CHAPTER 49
INSTINCT
Kiethara moaned softly, but she did not open her eyes.
She had the sense that she had been asleep for a very long time. At some point in the night, she had slid off the tree and curled into a loose fetal position, and the grass could not have been any more comfortable, or the wind any more refreshing. Although she felt fully rested, she could not find the will to get up.
But she could not fall back asleep. There was too much noise around her, thuds and muffled words.
Wait, noise?
She lived in a forest; there should be nothing but the sound of squawking birds and various calls of other animals. Not a grunt or a yell…
“Who are you?! What are you doing here?!”
“Calm down, man!”
Kiethara gasped, her eyes snapping open. She knew these voices. She did not have to look very far to find their owners, either.
Markii and Navadar were brawling to her left. They had each other by their arms, heels digging into the ground. Navadar’s face was livid, expression almost wild. Markii’s expression held no emotion—something that now failed to surprise her—but instead, it was tensed and strained in concentration.
“No,” she whispered, too shocked to move. She stared at them, gaping, her thoughts spinning wildly. What..? What in the world was going on?
“Release me!” Markii ordered.
“Get away from her!” Navadar shouted in return.
Markii and Navadar were fighting? It didn’t make any sense. They were fighting over her..?
Then it all clicked in a wave of comprehension. Navadar had finally come, but while Markii was still here. She felt like she had been punched in the gut. It was truly horrific irony. Kiethara suddenly recalled screaming at Navadar herself, throwing out phrases like “cheating scoundrel” in his face. Now here he was, for the first time after the girl who had caused all that trouble had been murdered, and he finds her sleeping next to some strange man. The thoughts that must be running through his head!
The two young men grunted and shoved at each other again. Navadar swung a punch, which Markii neatly dodged. They both reached for their weapons, shoving until Markii was backed up against the tree he had slept against the previous afternoon.
“No!” Kiethara cried, jumping to her feet. “No, stop!”
She dived, trying to wedge herself in between them. “Stop it! Stop it!”
An elbow suddenly smacked her in the face. She did not know whose it had been, but it knocked her back onto the grass.
Her pride swelled and her crystals glowed brightly while fear of the situation filled her. Markii had saved her, and now he was being attacked! Navadar had just been forgiven by his kingdom and by her, and now she would need to be explained and forgiven! Still, neither of these reasons gave them any justification to smack her across the face and continue beating on each other as though they hadn’t noticed!
Eyes narrowing at the two, she sprang to her feet, fists balled. She was angry, but her heart still skipped a beat when Markii managed to land a punch on Navadar…
Then, amazingly, two golden spheres appeared in front of her. The one on the left housed Markii, who took a quick step back in what she had to guess to be shock. It did not show on his face, but she thought she saw a flash of something unguarded in his gray eyes. The one on the right held a murderous Navadar. His chest was heaving and sweat gleamed on his forehead and neck. The shield, however, did not seem to surprise him.
Kiethara rubbed her jaw, a bit smug. Now that she was in control, she could work the truth into the situation. She did not question her new ability: she loved it. They most likely would have killed each other. Markii already had a cut lip and Navadar a bruised forearm.
“AYE!” Kiethara yelled. “Both of you need to calm down!”
“Who is he?!” Navadar yelled. “And what in the world is he doing here?!”
“His name is Markii!” she answered. “He—”
“Was visiting the forest for the sake of my tribe,” Markii interjected. “When Miss Kiethara was attacked. I helped her defeat her enemy, but was too tired to journey back, so she allowed me to stay here for a night.”
Being honest, she knew that Markii’s blunt, unattached explanation was far more effective than anything she could have said; however, it irked her slightly that he did not seem to figure that she could talk for herself.
“Is this true?” Navadar asked her sharply.
“Yes, Navadar,” she said in an almost pleading tone. “Markii and I are just acquaintances. The only reason we met was because of Durga. You remember what I told you about Durga?”
He nodded with a bit more comprehension, but his glare at Markii remained to be murderous.
