The Guide to Find Me, Myself & I
By Dionis Fernandez
Copyright 2017 Dionis Fernandez
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Table of Content
Intro:
Chapter 1…. Preparation
Chapter 2….About me and what makes me
Chapter 3…. Fake it till you make it!
Chapter 4…. 30 days
Chapter 5….References & Quotes
Intro:
When was the last time that I gave someone and advised that I didn’t follow myself? When was the last time, I did something for myself? In this book you will not find the answers to your problems. But, what you will find is that you are way stronger, worth and valuable that you ever thought. You will also find a few tips to make you better and understand your situation and improve 1 day at a time. I am not a guru. I am not a coach. I am not a therapist or your savior. I am the architect of my own future and you can be the one for your own as well. Failure is no one’s faults by our own and it’s ok to fail, what not ok; is to stay thinking that you will always fail. Keep that in mind.
I am not going to tell you, what you want to hear or give you a quick fix for a few dollars. Instead, I am going to present you what I have done and what I do. My opinions and thoughts and how I break things down to achieve my goals and improve as a person. I didn’t become the person I am today, overnight. I have learned from experiences, goals set and met and failed. Questions and issued that have been presented or that I have had to deal with by myself or friends and acquaintances; that we all, can relate to.
We are always looking for ways to improve our lives, to get better, always looking for the next trend and big thing. Now think about this, when was the last time you felt and tough about this for whatever reasons! Why I can’t get my shit together? What Am I missing? What is wrong with me? What do I need to do to get this to work?
If you tell me that you never tough about these questions, I am here to tell you that you are lying. You don’t need to lie to yourself. We can fool the world and everyone in it but we cannot fool ourselves and if we do manage to fool the world, how long can we keep it up? You don’t need to impress anyone other than yourself! You don’t to need go out of your way for anyone other than yourself! You can’t help anyone, if you can’t help yourself! You need to be in a good place, emotionally, mentally and feel good physically before you can help anyone.
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Preparation:
With that being said the next 30 days should be interesting for you. Are you ready, because if you are not. Then you will be shocked! Now here are 8 things you will need to complete this journey to a better you:
A journal and a good pen, good being up to you.
Time for you as the day goes on and a Positive attitude.
The desire to change and being ready to change.
Removing the word TRY out of your vocabulary during this process.
Remembering, that it’s ok to say NO.
Start fresh every day; it’s a new chance to due over.
Understand that you are not perfect but accept yourself and know that you can be better. No one will be able to help you, if you are not willing to help yourself. First thing first, some of our problems are going to need to be addressed with a therapist or professional help, but you also need to understand, that you are your best weapon and the most important part of the recovery. There is nothing wrong with therapy for those of us that don’t know what Therapy is or think that Therapy is only for crazy people. What is Therapy?
According to Good Therapy.Org and I quote “Therapy, also called psychotherapy or counseling, is the process of meeting with a therapist to resolve problematic behaviors, beliefs, feelings, relationship issues, and/or somatic responses (sensations in the body). Beginning therapy can be a big step toward being the healthiest version of yourself and living the best life possible no matter what challenges you may be facing. Through therapy, you can change self-destructive behaviors and habits, resolve painful feelings, improve your relationships, and more. Though no one can tell you exactly what your therapy process will be like.” (2017).
Now imagine what a difference therapy would make and have on you, if you add your own two cents, if you can add more even better. At end of the day this is for your own good, for the person that truly matters; you, so why not?
“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” – E.E. Cummings
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About Me and what makes me, who I am.
I am not what a lot of people would expect and you will see why. I was born in Dominican Republic and moved to the US in 1997, but what you didn’t know is that growing up I had a wild imagination and a good friend whose imagination was just as while as mine. His name was and is Jonathan. We wanted to grow up to be ninjas. Yes, that right we wanted to be ninjas something that our parents didn’t understand and saw like many people. Why can they pick something else? Like cops or fire fighter like a normal kid would?
Now, here is my first question to you and I want you to answer in your journal. What is normal?
Because what normal to you might not be normal to someone else! To me and John wanting to be Ninjas was normal. We loved watching the Power Rangers, and Dragon Ball Z, Karate movies, Bruce Lee. So I hope you know what comes next. We started to fight each other and kicking and punch our way through. Then we both had the Double Dragons NES game and he like the color blue and I liked the color red. We also had uncles that were Karate Instructors and we were their students in one of the classes. With all those factors we figured that the logic dictated that we were already Ninjas no point in hiding it. Well our days as ninjas are not over, we still watch Karate movies and have been involved in other martial arts and purchased other fighting games like Street fighter and Mortal Kombat. I would love to meet a person that would tell me that we are not Ninjas…. Not after all that. HAHAHA!
