“What do we do now?” Jonathan asked.
“I guess we just wait around here for Cade to come out. If we stay here on the corner, we have a good view of the emergency room exit,” Presley suggested.
“That sounds good.”
Wringing my hands, I said, “Dammit, I hate that he’s back there all alone with Darion.”
Jonathan nodded. “Me too.” He swept one of his hands over his face. “I was all alone when I got the call about Jake. I was in the middle of a bio lab, so when my older brother Jason texted me a 911, I got up and went outside to take the call.”
Shaking his head, he said, “As long as I live, I’ll never forget standing outside that lecture hall as Jason told me Jake was dead. I broke down right then and there. I guess I was crying so loud the professor came out in the hallway. He was really nice when I told him what had happened. He got someone to go get my stuff, and then he let one of my buddies leave to help me over to my dorm room. Cade didn’t have a morning class that day, so he was at our dorm. Since I was such a fucking mess, he drove me home.”
Tears shined in both Presley’s and my eyes at his story. Presley closed the gap between her and Jonathan and wrapped her arms around him. They both wept for Jake, and I couldn’t help crying along with them, except my tears were for Darion, and for Cade.
After they recovered, Jonathan said, “I’ll go get the car. That way we can be ready to leave when Cade…when Cade comes out.”
“Okay.” When Cade comes out. When Cade came out, that would mean Darion was gone. Oh God, how was it possible this was happening? Darion was too young. He had his whole life in front of him. Fresh tears sprung to my eyes.
Although I would have understood if she had gone with Jonathan, Presley stayed by my side. She held my hands in hers as we waited. We were both teary, which was understandable. When Jonathan came back with the car, Presley got into the front seat, and I got in the back. We drove around to the front of the ER and parked a few feet away from the entrance.
The waiting was agony and broken up only by fielding texts from Tamar, who was still in traffic, as well as other members of The Ark’s staff. The news about Darion had spread like wildfire. I had just finished texting with Kevin when Jonathan said, “Jesus.”
I glanced up to see Cade stumbling out of the ER. His white uniform was covered in blood. I fumbled with the handle on the door before hurrying out of the SUV to meet him. “Cade!” I called.
His head jerked up as he turned in my direction. The agony of Darion’s loss was etched across his face. I immediately began to cry as I walked up to Cade. “He’s gone, Avery,” Cade whispered dejectedly.
I threw my arms around his neck. “I’m so sorry.” Even though Darion’s loss was also my own, I felt it more for Cade. I had known Darion longer, but I had never experienced the bond he and Cade had. What the two of them had might’ve been for just a short time, but it ran deeper than anything I had seen for some time.
While my body shook with sobs, Cade remained frozen. He didn’t wrap his arms around me to comfort me. When I pulled away, he appeared stone-faced, just staring ahead. From the disaster training I’d had to go through to work at The Ark, I knew Cade was going into shock. “Come on, let’s get you home,” I said.
After I led him over to the SUV, I opened the backseat door for him. He slid inside without a word to me or the others. I went around the other side; although I would have liked to sit closer to him, Evie’s car seat served as a buffer between us.
We made a silent drive back to Cade and Jonathan’s apartment. Without a word to any of us, Cade got out of the car and climbed the stairs. Unsure of what to do or say, Jonathan, Presley, and I trailed behind him. When he got to the front door, he unlocked it and went into the apartment. I hurried ahead of the others to be at Cade’s side. As Cade started for his bedroom, I glanced back at Jonathan and Presley.
Jonathan nodded. “We’ll be here if he needs us—if you need us.”
“Thanks.”
As Cade trudged across his bedroom floor, I hung back in the doorway, uncertain of what I should do. His steps didn’t seem to have any purpose, but then he ended up in front of a tall bookshelf. It overflowed with more with trophies and plaques than it did with actual books. It appeared to be a shrine to the accomplishments of his football career. Back home in my old bedroom, I had something similar, but my awards were all for academics.
