CHAPTER XIII
Rosemary's Secret
The fresh year flew on wings. The snowdrops--fair maids ofFebruary--faded in the school garden, and their pale, ethereal,green-tipped blossoms were replaced by golden daffodils that seemed toreflect the stronger sunshine. Mezereon and other fragrant shrubs putout sweet-scented flowers, and the great white arum lilies were throwingup their sheaths. Violets and early primroses might be searched forunder sheltered hedgerows, and the Japanese cherry-trees were burstinginto bud. Mother Nature seemed to be shaking her garments, and gettingready for the great carnival of Spring.
With the longer days, Lorraine was often up at Windy Howe. It was thesort of household where you could arrive at any time without presentingan apology for your intrusion.
"You must take us just as you find us," said Claudia. "You know I'm gladto see you, Lorraine, but I shan't treat you as a visitor, and have youshown into the drawing-room. You don't mind?"
Claudia was sitting in the nursery, rocking the latest addition to theCastleton family, a tiny white bundle, with golden down on its pinkhead. She nursed it dutifully, patting its back with the experiencegained with seven other younger brothers and sisters.
"Yes, it's rather sweet," she agreed, in answer to a comment fromLorraine. "I'd like them all right if they didn't cry so much; it's sucha nuisance when they're perpetually squalling. The fact is I'm fed upwith children. I never seem able to get away from them here. I've thegreatest difficulty in doing my home lessons. Violet's always asking meto take the baby or Perugia, and Lilith and Constable are generallytearing about somewhere, to say nothing of Beata and Romola and Madox.Lorraine, I've _quite_ made up my mind. I'm seventeen now, and I'mleaving school this summer. I'm _not_ going to stay at home and justhelp with the children! It isn't good enough!"
"What would you like to do?" asked Lorraine, watching with sympathywhile her friend made another effort to soothe the obstreperous newlittle brother to sleep.
"I don't know!" said Claudia forlornly. "I don't seem good for anythingexcept to do odd jobs. Perhaps I'll go on the land. It would be a changeto make hay and hoe turnips. I should be away from Violet, anyhow. We'vebeen squabbling again dreadfully of late. I can't stand it much longer.If Morland's called up, I'm going off too. I don't care where!"
She spoke resentfully, almost desperately; Lorraine had not seen her insuch a mood before. She had sometimes guessed that her friend was notaltogether happy at home, though until to-day she had never receivedsuch a big slice of Claudia's confidence.
"Couldn't you go to college--or to study something?" she suggestedvaguely.
The baby was crying so lustily that conversation was difficult.Claudia's remarks were punctuated by the regular tap-tap of the rockerson her chair.
"I've asked Father, but it's no use; he won't send me. He says it'sBeata's and Romola's turn now, and they must go to school. Life'shorrid--I just hate it all!"
The baby, lifting up a despairing wail, also protested against the evilsof existence.
"Poor little man! He doesn't like life either!" soothed Claudia. "There!There! Are his toes cold? Sissie'll warm them for him. It's no use; Ishall have to take him to Violet, and she's trying to write letters!"
This little peep behind the scenes at Windy Howe made Lorraine feelworried about Claudia. The next time she went to the studio by theharbour, she talked the matter over. Margaret Lindsay knew the Castletonfamily so well that she might be counted upon for advice.
"Claudia's simply fed up!" explained Lorraine. "It's partly thechildren, but principally Violet. I don't think I should like to livewith Violet myself."
"Perhaps not, yet she has her good points. On the whole I think she'svery decent to all those step-children. With her own little tribe aswell, it must be difficult to manage the household. But I sympathizewith Claudia. When she leaves school I'm sure it will be far the bestplan for her to go away from home for a while."
"But her father won't let her!"
"Suppose she could win a scholarship? I fancy that would smooth theway."
"Oh, do you think she could?"
"Suppose you ask Miss Kingsley if she can suggest any career forClaudia? She's sure to be interested in her pupils' plans for thefuture. I certainly think it's a shame for the girl to be kept at homeacting nursemaid to the younger ones. I'd willingly tackle Mr. Castletonsome day and have a little talk with him about Claudia, if there's anyplan to propose. I knew her own mother, so that gives me a pull. I'dspeak to Violet, too. I dare say she'd be quite nice about it."
"Oh, Carina, I wish you would! I think Claudia has a wretched time. Doyou know, the children got hold of the album I gave her for herbirthday, and they scribbled all over it? And Violet didn't even scoldthem. Wasn't it trying? She lets them scramble about everywhere and dowhat they like. Claudia's so worried, she says her hair's beginning tofall out."
"I didn't know her hair was falling out. She'd better cut it short, inthat case. She mustn't on any account let that lovely hair beneglected."