“Durga would have come herself if she wasn’t ill,” Markii continued, and then he looked at her with his intense stare. “Thank you again.”
“My pleasure,” she said softly. Durga’s gestures still warmed her heart.
“I think I’ll take my leave now,” Markii said, looking pointedly at the shield surrounding him.
“Oh!” she said, fumbling around inside her head. She didn’t fully understand the trigger to her newly discovered ability, so it took her a moment to make them disappear. As soon as they did, Navadar walked over and placed himself directly in front of her, as though he was acting as a wall to separate her from Markii.
“I’m sorry you had to come at such rotten timing, but thank you for all of your help,” she said earnestly over Navadar’s shoulder. “Give Durga my love.”
He nodded and turned away, walking at a quick pace until he finally disappeared into the trees.
Kiethara sighed in relief. If Navadar got any tenser she feared he would most likely implode.
Navadar turned and stared down at her. His green eyes were sparking dangerously.
“Do you want to explain any of that?”
“Do I have to?”
His narrowed eyes answered the question for her.
“Well, it wasn’t Gandador,” she huffed, crossing her arms. “It was a man named Swallin.”
“Men,” he spat. “I’m tired of constantly hearing about how they come in and out of the forest! Attacking you, nonetheless.”
Kiethara rolled her eyes. “I couldn’t agree with you more. But I don’t think Gandador is going to send a woman here to do his job.”
It was a shame, really. There was only one girl who had ever dared to venture here, and she was the only person who had never hurt her yet.
“Swallin? Was that the man who gave you that scar on your arm?”
“No, that was Sinsenta,” she said with a grimace. “Swallin is much different. He…He creates illusions. It’s a branch of magic that I’ve never seen before.”
“So Gandador can create illusions now?” Navadar asked, aghast.
“I don’t believe so; he hasn’t used them yet. The only person who I’ve ever seen use them is Swallin and, well, he’s dead now,” she said in a flat voice. “So, for the most part, problem solved.”
Navadar was silent for a moment.
“He’s dead?”
“Yes,” she said. “I…I set him on fire, and Markii stabbed him.”
“What about his body?”
“Markii took care of it,” she admitted uncomfortably. This wasn’t exactly the conversation she wanted to be having with him.
Navadar only looked at her for a moment, and then his face split in a wide grin. “You never fail to amaze me, Kiethara.”
“Amaze you?” she asked, bewildered.
“Mmm,” he murmured, brushing a strand of hair out of her face. “Not a day goes by where I don’t think about how strong you are. Truthfully, sometimes it scared the blazes out of me. You have all this power and it amazes me that you’re still scared to take a life. It amazes me that even with all of your power, you’re still afraid.”
Kiethara frowned. Aaron had said something of the similar basis…but he hadn’t used the word afraid.
“It reassures me,” he continued. “That I’m not just in love with a guardian. I’m in love with a lovely girl.”
Kiethara felt her cheeks color, but before she could say anything, Navadar’s lips were on hers. He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his torso as he squeezed her gently. The sensation made her feel like she was melting into his chest; their warm breath mingling with the air of sweet reunion. It had been too long.
It was bliss; however, even as her hands wove themselves through his hair, she couldn’t help but think of Trinnia’s body that rested in a meadow less than a mile away. The kiss was sweet, but she didn’t feel the same happiness.
They finally broke apart, panting, and Kiethara returned to the ground. She rested her head against his chest, his arms tight around her. It was a very comfortably position.
“Swallin didn’t hurt you, did he?” Navadar asked her suddenly. Kiethara looked up at him and cracked a grin. It was hard to take his question seriously with his hair sticking up at such odd angles.
“What?” he asked.
“Your hair,” she giggled. He grinned, too.
“I think I’ll leave it,” he said, touching his nose to hers. “I don’t see much of a point to set it right.”
Her smile widened.
“You didn’t answer my question, though,” he pointed out. She made a face.
“No more than usual. He was…easy to handle. Weak, really, compared to Gandador.”
