NINE
You only truly knowest what you have when it be taken from you.
Julius Mann, Collection, vol. 5, ch. 1
Roy spent the Friday repairing the desecrated graves. He cleaned up the misplaced dirt and rotten wood that could only have come from the long-buried coffins. He put everything back into each grave to help fill the void. To finish off, he transported mats of grass from the neighbouring unused section. He did his best to restore the broken headstones. He knew most of them had been broken for years, but it was a good time to fix them up.
The dog shot by the police had been put into a temporary shallow grave, and Roy took the opportunity to prepare a better place. He found a small piece of land away from the other graves, and once he had it buried he placed a rock to mark the spot. He hated seeing animals treated badly, and he regretted that it did not have better owners.
On the Saturday Roy worked on restoring the inside of the church, especially the auditorium which the street people had done their best of ruin. To the sound of loudly whistled hymns, he hammered and sawed his way through the day, repairing the pews and pulpit. Then he carefully vacuumed the carpet. In the end he was satisfied that it looked almost as good as new. He smiled and congratulated himself, saying that he was going to make it work. He was getting his church back.
An important part of Kingdomite worship service was the role of the deacon. Lenny was the perfect choice to stand in for his two missing deacons, and it heartened Roy that he agreed. It was Roy’s dream for Lenny to be added to his staff, and his agreement to stand in was another sign that it was all coming together.
On the Friday Roy had put Lenny though a crash-course in the deacon’s duties. The hardest part was in breaking the news that Lenny would need to fast through Saturday, to make himself spiritually pure for the Sunday service. When Roy saw him on Sunday morning he could see by his anxious expression that he had kept what was generally acknowledged as the most difficult part of the deacon’s role.
The Sunday morning was overcast and cold, with a strong sea wind, but Roy was overjoyed. Lenny was the first to arrive, as was expected. The second to arrive was Pete Carter with his wife Susie. Pete was to substitute in another important role, that of Church Elder. Russell Heslin had been a great example of an elder, and always exceeded his duty by arriving early, well before Roy. Pete thought he had to do the same thing and arrive early, and Roy was not about to stop him. The elder’s role was to act as a secular overseer, leaving the spiritual to the priest and his deacons. It was a voluntary and unpaid position, but one that carried notable status within the church. Pete had told Roy on Friday night that he felt honoured to stand in for Russell.
With Lenny at the front of the church next to the altar, quietly going through his assigned prayers, and Pete watching him from the pews with his arms folded in a serious manner, Roy waited for the others from the front doorway.
Shari-Anne drove into the car park in her old blue car that mostly comprised of large sections of rust. Roy saw Ida Zarman in the front seat, and he allowed himself a smile as he recalled Ida’s usual transport to the church. Her friend Ruth Vessey would drive like a hot-blooded teenager, although she would have soon been seventy. Week after week Ruth would pull into the car park with her wheels screaming. With her absence it did not seem like a real Sunday service. Even a mid-week prayer meeting would attract more people. Roy told himself to act like everything was normal.
He welcomed the attendees as warmly as ever when they stepped into the foyer, and handed each a book of hymns. All wore long, flowing dresses; their Sunday best. Ida walked slowly, carrying a stick in one hand and her big black Bible in the other.
Shari marched her two children in front of her. There was little family resemblance between them. Nine-year-old Kathy Berzonsky was dark with short black hair, and her sister two years younger, Veronica Rhoades, was fair with straight blond hair. Shari had brown hair with a hint of red. Her face was always sullen, and if she ever smiled it would not be much. Roy knew she carried a big shield to hide her emotions. Many counsellors and ministers had failed to help her, and Roy hoped he would be the one to break through and find the real Shari.
As Roy watched them go through to find their usual places, he considered what he should do about the Sunday School. Annie always handled it so well. He did have Susie Carter to call on to act as a teacher, and she was the ideal stand-in. But after he heard that Susie’s three children were missing, along with her niece, he knew he should not put any further burden on her. As he looked back to Shari’s two girls he hoped his decision would be the right one. For the first time in his career, he cancelled the Sunday School. It would also be the first time he would give a serious sermon with children watching. It would make it seem all the more abnormal.
At precisely ten a.m. Roy stepped up to the pulpit. He nodded to Lenny at the altar, who looked relieved and turned for the seats.
