It was the best night of my life, watching the man who loved me love his baby girl so freely. When Talon finally fell asleep that night, Graham and I headed to his bedroom and held each other before sleep overtook us.
“Lucille?” he whispered against my neck as I snuggled myself closer to his warmth.
“Yes?”
“I don’t want it to be true, but I want to prepare you. There’s going to come a time that I let you down. I don’t want to, but I think when people love each other, they sometimes let each other down.”
“Yes,” I nodded, knowingly. “But I am strong enough to lift myself back up. There will be a day that I let you down, too.”
“Yes,” he yawned before pulling my body closer to his. “But I’m certain on those days I’ll somehow love you more.”
The next morning, I was still on my high from Graham and Talon. That was until I went into work. Mari sat in the office at Monet’s Gardens with her fingers laced together as she examined the bookkeeping binders. Normally she handled the paperwork side of the business while I handled the front of the house. She was good at what she did, too, but when I walked into the office that afternoon, I could almost see the heavy cloud sitting over her.
I knew exactly what Mama would’ve said if she saw her baby girl in that moment.
Overthinking, again, my Mari Joy?
“What is it?” I asked, leaning against the doorframe.
She looked up at me, her brow knitted, and leaned back in her chair.
“Those are pretty much the most words you’ve said to me since I—”
“Moved back in with your ex?”
“My husband,” she corrected.
We hadn’t really spoken since the Parker situation exploded and she moved back in with him. I avoided all conversation about it, because I knew she’d made a choice. That was one thing about Mari—she overthought everything, but when she made her final decision, she followed through. There was nothing I could say to make her leave the monster she was currently sharing a bed with.
All I could do was patiently wait to piece her heart back together when he destroyed her—again.
“What is it?” I asked, nodding toward the paperwork.
She shook her head. “Nothing. I’m just trying to figure out numbers.”
“It’s not nothing,” I disagreed, walking over to the desk and sitting across from her. “You have that look about you.”
“That look?” she asked.
“You know, your worried look.”
“What are you talking about? I don’t have a worried look.”
I gave her an are-you-seriously-trying-to-say-you-don’t-have-a-worried-look look.
She sighed. “I don’t think we can keep Chrissy on staff.”
“What? She’s great. She’s actually way too good—better than both of us. We need her. I was actually going to talk to you about giving her a raise.”
“That’s the thing, Lucy, we don’t have the money to give her a raise. We hardly have enough to keep her here. I think it’s best if we let her go.”
I narrowed my eyes, confused by her words and certain they had been tainted. “Is this you or Parker talking?”
“I’m my own person, Lucy, with a college degree. This is me.”
“She loves her job,” I told her.
Mari slightly shrugged. “I like her, too, but this is business, nothing personal.”
“Now you sound like Lyric,” I huffed. “All business, no heart.”
“She has heart, Lucy. The two of you together just never really worked.”
I cocked an eyebrow, flabbergasted by Mari backing up Lyric. “She left her child, Mari.”
“We all make mistakes.”
“Yes.” I nodded slowly, still confused. “But a mistake is spilling milk, burning a pizza, missing an anniversary. Walking out on your newborn child who was in the NICU for weeks? Staying gone when the child is fully okay? That’s not a mistake—that’s a choice.”
She grimaced. “I just think it’s odd how involved you are with it all. I mean, you didn’t even know Graham, and it’s clear that you and Lyric have your issues. Why make things worse? It just doesn’t make sense. It’s not normal.”
“You could get to know her more too, you know. She’s your niece, our niece. We are throwing her a first birthday party next weekend…maybe if you come, you’ll understand.”
“We are throwing her a party? We? Don’t you see how that’s weird? Lucy, she’s not your daughter.”
“I know that. I’m just helping Graham—”
“You’re living with him.”
“You kicked me out!”
She shook her head. “I didn’t kick you out exactly, and I definitely didn’t push you into his home. Your heart did that.”
“Stop,” I said, my voice growing low as a knot formed in my stomach.
Mari gave me her knowing stare. “Lucy, I know you’re falling for him.”
I blinked away some tears that were trying to fall. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You have no clue what you’re talking about.”
“You’re making a mistake. He was with Lyric. She’s your sister,” Mari exclaimed. “I know you live by your emotions, but this isn’t right.”
I bit my bottom lip, feeling my anger building. “Oh, right, because you are the world’s most knowledgeable on what a relationship should look like.”
“A relationship?” she hissed. “Lucy, you’re not in a relationship with Graham Russell. I know this will hurt to hear, but I get Lyric when it comes to you. You’re too much like Mama. You’re too free, and freedom can be suffocating. If you settle down, don’t settle for him. He’s not yours to love.”
I didn’t know what to do. The burning in my chest was so painful. I parted my lips to speak, but no sound came out. I couldn’t think of the words I needed to say, so I turned around and left.
It didn’t take long for me to find myself in nature. I headed to my favorite running trail, took a deep breath in, and let a heavy breath out before I started to run. I ran through the trees, allowing the air to slap against my skin as I ran faster and faster, trying to rid myself of the hurt and confusion.
