raining. The sun was up and casting a yellow light over everything.
Sir Gerek seemed eager to be off, so they ate quickly and left the little cave. Rapunzel was not so eager to make it back to Hagenheim, after Sir Gerek had said he would tell her his secret on the last day of their journey.
She was terrified to hope that he wanted to marry her, but couldn’t seem to stop herself.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Gerek was glad the day had passed uneventfully. They had only entered one village, where they had bought food and an extra blanket. He was too afraid of the temptation of sharing a blanket for another night.
Could she tell he was nervous, thinking about what he would say to her tomorrow? He was never more sure about anything than he was about asking her to marry him. And she would surely say yes. So why was he so nervous?
That night he lay awake long after she was asleep. But all he could do was pray that God would make him a good husband, someone completely different from his own father.
The next morning he knew it was the last day of their journey, but did Rapunzel know?
While they rode, Rapunzel read aloud from the letter to the Romans. Her voice was so sweet and lilting, his heart seemed near bursting inside him, and he broke out in a cold sweat; he was just as in love with her as Colin had been with Lady Margaretha.
What if he couldn’t love her like he should, the way Colin would love Margaretha, with integrity and gentleness and patience and sacrifice? What if he hurt Rapunzel? What if he yelled at her and made her cry and disappointed her?
If Valten knew what Gerek was thinking, he would probably tell him he was being a coward and ask him where his courage was. Lady Rose would assure him of what a good man he was and what a good husband he would be. Besides, Rapunzel needed him. He could take care of her and protect her from harm. Who else did she have? She had no one, not a single family member to take care of her.
When they halted to let Donner have a rest and eat a midday meal, Gerek noticed for the hundredth time that day how beautiful Rapunzel looked. She sat gazing up at him. He reached out and lifted a lock of her golden hair, which lay next to him, and let the hair sift through his fingers.
“I’m glad you’re not afraid anymore to let your hair down.”
Her smile faded. “I am too. And I don’t want to wait anymore to tell you what I have to tell you.” She looked so serious, her eyes big as she glanced away from him, fidgeting with her hands.
“I am listening.” They were sitting in a grassy spot next to a small, clear stream. The sun was lighting her hair, like a halo around her head. When she met his eye, she opened her mouth, then hesitated.
Finally, she said, “I asked you if you remembered when Elsebeth fell and cut her hand.”
He nodded. The back of his neck started to prickle.
“And I told you that Gothel was not my birth mother. She told me that I was left with her. Once she said at the front door and another time in the garden. But when I was folding linens one day with Frau Adelheit, she saw the scar on my hand. She told me . . .” Rapunzel bit her lip. She had been staring down at the ground, and now she lifted her eyes to his as she lifted her hand, palm up.
“What is it?”
“Look at my hand.”
On her hand was the same scar that Elsebeth had on her little three-year-old hand.
“But how?” Gerek took her hand in his and stared down at it. “Do you remember this?”
“I have a vague memory of falling and someone picking me up, and of someone sewing up my hand. I also have a memory of falling into some water and going under. These are my earliest memories.”
“So . . . Elsebeth didn’t drown?” Could it be? A tremor streaked through his stomach.
“They never found her body, because Gothel stole me.” Her lip and chin trembled. “She confessed it all. She pulled me into the river and then took me out downstream.”
“Dear Lord God.” Gerek crossed himself. “She is truly evil. What will Lady Rose say? She’ll be . . . She will be overjoyed. To get her daughter back.” But if Rapunzel was Duke Wilhelm’s daughter . . . He would never be allowed to marry a duke’s daughter. He was only a knight, the second son of an earl, with no inheritance and nothing to offer.
His heart sank all the way to his toes. He stared back at her.
Her cheeks lost their pink color. “What is it? What?”
“Rapunzel, I-I wanted . . .” No, he shouldn’t tell her.
“What? You wanted what?”
“Nothing.”
“You said you had something to tell me, that you had changed.”
“I wanted to tell you . . .” His throat was as dry as a shock of hay. “I changed my mind. I don’t want to marry Lady Lankouwen anymore.”
She seemed to be waiting for what he would say next.
He shrugged. “That is all.”
She looked askance. “There is something you aren’t telling me.”
“I-I was . . .” But she would never believe him now. She would think, Of course he wants to marry me. I’m the duke’s daughter. But he never would have married me when I was a peasant. Why should she believe that he had decided days ago that he would ask her to marry him?
He suddenly realized he was still holding her hand, the one with the scar. If only she was not Elsebeth. If only she had not told him. If only she did not have that scar. But his fate was sealed.
And now he could not marry Lady Lankouwen or Rainhilda or this beautiful maiden in front of him. Because he was in love . . . desperately, hopelessly, painfully in love . . . with the duke’s daughter.
