Fred’s Best Christmas
P.J. Jones
“Merry Christmas and good morning, Miguel.” Fred bounded into the common room of Shady Grove Mental Hospital. He hoped the staff nurse would notice that he’d dressed in his Sunday best. He’d even taken the time to shave his two day stubble and part his slicked back hair down the middle.
“Feliz Navidad, Fred.” The heavy set man smiled and handed out Christmas stockings to a few early risers. “I see you combed your hair the way I taught you.”
Fred beamed down at him. “I’m spending Christmas at the farm with Ruckus.”
“I know you are.” Miguel nodded while he helped a patient untie her stocking.
“Ruckus and Apple bought me presents and they got something for Garth. And Mama Louise made cookies. And Apple promised donuts.” Fred’s eyes widened and he licked his lips. “Donuts with holes. And even some that twist like a rope and some with jelly inside.”
“Fred,” Miguel shook his head, laughing. “You’re making me hungry.”
Fred jumped up and down and clapped his hands. “And I get presents.”
Fred had been crossing his fingers and toes all week in hopes that Ruckus and his wife Apple would give him his favorite romance books for Christmas.
“Today is a special day for you.” Miguel patted Fred on the back.
Fred crossed his arms over his chest and pouted. “But first they are making me go to church. There are no donuts at church.”
“It won’t be so bad.”
Fred shook his head. “The kids get to go in a special room and paint. It’s not fair that the grown-ups don’t get to paint. I have to be quiet while Preacher talks.”
“Only for a little while,” Miguel chuckled. “But just think of all the food you get after church.”
Fred held up his hand and began counting off each finger. “I get turkey and ham and biscuits and pie and donuts and cookies with dead grapes.”
Miguel arched a brow. “Dead grapes?”
“Raisins. And then I get presents. I hope I get books. Lots of romance books. I hope Ruckus has a box cutter at the farm, so I can cut off the spines. Spines hurt my fingers.”
Actually, spines didn’t hurt Fred’s fingers so much, but he couldn’t throw away the unhappy parts if the books had spines on them.
“Maybe you should let Ruckus cut them off for you,” Miguel said.
Garth Vader, Intergalactic Ambassador and Jedi Knight, walked up to them, carrying his tinfoil lightsaber in one hand and a carton of orange juice in the other. Garth’s few strands of graying hair were gelled back and he’d even shaved his scraggly beard.
Garth’s gaze swept over the room as patients quietly opened stockings and stuffed their faces with candy. “I sense a change in The Force.”
“Garth,” Fred squealed. “Are you ready to go get presents?”
Garth set his orange juice on a nearby table, and with a regal sweep of his arm, motioned toward his long blue hospital robe. “I have donned a new Jedi robe for the occasion.”
“The truck is waiting, men.”
Fred turned to see Ruckus standing in the entrance to the common room. It had been nearly two years since Ruckus lived at Shady Grove, but he still stopped by every Sunday to play cards with Fred and visit with the other residents.
Ruckus looked out of place at Shady Grove now, as he stood there in his denim pants and suit jacket. His dark eyes didn’t even look so brooding anymore. And though Fred was happy that his friend had finally quit being angry, there were times when Fred missed the old Ruckus, the one who used to piss all over the lunch trays in the cafeteria.
When Ruckus reached out and hugged Fred and whispered ‘Merry Christmas’ into his ear, Fred decided he wasn’t going to feel sad, even if he had to sit thought one of Preacher’s boring sermons. Today was supposed to be a happy day. A day of presents and donuts with holes. And Fred wasn’t going to let anything spoil his Christmas.
* * *
“Are you tired, Fred?” Preacher asked.
Fred looked at the old preacher through half-open lids. He’d almost fallen asleep in Ruckus’s big chair. He couldn’t help it. Shady Grove didn’t have such nice soft chairs. Besides, the twinkling lights from the pretty tree were so soothing. And he liked the rich pine scent mixed with other smells coming from the kitchen. Everything felt so comforting at Ruckus’s house, kinda like a home should be. And after being forced to hold up his head through Preacher’s sermon for an hour, Fred couldn’t help but feel tired.