Cade placed his palms on the sides of one of the shelves. His head drooped down and his shoulders bowed as if under the pressure of his grief. Then came a dizzying flurry of flailing arms and crashing objects as Cade swept all the trophies and plaques to the floor. As soon as one shelf was empty, he swept the next clean. He didn’t stop until everything lay in a heap in the floor.
“A waste. It’s all a fucking waste. All these trophies I coveted…a fucking waste. What does any of it matter in the end?”
He dropped to his knees and began to weep. Gut-wrenching sobs tore through his body, causing him to shake violently. “Why?” he shouted in agony.
I was so rocked to my core by the events of the evening that for a while I could only stare in disbelief, but then I began to weep as well. I didn’t just cry for the pain Cade was experiencing; I cried for my own pain from Darion’s loss. I fought my own guilt that I hadn’t spent as much time with Darion as I had some of the other kids. I wished I’d taken the time to hang out around the gym more. I would have a lot of regret where Darion was concerned.
Rushing across the room, I dropped down beside Cade and pulled him into my arms. “Shh, I’m here. It’s okay.”
Cade jerked back to glare at me. “It’s not fucking okay. Darion’s dead.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry Darion is dead. I’m sorry I don’t know the right things to say, but more than anything, I’m sorry you’re hurting so badly and I can’t do anything to make it better. You have to remember I’m hurting, too. I’m going to miss Darion too; I cared for him just like you did.”
“I know you cared for him. He knew you cared for him. He told me to tell you goodbye.”
Tears once again stung my eyes. “He was so very sweet.”
“He was. He sure as hell didn’t deserve to be killed,” Cade lamented.
“No. He didn’t.”
He swept his nose with the back of his hand. “It shoulda been me.”
“No, Cade. Don’t you ever think that.”
He gave a shake of his head. “He had a light about him, a goodness I don’t have, will never have. The world needed someone like him; I’m a fucking waste, just like my father said.”
“That isn’t true.”
“Yeah, it is.”
I cupped Cade’s chin in my fingers, forcing him to look at me. “There is so much good inside you. The change that has come over you since you started at The Ark is amazing. I’ve seen it, and Tamar has seen it. You can be like Darion and carry on his light. I know you can.”
Cade stared disbelievingly at me. “You really believe that?”
“I do, more than anything.”
“But I hurt you—”
“That was in the past, and you apologized for it. You’re a different, better person now.”
“I don’t think I can ever be better. Just a waste,” he murmured.
It was then I realized he was in a place of such extreme shock that my words of comfort and reassurance couldn’t reach him. It was something I had experienced when I lost my grandfather. When my mother came to tell me my grandfather had died, I had gone to a dark place I never knew existed before, a place where all light was snuffed out and there was no hope, only desperation.
I surveyed the blood staining Cade’s arms and hands. “Come on, you need to get cleaned up.” Cade didn’t respond. “Let’s get you showered and changed.”
Rising up off the floor, I held my hand out for Cade to take. When he continued staring into space, I gripped both his arms and tugged, hard. “Oomph,” I muttered as I tried draggi
ng him to his feet.
After sliding one arm around Cade’s waist, we started lurching toward the bathroom. With my free hand, I flipped the light switch. As best I could, I steered him over to the toilet. I put the lid down before easing him onto the seat.
I opened the shower door and turned on the water. Sticking my hand into the stream, I tested the temperature. “Okay. It’s ready.” When I threw a glance over my shoulder, I found Cade with his head in his hands. “Cade, do you want me to get Jonathan to help you get undressed?”
“No,” he murmured.
“You’re going to do it yourself?” I questioned skeptically.
“No.”
“Then how are you going to get undressed?”
Cade slid his hands away from his face. “Will you help me?”
My stomach dropped to my feet. Oh God. Of all the things he could have asked me. I had said I would do anything for him, but I didn’t know if I could do this. “Um, okay.”
