The Hawk: Part Eight
By Anna Scott Graham
Copyright 2016 by Anna Scott Graham
This is a work of fiction. Names and characters, incidents and places are either products of the author’s imagination or are used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
For my husband. And for my Father.
Chapter 136
A peach pie cooled on Lynne’s kitchen counter as Jane squawked in her high chair. When Lynne was busy, she placed her daughter in that seat, aware that soon another baby would be using it. Lynne also considered buying a toddler bed for Jane, yet for now a mother employed all necessary devices. Lynne thought of herself as a single parent, although for a few days she would have an extra pair of hands. She eagerly awaited Laurie’s arrival for a multitude of reasons.
As Jane squealed louder, another wee one made Lynne slightly nauseous. Quickly Lynne fixed peanut butter sandwiches. She gave one to Jane, then had a bite of the other, sitting as she did so. Jane grew quiet and Lynne relished the calm. It had been a hectic morning, what with making the pie, hearing from Stanford about Laurie’s departure, then considering her impending guest. Lynne hadn’t had much time to ponder Laurie’s arrival, nor had she been able to consider that man’s other half, much less her own husband. Jane had waked early, skipping her mid-morning nap, but as soon as lunch was over, a mother would put her child in the nursery for a rest. Laurie’s flight wasn’t due until one and the time it took the taxi to drop him off would give Lynne a chance to close her eyes, although she wouldn’t go upstairs to sleep. She had told Laurie the kitchen door would be unlocked and to make himself comfortable if he happened to find her snoozing on the sofa.
He had chuckled at her statement, the only time during their recent telephone conversations Lynne had heard him exhibit any mirth. Yet, as Sam and Renee had agreed, Laurie’s subdued mood was fully expected after what he had learned. Marek felt the same, but all were relieved he knew the truth, and that Seth was improving. Little was said about Lynne’s spouse, but she knew that was for her benefit. Eric would remain in Florida until…. Lynne wouldn’t press Laurie for an answer. The biggest blessing was that Eric’s presence back east was helping, and now there was one fewer person to whom Lynne would have to lie. Then she sighed, taking the last bite of her sandwich. Laurie would be the bearer of falsehoods, although Lynne wished he could tell Stanford the truth.
Jane clapped her hands, then gazed at her mother. Lynne looked up, then smiled. “Maybe Daddy won’t have to be gone much longer. Maybe he’ll be home by….” As the baby kicked, Lynne caressed Jane’s cheek. “He’ll be home when it’s time,” Lynne said softly, placing her other hand on what tumbled within her. Then she laughed. “My goodness, Uncle Laurie isn’t gonna know what hit him. Best that we all get some sleep so he’s not too overwhelmed.” Then Lynne shook her head. The last several months of Laurie’s life had been so traumatic, and perhaps the past week had been the worst, even if Seth had turned a corner. Lynne closed her eyes, but not from fatigue. She prayed for Laurie, Seth, Stanford, and for Eric. Then she opened her eyes, finding Jane looking weary. Lynne smiled, then chuckled. A tired toddler hadn’t been on her list, but God knew what a mother needed most.
Twenty minutes later Jane was asleep and Lynne was unconscious on the couch, dreaming she was walking through an orchard with Eric at her side. He spoke about painting Sam’s portrait, working on the Queens’ sketches, then he pulled her close, stroking Lynne’s cheek. As leaves rustled on trees, Lynne’s heart pounded, drowning out what Eric was trying to tell her. Then Lynne stirred, finding a smiling Laurie Abrams at her side.
“Hey there,” he said. “Didn’t mean to wake you. Well, maybe I did. Is Jane asleep?”
Lynne nodded, sitting up, making room for Laurie who sat beside her. Tears fell along her face, but not all were in sorrow. “Yeah she is. Oh Laurie, it’s so good to see you!”
“Yeah, it’s, it’s….” Their embrace halted his voice. Lynne began to cry in earnest, trembling as Laurie did the same, for much was now known and plenty remained to be stated. Yet a physical release was required, reciprocal in nature. Lynne wouldn’t have been so tactile with anyone but perhaps Renee, maybe Sam. Certainly not Stanford, and she began to giggle, pulling away from Laurie. But she didn’t go far, tracing around his damp eyes, which were laced with a deep sadness. Yes, there was much they needed to say. But first Lynne had something vital to share with this man. Placing Laurie’s hand on her belly, Lynne nodded her head. The baby moved as if on cue and Laurie’s eyes grew wide. Then he laughed. “Oh my God, there is someone in there.”
