It was my turn to nod but I kept quiet.
Sabine kept talking. “And he has been, like I said, changed. Er… greatly changed. His tone has gentled and for some time, except to stroke my face or shift my hair off my shoulder, he didn’t touch me at all. Not even in bed.” I nodded again when she stopped talking to urge her on so she took a deep breath and continued. “Then he, er… started to chat with me. I didn’t know much of what he was saying but he would come to our tent at night and talk to me… quietly. Then, one night, when he left… um, he started always to leave to give me time to prepare for bed,” she explained then went on, “he, er… kissed my forehead before he left which felt,” she squeezed her eyes shut then opened them and breathed, “nice.”
She stopped again. I squeezed her hand and prompted, “Go on.”
“Well that started… it started, er… then he started to change again but not to go back to how he was before. He just kind of, um… kissed me. Not my mouth or anything. My eyes, my forehead or when he would sweep the hair off my shoulder, he would bend low, you know…” she paused and her eyelashes fluttered a little in a very cute way before she whispered, “he’s very tall.”
“I know he’s very tall, Sabine,” I whispered back when she didn’t go on.
“Well, he would bend low to kiss… er, my neck. And then… then, one night he pulled me into his arms when he got in bed with me and I was terrified he was going to… you know.”
I nodded again and held her hand tight. “I know.”
She leaned further into me. “But he didn’t. He just held me. And I… I… slept with him like that.” Her eyes grew round. “Like a baby.”
I smiled. “This is good.”
“I… is it?” she asked hesitantly.
“Yes,” I answered without any hesitation at all. “Has he continued to –?”
She nodded. “Yes, every night, he holds me. But… um… the other night… er…” her eyes slid away and she went quiet.
“Sabine, you can tell me,” I whispered and her eyes came back to me, her face now aflame.
“He touched me,” she whispered reverently, her eyes warming, she leaned in and went on quickly. “He was holding me then he turned my back to him and his hands moved on me and they did this awhile, soothingly, then I relaxed because it felt rather… nice and then he started using them in ways… such ways…” the look in her gaze drifted faraway and a small smile played at her lips as she breathed, “such ways.”
Well, good for Zahnin. Well done warrior!
I squeezed her hand and her focus came back to me then I stated, “It was good.”
Her eyes got huge. “No, Circe, it was beautiful.”
All right! Zahnin was definitely the man!
“Then this is definitely good,” I informed her and her face fell. I felt my brows draw together and I asked carefully, “It isn’t good?”
She shook her head, looked to the side and said softly. “He hurt me.”
Oh man.
“Yes, he did,” I confirmed softly back and her eyes again came to me.
“But I want it again,” she breathed her admission and I blinked but she carried on. “He just hasn’t… done it again and I don’t know how to… er… ask him to.”
I stifled a giggle, released my hold on her but lifted both hands to cup her jaw and I dipped my face to hers.
“Okay, then, my sweet girl, I will give you my advice. If you want this, if you know in your heart you want this change, then my guess is, your husband has shown you a hint of the beauty he wishes to give you. Now that he has done that, he is waiting for you to give him a sign that you liked it and wish for him to give more.” I actually felt her face heat under my hands but kept talking. “So, the next time he kisses your forehead, tilt your head back so he will instead kiss your lips.” I watched close up as her eyes got wide again and carried on. “Or, if you have the courage, touch him as he holds you when you’re in bed. All you’ll have to do is glide your hand across his chest or find his and move it to your body. He will take your hint and then your part will be done and he will lead the way.”
She stared up at me and whispered, “I… Circe, I don’t know if I can do that.”
I smiled at her. “You can, Sabine, if you want what he can give you and I promise you,” my hands tightened on her jaw, “you have my word that, since he knows how to give you the gift he’s already given you, he knows other ways, better ways to give it to you again. And if you liked what he’s already shared, I promise, you will like even more the bounties he has yet to offer.”
“Really?” she breathed, clearly astonished but liking that idea.
“Oh yeah,” I whispered.
She studied me and whispered back, “Claudine says that you enjoy, er… this, um… greatly and, er… often with our Dax.”
“Oh yeah,” I repeated, dropping my hands but capturing both of hers. Then I told her, “You know what happened to you is the way of the Korwahk and I do not condone it. This does not happen in my land either. I endured the same as you and I didn’t like it any more than you did. I did not endure it for as long, but I endured it. What I do know is that your husband is a proud warrior and he wanted your happiness enough to put his pride aside and ask for my assistance in helping you settle in your new life, with him, in your cham. This was not an easy thing for him to do, but he did it.” I squeezed her hands. “For you.” She pulled in her lips and I finished. “He did what he did because he knows no other way. This is not an excuse, it is simply the truth. He does what he does now, and what he has been doing these past weeks since he brought Diandra and me to you, because he cares for you and wants your happiness. I would try to focus on that instead of the path you took to get here and my hope is, my friend, that he will continue to show you tenderness and work for your happiness. And I care for you enough to wish that for you in your life with him and tell you this as the truth I believe it is and not lie to you in the hopes that you will simply find a way to tolerate a cruel life that was forced on you.”
