INTRODUCTORY
So down thy hill, romantic Ashbourn, glides The Derby dilly, carrying six insides. Frere.
The times have changed in nothing more (we follow as we were wont themanuscript of Peter Pattieson) than in the rapid conveyance ofintelligence and communication betwixt one part of Scotland and another.It is not above twenty or thirty years, according to the evidence of manycredible witnesses now alive, since a little miserable horse-cart,performing with difficulty a journey of thirty miles _per diem,_ carriedour mails from the capital of Scotland to its extremity. Nor was Scotlandmuch more deficient in these accommodations than our rich sister had beenabout eighty years before. Fielding, in his Tom Jones, and Farquhar, in alittle farce called the Stage-Coach, have ridiculed the slowness of thesevehicles of public accommodation. According to the latter authority, thehighest bribe could only induce the coachman to promise to anticipate byhalf-an-hour the usual time of his arrival at the Bull and Mouth.
But in both countries these ancient, slow, and sure modes of conveyanceare now alike unknown; mail-coach races against mail-coach, andhigh-flyer against high-flyer, through the most remote districts ofBritain. And in our village alone, three post-coaches, and four coacheswith men armed, and in scarlet cassocks, thunder through the streets eachday, and rival in brilliancy and noise the invention of the celebratedtyrant:--
Demens, qui nimbos et non imitabile fulmen, AEre et cornipedum pulsu, simularat, equorum.
Now and then, to complete the resemblance, and to correct the presumptionof the venturous charioteers, it does happen that the career of thesedashing rivals of Salmoneus meets with as undesirable and violent atermination as that of their prototype. It is on such occasions that theInsides and Outsides, to use the appropriate vehicular phrases, havereason to rue the exchange of the slow and safe motion of the ancientFly-coaches, which, compared with the chariots of Mr. Palmer, so illdeserve the name. The ancient vehicle used to settle quietly down, like aship scuttled and left to sink by the gradual influx of the waters, whilethe modern is smashed to pieces with the velocity of the same vesselhurled against breakers, or rather with the fury of a bomb bursting atthe conclusion of its career through the air. The late ingenious Mr.Pennant, whose humour it was to set his face in stern opposition to thesespeedy conveyances, had collected, I have heard, a formidable list ofsuch casualties, which, joined to the imposition of innkeepers, whosecharges the passengers had no time to dispute, the sauciness of thecoachman, and the uncontrolled and despotic authority of the tyrantcalled the guard, held forth a picture of horror, to which murder, theft,fraud, and peculation, lent all their dark colouring. But that whichgratifies the impatience of the human disposition will be practised inthe teeth of danger, and in defiance of admonition; and, in despite ofthe Cambrian antiquary, mail-coaches not only roll their thunders roundthe base of Penman-Maur and Cader-Idris, but
Frighted Skiddaw hears afar The rattling of the unscythed car.
And perhaps the echoes of Ben Nevis may soon be awakened by the bugle,not of a warlike chieftain, but of the guard of a mail-coach.
It was a fine summer day, and our little school had obtained ahalf-holiday, by the intercession of a good-humoured visitor.*
* His honour Gilbert Goslinn of Gandercleugh; for I love to be precise inmatters of importance.--J. C.
I expected by the coach a new number of an interesting periodicalpublication, and walked forward on the highway to meet it, with theimpatience which Cowper has described as actuating the resident in thecountry when longing for intelligence from the mart of news.--
The grand debate, The popular harangue,--the tart reply,-- The logic, and the wisdom, and the wit, And the loud laugh,--I long to know them all;-- I burn to set the imprisoned wranglers free, And give them voice and utterance again.
It was with such feelings that I eyed the approach of the new coach,lately established on our road, and known by the name of the Somerset,which, to say truth, possesses some interest for me, even when it conveysno such important information. The distant tremulous sound of its wheelswas heard just as I gained the summit of the gentle ascent, called theGoslin-brae, from which you command an extensive view down the valley ofthe river Gander. The public road, which comes up the side of thatstream, and crosses it at a bridge about a quarter of a mile from theplace where I was standing, runs partly through enclosures andplantations, and partly through open pasture land. It is a childishamusement perhaps,--but my life has been spent with children, and whyshould not my pleasures be like theirs?--childish as it is then, I mustown I have had great pleasure in watching the approach of the carriage,where the openings of the road permit it to be seen. The gay glancing ofthe equipage, its diminished and toy-like appearance at a distance,contrasted with the rapidity of its motion, its appearance anddisappearance at intervals, and the progressively increasing sounds thatannounce its nearer approach, have all to the idle and listlessspectator, who has nothing more important to attend to, something ofawakening interest. The ridicule may attach to me, which is flung uponmany an honest citizen, who watches from the window of his villa thepassage of the stage-coach; but it is a very natural source of amusementnotwithstanding, and many of those who join in the laugh are perhaps notunused to resort to it in secret.