“There is. She moves all the time, especially if I’m toting big sister. But Jane just laughs, she thinks it’s hilarious.”
Laurie followed the baby’s movements, then gripped Lynne’s hands. “I wasn’t sure if coming here first was good, I mean….” He sighed, then smiled, again squeezing Lynne’s hands. “But God I am so glad I did.”
“I am too. Have you called Stanford yet?”
“No, just got here actually. I was gonna let you sleep….” He bit his lip, then smiled. “But to be honest, I wanted to wake you up. I wanted to….” Shyly he set one hand back on the baby. Then Laurie laughed. “This is so good, Jesus Christ, I can’t begin to tell you.”
“It is and I am so happy to see you.” Lynne took a deep breath. As she let it out, Laurie removed his hand.
A moment of quiet fell over them, then Laurie cleared his throat. “I better call Stan.” Laurie stood from the sofa, then looked around the room. Lynne wondered if he was hoping to find Eric, even if his whereabouts were now accepted. But maybe Laurie was simply taking in a new view of this house that would forever be how he accepted the Snyders. No longer was Eric merely an artist, but also a…. Laurie walked toward the kitchen, not speaking to Lynne, but that too was all right. Awkwardness would prevail for much of that day, Lynne allowed, maybe throughout all of Laurie’s visit. It had taken Sam a good while to accept the truth, and as Lynne stood, she heard a lie being told, not so much in how Laurie greeted Stanford, but via the tone of Laurie’s speech. Not wishing to eavesdrop, Lynne went upstairs. She checked that the guest room was ready, then used her bathroom. When she came back downstairs, she found Laurie standing in the sunroom, gazing at the garden. He turned to face her and his smile was different. Lynne nodded, then walked to where he stood, grasping his hand. No words were spoken as both faced the windows, but Laurie occasionally offered a gentle squeeze, which Lynne responded to with a firm pressure of her own. This property would never look the same to Laurie and Lynne would let him adjust at his own pace.
They stood in the sunroom for a few more minutes, then Laurie left to freshen up. When he returned, he found Lynne in the kitchen, making coffee. Laurie was grateful for the semblance of normalcy, for nothing within this house felt like what he remembered. Eric’s absence was a part of it, although the first time Laurie had met Lynne, Eric wasn’t present. The house had been smaller then, Jane hadn’t been born…. Laurie sat at the table, recalling how he’d helped Sam make dinner while Lynne had spoken to Stan in the studio. Eric had been trying to make peace with his father, which made Laurie shiver. Then he smiled, inhaling a familiar sweetness, although the scent wasn’t that of apple or boysenberry. “What kind of pie did you make?” he asked.
Lynne chuckled. “Peach. Marek bought a bushel and the freezer’s full of them. And of boysenberries,” she added, bringing two plates to the table. She set one in front of Laurie, then sat with her own. “Coffee will be ready in a bit, but you can have this first.”
Laurie took a bite, savoring the juicy goodness, which hinted back to Lynne and Eric’s visit in April. Then Laurie sighed. Lo
oking at Lynne, he reached for her hand, gripping it. “There’s so much to say, I don’t know where to begin.”
“There is, and I don’t know either. How’s Seth?”
“He’s….” Laurie inhaled sharply, but felt no pain. He exhaled, then smiled, forking himself another bite of pie. “He might actually be okay. He still has so much to process but….” Laurie ate the bite, trying to equate why his cousin was on the road to recovery while this woman was living without her husband. Slivers of guilt swirled through Laurie, for he was exceeding grateful Eric had…. Then Laurie coughed. Eric had changed form, leaving this woman who was visibly pregnant, not to mention Jane, still asleep upstairs. And while Seth was better, he was nowhere near being discharged, which meant Eric would remain separated from these people for…. “I’m sorry Lynne, I’m so sorry he’s gone.”
