Jordan could still hear Wilson speaking with Sunny, so he decided not to disturb them. With rather slow steps and a heavy heart Jordan made his way to the stables. He would have been greatly encouraged if he had chanced to look up toward Holly's bedroom window. He would have caught her watching his departure with studied concentration.
* * *
Wilson exited after just a few minutes of conversation with his mistress, and Sunny stood staring down at the place where he had stood. She was still deciding if she liked the man. His clean-shaven, nondescript face was familiar somehow, but Sunny was certain she had never seen him before. He was always the soul of respect, and she had to admit that his help in going to Ravenscroft had been invaluable, but the feeling that he watched her constantly was always at the edge of Sunny's mind. She never actually caught him in the act, but nevertheless the feeling lingered.
She glanced down at the papers and fabrics he had handed her, and in an instant all thoughts of discomfort evaporated. They were swatches from the curtains, wallpaper, and bed hangings to her bedroom, the last room to be renovated and redecorated. Sunny suddenly
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found herself wishing that Aunt Lucy were coming before next week.Calm dawn,she told herself.You're to be content r&fa where you tire. After all, you've only a few days to wait before you can call Ravenscroft your home.
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283UI can't understand why it upsets you so much." Sunny was remembering Rand's calm words.
"He treats me like a child," Sunny had insisted, but Rand had not looked convinced.
"From what you told me, he only voiced the same concerns I did, and you had no problem taking it from me."
Tou betd no problem taking it from me.
The words echoed in Sunny's mind again and again. It had been a poorly planned conversation, occurring the day before she moved from Willows' End. The exchange had put something of a blot on her departure, but when Rand asked her if she had heard from Brandon since that day in the library, all her old anger bubbled to the surface.
Now, sleep eluding her, she lay in her bed at Ravenscroft and recounted the entire conversation in her mind.
"Why, Sunny? Why does it make you so furious when Brandon treats you like a child? Chelsea and I do often enough, but you never react like this."
"I don't know," Sunny admitted.al guess I'd like him to see me as a woman, but every time we're together I do something he disapproves of, or I end up looking like a child."
"I disagree. I don't think you act any differently around Brandon than anyone else, but for some reason, you can't handle his reaction to you.**
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You're getting at something, Rand." Sunny was very alert and slightly suspicious.
"I guess I am."
Neither one of them spoke for some minutes, and Sunny, knowing that Rand had accurately read her, decided there was no point in holding her secret any longer.
"It's not going to change a thing to say it aloud, but it is as you suspect-Fve loved Brandon for as long as I can remember. But as I said, my admitting it changes nothing. He sees me as little more than a sister, and a young one at that."
"You've never said anything or let on in any way." Even though Rand had suspected that Sunny's love for Brandon was more than familial, he was quite surprised at her admission.
"No, I guess I haven't. I'm learning to share my feelings, but it doesn't come easily for me. Please don't misunderstand me, Rand. I wasn't devastated when his engagement to Dinah was announced, but something in me hurt and I couldn't figure out what it was. I was very upset for Brandon when they dissolved their engagement, but at the same time, I couldn't believe the relief inside of me. Knowing that he was so hurt, I felt deep guilt over my relief."
Sunny could not know that she had shocked Rand into silence. He had hoped that his questions would spur her to examine her feelings, but he was not prepared for just how much she had already done this.
"Should he ever find out, Rand," Sunny went on resignedly, "it would destroy all we've shared through the years. I love Brandon like I love no one else, but I love him enoughnotto have him. Does that make sense to you? I love him enough to let him be my big brother for all time. I had been dealing fairly well with all of this before I accepted Jesus Christ, but afterward, when I felt at the end of my tether, Christ gave me the strength to carry on.
**I have no expectations for the future, but one thing I know won't change: My love for Brandon gives him a power of which he is unaware-the power to hurt me. His opinion means so much. That's why I react the way I do. I don't always escape without sin, but God is getting me beyond that, and He's always waiting to hear my voice when Brandon and I have had a confrontation."
