“You’re such a pain. Why am I even bothering?”
“No, go on, you don’t want to act stupid.” He set down his glass and leaned forward.
I took a breath, hunting for the words again. “They want romance, but I’m not prepared to behave like that publicly, at least not when I haven’t truly connected with someone. Still, I need to give them something.”
I ducked my head and peeked up at him from under my lashes.
“Like what exactly?”
“A kiss.”
“A kiss?”
“Just a little one. And you’re the only person I can ask, because you’d know it wasn’t real and things wouldn’t get complicated. And I’m willing to give you something in return.”
He raised his eyebrows. “What?”
I shrugged. “Whatever you want, really. Within reason. I can’t offer you a country or anything.”
“Could you talk to my mom? Help get me out of here?”
“And go where, exactly?”
“Anywhere.” He sighed desperately. “My mom . . . I don’t know what happened that made her so crazy loyal to your parents, but she’s got it in her head that this is our home forever. Do you know how much work it took for me to get out of here and take that one accelerated course?
“I want to travel, I want to build, I want to do more than read about things. Sometimes I think one more day behind these walls might kill me.”
“I get that,” I whispered, not thinking. I straightened up. “I can make it happen. As soon as an opportunity becomes available, I will help convince your parents that you need to leave the palace.”
He paused a second, then threw back the rest of his wine. “One kiss?”
“Just one.”
“When?”
“Tonight. There will be a photographer waiting down the hall at nine. Hopefully very well hidden, because I’d like to pretend he isn’t there.”
Kile nodded. “Fine. One kiss.”
“Thank you.”
We sat in silence, watching the hands on the clock. After three minutes I couldn’t take it anymore.
“What do you mean you want to build things?”
He lit up. “That’s what I study. Architecture and design. I like dreaming up structures, figuring out how to make them and, sometimes, how to make them particularly beautiful.”
“That’s . . . actually really interesting, Kile.”
“I know.” He gave one of his crooked smiles, just like his dad’s, and it was fun to see how excited he was about it. “Do you want to see?”
“See what?”
“Some of my designs. I have them in my room. My old one, not my Selected one, so they’re just down the hall.”
“Sure.” I took one last sip of wine and followed him out. Except for a guard or two, the hallway was empty as Kile and I made our way to his room.
He opened the door and flicked on the lights, and I had to stop myself from gasping.
He. Was. A. Mess!
His bed wasn’t made, there were clothes amassed in a corner, and several dirty plates were piled on his side table.
“I know what you’re thinking. How does he keep it so immaculate?”
“You read my mind,” I said, trying not to appear completely repulsed. At least it didn’t smell bad.
“About a year ago I asked the staff to stop cleaning for me. I do it myself. But the Selection kind of caught me off guard, so I just left it how it was.”
He started kicking objects under his bed and trying to pull the things within his reach a little straighter.
“Why don’t you let them clean?”
“I’m a grown man. I can take care of myself.”
I didn’t think he meant that as a dig at me, but it stung all the same.
“Anyway, this is my work space.”
In the far corner of the room the walls were covered in pictures and posters of everything from skyscrapers to mud huts. His desk was overflowing with prints he’d drawn up, and models built from wooden scraps and thin strips of metal.
“Did you make all these?” I asked, gently touching a structure that slightly twisted as it went upward.
“Yep. Concept, design. I’d love to create real buildings one day. I’m studying, but there’s only so much I can learn without getting my hands on things, you know?”
“Kile . . .” I took in all of it: the colors and lines, the amount of time and thought that must have gone into each of them. “This is amazing.”
“It’s just me fooling around.”
“No, don’t do that. Don’t make it seem like less than it is. I could never do something like this.”
“Sure you could.” He went over and pulled out a ruler shaped like a T and laid it over something he was already working on. “See, it’s just a matter of looking at the lines and doing the math.”
“Ugh, more math. I do enough of that as it is.”
He laughed. “But this is fun math.”
“Fun math is an oxymoron.”
Kile and I moved to his couch, and we went through a few books of his favorite architects, studying their styles. He seemed particularly interested in how some worked with the land around them and others worked against it. “I mean, look at that!” he said enthusiastically after nearly every page.
I couldn’t believe it had taken me all these years to see this side of him. He tucked himself inside a shell, shutting himself away from others here because the palace had trapped him. Behind the books and the snippy remarks there was a curious, engaging, and sometimes very charming person.
I felt like I’d been lied to. Was someone going to pop around the corner and tell me Josie was really a saint?
Eventually Kile looked down to his watch. “It’s ten after nine.”
“Oh. We should go then.” But I didn’t want to get up. Kile’s messy room was one of the most comfortable places I’d ever been.
“Yeah.” Kile closed the book and put it back on the shelf. Even though that corner was as haphazard as the rest of the room, I could see the care he took with it.
I waited for him by the door, suddenly nervous.
“Here,” he said, offering his hand. “It’s the end of a date, right?”