She nodded, but couldn’t speak, which augmented Laurie’s culpability. Yet, had Eric possessed any manner of recourse, could he have stopped the transformation? Many questions lingered, then Laurie thought back to Eric’s message from the playground. He wasn’t sure if he would share that with Lynne, it seemed rather ominous, and maybe it had only been for Laurie. Those words had tendered him a peaceful departure from Miami, but Laurie knew the calm wasn’t merely for now. Yet, was it for others as well? “Seth said he’ll write me when Eric leaves. I told him he could’ve written to you, but he said he wants to meet you properly.” Then Laurie smiled. That strange hope flickered within his chest, and for the first time it was connected to his cousin. “I think he’s really gonna be okay, one of these days. And that’s all because….” Then Laurie paused. He stared at his pie, then looked around the room. The kitchen seemed huge, what with it just the two of them. Lynne had lived here with only Jane for nearly three months, and even if Seth was discharged before the end of the year, that left another three months for a mother and daughter to dwell alone. Yes, Lynne had the Aherns and her pastor, but…. “How’re you doing?” Laurie asked, still grasping Lynne’s hand.
“Okay, I mean, it’s hard sometimes. Well, this morning was difficult.” Then Lynne smiled. “All Jane wanted was to get into everything and I was making pie and….” Lynne’s lip quivered, then she blinked away tears. “I’ve been looking forward to seeing you, to having some help for a couple of days to be perfectly honest.” She giggled. “I’m gonna put you to work Laurie, just so you know.”
He nodded, feeling a lightness within his chest similar to that ethereal peace. “Good. I’m ready for something different.”
Then he sighed, for no matter how they might wish to gloss over other issues, Eric and Seth were right in that room. Laurie took a large bite of pie, then pushed his plate aside. He smiled, then swallowed. “I’m gonna finish that, but first….” He shook his head. “Christ, I don’t even know where to begin.”
“Ask me whatever you want. But first, I need to ask you something.”
“Anything.”
Lynne moved her plate near Laurie’s, then scooted her chair toward his. She clutched his hands, then met his gaze. “Are you gonna tell Stanford about Eric?”
“Um, you mean that he’s a….”
She nodded.
Laurie wore a weak smile. “I wasn’t going to. He’d never understand, much less believe me, and….” Laurie recalled Seth admonishing him to be honest with Stan. Yet, it was ludicrous to imagine that Stanford could accept on any level what was happening in Miami. Then Laurie stared at Lynne, her face hard to read. “Do you want me to tell him?”
“I was just wondering.” She averted her eyes, then had a long sigh. Laurie knew she felt as Seth did, but how in the world did either of them think Stanford could begin to….
Lynne released Laurie’s hands, clasping hers together, setting them on the table. Laurie felt a chill with that pressure gone, but he didn’t reach out for her. “Lynne, as far as Stan knows, Eric’s been…. Shit, no matter what I tell him, it’s not gonna be anywhere close to the truth.” Laurie stood, then looked at the kitchen door. This room wasn’t the same as when he’d told Sam about Seth, this whole house was as if he’d stepped into another universe. Maybe he had, a world where men changed into animals, where he would have to lie to the most precious person. “How the hell did you two live all those years,” Laurie blurted. Then he shook his head. “Christ, that was rude. I’m sorry.”
Lynne joined him. “It’s like you stepped through the looking glass and you’d give anything to go back, but you can’t. That’s how I felt when he first told me, I thought he was crazy, I thought he’d….” Tears dotted her cheeks, but her smile shone. “All I wanted was for him to tell me it was a lie, but then that wouldn’t have made sense either. Then when I saw it happen, oh Laurie, it was the most horrifying moment, but then it was like, oh dear lord, he wasn’t lying, this does happen, and all I wanted was to wait for him to come back. Maybe that’s how you’ve felt with Seth all this time, you knew he was still in there, but you didn’t know how to get him home.” She sniffled back tears, wiping those Laurie shed. “I miss him so much, but then he’s here, I can’t deny that. He’s out in the studio and in the garden and in Jane and now in you. And I know that hurts, oh Laurie, believe me, I know. But I think about what he’s doing for Seth, and that when it’s time, he’ll come back. That first time he came back, I didn’t know if I was losing my mind, could this be real, but it was, it was him. I was so young and you know, we just took it one day at a time.”