Sunny did not know that her every word, even the tone of her voice, confirmed to Rand his decision to let her move. She had truly
become a godly, wise young woman; a woman who accepted her situation and trusted God when she knew pain.
As he hugged his precious sister, Rand realized he could change everything for her and Brandon with just a few well-placed words. As soon as the thought surfaced, another one followed, and that was that he must allow Brandon and Sunny to work this out for themselves. Feelings were tender things, and knowing the way Brandon felt, Rand was certain he would someday make himself understood.
For the present, however, Sunny was losing a night's sleep because of worry and pain. Rising from her bed, Sunny lit the lantern and turned in her Bible to the Psalms. She loved the verses in Psalm 119, especially verses 57 through 64, and began reading them sofUy to herself:
"Thou art my portion, O Lord; I have said that I would keep thy words. I entreated thy favor with my whole heart; be merciful unto me according to thy word. I thought on my ways, and turned my feet unto thy testimonies. I made haste, and delayed not to keep thy commandments. The bands of the wicked have robbed me, but I have not forgotten thy law. At midnight I will rise to give thanks unto thee because of thy righteous judgments. I am a companion of all them who fear thee, and of them that keep thy precepts. The earth, O Lord, is full of thy mercy; teach me thy statutes."
Sunny smiled ironically at the verse that spoke of midnight. "I'm not awake at this time of night to give You praise, Lord, as I should, but I'm up to fret and hurt. Please comfort my heart. Thank You for Your mercy, Your lovingkindness. I feel relieved that Brandon will be away and not at Willows' End for Christmas. But I can't live my life that way. Change me, Lord. Pour Your grace upon me and help me to trust You for the future."
Sunny closed her Bible and blew the lantern out. She settled back against her pillows and continued to pray. It was still some minutes, but in time she prayed herself into peaceful sleep.
"How did you sleep, my dear?" Aunt Lucy asked over breakfast. "Actually I was a bit wakeful. How was your night?" As sometimes was the case, Aunt Lucy was quite lucid this morning. She ignored the question about herself, her face showing greater concern for Sunny's welfare.
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"Was it a worry of some kind, my dear? If there is something I can do, you know I'd be more than happy."
"Thank you, Aunt Lucy," Sunny replied sincerely. She had truly come to care for this woman in the few weeks they had lived together. "But I'm fine. I'll lie down this afternoon if I'm feeling weary.**
"A very sensible idea, my dear. TUdy and I are going to work on my papers. IVe decided to write a book.**
"A book?" Sunny stopped with her fork halfway to her mouth.
"Yes, a book.** Aunt Lucy looked triumphant. "IVe led an interesting life, and I think it only fair, since I've been so blessed, that I share my adventures on paper with any and all."
Thinking what a wonderful winter project writing a book would be for her, Sunny smiled. It had been on her mind that Aunt Lucy m
ight feel a bit shut in until spring, but this was going to be perfect.
"I've also decided to stay here Christmas Day." Aunt Lucy held up a hand before Sunny could protest. "I know you're expecting me, but I'll be more comfortable here. If Milton were still alive, I would make the effort to go to Bracken, but Tildy and I will be very happy right where we are."
Sunny could see that she had made up her mind, so she let the matter rest. In fact it would have done little good to try to discuss it. Aunt Lucy and Tildy closeted themselves in Lucy's bedroom right after breakfast, and Sunny didn't see them the rest of the morning.
"Do you know that for the longest time I fancied myself in love with you?**
Sunny could only stare at Jordan as he quietly bared his heart. He had arrived less than an hour ago to see Sunny's new home. She had shown him around with the excitement of new ownership, but it didn't take long to sec that his heart was not really with her. Sunny had wisely waited until tea, when Jordan was relaxed and sitting in her lovely front parlor, before questioning him about what was wrong. His answers flabbergasted her.