Part of me hated Mari for the words she spoke, but another part wondered how right she was.
In my mind, I played out the fairy tale of what Graham and I would be. Selfishly, I thought how it could be if maybe someday our love led to forever. Selfishly, I allowed myself to feel completely.
I was a dreamer, like my mother, and while I’d always adored that fact, I was slowly beginning to see her flaws. She floated more than she walked, skipped more than she stood, and no matter what, she never faced reality.
So, whenever reality came for her, she was always alone.
That terrified me—being alone.
But not being with Graham and Talon terrified me more than anything.
When I arrived at Graham’s house, I didn’t have the nerve to walk inside. Even the run hadn’t cleared my mind, so instead, I went and sat in the backyard near Ollie’s tree. I sat with my legs crossed, staring at the tiny tree that had so many years of growth to go. I stayed there for seconds, minutes, hours. It wasn’t until the sun started setting that Graham joined me outside. He was dressed in a perfectly fitted suit and looked out of this world amazing. I felt awful missing our date, but I knew due to my emotions I wouldn’t have been ready to go out with him. Mari put more guilt in my heart than I knew I could hold. Maybe I was being naïve about the way Graham made me feel…maybe I was being foolish.
“Hi,” he said.
“Hi,” I replied.
He sat.
He stared.
He spoke.
“You’re sad.”
I nodded. “Yes.”
“You’ve been here for four hours.”
“I know.”
“I wanted to give you space.”
“Thank you.”
He nodded. “I think you’ve had enough space, though. You can onl
y be alone for so long before you start convincing yourself you deserve to be that way—trust me, I know—and you, Lucille Hope Palmer, do not deserve to be alone.”
No more words were exchanged, but the feeling of wholeness was loud and clear. If only the world could feel the way our hearts beat as one, then maybe they wouldn’t be so harsh to judge our connection.
“This is a terrible first date.” I laughed, nerves shaking my vocals.
He reached into his suit pocket, pulled out a pack of licorice, and handed it to me. “Better?” he asked.
I sighed and nodded once before opening the package. “Better.” Being beside him always felt right to me. Like home.
In that way, I was different than Mama. While she always wanted to float away, my heart craved to stay beside Graham Russell.
For the first time in my life, I desperately wanted to stand on solid ground.
“You should call her,” I told Lucy as she went around the house, making up reasons to keep distracted. For months, she and her sister Mari hadn’t talked about anything but work-related issues, but apparently they’d had a big falling out over something a few days before. I could tell the issues were eating her alive, but she tried her best not to talk about it.
“It’s fine. We’re fine,” she replied.
“Liar.”
She turned to me and cocked an eyebrow. “Don’t you have a book to finish or something?”
I smiled at her sassiness.
I loved that side of her.
I loved all sides of her.
“I’m just saying, you miss her.”
“I don’t,” she said, her poker face communicating the complete opposite of her words. She bit her bottom lip. “Do you think she’s happy? I don’t think she’s happy. Never mind. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Lucil—”
“I mean, he literally left her during the worst days of her life. Who does that?! Whatever, it’s her life. I’m done talking about it.”
“Okay,” I agreed.
“I mean, he’s a monster! And he’s not even a cute monster! I just hate him, and I’m so angry with her for choosing him over me, over us. And now this afternoon is Talon’s first birthday party, and Mari won’t even be here for it! I can’t believe—oh crap!” she screamed, running into the kitchen. I followed right behind her to witness her pulling out Talon’s chocolate cake, which was badly burned. “No, no, no,” she said, placing it on the countertop.
“Breathe,” I told her, walking behind her and placing my hands on her shoulders. Her eyes watered over and I laughed. “It’s just a cake, Lucille. It’s okay.”
“No! No, it’s not okay,” she said, turning her body around to face me. “We were going to backpack across Europe. We started saving up when she got sick. We started a ‘Negative Thoughts’ jar and every time we thought something negative about her diagnosis or fear took over our minds, we had to put a coin in the jar. After the first week, the jar was filled to the brim, and we had to get another jar. She wanted to go right after she was in remission, but I was too scared. I was afraid she might not be strong enough, that it might be too soon, so I kept her home. I kept her locked away, because I wasn’t strong enough to get on a plane with her.” I swallowed hard. “And now she’s not talking to me, and I’m not talking to her. She’s my best friend.”
“She’ll come around.”
“I invited her today, for Talon’s party. That’s what started the argument.”
“Why was that an issue?”
“She…” Lucy’s voice cracked and she took a deep breath as we stood just inches apart. “She thinks this is all wrong, you and me, Talon. She thinks it’s weird.”
“It is weird,” I told her. “But that doesn’t mean it’s not right.”
“She told me you’re not mine. She said you’re not mine to love.”
Before I could reply, the doorbell rang, and she tore herself away from me, finding a fake smile to plaster on her face. “It’s fine, really. I’m just upset that I burned the cake. I’ll get the door.”