I placed my hand in his. “Thanks. For showing me your work, and for doing this. I promise to pay you back.”
“I know.”
He opened the door and walked me down the hall. “When do you think we last held hands?” I wondered out loud.
“Probably a game of red rover or something.”
“Probably.”
We were quiet as we headed toward my room. When we reached it, I turned back to Kile and watched as he swallowed.
“Nervous?” I whispered.
“Nah.” He smiled, but he also fidgeted. “So . . . goodnight.”
Kile leaned down, lips meeting mine, holding them there. Then his lips parted and closed and parted again. I drew a breath in the moment between kisses, sensing he would come back again. He did, and thank goodness, because I hadn’t been kissed like this before and I needed more.
The few times I’d kissed boys were rushed, sloppy moments hiding in a coatroom or behind a statue. But this, with so much air around us and no one coming to check on me . . . it was different.
I leaned into Kile, still holding him, and he brought up his free hand and cupped my cheek. He held my lips to his for what felt like forever before pulling back.
And even when he did pull away, his nose stayed right against mine, so close that when he whispered, I could smell what was left of the wine on his breath.
“Do you think that was enough?”
“I . . . um . . . I don’t know.”
“Just to be sure.”
He pressed his mouth to mine again, and I was so surprised to get another kiss like that, it felt like my bones were turning into mush. I wrapped my fingers up into his hair, shocked at myself for having the urge to hold him in that pose all night.
He pulled back again, look
ing into my eyes, and there was something different. Was he feeling that funny warmth creep into his arms and chest and head, too?
“Thank you,” I murmured.
“Any time. I mean”—he shook his head, laughing at himself—“you know what I mean.”
“Goodnight, Kile.”
“Goodnight, Eadlyn.” He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before heading toward the stairs that led back to his temporary quarters.
I watched him go and told myself that the only reason I was smiling like that was because the cameras were hidden somewhere, not because of anything Kile Woodwork had done.
CHAPTER 13
“SO, I THINK I MANAGED to distract everyone for a while.” I held on to Ahren’s arm as we walked through the garden.
“I’ll say.” Ahren made a smart little face at me, and I fought the urge to hit him. “How was it?”
At that I really did hit him. “You pig! A lady never tells.”
“Well, is a real lady meant to be photographed kissing her suitor in the dark?”
I shrugged. “Either way, it worked.”
The pictures of Kile and me were gobbled up like food, just as predicted. It felt a little strange that this was what people were hungry for, but it didn’t really matter as long as they were satisfied. The reactions to the kiss ranged though. A handful of the papers thought it was sweet, but the majority of them were displeased that I was so willing to give up a kiss this early in the competition.
One of the gossip magazines even had a back and forth with two of their biggest reporters over whether I was loose for giving such a kiss or if it was sweet because I’d known Kile since birth. I tried to shrug it off. There would be other things to talk about soon enough.
“I dug a few pages in,” I said, turning back to Ahren. “Not a single report of post-caste discrimination.”
“So, what are your plans for today? Going to make the boys cry again?”
I rolled my eyes. “It was only one. And, I don’t know. Maybe I won’t visit them today.”
“Nope,” Ahren blurted, moving us to a new path. “So help me, Eadlyn, if I have to drag you by your hair through this I will, but you’ve actually got to participate in the Selection.”
I let my arm slip away from his. “I can’t help feeling there’s no way it was this hard for Dad.”
“Have you asked him?”
“No, and I don’t think I can. Just recently both he and Mom have been giving me more details, thinking it might be helpful. I feel like they must have held those things close to them for a reason, and it seems rude to ask. Besides, I don’t know that any two people in this situation would handle it the exact same way, and I really don’t want to know if Dad cared about anyone besides Mom.”
“Isn’t that a strange thought?” He sat on a nearby stone bench. “Some other woman could have been our mother!”
“No,” I countered, joining him. “We only exist because they found each other. Any other combination would not have created the two of us.”
“You’re messing with my head, Eady.”
“Sorry. This situation is throwing me off.” I traced my finger around the stone. “I mean, I get why the concept sounds appealing. That somewhere out there, my perfect match could be waiting for me, and by chance I could pull his name and meet him and fall madly in love. But then there’s the feeling of being a prize horse, that I’m being judged more so than usual. And when I look at all these boys, they seem foreign in comparison to the type of people I generally encounter, and I don’t think I like it. The whole thing makes me feel unsettled.”
Ahren was quiet for a while, and I could see he was carefully choosing words, which made me nervous.
I wasn’t sure if that was a twin thing or a bond exclusive to Ahren and me, but it was almost physical when we were at odds. It felt like a rubber band pulling tight between us.
“Listen, Eady, I know this might have been the wrong way to go about it, but I do think it’s good for you to have someone in your life. I’ve been with Camille a long time, and even if everything ended tomorrow, I’d be a better person because of her. There are some things you don’t learn about yourself until you let someone else into the most intimate places of your heart.”
“How can you two even manage to do that? You spend almost all of your time apart.”