"Have you ever had something or someone right under your nose, and not been able to see it?** Jordan went on, almost to himself. Sunny wondered what he was talking about.
"I mean, Holly is my best friend's sister. She's always been the
sister I've never had.*5Jordan noticed Sunny's puzzled look then, and smiled a bit sheepishly.
"I have a confession to make to you, Sunny. I only came over here today because I wanted to go to Willows* End, but I knew I couldn't take any more of Holly's indifference toward me."
"You're in love with her then?"
"Yes, but I no more than recognized it than she got all cold and prickly with me. I don't know what happened. It doesn't matter, though," Jordan went on vehemently. "If it takes years I'm going to win her heart. I'm going to show her I can be far more than a big brother to her."
"I don't think it will take years." Sunny spoke softly, and even though his heart was filled with Holly, something in Sunny's voice made Jordan pause.
"What did you mean by that?**
Sunny bit her lip and turned her gaze out the window. She would never give Holly's secret away, and now she deeply regretted her words. Jordan was sure to press her, and they might quarrel. When Sunny remained silent, Jordan began to warm to his subject.
"She cares for me, doesn't she, Sunny?" His very being radiated hope over the question. "She cares for me and is hiding behind her indifference, isn't she?"
Sunny was stubbornly silent, but Jordan was now quite sure of himself. She couldn't stop a smile when he nearly jumped to his feet and began to pace the room.
"Sunny, Sunny, Sunny. Do you realize what this means? I thought it would be years, but now!" Jordan let the sentence hang as he plopped down next to her on the davenport. His arm stretching along the davenport behind her, he leaned very dose, and smiled into her eyes.
"You're wonderful, do you know that?** Jordan felt as if he'd been set free.
"I haven't said a word, Jordan," she reminded him.
"You didn't need to."
Sunny could only shake her head and laugh softly when Jordan dropped a light kiss on her nose. Thinking he was such a dear friend, she smiled up into his eyes and knew that he and Holly were going to be very happy.
Unfortunately Brandon chose that moment to come in unannounced. To him, the interplay on the sofa was not one that would
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be shared by good friends, but by a couple who were involved far beyond friendship. In feet, if she was carrying on with Jordan, he wondered how she could be so lax as to not even close the door.
In the moments before Sunny saw him, Brandon realized that he had never had opportunity to see her around other men. What if she had turned into a flirt and a tease? Brandon's feelings were so mixed that when Sunny finally saw him, he just stared at her a moment.
"Well, come in, Brandon," she repeated twice.
Brandon did so, but felt his worst fears confirmed when she didn't appear uncomfortable after being caught in a near embrace.
"Thank you." He worked quickly to school his features as he took a seat.
"I have to be leaving," Jordan said softly, having noticed the duke's unease and wanting some time alone to plan his visit to Holly.
"Don't run off on my account," Brandon told him.
"No, no," Jordan said with a smile. "I've been here awhile."
Brandon nodded and couldn't stop the thought,and what have you and Sunny been doing in that time?He was ashamed of his own thoughts, and was thankful that Sunny, in her move to see Jordan to the door, did not notice.
How ironic,Brandon's mind went on while he was still alone, his pride stung to the core. /come to tell Sunny how I feet, and that I want to see more of her, and find younjj Townsend here. I guess I should be thankful I found out before making a fool of myself.
"Well, now," Sunny spoke with very real delight when she came back into the room. "May I give you a tour?" Her voice and face turned a bit hesitant, and Brandon remembered the words they'd had over her move to Ravenscroft. At the moment, her vulnerability melted his heart, and he knew he would have to put his feelings aside. He stood with a ready smile.
"I MUST SAYI'M VERY IMPRESSED,SUNNY."
Sunny beamed but didn't speak. Brandon's approval meant so much to her. They had come full circle, toured the house and the grounds, and were now back in the parlor.