Rapunzel couldn’t understand Sir Gerek’s reaction, and yet she had been afraid to tell him all along. He should have been pleased. He should have wanted to marry her, knowing she was Duke Wilhelm’s daughter. What had happened? He said he didn’t want to marry the wealthy widow. Why did he look so stricken by the fact that she was Duke Wilhelm’s daught
er?
“Are you upset with me?”
“No, of course not. Let us be off. Donner should be rested by now.”
Her heart twisted. Perhaps she was imagining that he was upset. Perhaps he was only surprised. Why was he not pleased?
They mounted up and rode down the road toward Hagenheim. Sir Gerek kept both hands on the reins and seemed to try not to let his arms brush against hers. She sat up straight, refusing to allow herself to touch him either.
Finally, her breaths coming faster, she said, “Are you not glad I discovered what happened to me, that I have a loving family after years of thinking that my parents didn’t care about me? Are you not pleased that Lady Rose is about to find the daughter she thought was dead?”
“Yes, of course.” But there was a guarded look on his face.
“Then why do you behave as if you cannot be friends with me anymore? I will always be your friend. Why would I not be? Valten is your friend, and he’s the duke’s oldest son.”
“Of course we will always be friends. I know that. And I am very pleased for you. You deserve wonderful parents like Lady Rose and Duke Wilhelm. I am only sorry . . .” She saw his throat bob as he swallowed. “. . . sorry that you did not experience their love all these years, that your rightful childhood was stolen from you. It is very cruel.”
That seemed more reasonable. But still, he seemed stiff and . . . strange. Tears stung her eyes. He did not want to marry her. Even though Duke Wilhelm could possibly give her a large dowry.
By the end of the day, a heavy boulder was sitting inside her chest. His formality, his awkwardness . . . What was wrong with him? He had been so warm, even loving, that morning when he had held her in his arms because of her bad dream. The night before he had dried her hair and held her against his chest because she was cold. Now he couldn’t bear to touch her. Was he afraid of Duke Wilhelm? It didn’t make sense, but how could she ask him?
She wanted to hit him. Perhaps she would.
Gerek’s heart was a hard knot inside his chest. He wanted to tell Rapunzel that he loved her, but how could he? She was the daughter of a duke. She should marry a wealthy nobleman who could give her all the things she had been denied. She wouldn’t want a knight who owned no home or property, whose own father had abused him, murdered his mother, then killed himself.
There was no reason to tell her he loved her. She would not believe him now, would think he was still being mercenary, as he had been when he’d plotted to marry Lady Lankouwen.
“We are only about an hour from Hagenheim now,” he told her.
Even though she seemed angry with him, she must have become too exhausted to stay upright because she had laid her head against his chest.
His tunic felt damp. Was she crying? His knotted heart twisted inside him.
She suddenly sat up and leaned away, glaring at him. “Why do you not wish to marry Lady Lankouwen?” She hurled the words at him. “I thought she was what you wanted.”
“It no longer matters.”
She crossed her arms, her face angled away from him. She was sitting rather precariously, so he said, “If Donner gets startled by something in the dark, you will fall. You need to hold on.”
Instead of putting an arm around his waist, she held on to the saddle pommel.
He had sacrificed for two months, riding in all kinds of weather, riding halfway across the Holy Roman Empire searching for her. If not for him, she would still be locked in that ancient tower.
Not that he minded. It was worth it to know that he had rescued her, even if she wasn’t grateful. But she was grateful. Or she had been. Everything had changed when she told him she was Duke Wilhelm and Lady Rose’s daughter. She must have expected him to react differently. But how could he tell her that she had shattered his plans with those words, making it impossible for him to make her his wife?
Let her be angry with him. Knowing she hated him would make it easier when Duke Wilhelm married her off to a duke or margrave or earl.
It was just before curfew by the time they arrived, so dark Gerek could barely make out the town wall.
“I want you to know that I am very pleased that you will have a family now, Rapunzel. I am truly glad for you. It is wonderful news.” His chest ached, even though he meant what he said. “Will you tell the news to Lady Rose and Duke Wilhelm right away?”
“I don’t know.”
“Lady Margaretha is getting married to Lord Colin. I heard it when I came through here a week or so ago. The wedding should be very soon.”
“I shall wait until after the wedding, then. I don’t want to take away from Lady Margaretha’s joyous day.”
Her words sounded reasonable, but the way she said them proved that she was still angry.
“You should go to the wedding.”
“I won’t be invited.”
“Then you should go with me.” He said the words before he had time to think about them. But it would be a shame if she didn’t go, since she was Margaretha’s sister.