He grinned. “She’s my soul mate. I know it.”
“I don’t think soul mates are real,” I said, examining my shoes. “You happened to meet a French princess because you only ever meet royalty, and you like her more than anyone else. Your true soul mate could be milking a cow right now, and you’d never know.”
“You’re always so down on her.” His tone made the invisible rubber band stretch again.
“I’m simply discussing possibilities.”
“In the meantime, you have dozens of possibilities in front of you and refuse to look at them.”
I snorted. “Did Dad put you up to this?”
“No! I think you should look at this with an open mind. You’re one of the most isolated people in the country, but that doesn’t mean your walls have to be up all the time. You need to experience a romantic relationship at least once in your life.”
“Hey! I’ve experienced romantic relationships!”
“A picture in the paper does not count as a relationship,” he said heatedly. “Neither does making out with Leron Troyes at that Christmas ball in Paris.”
I gasped. “How do you know about that?”
“Everyone knows about that.”
“Even Mom and Dad?”
“Dad doesn’t know. Well, unless Mom told him, because I’m positive she does.”
I buried my face and made some screechy sound that encapsulated my complete humiliation.
“All I’m saying is, this could be good for you.”
That line pushed all the shame out of my body and replaced it with rage.
“Everyone keeps saying that: it might be good for me. What does that even mean? I’m smart and beautiful and strong. I don’t need to be rescued.”
Ahren shrugged. “Maybe not. But you never know if one of them might need to be.”
I stared at the grass, considering that. I shook my head. “What are you doing, Ahren? What’s with the sudden change of heart? I thought you were on my side.”
I saw a flicker of something in his eyes before he pushed it away and put an arm around me. “I am, Eadlyn. You, Mom, and Camille are the most important women in my life. So please understand me when I say that sometimes I wonder how happy you are.”
“I’m happy, Ahren. I’m the princess. I have everything.”
“I think you’re mistaking comfort for joy.”
His words vaguely reminded me of my recent chat with Mom.
Ahren rubbed my arm and stood, brushing off his suit. “I promised Kaden I’d help with his French lesson. Just think about all this, okay? Maybe I’m wrong. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time.” We shared a smile.
I nodded. “I’ll think about it.”
He gave me a wink. “Go on a date or something. You need to get a life.”
I stood outside the door to the Men’s Parlor pacing, worrying I was wasting time. After my talk with Ahren, I really should have gone straight to the office. Truthfully, I was looking forward to getting back to the normal monotony of shuffling papers. But his words, above anyone else’s, made me wonder if I should at least try. And not the fake trying I was planning for the cameras, but genuine effort.
I told myself that I would have to date them eventually anyway. It was the bare minimum of what I’d need to do. It didn’t mean I was choosing anyone; I was just keeping my promise to Dad and doing what the people expected.
Sighing, I handed the envelope to the butler. “Okay, go ahead.”
He bowed before he left, and I waited outside.
I’d decided I wasn’t going to barge into the Men’s Parlor again. I wanted the Selected to be on their toes, but everyone needed a retreat
now and then. I knew that better than anybody.
A moment later the butler returned, holding the door as Hale stepped out. Two things passed through my head as he approached. First, I wondered what Kile would think, which, admittedly, was odd. Second, it was obvious Hale still didn’t know what to make of me, because he was very cautious as he came to a stop about two feet away and bowed. “Your Highness.”
I clasped my hands in front of me. “You may call me Eadlyn.”
There was a hint of a smile in his eyes. “Eadlyn.”
No one in the world is as powerful as you.
“I was wondering if you’d like to join me for dessert tonight after dinner.”
“Just you and me?”
I sighed. “Was there someone else you wanted to invite? Do you need a translator as well?”
“No, no!” he said, a real smile coming across his face. “I’m just . . . pleasantly surprised, I guess.”
“Oh.” It was a pathetic response to such a sweet admission, but I simply wasn’t prepared.
Hale stood there, his hands jammed in his pockets, beaming, and it was hard to think of him as another person I’d just send home.
“Umm, anyway, I’ll come by your room about twenty minutes after dinner, and we’ll go to one of the parlors upstairs.”
“Sounds great. See you tonight.”
I started walking. “See you tonight.”
I was a little bothered because I was looking forward to it now. His anticipation was kind of cute. But worse than the feeling that the Selection was getting to me was the triumphant look on Hale’s face when he caught me peeking back at him.
CHAPTER 14
WOULD IT BE STRANGE IF I changed dresses between dinner and dessert? Was he going to change clothes? I’d been wearing tiaras for the last few days, but was it inappropriate if I wore one on a date?
On a date.
This was too far out of my comfort zone. I felt so vulnerable, which I couldn’t understand. I had interacted with plenty of young men. I did have that spectacular interlude with Leron at that Christmas party, and Jamison Akers fed me a strawberry lip-to-lip hidden behind a tree at a picnic. I’d even made it through last night with Kile, though that was nothing close to a real date.