"Where is Aunt Lucy today?" Brandon asked as they settled on opposite ends of the davenport and Sunny rang for tea.
Sunny's eyes sparkled with merriment, her face so lovely and radiant that Brandon convinced himself that she was completely innocent of his every wicked thought.
"She's sequestered in her room writing a book."
"You're not serious,** Brandon said with a smile.
"Indeed I am. She told me this morning. Actually, I think it's a great project. I'm rather proud of her for trying."
"Well, at least it will keep her busy. Do you miss Willows' End?** Brandon asked suddenly.
"Yes. Holly especially. She's such great fun. Although," Sunny added dryly, "I won't miss her having male visitors and my having to hide because I'd rather not see them. She would always tease me when they left and call me a wanton." Sunny chuckled softly at the memory, but Brandon didn't share her mirth. Jealousy riding high, he spoke without thought.
"Holly might not find it so amusing if she'd seen your behavior with Jordan a short time ago. Have you become a wanton, Sunny?**
The smile slowly died on Sunny's face. The look on Brandon's made her feel very cold inside.
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Where the question had come from, Brandon could not at the moment tell, but it had suddenly popped out. He wanted to pull his own tongue out when he saw the look in Sunny's eyes. Any amends he might have attempted were cut short by her terse voice.
"I can see why you would say that, Brandon." Sunny's voice dripped with sarcasm. "After all, I flirt with every man I meet. Oh, and then there's the way I'm always pretending to be faint, or to have a lash in my eye so I can press myself against you and you can look into my eyes. Aside from all of that, I'm sure you've noticed the way I stayed in London as long as I could, simply dying to be the belle of every ball.**
This said, Sunny stood. Trembling with pain and anger, she marched toward the door with head high, and was on the threshold when Brandon's voice stopped her.
"Sunny," he spoke.
She stopped but did not turn.
"I'm sorry."
She heard the agony in his voice, but still did not turn. "Thank you, Brandon," she replied after a moment. "I think it would be best if you left now." Again she hesitated. "I never thought I'd say this, but I think I'm rather glad you're going to be away at Christmas."
Brandon watched helplessly as she went through the door. He had gone to the threshold and watched her run up the wide staircase. He'd felt terrible for days over their last enco
unter. This time he wondered if either of them would ever get over it.
Jordan stepped quietly inside the music room at Willows* End and leaned against the door. He had specifically asked Chelsea not to have him announced.
Now he stood motionless and studied Holly's lovely profile as she bent sternly over the keys of the grand piano and played Beethoven's Sonata No. 14. Jordan felt mesmerized by the sound. Holly's fingers never missed a key, nor her foot, the beat.
Jordan was thankful for her concentration, since she didn't notice him until she had finished the last note. He had mentally prepared himself for her reaction, but it still hurt to see the dismay in her eyes when she spotted him.
"Jordan," Holly said rather inanely, as she folded her hands tightly in her lap. She stayed on the piano bench with an effort as he pushed away from the door and approached. Holly watched as Jordan moved to the piano and leaned nonchalantly against it.
"Are you going to ask me to sit down?" Jordan wanted to know, telling himself that he was not going to let Holly put him off this time.
"All right," Holly spoke reluctantly, and then bolted from the bench when he moved to sit down next to her. It was now Holly's turn to stand by the piano, as she watched Jordan make himself comfortable in the middle of the bench.
Holly told herself that her heart simply couldn't take seeing him again. She had talked with her mother and felt better, but now she plannedtounburden herself to Miles when he came again, hoping for some advice about his best friend. In the meantime, she knew she wasn't doing well at all.
For the moment, Jordan allowed her the distance and spoke with studied ease as his hands lightly touched the keys. His eyes, however, were not on the keyboard; they were considering Holly.
"How were your Christmas and New Year's?"
"Fine," Holly answered carefully and wondered at the unfamiliar gleam in Jordan's eye. It was almost as though he were laughing at her, but she must be mistaken.