Tears poured down her face, but her voice was light, which made Laurie wonder exactly what kind of person was Lynne Snyder. Eric was indeed a strange human being, but this woman was like no other Laurie knew. Then Laurie embraced her, for no words would have sufficed, and those they loved weren’t anywhere close. Laurie accepted this woman had become his sister, for how else to describe the bond they now shared? If that made Eric Laurie’s brother, what a gift, for previously Laurie only had Seth in that role, and for years it was a tenuous link at best. Then Laurie laughed as Lynne’s baby began moving. He pulled away, placing his hand on that child. “One day at a time is probably the only way you could’ve managed, just like now.” Laurie took deep breaths, replenishing his aching heart, which was also being rejuvenated by the baby tumbling under his hand. “I bet it is a girl,” he said softly, then he winced. Eric had probably never wanted a son, in part due to his abusive father. And now, after all that time spent with Seth, it would be even more ingrained. “No matter what it is,” he said, “it’s gonna be beautiful.”
“Yeah, he or she will be. And I hope you’ll be here.”
“Wild horses couldn’t keep me away.” Then Laurie removed his hand; what if Eric was still in Florida, was that Lynne’s meaning? Laurie gazed at her, but her smile belied any unpleasant thoughts. Laurie nodded. “I’ll be here, Stan will too. Will you have the baby here again?”
“I think so. Even if Eric’s not home, Frannie’s offered to help. You can keep Sam and Marek company.”
“And Miss Jane too.” Laurie chuckled, then gazed toward the kitchen doorway. “Will she sleep much longer?”
“Probably not too much. Let’s finish our pie, then we’ll check on her.” Lynne walked to where the percolator sat on the counter, pouring two cups. She brought them to the table, where Laurie had returned to his chair. “I told Sam we’d have dinner with them tomorrow, but that tonight it would just be us here.”
Laurie nodded. “How’s the adoption going?”
Lynne didn’t answer immediately, making Laurie gaze her way. She had retrieved her plate, but hadn’t forked herself a bite. She stared into the room, then finally met his eyes. “It’s, um, going okay.”
Now Laurie stared at Lynne. “Is something wrong?”
“Not exactly wrong.” Lynne wore a knowing smile. “There’s a lot that’s happened lately, but you’ve had plenty on your plate.” She sighed, but her smile returned. “Marek knows about you and Stanford.” Then Lynne giggled. “So do Fran and Louie.”
“They do?”
“Uh-huh.” Lynne still wore that enigmatic grin. “Sam told the Canfields that Eric went to Miami to help Seth. Fran hasn’t questioned me, so I’m leaving it at that.”
“But Marek knows about Eric. Seth told me so.”
“He’s known for a while.” Lynne’s voice wavered, but she couldn’t keep that mysterious grin concealed. “We have so much to catch up on, not sure how much we can get through before I fall asleep tonight.”
Now Laurie smiled, in part that he hadn’t wanted to speak about things around Jane. And that Lynne’s mood wasn’t depressed. He was curious about many items, but mostly he ached to see one little girl. Finishing his pie, he sipped his coffee, which was tasty but hot. “Well, we’ll see what we can hash out before we hit the hay. In the meantime….” Laurie stood. “Can I go get her?”
“Yeah, but she’s a little fussy when she’s gotten up early.”
“I’ll take that chance,” Laurie smiled, heading to the kitchen doorway.
Lynne merely laughed as she followed him up the stairs.
Jane treated Laurie like she had only seen him last week, which warmed his heart, and the adults didn’t broach more than what Jane found amusing until after she was put to bed, Laurie taking that task. An odd weariness dogged his steps as he returned downstairs, finding a sleepy looking woman resting on the sofa. But as Laurie joined Lynne, she opened her eyes, a soft chuckle escaping. “My goodness,” she smiled, “it’s so good having you here.”
He grasped her hand, then realized how much he felt the same. He wasn’t sure if that was due to how engaging Jane had been, how lovely it was to spend time with Lynne, or how he loathed the lie he would tell Stanford back home. Laurie shut that last piece from his mind, then released Lynne’s hand. “Well I’m glad to be of use.” Then he shook his head. “Lynne, thank you for letting me come here.” Again he grasped her hand, then kissed the back of it. “I needed this, oh my God, so much.”
“Me too. Renee and Sam visit, Marek does too, but….” She smiled. “It’s a relief knowing I won’t be the only grownup here in the morning.”