She trailed off, lost in thought for a moment. She then came to, remembering Navadar had a tale of his own to share.
“How was it, going back?” she asked quietly.
Navadar’s expression hardened into a cold mask. She had seen flickers of his grief before, but it shone boldly in his forest green eyes now. She had the feeling he was reliving a very painful memory.
“I didn’t even make it to my house,” he whispered. “Her father happened to be walking down the street, and he noticed me. He ran over with a big grin on his face, a brooch for Trinnia in his palm…
“Of course, she wasn’t with me. He asked me if I had escorted her home already…and you know what I said in reply?” he asked, disgusted in himself.
“Navadar…” she said quietly. Her expression was a mere echo of his pain.
“I said ‘she’s not coming home,’ just like that. I couldn’t even look at him! Then I just stepped around him and continued home. I was a coward.”
Kiethara did not dare to interrupt him, not even after he spat out those last words. What was she to say?
“I walked into my house to find my father having tea with Trinnia’s mother in the study. Alas, what other punishment did I deserve than having to tell her mother? But I still couldn’t do it. I stood there, frozen, knowing that her father would be there any moment…and then I bolted up the stairs.
“Out of everybody I imagined telling the news to, Tina was the last. But I ended up in her arms and I told her everything.”
Tina. That was reassuring. That woman had been so nice to her when she had been in Redawn.
“She was able to calm me down, and then she led me down the stairs. She said to me: ‘Go on, be a good man and break the news to her mamma gently now.’
“I did just that,” Navadar’s voice grew even lower, gruffer. “I walked right into the room, not even giving them time for pleasantries. My father was halfway out of his chair to embrace me! But the words came, and they flowed easily. I had already spoken them to Tina.
“Trinnia’s mother had fainted as soon as I had told her that her daughter was dead. My father, on the other hand, flew into a passion. He screamed at me for a full ten minutes, ending with how much of a disappointment I was. He said I was a curse; I had killed my mother and now Trinnia too.”
“Your mother? You didn’t…”
“She died of child birth. Of giving birth to me. It was the worst feeling to know that my father still hasn’t forgiven me for that. He would prefer it if she was alive again and that I was the one dead. He never loved me. Not the way he had loved her.”
“Navadar, that can’t be true!” Kiethara argued. “He was probably just scared for you!”
“He was scared for himself, Kiethara. Scared that I’m going to take his life next, or ruin his life in some other way. After he laid Trinnia’s mother on the sofa, he turned to me and told me to pack my things. He said he never wanted to see me again.”
Navadar seemed to be talking through a lump in his throat. His face was turned away from hers, but she could see the muscles straining in his neck as he clenched his jaw. Her stomach plummeted.
“I went up to my quarters and did just that, packing everything I owned. But I had been so exhausted from the journey, and from everything…I laid down on my bed and fell asleep.
“By the time I woke up, the sun was just beginning to set. The house was silent, not even the usual smell of supper wafting through the halls. I headed out of my room and searched the entire house, but no one was home. Not even the servants. I had never felt so much fear in my own home. The mansion had never been empty before. Not even when I was a little boy.
“I left and headed over to Trinnia’s house. I knew—somehow—that my father was there. Though why he had taken the servants, I still had had no clue.
“I knocked on the door and, to my surprise, Tina was the one to open it. She took one look at me, shook her head, and beckoned my inside.
“’What’s wrong?’ I had whispered.
“’You best be getting inside, boy,’ she had whispered back. ‘They’re all in the parlor.’
“I heard voices in the background and as I walked forward the sound of my boots silenced them. I don’t believe I have ever dreaded anything more, but as I walked down that hall, I wished to die before I reached the door on the other end, which stood ajar. I still remember the way my hands had been shaking, how sweat had been trickling down my neck…
“I entered the room against my better judgment. Trinnia’s mother was propped up in a chair, her feet in a bucket of ice water and tears streaming down her face. Her father’s back had been to me as he stared into the fire. My father was getting out of his chair with a livid expression. Before I had had time to react, he had crossed the room and struck me across the face.”