“May the deacon now take up his position, please?” Roy said with his voice controlled and measured, perfectly toned to blend with the spiritual atmosphere.
Lenny looked at him and gave an embarrassed smile as he nodded and continued walking past the pews and to the place halfway down the wall to Roy’s right, where the deacon must stand. He was meant to be softly praying under his breath for the entire service, to act as “a pillar of spiritual strength”, but Roy knew that it would be good enough for their meeting if he just managed to stay there without moving.
Roy gave the traditional opening prayer and then decided to dispense with the usual word of welcome to visitors. Next up was the hymns. None of his usual choir singers were present, and he knew there would be no point in trying to fill the area on the far left next to the piano. One part of the usual service he was not prepared to go without was the musical backing.
“Is there anyone present who can play the piano for us?” he asked the small group. He received blank stares. “Lenny, can you help us out?”
“No, Reverend,” Lenny said so quietly that Roy had trouble picking it up.
“I’m sure you can give it a go?” Roy encouraged him. He knew he played in the church’s youth band; surely he could make some sort of musical noise for them.
“I only play guitar. I’m sorry, I didn’t know you wanted me to bring it. I would have if you wanted me to, Reverend.”
Roy looked back to those in the pews; four adults and two fidgeting children. “Anyone?”
“Well, actually …” Shari said with a timid and hesitant wave in the air to catch his attention.
“Yes? Don’t be shy. This is not meant to be a one-way conversation, you know. Please, everyone, speak up if you want to say something, anything at all.”
“Really?” asked Pete, unsure if he should say even that.
“Of course,” Roy said with a smile, remembering that such a line worked better with a large audience. “You were about to say something, Shari?”
“Only that Kathy here has been taking piano lessons. I don’t know if she can be of any help?”
Her oldest daughter immediately leaned toward her mother and protested. In the near-deserted room her voice was easily heard. “No, I don’t want to.”
“Yes, of course,” said Roy. “It’ll be all right, Kathy,” he encouraged her as he gestured to her, his palms open, indicating toward the piano.
“She only knows a few basic notes,” Shari said as she made Kathy stand up. “She can’t read sheet music or anything. Will that be all right?”
“Of course,” said Roy. “Just give us some sort of musical backing, Kathy.”
“Please do, Kathy,” Ida said with a grandmotherly voice. “For God hast perfected praise from his young ones.”
The girl went to the aisle and walked to the piano, her arms ridged at her side. After doubtfully trying a few keys, she sat down and began playing her practice notes. Roy led them in four hymns before he could stand it no more, even though Ida’s strong and beautiful voice saved them from complete disaster.
“Thank
you, Kathy. You may now step down.”
She ran back to her seat, where she folded her arms and stared at the floor. Shari and Ida whispered encouragement to her, but she ignored them.
“Let us now stand to sing the Ode of Reconciliation, while those in need attend the altar for prayer,” Roy said with formality. “Deacon, please take up your position at the altar.”
They all stood and turned to the first page of their hymnals as Lenny returned to the front. The Ode was ever meant to be sung quietly and with reverence, and was the accompaniment to the special time of prayer. Roy assumed this part of the service would be the most uneventful. During a normal service no more than five people would go up, and as he watched the few before him he saw no sign of movement. Due to the shortened time of singing the hymns, he made them sing the entire five minute Ode. Satisfied it was a long enough time, he signalled the end of the ritual.
“Let us be seated. Deacon, you may step back to your place. Let us now turn to out Bibles, and the book of Exodus, from where I would like to begin by looking at how Moses was prepared by God for his journey to Egypt to confront Pharaoh.” It was part of an extensive look at the Exodus story that Roy had planned to give them for the rest of the year.
“Ah, excuse me a minute, Reverend,” said Pete, concerned.
“Yes?”
“Ah, you said you didn’t mind if we speak?”
“Of course, Pete. What is it?”
“I don’t think Lenny is acting in his deacon role right now.”
Roy looked back to Lenny and saw him standing next to the altar with his head bowed. “Deacon, you can now resume your place,” he said to him with his voice raised slightly higher.
Lenny remained unmoved.
“I think he may be wanting prayer,” said Pete.
Roy ignored Pete and walked over to the altar. “Lenny, I’m now starting my sermon,” he said with a low voice that he assumed only Lenny could hear. “You can retire from the altar now. We have finished the Ode.”