Both laughed, as Laurie had found how much attention one child required in the few hours Jane had been awake since his arrival. He wanted to ask what Lynne would do in the new year, but that seemed unnecessary. Seth might be home by then, which meant Eric would have returned as well. Then Laurie pondered that homecoming. “How will he be when he gets back?”
Lynne didn’t answer right away, and for a moment Laurie wondered if their conversation would again revert to that awkward state of earlier. Then Lynne began to speak and Laurie was a rapt audience as she explained Eric’s tortuous transformation in December of 1960. Then she explained his return a year later, which had only been questionable due to his terrible cold. Laurie said little, Lynne’s matter of fact tone assuaging his concerns. And now that Marek knew…. Then Laurie cleared his throat. “How did he, I mean….”
Now Lynne’s eyes grew teary. “A hawk saved Marek’s life.”
“A hawk,” Laurie said. Then he shivered. “You mean like Eric?”
“I don’t know exactly. But regardless of how Eric returns, there’ll be people here to take care of him.”
But what about you, Laurie nearly said. Yes, she had help, plus she didn’t have to stretch the truth with those close. Again he winced; there was simply no way he could share this with Stan. Then Laurie sighed. “Well, at least there’s that.” He gazed around the room, imagining the Aherns, Marek, even the Canfields milling about, although they didn’t know about Eric. Yet not that long ago, only this woman knew the truth. “Lynne, maybe this’ll sound odd, but yeah, there are people who know. God, even saying that seems strange, but….” But this was now a reality Laurie would live with for the rest of his life. He would also receive the biggest gift when Seth was home and was well. That made Laurie smile. “I never thought Seth would be healed. But thanks to your husband, oh my God….” Laurie couldn’t hold back his laughter, tears accompanying. “I’m gonna have my little brother back, and I can’t begin to tell you how good that makes me feel.”
Laurie stood, picturing Seth in that room, maybe speaking to Eric or his pastor, or more rightly to Sam. Laurie walked to where the canvas of the orchard had hung, then he peered into the darkened sunroom, night having fallen. Paintings were stacked along the the walls, those of Lynne and Jane and the garden. This house was different, but it was also much the same, or perhaps it would always be in a state of flux, what with babies arriving, children growing, and…. And one occupant who made the most miraculous alterations. Eric was indeed that hawk, as well as Jane’s father, Lynne’s husband, and Laurie’s friend.
He was another of Laurie’s brothers, which made Laurie smile, then turn to find Lynne still seated. Yet her eyes were closed, was she asleep? He didn’t approach her, but observed how her hands rested on her baby, yet she moved them; was she following her child’s tumbles? Laurie hadn’t known Lynne well enough when she and Eric visited New York nearly this time two years ago to have felt Jane within her mother, but now…. Laurie knew that Lynne was praying, for her lips moved, silent but meaningful words being offered. Then she opened her eyes, gazing his way. “They’ll both come home,” her voice tremulous. Then she stood, walking toward him. “I look forward to meeting him.”
“Not sure when, but one of these days.”
Lynne nodded, stifling a yawn. Then she giggled, yawning with force. “One of these days indeed. There’s plenty I still need to tell you, but we can talk in the morning.”
Laurie also nodded. “Yeah, we’ll both sleep well tonight.” He wondered what else she had to say, but enough had been stated, or at least the biggest pieces of what Laurie assumed was a very large puzzle, one that may never be completed. He’d never asked why Eric changed form, not that he hadn’t considered it, but then there was probably no answer to such a question. He also didn’t know any more about the Aherns becoming parents, but that was a subject they could speak about in front of Jane, or Laurie assumed that was the case. The awkwardness he had anticipated had been replaced by a sense of family Laurie hadn’t dreamed possible. But perhaps that too had been inevitable, for to realize such a phenomenon was only for a small circle. Laurie felt guilty that Stan would sit outside that group, but it was for his own benefit. For even with how calm Lynne seemed, she would sleep alone that night. Would it be better if Eric was in an institution, Laurie mused, as Lynne said goodnight. It was neither here nor there, Laurie accepted, kissing her cheek, then watching as she went to check the doors. Indeed, Lynne’s husband was gone, and not even Laurie could fill that vast space. He followed her up the stairs, then they shared a brief embrace. Laurie walked to the end of the hall, turning back as he heard Lynne’s door close. He sighed, then stepped into the guest room, shutting his door behind him.
Chapter 137