Fred stifled a yawn. “Is there any way you can make church less boring next time?”
The lines framing Preacher’s eyes pinched his gaunt skin while he laughed out loud.
“Easy, Fred.” Ruckus used his warning voice as he leveled Fred with a stern expression.
Ruckus was sitting on the sofa opposite Fred and holding Apple’s hand. He held her hand a lot, which sometimes made Fred feel uncomfortable. Fred couldn’t blame Ruckus. He supposed Apple was pretty, especially since she’d let her red hair grow out to her shoulders. Her hair no longer looked like a mop and it even had some curls that bounced when she walked. Fred liked Apple’s bouncy ringlets. They reminded him of donuts.
“Can we eat now?”
Ruckus shook his head. “My folks aren’t here yet. We can’t start without them.”
Mama Louise stepped into the small sitting room while wiping flour on her apron. “The turkey has about another hour to cook. Papa, would you help me get the potatoes ready?”
Preacher stood and stretched his bony arms. He rubbed his lower back before walking toward the kitchen.
“I can help you, Mama,” Apple said.
Apple struggled to stand, but Fred could tell that it was hard for her. Ever since she and Ruckus got married, she’d been getting fatter. Probably because she didn’t have to live at Shady Grove anymore and she could eat all the donuts she wanted.
“No, dear, you look tired. Why don’t you sit a spell?” Mama Louise smiled warmly at Apple before heading off into the kitchen.
Apple sat back down and rubbed her fat stomach. Ruckus wrapped an arm around her while she leaned against his shoulder.
Fred scowled. He didn’t understand why they always had to cuddle. And the more he thought about Apple’s fat stomach, the more he thought she looked an awful lot like the pregnant women on the covers of his romance books. He sure hoped Apple was just getting fat. He shuddered at the thought of what would happen if she had a baby in her tummy. Then he remembered that he wasn’t going to let anything ruin his day. Not on a special day filled with presents and sweets.
“I’ve got an idea. Let’s eat donuts.”
“Fred.” Ruckus shook his head. “You don’t want to spoil your dinner.”
“How about we open presents?” Fred asked.
“Wise choice, young Jedi.” Garth walked into the room with his saber in one hand, a magazine in the other, and a trail of toilet paper stuck to the sole of his shoe.
Ruckus slipped from the sofa and knelt beside the tree. He handed one long present to Garth and a smaller present to Fred.
Ruckus grinned sheepishly. “Apple and I already exchanged gifts this morning.”
“Oh, okay.” Fred’s shoulders fell. He didn’t know why but he’d expected Ruckus and Apple to wait for him before they opened presents.
Fred watched as Garth eagerly stripped away the wrapping paper on his gift.
“Could it be?” Garth gasped. “A real lightsaber of my very own?”
Apple stood beside Garth and helped him open the top of the box. “Do you like it?”
Garth pulled the saber out of the box and turned on the blue glowing light. He held it in front of him and stood at attention. “Master Apple, I vow that I will uphold the noble Jedi code and use my cherished present with justice and honor.”
“Great.” She flashed a grin as she sat back down. “Just don’t break anything in my house.”
Garth found an open space behind the sof
a and battled an imaginary Sith overlord.
Fred decided to open his present next. He peeled away the paper revealing a flat box with the word ‘e-reader’ imprinted on the top. “What is this?”
Ruckus kneeled beside Fred as he slipped a thin black object out of the box. “It’s an electronic reading device.”
Fred pouted. “I wanted books, Ruckus.”
Ruckus flipped a switch on the device and a long list of book titles appeared. “There are twenty books inside.”
Fred looked underneath the small device. “How’d they all fit in there?”
“Mr. Otis helped me download them from his computer,” Ruckus said. “He even knew how to go in each book and throw away the unhappy parts.”
Ruckus held the e-reader in front of him and scrolled through the titles. “See? You just select the book you want to read and open it.” Ruckus clicked on a very romantic sounding title about babies and wedding bells.
A beautiful black and white cover with a cowboy embracing a pregnant woman appeared on the screen.
“Whoa!” Fred squealed. “It’s like magic.”
“I hope you like it, buddy,” Ruckus said in a low voice.