“I want prayer, Reverend.”
Roy told himself to be patient. The deacon was meant to be spiritually pure, due to the fasting and continual praying.
“Lenny, if you want to be prayed for, then I’ll do it later. But for now you must return to your place. You are out of order.”
“I don’t want to return there. I’m not really a deacon.”
“You are for today. Please co-operate. We must follow church protocol. The deacon does not receive prayer; he is here to administer it to the laity.”
“How can I do that for myself?”
His voice was growing louder, and Roy knew he was fighting a losing battle. Kid gloves, he told himself.
“All right, I’ll give you prayer. What is your need?”
“I want to hear from God.”
Roy fought to control his emotions. He was meant to have the unflustered manner akin to any minister. It was the place of the priest to hear from God, and occasionally the deacon, but only if he was officially ordained. Surely Lenny knew that.
“You are making this very difficult for me, Lenny. Why didn’t you talk about this earlier?”
“I’m desperate. I want to know what to do. Seeing how there’s so few of us left, it’s making me real worried, about how we’re going to stay together, and stay strong in the faith.”
“All right, then. What, exactly, do you want to hear from God about?”
“I want to know what to do to survive the Great Tribulation.”
Roy took a deep breath to keep himself calm. “If you want to discuss that then come back and see me in my office after the service. For now please return to your place.”
Roy walked back to the pulpit, congratulating himself for requesting Lenny to meet with him later to discuss the rapture. He had done it without letting Lenny know how eager he was to learn from him.
“But I want to know about it now,” said Lenny, still at the altar.
“Lenny, you should be more respectful to our Reverend,” said Ida.
“Thank you, Ida,” Roy said from the pulpit.
“Don’t any of you want to know what to do?” Lenny said to them all. “I think we should be discussing it now, not later. This is really important, and I don’t see what it has to do with some old story about Moses.”
“You’re disrupting our service, Lenny,” said Pete.
Roy was encouraged to see Pete getting involved. The situation was exactly when the elder should act; a disruption to the church service. Roy only wished it had not come about through a deacon not doing what he should. He hoped the incident would not be reported to Chichester.
“Lenny,” said Roy, “if you no longer wish to be the deacon, then please take a seat. And I will promise I will talk about it with you later. We are right in the middle of our service, and you are disrupting the order.”
“What does the service matter anyhow?” Lenny responded with a raised voice. “We’ve got other things going on around us. It’s the Great Tribulation coming. Doesn’t anyone else here want to know what we should be doing to survive it? I’m sure you want to know.”
“No, they do not,” Roy said with a strict tone to his voice.
“Well, actually, I wouldn’t mind hearing about that,” said Susie.
“See?” said Lenny.
Roy gave Susie a look to say she should not have spoken out. Susie looked to Pete, who looked at the floor.
“We’ll discuss it later, Lenny, in my office,” said Roy. “And if anyone else wishes to join us then you are quite free to do so.” He recalculated how he could learn from Lenny with other people there. He would have to be shrewd with his questions.
“Do you mean you will be discussing the Great Tribulation later on in your office?” asked Susie.
“Yes, that’s right,” Roy replied without looking at her as he tidied the pages of notes on his pulpit. He wished he could start his sermon. He thought it was one of his better sermons, and writing it had given him the lift he needed.
“I wouldn’t mind having a listen to what you have to say,” said Shari. She turned to Ida and said, “I could take you home first, if you want.”
“Oh, don’t worry about me, dear,” said Ida. “In fact, I wouldn’t mind listening in either, if it isn’t too much trouble.”
“You see?” Lenny said to Roy with excitement. “We all want to talk about it!”
“Well, I don’t want to talk about it!” Roy snapped at him.
With horror Roy realised he had lost his soothing minister-style voice, and replaced it with a display of impatience. There was an awkward silence as Roy continued to tidy his notes. It was so quiet that they could hear some people talking outside on the street.
Roy looked up and saw their glum faces. Lenny was not content to keep his peace. He was seated in the pew in front of Ida and Shari. Pete was looking at the high window and Susie was saying something to him. Roy saw that he should be more open to their needs. It was a time of crisis, not a time for him to lord it over them. He was being too keen to do his own thing. This was all the church he had left; he did not want to lose them too.