Finally, she looked back at him. “Are you sure you want me to go with you?”
“Yes, I am sure. I shall escort you.”
They were entering the castle gate, and when the two guards spotted them, they cheered. Other guards and knights saw them as they moved toward the castle and also cheered, running forward to praise Gerek and to welcome Rapunzel back.
Lady Margaretha’s wedding was to be in three days. Rapunzel would only have to keep her secret a little longer. She had discussed with Frau Adelheit her plan not to tell Duke Wilhelm and Lady Rose until after Margaretha’s wedding, and she approved. In order to get the knights to go search for Rapunzel, Frau Adelheit had actually told some of them that Rapunzel was from a noble family and not a maidservant at all, and if they were to find her, Duke Wilhelm would reward them. They probably were still wondering if the story was true.
Rapunzel and the rest of the servants at Hagenheim Castle were caught up in the excitement and all the work required for Lady Margaretha’s wedding and the ensuing feast and celebration. So Rapunzel was surprised when Lady Rose summoned her to her chamber the morning before the wedding.
Lady Rose was sitting in a chair by the window, reading. When Rapunzel came in, she stood and held out her hands to her.
Her heart leapt. Had someone told her?
“You poor dear girl,” Lady Rose said, embracing her. “I am overjoyed to have you back and so sorry your mother kidnapped you! How wonderful that Sir Gerek found you.”
Rapunzel smiled back at her.
“Are you well? Are you unhurt?”
“I am well. My mother”—she had to swallow the lump in her throat to go on—“did not hurt me, beyond forcing me to drink a sleeping potion. She knows a lot about herbs and berries.”
“She may not have hurt you physically,” Lady Rose said softly, “but what she did to you must have hurt you a great deal.” She held Rapunzel’s hand.
Rapunzel took a deep breath. “I know that the way she treated me is not normal, and it’s not the way a mother should treat her child.” She didn’t look Lady Rose in the eye. The compassion in her face made Rapunzel’s throat ache with holding back the tears.
“No, it is not. I’m so sorry she did that to you.” Lady Rose hugged her again, and this time Rapunzel put her head on the woman’s shoulder, as she was slightly taller than Lady Rose, and tried not to think.
“If you want to talk about it, you can talk to me.”
“I am very well.” Rapunzel lifted her head and pulled away slightly. “I know you have your daughter’s wedding tomorrow. You should not be thinking about me now.”
“Oh, do not worry about the wedding.” She smiled. “Margaretha is spending nearly every minute with Colin. I have plenty of time to talk with you. Come, sit down.”
They sat on the bench by the window, and Lady Rose kept hold of her hand.
“Tell me what happened.”
Rapunzel took a deep breath. “My mother locked me in an abandoned tower
. When Sir Gerek found me, Gothel was away, so he helped me down.”
“Were you overjoyed to see Sir Gerek?”
“Oh yes, of course. I was glad. Very glad.” Her throat ached again at the thought of Sir Gerek’s strange behavior the last day of their journey. Had she truly expected him to want to marry her? How foolish she was.
“Duke Wilhelm is planning to reward him in some way for saving you.”
“That is very good.” Sir Gerek had been so kind and friendly, even loving, when he found her. Remembering that made the tears come, and this time she could not hold them back.
“What is wrong, my dear?”
“Nothing.” She wiped at the tears, but they just kept coming.
Lady Rose handed her a cloth. “There, there. You can tell me about it. It will make you feel better.”
She buried her face in the cloth. Her heart ached as if it would burst. She had to relieve it somehow. “I love him.”
“You love Sir Gerek?”
“Yes. So horribly.”
“Love is not horrible.”
“But he doesn’t love me. I thought perhaps he did, but . . . he doesn’t want me. And I don’t know how to live if he doesn’t love me back.”
Lady Rose gathered her in her arms and she sobbed on Lady Rose’s shoulder. She couldn’t seem to stop herself. She should not have told Lady Rose all of this. How foolish and weak to love him when he didn’t love her! Had she fulfilled Gothel’s prophecy about her by falling in love with a man who ultimately didn’t want her? Was she just like Gothel? And now she was wetting Lady Rose’s shoulder with her tears.
When her sobs subsided and she was able to wipe her face with the cloth, Lady Rose let her pull away, and she looked her in the eye. “Listen to me. You deserve to be loved. And someday I pray that you will get married and your husband will love you. But in the meantime, your heavenly Father loves you more than any man on earth could love you. Do you believe that?”
“Yes, but . . . God can’t put his arms around me and . . . and tell me he loves me.”
“God is putting his arms around you at this very moment.” Lady Rose’s arms held Rapunzel tight. “He is telling you he loves you now.”