On the present occasion, however, fate had decreed that I should notenjoy the consummation of the amusement by seeing the coach rattle pastme as I sat on the turf, and hearing the hoarse grating voice of theguard as he skimmed forth for my grasp the expected packet, without thecarriage checking its course for an instant. I had seen the vehiclethunder down the hill that leads to the bridge with more than its usualimpetuosity, glittering all the while by flashes from a cloudy tabernacleof the dust which it had raised, and leaving a train behind it on theroad resembling a wreath of summer mist. But it did not appear on the topof the nearer bank within the usual space of three minutes, whichfrequent observation had enabled me to ascertain was the medium time forcrossing the bridge and mounting the ascent. When double that space hadelapsed, I became alarmed, and walked hastily forward. As I came in sightof the bridge, the cause of delay was too manifest, for the Somerset hadmade a summerset in good earnest, and overturned so completely, that itwas literally resting upon the ground, with the roof undermost, and thefour wheels in the air. The "exertions of the guard and coachman," bothof whom were gratefully commemorated in the newspapers, having succeededin disentangling the horses by cutting the harness, were now proceedingto extricate the insides by a sort of summary and Caesarean process ofdelivery, forcing the hinges from one of the doors which they could notopen otherwise. In this manner were two disconsolate damsels set atliberty from the womb of the leathern conveniency. As they immediatelybegan to settle their clothes, which were a little deranged, as may bepresumed, I concluded they had received no injury, and did not venture toobtrude my services at their toilette, for which, I understand, I havesince been reflected upon by the fair sufferers. The _outsides,_ who musthave been discharged from their elevated situation by a shock resemblingthe springing of a mine, escaped, nevertheless, with the usual allowanceof scratches and bruises, excepting three, who, having been pitched intothe river Gander, were dimly seen contending with the tide like therelics of AEneas's shipwreck,--
Rari apparent mantes in gurgite vasto.
I applied my poor exertions where they seemed to be most needed, and withthe assistance of one or two of the company who had escaped unhurt,easily succeeded in fishing out two of the unfortunate passengers, whowere stout active young fellows; and, but for the preposterous length oftheir greatcoats, and the equally fashionable latitude and longitude oftheir Wellington trousers, would have required little assistance from anyone. The third was sickly and elderly, and might
have perished but forthe efforts used to preserve him.
When the two greatcoated gentlemen had extricated themselves from theriver, and shaken their ears like huge water-dogs, a violent altercationensued betwixt them and the coachman and guard, concerning the cause oftheir overthrow. In the course of the squabble, I observed that both mynew acquaintances belonged to the law, and that their professionalsharpness was likely to prove an overmatch for the surly and officialtone of the guardians of the vehicle. The dispute ended in the guardassuring the passengers that they should have seats in a heavy coachwhich would pass that spot in less than half-an-hour, provided it werenot full. Chance seemed to favour this arrangement, for when the expectedvehicle, arrived, there were only two places occupied in a carriage whichprofessed to carry six. The two ladies who had been disinterred out ofthe fallen vehicle were readily admitted, but positive objections werestated by those previously in possession to the admittance of the twolawyers, whose wetted garments being much of the nature of well-soakedsponges, there was every reason to believe they would refund aconsiderable part of the water they had collected, to the inconvenienceof their fellow-passengers. On the other hand, the lawyers rejected aseat on the roof, alleging that they had only taken that station forpleasure for one stage, but were entitled in all respects to free egressand regress from the interior, to which their contract positivelyreferred. After some altercation, in which something was said upon theedict _Nautae caupones stabularii,_ the coach went off, leaving thelearned gentlemen to abide by their action of damages.