“I love it!” Fred hugged it to his chest. “Thanks!”
Fred set down his present and pulled a scroll from his back pocket and handed it to Ruckus. “Sorry I sat on it and wrinkled it, but this is from me to you and Apple.”
“Thanks, buddy.” Ruckus took the scroll and sat beside Apple on the sofa.
Apple untied the fancy red ribbon and opened the scroll.
“Oh, Fred, how lovely. You painted this yourself?”
Fred walked over to the sofa. He squeezed in between Apple and Ruckus. “Yes, this is our family portrait. I thought you could hang it in a frame.” Fred puffed out his chest, trying his best to showcase his mature side. “On a wall. With a nail.”
Apple flashed a dazzling smile. “Of course I’ll hang it.”
Fred pointed to the people in his painting. “That back row is Garth, Preacher and Mama Louise.”
Garth stopped playing with his saber long enough to lean over the sofa. “Why does my neck look broken?”
“It’s not broken.” Fred shook his head. “You’re sleeping standing up because Preacher is reading from his Bible. But look, everyone has a donut.”
Apple frowned. “I don’t have a donut.”
“I didn’t have room for your donut because me and Ruckus are each holding your hand. But you can pretend you already ate one.” Fred pointed to Apple’s stomach. “I even gave you a fat tummy, just like it looks now.”
Ruckus laughed out loud.
Apple reached around Fred and jabbed Ruckus in the shoulder. “That’s not funny, Ruckus.”
“Well, your middle is kinda fat, Apple.” Fred shrugged. “But don’t worry. Garth told me all about how women get fat after they get married.”
“Oh, did he?” Apple crossed her arms over her chest.
“I’m sorry,” Garth said. “I took a Jedi oath that I wouldn’t tell a lie. From what I’ve seen, this is the way of Earth women.”
“Yeah.” Fred eagerly nodded. “He said after they trap their husbands, they all get fat and sit around the house and nag them.”
Ruckus laughed harder.
“Ruckus,” Apple snapped. “Maybe since you think this is so funny, you should explain to Fred.”
Fred looked at Ruckus. “Explain what?”
Ruckus dabbed the corners of his wet eyes with the back of his sleeve. “We’ve been waiting for the right time to tell you.”
Fred swallowed hard, hoping that whatever they had to tell him had nothing to do with babies. “Tell me what?”
Ruckus flashed a lopsided grin. “Apple’s got a bun in the oven.”
Fred’s shoulder’s fell. “But you said it was a turkey.”
Apple gently laid her small hand over Fred’s large one and squeezed. “Fred, Ruckus and I are having a baby.”
Fred’s mouth fell open and he stared at her for a long moment. “A baby? Like the kind that poops and cries?”
“Yes.” Apple nodded.
“I see.” Fred stood and walked into the hallway. He went straight for the coat closet and squeezed inside the compact space before closing the door.
“Fred, please come out,” Apple called.
Fred crossed his arms over his chest. “No!”
Though it was dark inside and several hangers were poking his back, Fred had no intention of ever leaving the closet. Not now that his special day had been ruined.
“Get out here, Fred!”
Ruckus was using his angry voice. Fred hated the angry voice.
“Go away, Ruckus.” Fred closed his eyes and covered his ears with his hands. He didn’t want to hear Ruckus scolding him. He didn’t want to hear Apple begging for him to come out. And he darned sure didn’t want to hear about a pooping and crying baby.
Even though Fred had been trying his hardest to shut out the rest of the world, he could still hear and feel when Ruckus entered the tiny closet. And he heard Ruckus swear when he hit his head on the coat rack.
Fred’s eyes shot open.
The door was cracked open, allowing just enough light so Fred could see Ruckus rubbing the back of his skull. “Wanna talk about it, buddy?”
Fred struggled to keep the pain from his voice as he looked into his best friend’s dark eyes. “You’re going to leave us.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Babies poop and cry too much. You won’t like it. You’ll leave and we’ll never see you again. Apple will kill herself when you’re gone and the baby won’t have a family.” Fred choked up with emotion as tears began streaming down his face.