Kiethara, so caught up in his gut-wrenching tale, let out an audible gasp. She could never imagine Aaron striking her and, to her, Aaron was a father. She had felt more pain when he had pretended to leave than when Gandador had sent her flying with a kick to her gut.
“I can’t say I had never thought him capable of doing such, nor can I say that I didn’t deserve it. And if it helped console the parents for their, and my, loss, it was for the better. They needed to know that I was being punished. I don’t have any complaint, but from that moment on, things between my father and I have never been the same and I…”
Navadar trailed off, and the two of them stood in silence. After a few long minutes of silence, Kiethara prodded him gently. “How?”
“I moved out the next day. The only things I took were my clothes, my bow, and my horse. No inheritance, no blessing, not even one of my mother’s old trinkets.”
“Inheritance?”
“It is what a father bestows to his son, especially the eldest. A son that has no blessing and no inheritance is not considered to be worth much. For one, no father would give their daughter to a man who has nothing. And without a wife, you have no family, and with no family you have no one to pass down your namesake. You do not understand how much these things are esteemed in my society. Without it, you are worth nothing, you are seen as nothing, and you can earn nothing.”
“Just because you don’t have a blessing?” she asked angrily. “That’s foolish!”
Navadar smiled one quick, grim smile.
“I know it’s hard for you to understand, but these laws are so ingrained into our community that it’s impossible for anyone to see past them. Except for you, of course, for you have grown up away from their influence.
And because I left my father’s roof without any of these things, I could not find work. I did not have any pay.
“Luckily, I did have an amazing friend. Mallkin and his family allowed me to room with him. It was certainly a humbling experience, staying with him. I had to work for them in place of a rent. As my father was a smith, I helped them with any and all problems that called for those particular skills. It kept my hands busy and my heart free from guilt, but the burden of shame was almost too heavy for me to withstand. I was working long hours without receiving anything but a roof over my head and a bit of bread, such basic necessities that I had taken for granted.
“I have always been wealthy. Not overflowing with gold, but I had well over what I needed. Mallkin’s family was not poor, not at all, but they were strictly middle class. It was a change for me, nonetheless. It was a very anomalous few weeks, but they taught me much.”
“Few weeks?” she asked, curious. It had been well over two months since his last visit.
“I’m not done with my story yet,” he explained. “My respite with Mallkin could not last forever, that was clear. The rumors and gossip were not helping his family, either, or my father’s business. I could not journey back to the forest. I hope you can understand why, and forgive me for taking so long.”
“Of course,” said Kiethara. “I’ll always wait, Navadar.”
“I don’t want you to wait!” he cried in exasperation. “You shouldn’t have to sit here while I shuffle through my own problems. Our relationship can’t consist of a few visits a year!”
“They’re our problems, not yours,” she pointed out.
“That’s true,” he sighed. “I’m just frustrated. My father reminds me daily that while I’m under his roof, I must follow his word…”
“So you’re living with your father again?”
“If you call it living,” he grumbled. “My father came to Mallkin’s house one night. We had a long conversation that lasted almost the entire night. We each had some points to bring across, and we accomplished a lot of compromise. I work six days a week now in order to live back home. My pay is minimal. I can, however, visit the forest whenever my work is done early.”
“That’s not too bad,” she said, surprised.
“It’s decent,” Navadar agreed. “Far more than I had ever thought I would receive. My father and I might never have our old, happy relationship, but I’m content with what I have now.”
“I’m glad things worked out, then.”
“That’s not the way I would phrase it,” he disagreed gently. “This was a turning point, but for better or worse, I cannot tell. I suppose we will have to see.”
“I know what you mean,” she said. “One thing happens, and then the entire world shifts.”
“Exactly,” he said. “It’s quite disorienting.”
He did not know the half of it; however, Kiethara did not say that aloud.
“I want to go visit her,” Navadar said suddenly. His voice was loud, as though he was trying to convince himself.