They immediately applied to me to guide them to the next village and thebest inn; and from the account I gave them of the Wallace Head, declaredthey were much better pleased to stop there than to go forward upon theterms of that impudent scoundrel the guard of the Somerset. All that theynow wanted was a lad to carry their travelling bags, who was easilyprocured from an adjoining cottage; and they prepared to walk forward,when they found there was another passenger in the same desertedsituation with themselves. This was the elderly and sickly-lookingperson, who had been precipitated into the river along with the two younglawyers. He, it seems, had been too modest to push his own plea againstthe coachman when he saw that of his betters rejected, and now remainedbehind with a look of timid anxiety, plainly intimating that he wasdeficient in those means of recommendation which are necessary passportsto the hospitality of an inn.
I ventured to call the attention of the two dashing young blades, forsuch they seemed, to the desolate condition of their fellow-traveller.They took the hint with ready good-nature.
"O, true, Mr. Dunover," said one of the youngsters, "you must not remainon the pave' here; you must go and have some dinner with us--Halkit and Imust have a post-chaise to go on, at all events, and we will set you downwherever suits you best."
The poor man, for such his dress, as well as his diffidence, bespoke him,made the sort of acknowledging bow by which says a Scotsman, "It's toomuch honour for the like of me;" and followed humbly behind his gaypatrons, all three besprinkling the dusty road as they walked along withthe moisture of their drenched garments, and exhibiting the singular andsomewhat ridiculous appearance of three persons suffering from theopposite extreme of humidity, while the summer sun was at its height, andeverything else around them had the expression of heat and drought. Theridicule did not escape the young gentlemen themselves, and they had madewhat might be received as one or two tolerable jests on the subjectbefore they had advanced far on their peregrination.
"We cannot complain, like Cowley," said one of them, "that Gideon'sfleece remains dry, while all around is moist; this is the reverse of themiracle."
"We ought to be received with gratitude in this good town; we bring asupply of what they seem to need most," said Halkit.
"And distribute it with unparalleled generosity," replied his companion;"performing the part of three water-carts for the benefit of their dustyroads."
"We come before them, too," said Halkit, "in full professionalforce--counsel and agent"--
"And client," said the young advocate, looking behind him; and thenadded, lowering his voice, "that looks as if he had kept such dangerouscompany too long."
It was, indeed, too true, that the humble follower of the gay young menhad the threadbare appearance of a worn-out litigant, and I could not butsmile at the conceit, though anxious to conceal my mirth from the objectof it.
When we arrived at the Wallace Inn, the elder of the Edinburgh gentlemen,and whom I understood to be a barrister, insisted that I should remainand take part of their dinner; and their inquiries and demands speedilyput my landlord and his whole family in motion to produce the best cheerwhich the larder and cellar afforded, and proceed to cook it to the bestadvantage, a science in which our entertainers seemed to be admirablyskilled. In other respects they were lively young men, in the hey-day ofyouth and good spirits, playing the part which is common to the higherclasses of the law at Edinburgh, and which nearly resembles that of theyoung Templars in the days of Steele and Addison. An air of giddy gaietymingled with the good sense, taste, and information which theirconversation exhibited; and it seemed to be their object to unite thecharacter of men of fashion and lovers of the polite arts. A finegentleman, bred up in the thorough idleness and inanity of pursuit, whichI understand is absolutely necessary to the character in perfection,might in all probability have traced a tinge of professional pedantrywhich marked the barrister in spite of his efforts, and something ofactive bustle in his companion, and would certainly have detected morethan a fashionable mixture of information and animated interest in thelanguage of both. But to me, who had no pretensions to be so critical, mycompanions seemed to form a very happy mixture of good-breeding andliberal information, with a disposition to lively rattle, pun, and jest,amusing to a grave man, because it is what he himself can least easilycommand.
The thin pale-faced man, whom their good-nature had brought into theirsociety, looked out of place as well as out of spirits; sate on the edgeof his seat, and kept the chair at two feet distance from the table; thusincommoding himself considerably in conveying the victuals to his mouth,as if by way of penance for partaking of them in the company of hissuperiors. A short time after dinner, declining all entreaty to partakeof the wine, which circulated freely round, he informed himself of thehour when the chaise had been ordered to attend; and saying he would bein readiness, modestly withdrew from the apartment.
"Jack," said the barrister to his companion, "I remember that poorfellow's face; you spoke more truly than you were aware of; he really isone of my clients, poor man."
"Poor man!" echoed Halkit--"I suppose you mean he is your one and onlyclient?"