He stood up and faced me. With trembling fingers, I started working on the bloodstained buttons on his uniform top. When I had them undone, I slid it off his shoulders. I gripped the fabric of the white undershirt he had on and pulled it out of the waistband of his pants then pushed it up his abdomen and over his chest. When it got to his neck, he raised his arms. Pressing myself against the warmth of his skin, I eased it up over his face. I had to stand on tiptoes to get it up the length of his arms.
After I dropped it on the floor beside the uniform top, I reached for the buckle on his belt, then froze. I was no longer in the bathroom with Cade. Instead, I was lying on a velvet settee as Cade worked his belt off. I slammed my eyes shut to shove the memory from my mind. I couldn’t believe with everything going on, I could possibly think about us having sex.
“It’s okay,” Cade said.
I yanked my gaze from his pants to him. “What?”
“What you’re thinking about…it’s okay.”
Warmth flooded my cheeks, and it wasn’t from the steamy shower. Cade’s fingers came to grasp my chin. “It’s okay, Prescott.”
“No. It isn’t. This is a time for mourning, not—”
“I was thinking about it too,” Cade whispered.
My brows shot up in surprise. “You were?”
He nodded. “I think about that night a lot.”
“Me too,” I answered honestly.
He jerked his head at the door. “I’ve got it from here.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay. I’ll wait for you outside.”
“Thanks.”
When I turned to go, Cade grabbed my arm. I whirled back around to face him. The look on his face caused my heart to flutter rapidly and as he dipped his head, I sucked in a breath. He placed a tender kiss on my cheek that was filled with all the emotions he couldn’t seem to say.
Once he released me, I went back into the bedroom. Presley stood in the doorway, eyeing the wreckage. She had changed into a pair of leggings and a t-shirt and her gaze snapped from the mess on the floor to me. “Is he okay?” she asked.
“I guess as okay as he can be.”
She held some clothes to me. “I thought you could use these. I always keep a spare pair in the car in case Evie spits up or poops on me.”
I glanced down at the t-shirt and shorts. “I hate to take your clothes.”
“It’s okay. I don’t mind.”
“Thanks. I really appreciate it.”
Presley closed the door behind her and I got undressed. As I looked at the costume, it was hard to believe the course the night had taken. What had started off so light and fun had turned so dark and painful. I knew I would never be able to hear another Madonna song without thinking of Darion.
While Cade showered, I worked at putting his shelves back together. Some of the frames had cracked and would have to be replaced, but I set them back up. I had just finished when I heard the shower shut off. After waiting for what felt like an eternity, Cade still hadn’t appeared.
My knuckles rapped against the wood. “Cade?” When he didn’t respond, I said, “Cade, are you all right?”
The doorknob was unlocked when I tested it. I braced myself and threw it open. Cade stood in front of the mirror with a towel wrapped around his waist. Both his palms were flattened on the countertop while his head was tucked against his chest.
I cautiously stepped into the room. “Cade?” I questioned again.
He jerked his gaze up to meet mine in the mirror then shook his head forlornly. “Christ, Avery, I feel so dead,” he murmured.
“I’m know…I’m sorry.” I placed a hand on his back. “I know it sounds trite and cliché, but Darion wouldn’t want you feeling like this.”
“I know. He told me.”
I gasped. “He did?”
“He was still lucid when I was back there.”
Swallowing hard, I asked, “He wasn’t in any pain, was he?”
“No. He was really peaceful.” A bark of a laugh came from Cade. “He even said he was going to heaven to play football.”
“Sounds just like Darion.”
With a shake of his head, Cade said, “I can’t believe he’s gone.”
“Me either,” I whispered.
“I don’t know what to do. I just don’t want to feel dead any more, Avery.”
In that moment, I stood at a crossroads. I could have told him to take his time grieving alone, that I would just wait for him in the bedroom, but I didn’t want to leave him. I wanted to somehow ease his pain and in the same token, my own. To do that, I would have to step over the line I had so carefully drawn between us. I would have to let him feel something—something physical.