As a kid I also wanted to be a pirate, to travel the world and see new places, eat new food and to get out of my country. Most of the people that I met growing up were catholic priest and missionary religious people so I even considered that for a minute a long minute. Somewhere about the age of 10, I realized that my uncle was in the military so he had guns. He used to work on his own cars and even took time to ride motorcycles. He had a dual sports bike and a street bike a Ninja. Guess what that did to my poor brain. I send me in over drive. No bicycle that my mother bought me was safe from being taken apart and customized. No toy car was safe without going to my shop. (Wink, wink) My grandfather’s tool shed.
Well, I didn’t become a pirate to travel the world. I became the next best thing; a soldier, in the US Army. I enlisted in 2002. I served from 2002 to 2010 and from 2013 till 2016, my career was cut short. You will find out later how. In the Army I went to Ireland, Germany, South Korea, Japan, Iraq and Kuwait. I have also been to Morocco and Hawaii. I was station in the following states Kentucky, Maryland, Georgia, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania and Louisiana. I have train in Ohio, Texas, California, Washington and few more. Long story short, I am living my childhood dreams. While in Army I learned about weapons and mechanics. I purchased my first dual sports bike and street bike. A 1998 Smokin’ Joe’s.
Now the sad part is that
my uncle Cesar was my hero and I never got a chance to tell him. I learned so much from him and I hope he knew it. I hope that where ever his soul is resting, he is proud of me. Now fast forward. Nothing has come easy for me; I have been the underdog and underestimated like many others. I have heard a ton of times; oh you won’t be able to do that. You won’t be able to accomplish that! And how are you supposed to do that? I got tired and thanks to a great man name Henry Ford, who was my drill sergeant in the Army, my eyes were open and I realized that I am meant to be better than people though and I would accomplished more than any one would expect.
He believed in me and when nobody showed up to my graduation in boot camp, he said to me. Don’t be sad because they are not here. Instead take it all in. You have made through 9 weeks of Army Basic Combat training on your own. Then he gave me some static number that made me realized that he was right, 302 young man showed up to boot camp in my class 248 got to graduate, then later on I realized that anyone can join the military but the military is not for everyone. How come I’m no longer in the military? Well I was in a motorcycle accident in my Smokin’ Joe’s and broke my neck. I was in a coma and not everyone was sure how thing would work out for me after that.
If you haven’t figured it out. I am well, walking, talking and leaving my life better than ever. Why better than ever? Well I was a social worker since 2011 at Welfare to Work program. I started to get depressed and didn’t feel like I was earning my check since the goals kept changing and we helped less people. Even though I did the job without complaint and did it the best I could and never missed my goals. I was not happy, I could have stay working there making a steady check Monday to Friday and laying to myself. I have been working 2 and 3 jobs at time for a while. The day of the accident the person that has questioned and doubt me the most, called me and asked. Why do you work so much if you have nothing so show?
Take a minute and answer that question with details in your journal.
Why do you work so much and are you happy with your job?
Well my answer was the following. How can you ask me that? This house I live in is mine. Nobody bought it for me. My motorcycles are mine, they are paid for. Not new but still mine. My truck is not brand new, but its mine. My husky Max is my dog. I bought him. Nobody gave him to me. Everything in this house I bought it. I have been independent since 2002 and we are in 2016. The person questioning me was my father. He was not happy when I join the military and has never told me that he was proud of me. I know growing up I didn’t show much interest in things but I turned out to be just fine. I haven’t done it alone but I have put more than 2 cents into my own achievements. I have had great people around me and not so great.
Last thing, when I first mentioned writing a book people looked at me like, yeah here we go. This is my 5th book. When I tell people that I written books and published them they always think. He is so full of shit. Well I do things for me like my books. I don’t do it to impress anyone but rather to show others that there is no reason to set limitations to the things we can do and those are just a few things about me, the kid with the wild imagination is still well and kicking. I fucking quit my welfare job to be happy and pursuit something else that would allow me to be happier and have more time do what I like without feeling guilty. Sure, I’m 2,600 dollars short now but I am happier and stress free. But enough about me let’s get back to you
I have learned from others and their mistakes, my mistakes and experiences, but to the date the biggest lesson that I learn has been that we have to fake till we make it. We already fake the funk with a lot of things and people on the day to day, so why not do it for improve ourselves.
3rd question for your journal; Are you ready to fake it till you make it? It’s only 30 days, 1 day at a time!
So let’s review the first 3 questions and take time to answer and elaborate, let your brain talk and you do the writing. Remember what Bruce Lee said “Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.” Bruce Lee
1. What is normal?
2. Why do you work so much and are you happy with your job?
3. Are you ready to fake it till you make it?
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Fake it, till you make it!