"That's not my fault, Jack," replied the other, whose name I discoveredwas Hardie. "You are to give me all your business, you know; and if youhave none, the learned gentleman here knows nothing can come of nothing."
"You seem to have brought something to nothing though, in the case ofthat honest man. He looks as if he were just about to honour with hisresidence the Heart of Mid-Lothian."
"You are mistaken--he is just delivered from it.--Our friend here looksfor an explanation. Pray, Mr. Pattieson, have you been in Edinburgh?"
I answered in the affirmative.
"Then you must have passed, occasionally at least, though probably not sofaithfully as I am doomed to do, through a narrow intricate passage,leading out of the north-west corner of the Parliament Square, andpassing by a high and antique building with turrets and iron grates,
Making good the saying odd, 'Near the church and far from God'"--
Mr. Halkit broke in upon his learned counsel, to contribute his moiety tothe riddle--"Having at the door the sign of the Red man"--
"And being on the whole," resumed the counsellor interrupting his friendin his turn, "a sort of place where misfortune is happily confounded withguilt, where all who are in wish to get out"--
"And where none who have the good luck to be out, wish to get i
n," addedhis companion.
"I conceive you, gentlemen," replied I; "you mean the prison."
"The prison," added the young lawyer--"You have hit it--the very reverendTolbooth itself; and let me tell you, you are obliged to us fordescribing it with so much modesty and brevity; for with whateveramplifications we might have chosen to decorate the subject, you layentirely at our mercy, since the Fathers Conscript of our city havedecreed that the venerable edifice itself shall not remain in existenceto confirm or to confute its."
"Then the Tolbooth of Edinburgh is called the Heart of Mid-Lothian?" saidI.
"So termed and reputed, I assure you."
"I think," said I, with the bashful diffidence with which a man lets slipa pun in presence of his superiors, "the metropolitan county may, in thatcase, be said to have a sad heart."
"Right as my glove, Mr. Pattieson," added Mr. Hardie; "and a close heart,and a hard heart--Keep it up, Jack."
"And a wicked heart, and a poor heart," answered Halkit, doing his best.
"And yet it may be called in some sort a strong heart, and a high heart,"rejoined the advocate. "You see I can put you both out of heart."
"I have played all my hearts," said the younger gentleman.
"Then we'll have another lead," answered his companion.--"And as to theold and condemned Tolbooth, what pity the same honour cannot be done toit as has been done to many of its inmates. Why should not the Tolboothhave its 'Last Speech, Confession, and Dying Words?' The old stones wouldbe just as conscious of the honour as many a poor devil who has dangledlike a tassel at the west end of it, while the hawkers were shouting aconfession the culprit had never heard of."
"I am afraid," said I, "if I might presume to give my opinion, it wouldbe a tale of unvaried sorrow and guilt."
"Not entirely, my friend," said Hardie; "a prison is a world withinitself, and has its own business, griefs, and joys, peculiar to itscircle. Its inmates are sometimes short-lived, but so are soldiers onservice; they are poor relatively to the world without, but there aredegrees of wealth and poverty among them, and so some are relatively richalso. They cannot stir abroad, but neither can the garrison of a besiegedfort, or the crew of a ship at sea; and they are not under a dispensationquite so desperate as either, for they may have as much food as they havemoney to buy, and are not obliged to work, whether they have food ornot."
"But what variety of incident," said I (not without a secret view to mypresent task), "could possibly be derived from such a work as you arepleased to talk of?"
"Infinite," replied the young advocate. "Whatever of guilt, crime,imposture, folly, unheard-of misfortunes, and unlooked-for change offortune, can be found to chequer life, my Last Speech of the Tolboothshould illustrate with examples sufficient to gorge even the public'sall-devouring appetite for the wonderful and horrible. The inventor offictitious narratives has to rack his brains for means to diversify histale, and after all can hardly hit upon characters or incidents whichhave not been used again and again, until they are familiar to the eye ofthe reader, so that the development, _enle'vement,_ the desperate woundof which the hero never dies, the burning fever from which the heroine issure to recover, become a mere matter of course. I join with my honestfriend Crabbe, and have an unlucky propensity to hope, when hope is lost,and to rely upon the cork-jacket, which carries the heroes of romancesafe through all the billows of affliction." He then declaimed thefollowing passage, rather with too much than too little emphasis:--
Much have I feared, but am no more afraid, When some chaste beauty by some wretch betrayed, Is drawn away with such distracted speed, That she anticipates a dreadful deed. Not so do I--Let solid walls impound The captive fair, and dig a moat around; Let there be brazen locks and bars of steel, And keepers cruel, such as never feel; With not a single note the purse supply, And when she begs, let men and maids deny; Be windows there from which she dare not fall, And help so distant, 'tis in vain to call; Still means of freedom will some Power devise, And from the baffled ruffian snatch his prize.