I dipped underneath his arm to wedge my body between him and the vanity. The warmth of his body singed my skin beneath the flimsy material of my t-shirt and shorts. As I met Cade’s questioning gaze, I slid my hands up his chest to encircle his neck. I pulled his head down to where our mouths were just inches apart. “I want to make you feel alive again.”
The grief in Cade’s eyes faded and a burning lust replaced it. His reaction was all I needed. My hands fell from his neck and came to rest at his waist. I jerked the towel away and then tossed it to the floor.
I pressed my lips to the center of his chest before kissing my way down his abdomen. Once I had dropped to my knees, I took his growing erection in my hand. I slowly worked my hand up and down his shaft.
Licking my lips, I then slid the head into my mouth. Cade groaned and threw his head back. “Jesus, Avery,” he muttered.
I’d never had the chance to do this for him the first night we were together. Now I planned on making up for that. I swirled my tongue around the tip before sucking it hard, giving special attention to the pulsing vein underneath. I took him into my throat as deep as I could while my hand worked up and down on his length. His groans of pleasure fueled me on. I wanted him to truly feel every lick and every stroke. One of Cade’s hands came to fist the strands of my hair while the other went to grip the edge of the vanity. His hips began to slowly rock back and forth.
With my free hand, I reached underneath to cup his balls. I massaged them gently at first before adding more pressure. “Fuck, Avery,” Cade moaned.
After a few minutes, I started to feel him tensing, and he abruptly pulled away. He gazed down at me over his heaving chest.
“You could have finished.”
He gave a firm shake of his head. “I want to finish inside you.”
Reaching underneath my arms, Cade pulled me up off the floor. He then whisked my t-shirt over my head and his hands came to my knead my breasts before his mouth settled on one of them. He licked and sucked my nipple into a hardened point before trailing warm kisses over to the other. While driving me wild with his attention to my breasts, he pumped the hard ridge of his erection against my core. It was all too much. “Please, Cade.”
“Anything, baby.”
“I need to feel you inside me.”
&
nbsp; “And I need to be inside you. I need it more than anything in this world,” Cade murmured against my nipple. His hands left my breasts and came to the button on my shorts. He practically tore them off, and my panties went next.
When his cock rubbed against my exposed clit, I gripped his shoulders so hard my fingers left marks on his skin. He fumbled in one of the drawers and somehow produced a condom. After he slid it on, his hands came to my waist. He lifted me up and sat me on the edge of the sink. As he moved between my thighs, I widened my legs for him.
With one harsh thrust, he was inside me. “Oh, fuck,” Cade groaned while I gasped at the intense feeling of both pleasure and pain. As he began pounding into me, I wrapped my legs around his waist. “I need you…so…much,” Cade murmured against my neck.
“I need you, too. God, have I needed you,” I replied as I tightened my arms around his shoulders.
Once again, it felt as if time and distance hadn’t even occurred between us. Everything was just like it had been before: the feel of his skin against mine, his hands on my body, the feel of him deep inside me.
Well, it was almost all the same. He had made love to me our first time together. This wasn’t the slow thrusts of making love. This was the hard pounding of fucking. It was raw and desperate. It was a frantic coupling.
And I loved every minute of it.
Cade might’ve needed to feel alive again, but I needed it just as much as he did. I’d never had this with any other guy—this connection, this level of lust and need. In the end, I didn’t care if we only had this moment. I would enjoy what we had and worry about the rest later.
Cade abruptly slid out of me. Pulling me down from the vanity, he spun me around. As Cade pushed my legs apart with his knees, I placed my hands on the granite counter in front of me. One of his hands came to my waist while the other guided his cock into me. I cried out with pleasure when he slammed back into me. With both his hands now on my hips, Cade pulled me back against his harsh thrusts. Sensing I needed more, he slid his hand around my hip to come between my legs. As his fingers rubbed against my clit, my cries of pleasure grew so loud I was afraid Jonathan and Presley would hear.