Chapter Two – The Bible as Literature Class
“I swear, I am not lyin’.” Keith heard the whisper and started to hunt for the new target of The Eyeball, but the next words froze him in disbelief. “She flies into the room like a for real nutcase, throws down a pile a’ books –Bam! – throws down a bunch a’ keys – crash! An’ then, like, when she’s all the way up there at her desk, she, like, pries open her eyelids, and says ‘Can anybody see my contact? I know it’s in there!’
The floor shook with the stifled giggles. Keith casually dropped a hand behind his chair and extended one finger.
“It’s one! Shut up!” hissed a different voice.
Principal Bradley moved along down his list. The blonde reporter got fidgety and checked her watch repeatedly.
“This year we are offering ‘The Bible as Literature’ as an English elective to our upper-level students,” his dad said.
Keith about fell off his chair. He heard clinking and risked a glance at Ms. Ramin, who was in the middle of a fist-pump and seemed to be showing off all her perfect teeth between her perfect –
Eyes front. Keith swiveled his head forward. The reporter had come to life. She crouched like a panther ready to spring. She made savage motions to the cameraman and stabbed at the stage. He switched from panning the crowd to a tight focus on the platform. The blonde swiped hard and sharp on a tablet she clutched in her hands.
His dad continued speaking. “Just when we were sure the Bible was never coming back into the schools, we find out God just won’t let the secularists have their way. Our new English literature teacher, Ms. Ramin, will be handling this course, and if you still need an elective in your schedule, I encourage you to sign up. She has a very impressive course plan worked out, including a trip overseas during spring break to study a part of Bible history I’ll bet most of you had no idea existed. I know it was news to me. Greece will be the jumping-off point, and she told me about parts of Turkey …”
“Greece!” The whispered rippled up and down the rows of chairs.
“Turkey?” Even the teachers exchanged longing looks.
Keith foresaw lots of volunteers signing up to chaperone. Good, because I'm not going to be in Greece or Turkey come spring break. The course he had finished yesterday was just the beginning of getting back on track with his master's. The convention during spring break was going to be critical to keeping him within the window to complete his degree.
“Ms. Ramin, please come up and briefly tell us what this course will include,” Keith’s dad invited.
Ms Ramin popped out of her seat and clicked her way up to the platform.
Keith saw designer boots with four-inch heels, and one of those skirts – what did his sister call them? Gypsy, maybe? It had so many folds and different lengths and cool colors and embroidery and it swished around her.
“I am so privileged to be here at Brady Central – ”
“Bradley!” muttered a legion of whisperers. Even Keith’s dad cringed and mouthed it. She went on, oblivious.
Keith tried to make himself ignore all that because the reporter was having some kind of fit. She swiped her tablet and motioned to the cameraman. What is this all about?
“I am so excited about this course!” Ms. Ramin said. “As you go out the door, you can pick up a T-shirt – ” She held up a black shirt with gold bands across the chest and the words Have Faith splashed around in a graphic layout. “I got all sizes, and everybody can take one, even if you aren’t taking the class. We will not just be explaining how ancient literature compares to the Bible. We are going to learn how to be discerning about ancient writings – how to tell truth from error in what's being taught by historians, archaeologists. This course will prepare you to know truth when you see it. If you’ve got room in your schedule, you should sign up.”
“Mr. Bradley, are you gonna sign up?” Keith froze and flushed. Snickers broke out and he dropped his hand with two fingers. Silence prevailed.
“And I’m so happy to have the help of somebody I hear is this school’s best teacher. I’ll be team-teaching the class with –” She bobbed her head, checking some notes – “Mr. Keith Bradley, your science teacher. Thanks so much for volunteering, Mr. Bradley.”
Nothing could squelch the tittering now. Keith’s eyes flew to meet his father’s, who gave him nothing but a little non-committal shoulder-wiggle. The reporter was making clawing and stabbing motions again and the camera bobbed as the guy tried to get a fix on who was being introduced. On me?
“Mr. Bradley, could you stand, please, and let everybody see you?”
Keith rose and applause broke out. What is this about team-teaching “The Bible as Literature”? When was Dad supposed to tell me that?
“Oh, it’s you again!” Ms. Ramin clapped as wildly as any student. “This man saved me from getting squashed by a bus, covered for me when I sat my class in the wrong place – He even helped me find my contact lens! I am so glad that we are teaching this class together!”
Laughter erupted all around as Keith sank back down, ten degrees hotter and unable to even think about restoring order. Ms. Ramin finished whatever else she said and walked back down to sit behind him.
Keith’s head spun. This was the most surreal day of his life. The reporter sank back into boredom when his father stood up to finish the assembly. Why was that reporter going crazy for just those couple of minutes?