"The end of uncertainty," he concluded, "is the death of interest; andhence it happens that no one now reads novels."
"Hear him, ye gods!" returned his companion. "I assure you, Mr.Pattieson, you will hardly visit this learned gentleman, but you arelikely to find the new novel most in repute lying on his table,--snuglyintrenched, however, beneath Stair's Institutes, or an open volume ofMorrison's Decisions."
"Do I deny it?" said the hopeful jurisconsult, "or wherefore should I,since it is well known these Delilahs seduce my wisers and my betters?May they not be found lurking amidst the multiplied memorials of our mostdistinguished counsel, and even peeping from under the cushion of ajudge's arm-chair? Our seniors at the bar, within the bar, and even onthe bench, read novels; and, if not belied, some of them have writtennovels into the bargain. I only say, that I read from habit and fromindolence, not from real interest; that, like ancient Pistol devouringhis leek, I read and swear till I get to the end of the narrative. Butnot so in the real records of human vagaries--not so in the State Trials,or in the Books of Adjournal, where every now and then you read new pagesof the human heart, and turns of fortune far beyond what the boldestnovelist ever attempted to produce from the coinage of his brain."
"And for such narratives," I asked, "you suppose the History of thePrison of Edinburgh might afford appropriate materials?"
"In a degree unusually ample, my dear sir," said Hardie--"Fill yourglass, however, in the meanwhile. Was it not for many years the place inwhich the Scottish parliament met? Was it not James's place of refuge,when the mob, inflamed by a seditious preacher, broke, forth, on him withthe cries of 'The sword of the Lord and of Gideon--bring forth the wickedHaman?' Since that time how many hearts have throbbed within these walls,as the tolling of the neighbouring bell announced to them how fast thesands of their life were ebbing; how many must have sunk at thesound--how many were supported by stubborn pride and doggedresolution--how many by the consolations of religion? Have there notbeen some, who, looking back on the motives of their crimes, were scarceable to understand how they should have had such temptation as to seducethem from virtue; and have there not, perhaps, been others, who,sensible of their innocence, were divided between indignation at theundeserved doom which they were to undergo, consciousness that they hadnot deserved it, and racking anxiety to discover some way in which theymight yet vindicate themselves? Do you suppose any of these deep,powerful, and agitating feelings, can be recorded and perused withoutexciting a corresponding depth of deep, powerful, and agitatinginterest?--Oh! do but wait till I publish the _Causes Ce'le'bres_ ofCaledonia, and you will find no want of a novel or a tragedy for sometime to come. The true thing will triumph over the brightest inventionsof the most ardent imagination. _Magna est veritas, et praevalebit._"
"I have understood," said I, encouraged by the affability of my rattlingentertainer, "that less of this interest must attach to Scottishjurisprudence than to that of any other country. The general morality ofour people, their sober and prudent habits"--
"Secure them," said the barrister, "against any great increase ofprofessional thieves and depredators, but not against wild and waywardstarts of fancy and passion, producing crimes of an extraordinarydescription, which are precisely those to the detail of which we listenwith thrilling interest. England has been much longer a highly civilisedcountry; her subjects have been very strictly amenable to lawsadministered without fear or favour, a complete division of labour hastaken place among her subjects, and the very thieves and robbers form adistinct class in society, subdivided among themselves according to thesubject of the depredations, and the mode in which they carry them on,acting upon regular habits and principles, which can be calculated andanticipated at Bow Street, Hatton Garden, or the Old Bailey. Our sisterkingdom is like a cultivated field,--the farme
r expects that, in spite ofall his care, a certain number of weeds will rise with the corn, and cantell you beforehand their names and appearance. But Scotland is like oneof her own Highland glens, and the moralist who reads the records of hercriminal jurisprudence, will find as many curious anomalous facts in thehistory of mind, as the botanist will detect rare specimens among herdingles and cliffs."