Ruckus reached up and squeezed Fred’s shoulder. “Fred, I ain’t goin’ nowhere. I’m stayin’ right here with my family and friends.”
Fred wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “Do you promise?”
Ruckus leaned closer and wrapped his arm around Fred’s shoulder. “I swear it, Fred. I’m not like your daddy. I’m not the leavin’ kind.”
“What about me, Ruckus? You won’t have time to visit me when you have a baby.”
Ruckus sighed and even in the dim light, Fred could see the moisture in Ruckus’s brooding eyes.
“Remember when I first checked in to Shady Grove?” Ruckus asked.
“Uh, huh.” Fred nodded. How could he forget? He’d been reading a book by the window when Ruckus walked straight in and pissed on the sofa. “You made a mess and everyone laughed at you.”
“But you didn’t laugh, buddy.” Ruckus stopped speaking for a moment and cleared his throat. “You walked right up to me and waited for me to finish. Then, you gave me a hug.”
“You looked like you needed one.”
“I sure did.” Ruckus paused and sniffled. “I was real sad when I first came to Shady Grove, but you were there for me, buddy, and I promise I will always be here for you. You will always be my best friend. This baby won’t change that. In fact, Apple and I were kinda hopin’ you’d be the baby’s godfather.”
Fred’s eyes widened. “Like a fairy godfather? I don’t have any magic, Ruckus.”
“No,” Ruckus chuckled softly. “Kinda like an uncle.”
“An uncle?” Fred gasped. “You want me to be an uncle?”
Ruckus patted Fred’s shoulder. “What do you say?”
Fred cracked open the closet door and called out to Apple and Garth. “I get to be an uncle!”
“Congratulations, Master Fred. We must partake in merriment!” Garth held out his saber, which was now acting as a server for several hole-filled donuts.
“Wow!” Fred hurried out of the closet and pulled a vanilla glazed donut off the saber. “I knew donuts had holes for a reason.”
“I see you’ve found a way to use your saber with justice and honor,” Ruckus said as he closed the closet door behind him.
“Thank you, Master Ruckus.”
Garth slowly bo
wed while Ruckus removed a chocolate glazed treat.
Garth turned to Apple. “Master Apple, would you care to add more weight to your expanding midsection and thighs?”
Apple rolled her eyes while pulling two donuts off the saber. “You could have stopped at midsection, Garth.”
“A toast to the new baby and Uncle Fred.” Garth held a donut in front of him as one would hold a flute of champagne.
Everyone joined in the toast.
Fred bit into his donut and groaned as the savory sweetness melted on his tongue. “And a toast to my family of friends,” he said through a mouthful of pastry before taking another bite. “For making this the best Christmas ever.”
* * *
Prior to becoming a full-time chair warmer, PJ Jones not-so-enjoyed a short stint as a journalist and then seven agonizing…eh blissful years as a high school English teacher. Rest assured that none of her sentences will end with prepositions cuz she studied grammers in that there college and she ain’t stoopid.
Find her online at https://pjjoneswrites.com/
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Fresh Snow
Talia Jager
The gusty wind hit my face and I hugged my thin jacket closer to my body. It was bitter cold and a few snowflakes were floating to the ground. I heard the screams of bystanders before I saw the car coming right at me. I was frozen in place as I watched the headlights getting closer. The car skidded on the slick, icy road. The adrenaline finally kicked in, but before I could turn to run, the car struck me.
I could hear voices all around, but when I opened my eyes, everything was blurry. My head felt like it had been cracked open like a coconut.
“Oh my goodness! I don’t know what happened. The car just started sliding,” a woman’s voice said. “Is she okay?”
“She’s breathing,” a male voice answered. “The ambulance is on its way.”
I felt someone take my hand. “Oh please be okay,” the woman said.
My eyes closed again and I succumbed to the darkness.
* * *
A strong antiseptic smell tickled my nose. I tried to push it away, but then the high-pitched rhythmic beeping sound crept into my head. And my head! Oh the pain! I wanted to go back to the darkness where it didn’t hurt and everything was quiet, but something wouldn’t let me. Maybe it was the curiosity in me trying to figure out what in the world was going on?
I could hear voices. “Hasn’t anyone shown up for her yet?”