After the assembly, Keith corralled the ninth graders and passed them off to Mrs. LaSalle for algebra 1, in exchange for the tenth graders headed to biology.
“Here you go, Mr. Bradley! You want a cream one, right?” Bethany Jones waved a T-shirt in his face as he tried to slink out the door. “I mean, you know, you’re already black, so – ” She turned scarlet. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean – ”
“It’s fine, Bethany.” Keith grabbed the shirt. “Come on, people. Let’s get to class and get on with Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order...”
“Family, Genus, Species!” responded the tenth graders, but they all grabbed T-shirts just the same.
“Hey, tenth grade,” Principal Bradley called out, “Ms. Sawyer’s going to get you up to your class, and I need to borrow Mr. Bradley for just a minute.” His dad waved at the kids and hooked Keith’s arm, pulling him back to the wings of the stage as Ms. Sawyer led his class away.
“Sorry about blindsiding you with that,” his father muttered. “I just found out about all this myself yesterday at the end of inservice. You got in so late last night I didn’t want to keep you up trying to explain.”
“Dad, I have a full schedule already. When does this Bible as Literature class meet, anyway?”
“It will meet ninth period, during the clubs time.”
“But I’ve got science club.”
“Which only meets twice a week. That means Bible as Literature can be on Monday and Friday, and science club stays on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Problem solved.”
“But why me? And why Bible as Literature? You know what I think about that kind of class.”
“Yes, Keith, I know you think it’s just a way of making public school kids disrespect the Bible and question its truth even more than they already do. First of all, you heard Ms. Ramin say she's here to teach our students how to tell the difference between truth and error. I believe she means that. But just to make sure, I want you in there making sure that they get a dose of the Bible as a book of Science and History. That’s your calling, as you’ve told me many times.”
“But Dad, Ms. Ramin – ”
“I know she seems a little scatterbrained, son, but I sat in on two of her classes this morning, and aside from that little contact lens episode, she knows her stuff. We talked about this Bible as Literature plan of hers in some detail yesterday, and she is solid on understanding that it’s the Word of God, not just another mythology. You’ll be going on the trip as well.”
“I’ll be what?” Keith exploded. “Dad, I’m going to ProTechCon, the Professional Techni
cal Convention, during Spring Break this year. I told you that. I have been budgeting for two years for this.”
“Son, surely you see that this class is a chance to teach our students that the Bible is authoritative and important in their lives.”
“Dad, maybe that’s true, and the class could be great, but you understand how important ProTechCon is. It’s the latest technology, research, discoveries nobody else will know about for years, maybe. I’ll make real contacts in the scientific community. It’s course credit for my master's program. I can’t put it off again.”
“Keith.” His father put his hands on his son’s shoulders.
Keith was startled to realize how much he had to reach up to do that. Was his dad stooping? Was it his imagination that they had always “seen eye to eye”, literally and figuratively?
“God has been speaking to me about our lives here. It’s still a small town, and in the past we’ve been able to help parents control what their children are taught and protect kids from those Outcomes-Based and Common Core heresies. The tentacles of the government are reaching further and digging in deeper. You know how many textbooks we reject every year.
“But we still hear those catch-phrases of secularism creeping in all around us. You know about ‘Non-overlapping Magisterium’ and what a crock of cranberries it is – the idea that there are separate truths, religious and scientific. Kids have come to trust what they’re taught in school more than what they’re taught in church. We need to take any opportunity God gives us to teach the Bible as truth, not just nice stories. We need to make these kids love it, believe it, live for it, and even be willing to die for it.
“People all around the world are already dying for it. It’s coming here, Keith. We can talk about the trip, but this class is not negotiable. Make it work with Ms. Ramin. You both have planning periods during eighth tomorrow. I told her you’ll meet her in the teachers' lounge.”
Keith started to leave, but turned back. “What was that reporter doing here?”
“Oh, her? She said she was on her first assignment. You should have heard her complaining about a typical sexist job assignment. I can’t believe anybody’d care about covering a small town’s first day of school.” He looked around. “She sure lit out fast, didn’t she? She didn’t ask a single question. Said she wanted to observe and have her camera man get some footage to keep her bosses happy. I didn’t even see her go. ”
“What station was she from?”
“I guess I missed that. The office can tell you if you’re interested. We don’t watch the news anyway. Why does it matter?”
“She just got kinda weird when the Bible as Literature thing came up. Crazy, like she was just here to find out what that was all about.”
“Huh. Can’t imagine why any reporter would care about what happens in a little school like ours. Hope this class doesn’t cause trouble. But why should it? It was the government’s idea to offer it.”