"And that's all the good you have obtained from three perusals of theCommentaries on Scottish Criminal Jurisprudence?" said his companion. "Isuppose the learned author very little thinks that the facts which hiserudition and acuteness have accumulated for the illustration of legaldoctrines, might be so arranged as to form a sort of appendix to thehalf-bound and slip-shod volumes of the circulating library."
"I'll bet you a pint of claret," said the elder lawyer, "that he will notfeel sore at the comparison. But as we say at the bar, 'I beg I may notbe interrupted;' I have much more to say, upon my Scottish collection of_Causes Ce'le'bres._ You will please recollect the scope and motive givenfor the contrivance and execution of many extraordinary and daringcrimes, by the long civil dissensions of Scotland--by the hereditaryjurisdictions, which, until 1748, rested the investigation of crises injudges, ignorant, partial, or interested--by the habits of the gentry,shut up in their distant and solitary mansion-houses, nursing theirrevengeful Passions just to keep their blood from stagnating--not tomention that amiable national qualification, called the _perfervidumingenium Scotorum,_ which our lawyers join in alleging as a reason forthe severity of some of our enactments. When I come to treat of mattersso mysterious, deep, and dangerous, as these circumstances have givenrise to, the blood of each reader shall be curdled, and his epidermiscrisped into goose skin.--But, hist!--here comes the landlord, withtidings, I suppose, that the chaise is ready."
It was no such thing--the tidings bore, that no chaise could be had thatevening, for Sir Peter Plyem had carried forward my landlord's two pairsof horses that morning to the ancient royal borough of Bubbleburgh, tolook after his interest there. But as Bubbleburgh is only one of a set offive boroughs which club their shares for a member of parliament, SirPeter's adversary had judiciously watched his departure, in order tocommence a canvass in the no less royal borough of Bitem, which, as allthe world knows, lies at the very termination of Sir Peter's avenue, andhas been held in leading-strings by him and his ancestors for timeimmemorial. Now Sir Peter was thus placed in the situation of anambitious monarch, who, after having commenced a daring inroad into hisenemy's territories, is suddenly recalled by an invasion of his ownhereditary dominions. He was obliged in consequence to return from thehalf-won borough of Bubbleburgh, to look after the half-lost borough ofBitem, and the two pairs of horses which had carried him that morning toBubbleburgh were now forcibly detained to transport him, his agent, hisvalet, his jester, and his hard-drinker, across the country to Bitem. Thecause of this detention, which to me was of as little consequence as itmay be to the reader, was important enough to my companions to reconcilethem to the delay. Like eagles, they smelled the battle afar off, ordereda magnum of claret and beds at the Wallace, and entered at full careerinto the Bubbleburgh and Bitem politics, with all the probable "Petitionsand complaints" to which they were likely to give rise.
In the midst of an anxious, animated, and, to me, most unintelligiblediscussion, concerning provosts, bailies, deacons, sets of boroughs,leets, town-clerks, burgesses resident and non-resident, all of a suddenthe lawyer recollected himself. "Poor Dunover, we must not forget him;"and the landlord was despatched in quest of the _pauvre honteux,_ with anearnestly civil invitation to him for the rest of the evening. I couldnot help asking the young gentlemen if they knew the history of this poorman; and the counsellor applied himself to his pocket to recover thememorial or brief from which he had stated his cause.
"He has been a candidate for our _remedium miserabile,_" said Mr. Hardie,"commonly called a _cessio bonorum._ As there are divines who havedoubted the eternity of future punishments, so the Scotch lawyers seem tohave thought that the crime of poverty might be atoned for by somethingshort of perpetual imprisonment. After a month's confinement, you mustknow, a prisoner for debt is entitled, on a sufficient statement to ourSupreme Court, setting forth the amount of his funds, and the nature ofhis misfortunes, and surrendering all his effects to his creditors, toclaim to be discharged from prison."
"I had heard," I replied, "of such a humane regulation."
"Yes," said Halkit, "and the beauty of it is, as the foreign fellow said,you may get the _cessio,_ when the _bonorums_ are all spent--But what,are you puzzling in your pockets to seek your only memorial among oldplay-bills, letters requesting a meeting of the Faculty, rules of theSpeculative Society,* syllabus' of lectures--all the miscellaneouscontents of a young advocate's pocket, which contains everything butbriefs and bank-notes?
* [A well-known debating club in Edinburgh.]
Can you not state a case of _cessio_ without your memorial? Why, it isdone every Saturday. The events follow each other as regularly asclock-work, and one form of condescendence might suit every one of them."