“I’m sorry, Lenny,” said Roy. “Aren’t we getting a bit ahead of ourselves? You yourself may be convinced about this Great Tribulation, but I don’t know if everyone else shares your opinion.”
“Don’t you think you’ve missed the rapture, Reverend?” asked Susie. “Pete says we must have, and I think we have too.”
“During such an hour of crisis,” said Roy, “we must be careful to not get carried away by any idea that owes more to emotionalism and not to sound reason. If the miraculous event known as the rapture had happened, then the signs of it would be obvious.”
“Well, it looks pretty obvious to me,” said Lenny. “I know why we missed it, but I can’t speak for the others. If you think about it, there was no way I could have been raptured, not when I was involved in—”
“Let me finish, please,” Roy gently interrupted.
“But I do
n’t know why any of you missed it,” Lenny went on with growing enthusiasm. “Perhaps you’re got some secret sin you’re hiding too.” He stood up, turning his back on Roy and looking to the others. “How else do you explain the fact you’ve been rejected by God and missed the rapture?”
“You think God’s rejected us?” asked Shari.
“Oh, how dreadful,” Susie said as her hands went to cover her mouth.
“I know that I have not been all that committed to this church,” said Shari.
“God has not rejected anyone,” said Roy, desperate to regain control. “Lenny, I you could please be seated?” He was now more demanding in his voice, and Lenny obeyed without a word.
The turn of subject matter had annoyed Roy the most. They had moved to a doctrine never taught in his church, and one that affected their foundation beliefs. Roy may have wanted to learn what he could about the rapture, but he was not about to let it walk all over his church doctrines. Carefully, and strictly to discourage any outbursts, he covered the basic tenets of the doctrine of justification by grace through faith.
“Therefore we are ensured a place in God’s sight due to his Son’s sacrificial blood, which can never be revoked,” he said as his conclusion. Twelve minutes had been spent on this re-education, and the congregation had become subdued.
“If we haven’t missed the rapture, how else do you explain what’s going on?” Lenny asked as he stood up. He was far more agitated than before, challenging Roy to give him a straight and convincing answer.
“I prefer to leave that question to be answered by the authorities. They are working on it and in my opinion are in the best position to find the answer. We’ll just have to wait.”
“They’re taking a long time about it, aren’t they?” asked Lenny. “It’s already been a week. How much longer are you going to give them before you admit we’ve missed the rapture?”
“Are you telling us you don’t believe the rapture’s happened, Reverend?” Shari asked, talking over Lenny.
“Regarding the rapture,” said Roy, “I do not think it is right to say what has happened. Not until we can confirm it.”
“Is that why you’ve been telling us you can’t be rejected by God?” asked Shari.
“Yes. You cannot say you believe in one doctrine of truth and then also believes in another that contradicts.”
“But what if you’re wrong about your doctrines?” asked Shari.
“Don’t worry about that,” Lenny said to Shari. “We have more important things to think about. The first thing is what we should do with the food, before the shortages start.”
Pete stood up, visibly angry at Lenny. “Sit down, Lenny. Let the Reverend finish, will you? We must respect his position as out priest. This is still a worship service, and I’m the acting elder here.”
Lenny ignored Pete and walked sideways along the pew to get to the centre aisle. “I think we should go somewhere else to discuss this,” he said to Shari.
“Lenny, what do you think you’re doing?” asked Roy. No, Lenny, you can’t go! he wished he could say to him. He admonished himself for laying down church doctrines too strongly; he could not afford to scare Lenny away.
“Do you want me to restrain him?” Pete asked Roy as he moved toward the aisle, ready to get Lenny as he passed.
“No offence, Reverend,” said Lenny, “but I just think we should be making plans about what to do in the next seven years. All those who want to join me, come with me out to the foyer.”
No one else made a move to join him, but they all looked for Roy’s reaction.
“You can’t do that,” said Roy.
“Do you want me to restrain him?” Pete asked Roy more urgently as Lenny stormed past him.
“Lenny!” Roy called. “You can’t walk out like this. We need you here.”
“For what?” Lenny asked Roy from the doorway. “I’m not fitting in. I couldn’t do the deacon thing right. I don’t want to hear your sermon. I’ve got other things on my mind, you know?”