Her eyes filled with tears, her teeth bit her lip and she nodded before she said softly, “I believe you, Circe.”
I nodded back and gave her another squeeze of her hands.
Then I shared one last thing, for her and for Zahnin, “Zahnin told me when he saw you in the parade, he knew you were the only one for him.” I watched her face go soft as this surprising compliment penetrated and I continued sharing. “Lahn told me that when he claimed me, even in the moonlight, he saw my spirit shining in my eyes and it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. To me, he was raping me. To him, he was receiving a gift he’d treasure always. This is a contradiction that it is difficult to come to terms with and although it does not heal the pain we felt, a memory seared into our brains, the terror we experienced, I cannot say it does not provide just enough balm to allow me to live with it.”
She licked her lips, nodded and squeezed my hands.
So I concluded. “Find a way to forgive him, sweet Sabine, and he will reward you. I promise.”
“I hope so,” she whispered.
“I do too,” I agreed.
She grinned at me, it was tentative but it was still hopeful. I grinned back.
Then I turned us toward the stalls lined in front of us, wrapped my arm around her waist and she mine, and that way we walked back to our posse.
I searched for Teetru and found her holding folded bolts of material, my gold shimming grandly against five other fabrics in different colors that were pretty but nowhere near as luxurious. She was standing at the side of a stall that had a table that held nothing but a sparkling array of bangles. I let Sabine go and moved to her to see her finger extended, timidly touching a silver bangle that sparkled with inset blue stones.
I reached beyond her, picked up the bangle and she jumped, her head snapping to me.
“I am sorry, my golden –” she started to say but I looked at the merchant.
“I will take this for my Teetru,” I looked
down at the bangles and quickly selected four more that would compliment my girls, “and these.” I held them up to the merchant, he told me the price and I turned to Teetru, slid the pouch from her frozen hand, dug in and pulled out coins.
Then I realized I had no idea what value they carried and thus ensued a back and forth with Nahka coming forward to make sure I didn’t get gouged as I paid for my gifts. Once the payment had been made, Nahka faded back and I took Teetru’s forearm and slid the bangle on her wrist.
“Beautiful,” I said, my eyes moving to hers to see her head tipped down to the bangle.
Then it tipped back to me and I saw something I couldn’t read shining in her eyes.
“You cannot –” she started.
“Funny,” I cut her off on a smile, “I just did.”
Then before she could say another word, I slid my arm around her waist and pulled her away from the table. Then I let her go, dropped the other bangles in the pouch and handed it back to her.
“When we get back home, you can give those to the girls. The green one is for Jacanda, the yellow one, Gaal, the pink one, Beetus and the red one, Packa. Yes?”
“Yes, my golden queen,” she whispered, I smiled, lifted a hand and squeezed her upper arm then I looked to my girl posse who were all huddled together admiring a bolt of fabric the color of violet shot with copper that Narinda was holding out.
“Let’s get lunch!” I called and when the queen spoke, everyone listened.
So we got lunch.
But, even if I was queen, we’d been shopping for hours and I knew my girls had to be hungry.
Chapter Twenty-Five
The Attack
Late that afternoon, when Bain escorted me back to my cham, I knew it was the changing of the guard because I saw Zahnin standing outside.
I smiled at him, he tipped his chin up at me but for some weird reason he watched closely, his head turning to do it, as Teetru scurried beyond him and into the tent.
Then he turned back and called loudly to Bain, “Do not go far.”
I froze at these words but my neck moved so I could look back at Bain who was studying Zahnin intently. He gave a jerk of his chin to Zahnin then moved away. I watched him fade into the chams and turned back to Zahnin. Then I moved to him.
“Is something amiss?” I asked.
“I do not know,” he replied. “But I am warrior. I am trained since five to trust my instincts and my instincts tell me something is not right.”
Oh shit.
“What?” I asked.
“Again, my golden queen, I do not know. Let us just hope that my instincts are wrong.”
“Are they ever wrong?”
He held my gaze. Then he grunted, “Me.”
Great.
“You are safe,” he announced and I focused on him. “Nothing will harm you. Ever.”
The good news was, he sounded firm about that. Very firm.
I decided to leave it at the good news without exploring the bad partly because he sounded firm but mostly because he didn’t look in the mood to continue that particular conversation. And when Zahnin wasn’t in the mood to talk, queen or not, we didn’t talk.
So I decided to change the subject to something he would wish to talk about.
I got closer to him and said quietly, “All right, my protector, this goes against all the girl club rules but for her sake and yours, I’m going to share.”
He stared down his nose at me and crossed his arms on his chest. From my experience with Zahnin, I knew this meant I had his attention even though he likely had no clue what I was talking about at this present time.
“I had a chat with Sabine today,” I informed him, saw his eyes flash but that was all he gave me before I continued. “Or, she had one with me.”
I stopped talking and waited for his response.
He just stared at me.
Seriously, Sabine said he chatted with her but I couldn’t believe it. I knew he had words, just not many of them.
So I laid it out for him. “You’re in, Zahnin.”