Miss Kingsley, on being appealed to, was deeply interested. She talkedthings over with Miss Janet, and they came at once to a conclusion.There was nothing for it but a good kindergarten training. There wereseveral open scholarships for a kindergarten college whose principal wasan intimate friend of theirs. They would write about it at once, andClaudia must go in for the examination. They would make a point ofcoaching her specially. In their minds the whole matter was alreadydecided. It would be a splendid chance for the girl, so they said. Thatwise old Greek slave AEsop, who knew human nature so well that his fablesare as true to life now as they were two thousand years ago, tells thestory of a king who wished to fortify his castle. He asked advice, andthe mason recommended bricks, the carpenter wood, and the tannerleather. Each thought his own trade supreme. The Misses Kingsley wereperfectly sure that Claudia, who was experienced with children, wouldsucceed admirably in kindergarten work. They even saw visions of herbeing established some day at The Gables in the capacity of a mistress.
Claudia, on being introduced to her future prospects, gasped a little.She acquiesced, but did not look quite as grateful as her friends hadanticipated.
"I'd get away from home, at any rate! And that would be something!" wasall she would say to Lorraine.
"It would be a career!" said Lorraine, fresh from a brainy, bracingtalk with Miss Janet. "Once you've got your training, you'll beindependent and able to earn your own living."
"Um--yes----" Claudia spoke without enthusiasm. "I wonder what thecollege would be like? Jolly hard work, I expect!"
"Miss Janet says it's adorable!"
"Oh! There are several scholarships. I wish you'd go in for one and cometoo; then we should be together."
It was Lorraine's turn to look blank. It is one thing to recommend avocation to a friend, and quite another to take it up yourself. Viewedfrom her own standpoint, the joys of a kindergarten training did notseem so attractive. She began to wonder whether Miss Janet hadoverstated them and the delights of independence.
"I--I don't know yet whether I want to leave home, and if I do, I'mgoing to study art!" she stammered lamely.
"I wish I could study music, but there's not the faintest little atom ofa chance of doing that," returned Claudia bitterly.
Nevertheless, at Miss Kingsley's insistence, she set to work diligentlyto read up for the open scholarship examination. Miss Janet kindlycoached her, and gave up many hours of leisure on her behalf. Claudiawas quite clever at lessons when she chose to apply herself. Theprogress she made under this private tuition delighted Miss Janet. MissKingsley wrote fully to her friend the principal of the college, andreceived a most encouraging reply.
"The girl you mention seems just the kind of student we wish to procureat present," wrote Miss Halden. "I am allowed a certain liberty ofselection, and, so long as a candidate's marks do not fall below a givenstandard, I may make my own choice. I am not necessarily obliged toaward the scholarships to those who send in the best papers, but tothose who
, after a personal interview, I consider would in the end makethe most successful teachers. There are other qualifications to considerbesides examination points. Charm of manner is an extremely valuableasset in dealing with children; and I would rather train a girl who isgifted with imagination and tact than the most erudite student who isdeficient in these necessary qualities. If Claudia Castleton is what yousay, and you can coach her sufficiently to gain a pass, I think she maybe almost sure of a scholarship."
The Misses Kingsley were most excited at the receipt of this letter.They did not tell Claudia its full contents for fear she might slack offwork, but they could not help throwing out hints.
"It's something to have friends at Court!" beamed Miss Janet, as she puton her pince-nez and took her pupil for Latin construction. "You see, weknow Miss Halden so very well. I fancy there's luck in store for you,Claudia!"
"Yes," said Claudia dolefully, as she looked up a last word in thedictionary.
Margaret Lindsay had taken the opportunity of a visit to the studio atWindy Howe to speak to Mr. Castleton on the subject of the possiblescholarship. He was busy painting at the time, and far more interestedin the proper perspective of his background than in his daughter'sfuture prospects. He agreed abstractedly with anything that wassuggested.
"If they'll give her a free training, let her go by all means--don't youthink that pearly grey throws the cliff into relief?--I've no doubt MissKingsley's right--I think that gorse-bush is an improvement--yes, she'sgetting a big girl, I suppose--I had made the cliff darker, but I likethe sun on it--the children grow up so fast--I'm glad you like thatshade of brown under the rock, because I consider it brings out thewhole picture."
Young, pretty Mrs. Castleton, on being appealed to, burst into tragictears.
"I'm sure _I_ don't want to stand in the girl's light," she sobbed. "Ifit's the right thing for her to leave home, I suppose she must; butnobody need say _I've_ turned her out. I shouldn't have thought it wouldbe any more fun teaching kindergarten than helping to look after her ownbrothers and sisters! However, that's a matter of opinion, and I'vealways tried to do my best by my husband's children, but it's smallthanks one gets for it all."
The examination for the scholarship was to be held in London, andcandidates were required to fill up beforehand certain papers ofapplication and forward them to the College. The forms arrived on thevery last day of term. Miss Janet summoned Claudia to the study and gavethem to her.
"They must be signed by your father," she explained, "and you must postthem not later than the sixth. The envelope is already addressed, and mysister and I have filled in our part of the application. All you have todo is to get Mr. Castleton's signature. When Miss Halden receives thesepapers, she will send you a card of admission for the examination. Thatwill not be for three weeks, so I shall see you again before you have togo up to London. Be sure to go on with your work during the holidays,and give special attention to Latin grammar."