Visiting Trinnia. Kiethara swallowed, her crystals glowing slightly in tune to the pounding of her heart. Of course he would want to pay his respects. But how was she going to go with him, knowing that she had had weeks upon weeks to do exactly this, but had not been able to do it? What if the spot where she was buried was covered in weeds now and Navadar screamed accusations at her for neglect? Disrespect? How would she be able to admit that she had been too afraid to even walk into her mother’s meadow?
“Of course,” she said hoarsely. She tried to clear her throat quietly.
“Thank you,” Navadar said, placing a hand on her cheek. “Lead the way.”
She took his hand and led him to the northwest, following the carved symbols she had placed on the trees. She honestly didn’t need them anymore—she had memorized the more essential routes she took. Besides, the connection she had now provided her with a flawless guide based on the pinpricks of magic throughout the forest.
Soon the trees began to change as they approached the meadow. Navadar’s grip on her hand became almost painful. Is this what his visits were going to consist of, now? Sorrow and pain? As she led Navadar towards the cherry blossom tree in the far corner of the meadow, her thoughts sunk into an even greater despair. This was not love. This was not what she wanted; they could not spend any happiness together if they spent their precious time sobbing over a grave.
Finally, they reached the tree and, to Kiethara’s immense relief, the place where Trinnia’s body lay was not covered in weeds.
Quite the contrary, actually.
The grass over Trinnia marked the grave easily; it was much shorter than any of the blades surrounding it. This was not the only distinguishing feature, however; the square patch was filled with long, radiant sunflowers. Their petals stretched out like lazy rays of sunlight, reaching far enough to touch the neighboring petals, overlapping one another. It was a stunning sight.
Kiethara stared. How in the world could this have happened? She hadn’t been anywhere near the meadow and sunflowers could not do this by themselves...could they? Had Aaron done this?
“Thank you,” Navadar whispered, giving her a start. Then she understood.
Navadar thought she was the one who had done this. There was a new look of peace on his face and in his eyes. For whatever reason, it seemed to erase some of the sorrow that had taken root there. Kiethara let out a small breath she had not realized she had been holding in relief. Her horrible weakness had not come to haunt her. She did not bother correcting him.
They stood, hand in hand, besides the grave. The time crawled by, twenty minutes, half an hour…She did not know how much more of this she could handle. This meadow made her edgy now, her senses heightened with awareness. The memories of that wretched day played through her mind again. The flash of the sword…the sound of it whistling through the air…rushing, pouring crimson…She did not want to be here, reliving these memories. They were still colored with a strong sense of guilt that would never erase. It was no secret why Trinnia died. If Trinnia had not come to the forest, if she had not led them to this meadow…Any one factor could have kept this poor girl alive. All those factors had been controlled by her.
“This is foolish!” Navadar growled suddenly, making her jump. She looked over at him and was shocked to see his expression was now contorted into anger.
“Eh?!”
“This!” he cried in exasperation, throwing his arms up. “The fighting, the guarding, all this danger…Every second of every day, you are on the brink of death because of this magic!”
Kiethara stared at him, stunned.
“My kingdom was right to get rid of it! It causes madness and insanity. It is not necessary for you to risk your life for such rubbish!”
Kiethara’s hands burst into flames.
Navadar leapt back with a strange noise. “Kiethara!”
“What are you saying, Navadar?” she asked acidly.
“Stop this insanity,” he begged. “Let the world live on without it. Live for yourself, keep yourself safe! How are we supposed to love with a constant death threat hanging over our head?”
“I would never!” she hissed furiously. “How could you ask such a thing?”
“This could kill—”
“Your instinct drives you to guard your life. My instinct drives me to guard this forest.”
With those words, she turned around and began walking away.
“Kiethara!” Navadar said, grabbing her upper arm. “It’s just…I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
“I know, Navadar,” she said, her hands simmering out as her anger cooled. “But I have no choice.”
“By Aaron?” he asked.
“No,” she rebutted sadly. “By instinct.”