“You are of value to us,” Roy said, his voice now pleading.
“Value? How could I be of value? I’m disrupting everything.”
Roy looked at his young friend lingering in the doorway, and knew that if he let him go he might never come back. And he did know him, more than anyone knew. But he could not bring himself to say it, not there, not from the pulpit, not when he was meant to be the one on charge of proceedings, the one in control.
Lenny had the books. If the rapture were true, and they missed it, then Lenny’s books and knowledge were crucial. Roy had no option but to admit it. He had to plead with him to return.
“I want you here, Lenny. I need you here; we all do, to tell us what you know. You can’t leave us. Not now. We must know what may be ahead of us. You must tell us what you know about it.”
Saying the words made Roy lose concentration. He felt shaky and short of breath. Never in all his years of ministry or training had he felt the need to admit help from a member of the laity.
He looked down to his notes and sought to regain his composure. He looked back to Lenny and could not believe his eyes. Lenny was racing toward him, down the centre aisle. His face showed stark terror. He ran past the startled Pete who was still waiting for an order to restrain him.
“They’re coming!” Lenny shouted. “We’ve got to get out, quick!”
Pete turned and ran to the front door, but before he was at the door he turned back and shouted the same thing as Lenny.
Roy watched in stunned amazement as three youths dressed in black with hoods over their faces burst in. They were waving burning bundles of sticks, and they threw them, scattering them all over the church. Both Shari and Susie shrieked with fright as they moved from their seats.
Behind the youths came others, identical to them, and within moments the air was littered with smoke. They ran in, threw a bundle, ran out. Most of the bundles sat smoking on the carpet, with no fire spreading. Both Lenny and Pete helped the others out the side door which led to the offices and the back door. Roy did nothing but watch on, unable to move from his pulpit.
Then another strode in, the last, also decked in black with his face covered. He had a cigarette hanging from his mouth and in his hands was a canister.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Roy shouted at him. He found his voice but not his sense to flee.
The man seemed to take pleasure in ignoring Roy as he emptied clear liquid from the canister on nearby pews and then made a trail back to the front door. Roy watched him dumbfounded. With a snigger the man took the cigarette from his mouth and dropped it on the trail before turning and running out the door.
Coming to his senses, Roy lurched for the side door, just before an explosion of smoke and shards of wood. The force battered Roy into the wall and he rebounded out the door, to be grabbed by Lenny, who then slammed the door shut. Roy’s jacket had caught fire, and Lenny tore it off with one action. Some flames caught Roy’s trousers, and he fell as he tried to pull them off. With the walls smoking and the heat increasing, Lenny nearly dragged Roy to the back door as he shed his trousers.
Once outside, Roy and Lenny staggered coughing to the empty section where the others had gathered. They were all too shocked to say anything intelligible. Behind them, further back in the empty section, a group of onlookers had assembled, content to do nothing but enjoy the show. In front of the church on the street, even more people gathered, some cheering at the sight before them.
Roy disregarded the pain from his burns and his state of dress; only shirt, tie and underwear. He stood and stared, not wanting to believe what he saw. His church was now a mass of flame, topped with billowing smoke. The walls were fast disappearing, and gaping holes were appearing in the roof. As he looked up he saw what he thought was an addition to the roof. He knew nothing was meant to be up there, but his eyes told him otherwise. With a rush of terror he realised what it was, and even worse, the intended message for him. Soon to be engulfed in fla
me, was a pole with a head on the end; a dog’s head. Roy looked at the dog’s grave, and the rock he had placed to mark it. It was now a hole, and the rock missing.
He looked away, tears flooding his eyes. As he cleared his eyes he saw that the others had gone. He realised he had been mesmerised over what he was seeing, and missed their sympathetic encouragement, if there was any. He could not blame them for leaving. He no longer wished to be their leader, or any sort of leader. What was the point when this was the result?
Fire-fighters duly arrived. They were too late to save the building and were content to make sure it did not spread to any of the neighbouring properties. One approached Roy; tall but loaded down with protective clothing and various equipment.
“Did you call this in?”
“No.”
“You know what happened?”
“Now there is nothing.”
“Huh?”
“Now I am nothing.”
“What are you talking about, pal? Are you okay?”
Roy turned from him and walked away, unable to bear looking at it any longer; unable to think about facing the consequences.