Wait! Isn’t faking a bad thing? Well let me correct you on that and allow me to explain with facts. See I used to hear my Drill Sergeant scream at us, that all the time. “Fake it, till you make it, Scorpions” every time he saw his soldier struggle with a physical activity. At first I was confused and didn’t understand, why he would say, fake it, till you make it, turns out that false motivation is better than no motivation. I remember those words but when I need a little pick up, here is where I run to. I used my journal that is next to my bed to take notes, write things such as reminders and things that interested me. I also download articles and save you tube videos that are of my interest and thing that are considered to be life hacks, to make my life easier.
One of those articles is by Amanda Mccorquodale and in her article she states that “Trying to fake your way to success seems dubious at best and delusional at worst. And yet, there is plenty of science that proves you can actually fool yourself and others into becoming more successful, finding love, and increasing your happiness. Researchers have found that “acting” a certain way allows your brain to “rehearse” a new way of thinking and can set off a desired chain of events in the future. Here are eight scientifically-backed strategies for “faking” your way to a better job, relationship, and mood. (Mccorquodale)
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Let the change begin:
Change the way you think, the way you see yourself and the world will think and see you in a different light. Here are a few tips that will help you do the way see yourself and therefore improve the way you feel. The following things listed are not anything new but yet we seem to ignore them. Do you remember when you were a child? Please answer this question with details and a good story for yourself! Now keeping on with this part of the change, I’ll tell you that as a kid I was fearless, outgoing, little daredevil and by many accounts, I was special. If you think about it, you and I are not that different, because every kid is that way for the most part. However as I stared to grow up, I started to hear the following words. Don’t do that! You don’t understand! You will not make it! Why are you doing that! Stop! And finally GROW UP! Doubt was injected and fear made its way into my heart.
We can’t continue to be control by fear, anxieties, doubt and the unknown. We need to bring the fearless kid out again. Remember that we could be who we wanted in our mind. Well let’s project now to the world, who you are! You might wonder, when is he going to stop writing, and get to the tips? You don’t have to follow each one each day but do what you can to put them into practice each day. Pick at least 5 per day and work them.
Here they are, in no particular order:
1. Groom yourself Each Day. A shower or a bath can turn things around.
2. Dress nicely not expensively. Wear Clean Casual Clothes. Clean shows and used Cologne or perfume. Why? Because if you look good, you will feel good! Ladies put on some make up, not to impress anyone but for you.
3. Take 3 pictures. First a mental picture of how you want to look and feel, then a before to work your self-image and then after you have groom and dress yourself.
4. Think Positive, Act Positive and Avoid Negative Thoughts and Negative Acts.
5. Put yourself first.
6. Be kind to yourself and others and generous with yourself and others. Understand that you are not perfect and that every day is a working progress. We all make mistakes, tomorrow is due over.
7. Listen to yourself and not your negative thoughts.
8. Know your principles and live by them. Principles are what life is built on, such honesty, happines
s, courage and so on.
9. Speak slowly and articulate your thoughts. If you rush and talk to fast no one will understand what you are saying and you will not be able to listen to yourself.
10. Stand tall and Sit up Straight. Good posture will help you feel better about yourself and it increases the self steam. Look how Superman and other super heroes stand. That posture with the hands by the hips its call the Hero stand. Practice it. There is nothing wrong with that. I do it every day after I shower and get dress. I see myself as my own super hero.
11. Increase your potential by doing more. How? By doing small bits at a time and doing it right, so you don’t have to do them twice. Break things down to smaller task and do one at time. There is no such thing as multi tasking.
12. Set 2 short term goals and 1 long term. They can be week long, days long, yearlong but put them in the dairy and a complete them in a timely manner. It is very important to set goals and see the progress.
13. Work on negative habits. Smoke less, drink less, sleep more, drink more water, speak less think more, stop putting yourself down so much and picking yourself up more often.
14. Focus more on the solution and less on the problem. Complaining will not fix anything, actions speak louder than word.
15. Smile and laugh more often. Laughter is the best medicine and a smile can make some one’s day, even your own. Smiles are free.
16. Always be grateful and show Gratitude, thank you and you are welcome.
17. Exercise and get active. Exercise is empowering and being active will make you feel so much better. All you really need is music and dance, like no one is watching.
18. Read something. Books, magazine, articles, news paper clips, and while you at it, make sure that is something that interest you. Most of us have smart phones, computers, laptops, tables or magazines or books.
19. Do something that you have been putting off. Once that’s done, you’ll feel great about yourself and see that thing done.
20. Take 5 to 10 minutes to be in peace and quiet. Meditate, you can play slow music, instrumental or just sounds of nature.