"This is very unlike the variety of distress which this gentleman statedto fall under the consideration of your judges," said I.
"True," replied Halkit; "but Hardie spoke of criminal jurisprudence, andthis business is purely civil. I could plead a _cessio_ myself withoutthe inspiring honours of a gown and three-tailed periwig--Listen.--Myclient was bred a journeyman weaver--made some little money--took afarm--(for conducting a farm, like driving a gig, comes by nature)--latesevere times--induced to sign bills with a friend, for which he receivedno value--landlord sequestrates--creditors accept a composition--pursuersets up a public-house--fails a second time--is incarcerated for a debtof ten pounds seven shillings and sixpence--his debts amount toblank--his losses to blank--his funds to blank--leaving a balance of blankin his favour. There is no opposition; your lordships will please grantcommission to take his oath."
Hardie now renounced this ineffectual search, in which there was perhapsa little affectation, and told us the tale of poor Dunover's distresses,with a tone in which a degree of feeling, which he seemed ashamed of asunprofessional, mingled with his attempts at wit, and did him morehonour. It was one of those tales which seem to argue a sort of ill-luckor fatality attached to the hero. A well-informed, industrious, andblameless, but poor and bashful man, had in vain essayed all the usualmeans by which others acquire independence, yet had never succeededbeyond the attainment of bare subsistence. During a brief gleam of hope,rather than of actual prosperity, he had added a wife and family to hiscares, but the dawn was speedily overcast. Everything retrograded withhim towards the verge of the miry Slough of Despond, which yawns forinsolvent debtors; and after catching at each twig, and experiencing theprotracted agony of feeling them one by one elude his grasp, he actuallysunk into the miry pit whence he had been extricated by the professionalexertions of Hardie.
"And, I suppose, now you have dragged this poor devil ashore, you willleave him half naked on the beach to provide for himself?" said Halkit."Hark ye,"--and he whispered something in his ear, of which thepenetrating and insinuating words, "Interest with my Lord," alone reachedmine.
"It is _pessimi exempli,_" said Hardie, laughing, "to provide for aruined client; but I was thinking of what you mention, provided it can bemanaged--But hush! here he comes."
The recent relation of the poor man's misfortunes had given him, I waspleased to observe, a claim to the attention and respect of the youngmen, who treated him with great civility, and gradually engaged him in aconversation, which, much to my satisfaction, again turned upon the_Causes Ce'le'bres_ of Scotland. Imboldened by the kindness with which hewas treated, Mr. Dunover began to contribute his share to the amusementof the evening. Jails, like other places, have their ancient traditions,known only to the inhabitants, and handed down from one set of themelancholy lodgers to the next who occupy their cells. Some of these,which Dunover mentioned, were interesting, and served to illustrate t
henarratives of remarkable trials, which Hardie had at his finger-ends, andwhich his companion was also well skilled in. This sort of conversationpassed away the evening till the early hour when Mr. Dunover chose toretire to rest, and I also retreated to take down memorandums of what Ihad learned, in order to add another narrative to those which it had beenmy chief amusement to collect, and to write out in detail. The two youngmen ordered a broiled bone, Madeira negus, and a pack of cards, andcommenced a game at picquet.
Next morning the travellers left Gandercleugh. I afterwards learned fromthe papers that both have been since engaged in the great political causeof Bubbleburgh and Bitem, a summary case, and entitled to particulardespatch; but which, it is thought, nevertheless, may outlast theduration of the parliament to which the contest refers. Mr. Halkit, asthe newspapers informed me, acts as agent or solicitor; and Mr. Hardieopened for Sir Peter Plyem with singular ability, and to such goodpurpose, that I understand he has since had fewer play-bills and morebriefs in his pocket. And both the young gentlemen deserve their goodfortune; for I learned from Dunover, who called on me some weeksafterwards, and communicated the intelligence with tears in his eyes,that their interest had availed to obtain him a small office for thedecent maintenance of his family; and that, after a train of constant anduninterrupted misfortune, he could trace a dawn of prosperity to hishaving the good fortune to be flung from the top of a mail-coach into theriver Gander, in company with an advocate and a writer to the Signet. Thereader will not perhaps deem himself equally obliged to the accident,since it brings upon him the following narrative, founded upon theconversation of the evening.
THE HEART OF MIDLOTHIAN