That got a reaction. He blinked in puzzlement.
“I’m… in?” he asked
I grinned. “In. In. In,” I answered. “Whatever you’re doing and whatever you did a couple of nights ago,” I watched his body jerk slightly in surprise that I had this knowledge but again that was all he gave me so I kept right on talking, “she likes it. Like, a lot.”
He stared at me but said not a word.
I sighed. “What I’m saying is, you were her first, that didn’t go so well for, um… her so she has no idea what she’s doing but she wants…” I leaned in, “more. She just doesn’t know how to ask.”
There it was. His eyes warmed and his mouth curled up slightly at the sides. He got me and what he got was hot. Way hot. If I didn’t have the super hottest guy around, I would think it was ultra hot.
Boy, Sabine was going to get lucky.
“So, I advised she make a move and you’re going to have to watch for it,” I went on sharing. “It might be timid, shy maybe awkward and will definitely take some courage for her to do but she’s going to make a play, you’re going to need to receive it and take it from there… gently.”
“Right,” he grunted.
“I can’t stress enough that she’s still a little scared of you and her feelings. She’s not experienced. You’re going to have to teach her.”
The lip curl got bigger and he said low, “I can be a teacher.”
I bet he could. And he looked like he was looking forward to it.
Still, I cautioned, “A patient teacher.”
His lip curl spread into a smile.
“I can be a patient teacher,” he assured me.
Oh yeah. He was looking forward to that too.
Sabine was definitely going to get lucky.
I grinned up at him. Then I whispered, “Have fun, my protector.”
I moved to walk around him but he caught my bicep in his hand so I tipped my head back to look at him.
He dropped my arm as I noticed the smile had faded but intensity was deep in his eyes.
“Shahsha, kah rahna Dahksahna hahla,” he murmured.
“Lapay fahnahsan, kah jahnjee,” Be happy, my protector, I murmured back.
He jerked up his chin.
I moved around him and into my cham. As I moved in, Teetru was scurrying out. I smiled at her but she tipped her head slightly to the side in a weird way, not returning my smile, looking hurried and nervous and she left the tent with all due haste.
I stared at the flaps as they swung back in place behind her.
Okay, now my instincts, instincts I didn’t know until then I had were saying something wasn’t right.
I felt my body get tight as I gazed around the tent. The gold fabric I bought that day was laying folded on one of the trunks. My eyes moved and scanned as they did but nothing seemed different.
Until I saw the table.
And when I did, I stared at it.
Then, woodenly, I walked to it.
On it was the gleaming wooden box Bohtan had given me, opened, the dagger brilliant even in the muted light of the cham. At its side, a fold of blue fabric and on top of that, the blue bangle I gave Teetru. The money pouch was not there nor were any of the other bolts of fabric or bangles I’d bought the other girls. Teetru, I noticed, had carried the fabric out. The pouch she did not have but I reckoned she’d locked it away in its trunk.
I stared at the table and what was on it as a tingle slithered up my spine.
Then without thinking, my hand snaked out, I grabbed the dagger and screeched, “Zahnin!”
But it was too late.
From all around, I heard the sounds of ripping fabric and I looked to the side of the cham to see a dagger had been planted in it and was tearing through.
I whirled and took them in.
There were daggers all around!
Shit! I was surrounded!
My arm shot out and I grabbed a heavy cand
leholder in my left hand as I heard steel clash with steel at the front of the cham. The candle toppled off my holder as huge men with skin the color of Teetru’s pushed through the slashes in the cham.
“No!” I shrieked as they came at me.
Then, out of nowhere, something came over me and whatever it was was coming from inside me. In a weird way I saw but did not see. In a weird way my body was not at my command. It just moved of its own accord.
I bashed out with the candleholder with all my strength and caught the first man who got to me upside his head. His eyes rolled back into his head and he careened to the side as arms closed around me from behind, picking me up.
I kicked out with my feet with all my might as I turned the dagger in my hand and tried to strike at his head behind mine with the candleholder, and missed. But my tactic worked, he was having trouble defending himself at the same time containing me.
Then I kicked out with my feet again as I plunged the dagger back and connected its blade with the flesh at his side. He howled, his arms loosened and I was dropped to my feet. My fist still wrapped around the hilt, I yanked out the dagger, whirled and, even as I felt more hands start to close on my waist, quickly, before his hand could make it to the knife on his belt, I sunk my blade into his chest, aiming at his heart, then pulling it out.
My aim was true.
Blood spurted out and he dropped like a stone but another one had me.
For a second.
Then I heard a ferocious growl I’d never heard before in my life and I was suddenly free.
This was because my sweet, little tigress cub came out of nowhere and jumped him. Surprised by the attack, he stumbled to the side and her not-quite-so-baby-anymore tiger teeth went right for his jugular.
I had no time to watch, I was again captured from behind and this one came smart. The blade was nearing my throat before I tossed my dagger up, caught its handle and again thrust back, finding flesh. At the same time, I jerked my head back and it collided with his chin. He went back and I again moved the dagger in my hand, whirled and slashed out, opening skin at his chest.