"Yes, Miss Janet," said Claudia dutifully, taking the large envelope andslipping it into her coat pocket.
"Post it to-morrow," urged Miss Janet, as she dismissed her pupil fromthe study.
The advent of Easter saw Rosemary again at Porthkeverne. She not onlyreturned for the holidays, but "came back for good". The secret whichhad haunted and puzzled Lorraine since Christmas was out at last.Rosemary had written home and told the plain, unvarnished, brutal truth.
"Signor Arezzo says it's no use my going on. He'll never be able to makeanything of my voice. I've been at the Coll. two terms, and tried mybest, but he says it's futile--I'm only fit to warble in a smalldrawing-room to friends who are not over-critical, and it's a waste ofmoney to stop on here!"
This was indeed a blow. It was a very crushed, disappointed, miserablelittle Rosemary who returned to the bosom of her bewildered family. Atfirst they would not believe the severe decision, and passed through thestages of denial, indignation, and annoyance to realization andresignation. It is so very humiliating to find out that your swan, aboutwhom you have cackled so proudly, turns out to be only an ordinary,domestic, farm-yard bird after all.
Evidently the first thing to be done was to comfort Rosemary. She neededit badly. She went about the house a pathetic little figure, with bigwistful eyes.
"I'm heart-broken, Muvvie!" she sobbed in confidence.
"Never mind, darling; we want you at home if they don't want you at theCollege! You can go in for V.A.D. work, and help at the Red CrossHospital. It's delightful for me to have my daughter back. You don'tknow how I shall appreciate your company!"
"But I feel I'm such a failure!"
"Not at all! You simply haven't slipped into your right niche yet.People sometimes make bad shots before they find their vocations. Cheerup! Your singing is a great pleasure to us, if it's not fit for aconcert platform."
"I never want to sing another note in all my life!" declared Rosemary.
Little by little details of the tragedy leaked out. Lorraine heard manyof them, sitting on her sister's bed, while Rosemary ruefully unpackedthe boxes of music and the tea-things and all the other treasuredtrifles she had taken to the College.
"He says I haven't the physique for a singer. I've not got enough 'puff'in my lungs. You should see Maudie Canning, his favourite pupil. She hasthe most enormous chest, and such a throat! Just look at mine!"(Rosemary was examining herself in the glass as she spoke.) "It standsto reason, if an organ hasn't proper pipes and bellows, it can't sound.You want such a big voice to fill a concert-hall."
"But couldn't you go on with music just for yourself?"
"Signor Arezzo doesn't care to bother with amateurs. His time is sovaluable that he gives it all to promising students only. No, I've quitemade up my mind never to sing again! Don't argue with me! It's no use,and only makes me feel irritable. I tell you I'm heart-broken!"
It was terrible to have Rosemary in such a disconsolate mood. It seemedto throw a blight over the whole family. Lorraine was immenselyconcerned. In her trouble she turned instinctively to the studio by theharbour. Margaret Lindsay, who herself had weathered many troubles, wasan expert in the art of comfort.
"Rosemary's heart is broken!" said Lorraine tragically, sitting on thewindow-seat in the sunshine, and squeezing her friend's arm.
"Poor child! Tell her that some of the best things in the world havebeen done on broken hearts! She's very young yet, and I'm sure she'swanted at home."
"That's what Mother says."
"And perhaps she mightn't have liked public singing. It isn't allapplause and bouquets. I know several professionals, and they talk oflong, weary railway journeys, and uncomfortable hotels, and manydisagreeables that show a very shady lining to the life. Somehow I canfar more easily fancy little Rosemary happily married and settled downin a home of her own, than touring about to concerts. You mustn't lether give up her singing! She'll make a most delightful amateur."
"She scorns the word 'amateur'."
"She's feeling sore at present, but she'll get over that stage, I hope.I'm not sure if an amateur hasn't infinitely the best of it. I oftenwish I were an amateur artist. You skim the cream in the matter ofenjoyment, without any of the responsibility. In six months I hopeRosemary will think differently, and will be the star of the musicalparties at Porthkeverne, if she can't shine on the stage."
"It's a come-down for her, all the same," groaned Lorraine. "I wish shecould marry a duke! But no dukes ever come to Porthkeverne. Perhaps shewon't marry at all. Some of the nicest people I know haven't married."
Margaret Lindsay looked out far away over the dancing, gleaming waterbefore she answered; Lorraine could not see the shadow in her eyes.
"Sometimes it's the person whom you _don't_ marry whom you love themost: the beautiful ideal is never shattered by the actual--it stays upin the clouds always, instead of trailing down to earth."
Lorraine was lost in contemplation of her sister's future prospects.
"If she doesn't marry, she'll have to brace up and go in for some othervocat
ion," she decided. "Miss Kingsley says one ought to look yearsahead, but somehow I can't imagine Rosemary ever being middle-aged."
"It's an art to grow grey gracefully," smiled Margaret Lindsay.