I stood there, staring at the cake, and then I pulled out a knife to see if perhaps I could somehow save it by scraping off some of the inedible parts. Lucy needed a win that day. She needed something to make her smile.
“Oh my God,” I heard from the other room. Lucy’s voice sounded terrified, and when I walked into the living room, I knew exactly why.
“Jane,” I muttered, staring at her standing in my doorway with a teddy bear and a gift in her other hand. “What the hell are you doing here?”
She parted her lips to speak, but then her eyes traveled back to Lucy. “What are you doing here?” she asked her, a bit of a sting lacing her words. “Why on earth would you be here?”
“I…” Lucy started, but I could tell her nerves were too shaken for words to come out.
“Jane, what are you doing here?” I asked her once more.
“I…” Her voice shook the same way Lucy’s had a moment before. “I wanted to see my daughter.”
“Your daughter?” I huffed, stunned by the nerve she had to walk into my home and use those words.
“I…can we talk, Graham?” Jane asked. Her eyes darted to Lucy, and she narrowed them. “Alone?”
“Anything you say can be said in front of Lucille,” I told her.
Lucy’s already bruised heart was taking another beating. “No, it’s okay. I’ll go. I should probably get some work done at the floral shop, anyway. I’ll just grab my coat.”
As she walked past me, I lightly grabbed her arm and whispered, “You do not have to go.”
She nodded her head slowly. “I just think it’s best if you two talk. I don’t want to cause any more issues.”
She gave my hand a light squeeze then let go. When she grabbed her coat, she walked straight out of the house without another word, and the room somehow filled with darkness.
“What is it you want, Jane?”
“It’s been a year, Graham. I just want to see her.”
“What makes you think you have any right to see her? You abandoned her.”
“I was scared.”
“You were selfish.”
She grimaced and shifted around in her shoes. “Still, you need to let me see her. As her mother, I deserve that much. It’s my right.”
“Mother?” I hissed, my gut filled with disgust. Being a mother didn’t simply mean giving birth. Being a mother meant late-night feedings. Being a mother meant sleeping next to a crib because your child was sick and you needed to watch their breaths. Being a mother meant knowing Talon hated teddy bears. Being a mother meant you stayed.
Jane was not a mother, not for a minute.
She was a stranger to my child. A stranger in my house.
A stranger to me.
“You need to leave,” I told her, uneasy about the fact that she apparently believed she could walk back into our lives after all this time.
“Are you sleeping with Lucy?” she questioned, throwing me for a complete loop.
“Excuse me?” I felt it form in my gut and start rising to my throat—my anger. “You abandoned your daughter months ago. You left without more than a bullshit note. You didn’t take a second to look back once. Yet now, you think you have the right to ask me something like that? No, Jane. You don’t get to ask me questions.”
She pushed her shoulders back. Although she stood tall in her high heels, there was a tremble in her voice. “I don’t want her near my child.”
I walked over to the front door and opened it. “Goodbye, Jane.”
“I’m your wife, Graham. Talon shouldn’t be around someone like Lucy. She’s a toxic person. I deserve—”
“Nothing!” I hollered, my voice hitting a new height of anger, panic, and disgust. “You deserve nothing.” She’d crossed a line by using the word wife. She’d crossed a bigger line by speaking ill of Lucy, the one who had stayed. She’d crossed the biggest line by saying how Talon should be raised. “Leave!” I shouted once more.
The second I hollered, Talon started crying and I swallowed hard.
I had grown up in a home with screaming, and it was the last thing I ever wanted my daughter to witness.
My voice dropped low. “Please, Jane. Just go.”
She stepped outside, her head still held high. “Think about what you’re about to do, Graham. If you slam this door, it means we must fight. If you slam this door, it means there’s going to be a war.”
With no thought needed, I replied, “I’ll have my lawyers call yours.”
With that, I slammed the door.
“Lyric’s back in town,” I said, hurrying into Monet’s Gardens where Mari was putting together a new window display.
She glanced over at me and gave me a small nod. “Yeah, I know.”
“What?” I asked, surprised. “When did you find out?”
“I saw her two days ago. She stopped by Parker’s place to talk.” The way the words rolled off her tongue so effortlessly and carelessly confused me. Who had taken my sister, my favorite person in the world, and changed her?
What had happened to my Mari?
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, my chest hurting as my heart began to crack. “You saw me yesterday.”
“I was going to mention it, but our last conversation didn’t lead to the best place. You stormed off,” she told me, picking up the vase and moving it over to the windows. “And what does it matter if she’s back? Her family is here, Lucy.”
“She abandoned them for months. She left her newborn in the NICU because she was selfish. Don’t you think it’s terrible for her to just walk back into Graham’s life? Into Talon’s life?”
“We don’t really get a say in that, Lucy. It’s none of our business.”
More pieces of my heart shattered, and Mari acted as if she didn’t even care.
“But…” Mari took a deep breath and crossed her arms, looking my way. “We do have to talk about the business. I thought I could hold out for a while longer, but since we’re here now, we might as well talk.”