Ben looked so heartfelt and sincere that I didn't offer an automatic no. His big brown eyes watched me expectantly, like an adorable puppy waiting for his reward. It was really sweet that he was trying to cheer me up, but I had this nagging feeling…
"Did anyone ask you to do this?"
He looked uncomfortable. "Well, 'ask' isn't really the word…"He saw my defenses going up and the shut-down that was coming his way. He tried to backpedal. "I mean… See, Shana said that some of the girls from the cheering squad were going to mention the fact that you needed a date to some of the guys they knew. But she didn't say it specifically to me. I swear. I only overheard the conversation. I was planning to ask you long before I ever heard them talking about it."
I felt my face grow hot. My utter mortification was now complete. Embarrassingly, my eyes started to burn with the sting of unshed tears.
"So why didn't you ask me before you heard them talking about it?" I asked him quietly, keeping my gaze averted to my locker door.
"I-I-," he stuttered.
"Sorry, Ben, but I just don't believe you. The answer is no."
"But, Abbey, I… lost my nerve," he said awkwardly.
I couldn't look him in the eye, so I shut my locker door and walked away. He called my name once, but I didn't turn around. I was trying to hold back the tears… at least until I made it to the safety and anonymity of the girls' bathroom.
Chapter Nine
Prom Night
She wore the ornaments of pure yellow gold, which her great-great-grandmother had brought over from Saardam, the tempting stomacher of the olden time; and withal a provokingly short petticoat, to display the prettiest foot and ankle in the country round.
"The Legend of Sleepy Hollow"
I avoided Ben for the rest of the week, and heard that one of the senior girls ended up asking him to the prom at the last minute. I really hoped that he would have a good time with her. Things would probably be awkward between us now, and I felt bad about that.
When Saturday morning, prom day, finally came, it was bright and sunny instead of cold and rainy like I thought it should be. I pulled the covers over my head and tried to stay in bed as long as I could, but eventually Mom dragged me out to help her get some costumes down from the attic.
Every year the town council held a Halloween party called the Hollow Ball on the same night as the junior-senior prom. I always had a sneaking suspicion that the real reason behind this was for all the parents of juniors and seniors to distract themselves, so they didn't have to worry about what their kids were doing. Most of the time it seemed to work.
Mom and Dad always went to the party as Katrina Van Tassel and Ichabod Crane. They'd had authentic period clothing made, and the costumes were absolutely gorgeous. A bit cumbersome and heavy, but gorgeous. One year I had tried to convince Dad to mix things up and go as Mr. Irving instead since I felt that the storyteller deserved to have someone dressing up like him, but Mom didn't think it would be right for Katrina Van Tassel to show up with Washington Irving. Whatever.
We were in the middle of unpacking accessories when a large cloud of dust flew off the powdered wig I'd picked up, and I sneezed loudly.
"If this was supposed to be protected by storing it away properly, how did dust get on it?" I asked Mom.
She looked up from the jacket she was shaking out. "I don't know. It's probably leftover face powder from last year. But don't wipe it all off. It adds to the ambiance."
"If you want to have spiders in your hair, that's fine by me," I said, putting it to the side.
She laughed and threw a satin slipper at me. "Here, check that for spiders." Then she got serious. "Are you sure you don't want to come with us to the party tonight? Or you could go to the prom by yourself. I'm sure lots of your friends will be there. And you never know who you might meet. We could drop you off on the way."
I sighed. Had she always been this pushy? She seemed so pushy lately.
"I'm not going to the party tonight, Mom, and I am definitely not going to the prom. I know exactly who I'll meet there… someone who already has a date. Besides, I don't have any tickets for it, or even a dress that / chose, for that matter. And you know how much Kristen and I wanted to go together. I don't feel right going without her."
An excited look crossed her face. "What if we got a different dress? I didn't want to push you before, but this is your first prom. We're supposed to get all giddy and spend way too much money on the perfect dress." She cocked her head to the side. "I saw an adorable black satin gown in a bridal shop last weekend. I bet they still have it. I know you'll like that one."
It was like she didn't hear 90 percent of what I'd just said.
"No, Mom," I said forcefully. "Thanks anyway, but I'll be fine here. There will probably be some monster movies on, and I'll watch those. Plus, someone needs to be here for all the trick-or-treaters." I knew she wanted to argue, but thankfully she let it go.
After we finished unpacking the last of the costume pieces, Mom went to go try on her costume while I opened up candy bags. I had just finished arranging it all in bowls when she came back in.
"How do I look?" she asked.
"The same as last year," I replied. Then she pouted, and I threw a chocolate candy packet at her. "Oh, come on, Mom. You know you look great."
"I know." She ripped open the tiny package. "But you could have told me that first." Popping the candy into her mouth, she crunched loudly as she went to change out of the costume.
I wandered over to the couch and turned on the TV. Flipping blindly through the channels, I didn't really pay any attention to it. My eyes kept straying to the window. It would be getting dark soon. Almost all of the junior and senior girls were probably at a salon or makeup counter right now, getting ready for the prom. Kristen and I should be doing that too.
I tried not to think about white-blond hair on a green-eyed date… or beautiful black satin ball gowns… or sharing the excitement of prom with a best friend… But I was failing miserably.
Kristen should be here, and we should both be going there. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I wasn't supposed to spend my junior prom alone, on a couch, without my best friend.
Depression settled on me like a heavy blanket. The channel turned to one that was playing a vampire movie, and I left it on. Stuffing a pillow behind my head, I put my feet up and closed my eyes.
"Abbey, I'm going to have to go get this hem fixed. It snagged on something when I was taking it off. Do we need any more candy? Soda? Anything?" Mom's voice interrupted the cheesy horror music from the television.
I didn't answer her but turned my face into the pillow. If I got lucky, she'd think I was sleeping. I heard her take a step closer to the couch, and then a moment later she walked away. I guess I got lucky'.
There was a rustling noise, and I figured that she was putting her costume into a plastic garment bag, and then a minute later I heard the click of a locking door. I kept my eyes shut, still thinking about the prom, and it didn't take long for me to really fall asleep.
The prom dress was beautiful. An old-fashioned Victorian style. The fabric was blood red satin with a delicate black velvet embossed vine pattern that twisted and tangled its way across the bodice top before trailing down the sides. The lacings on the back were designed to mimic the strings of a corset, while a black netting underskirt peeked out from the bottom of the dress ever so slightly and completed the image.
It was something straight out of a Gothic fairy tale.
''Choose this one, Kristen. It's perfect for you." I grasped the hanger and turned to give it to her, but she wouldn 't take it from me.
"I can't, Abbey. I already have a dress. " She motioned to the dark gray tattered piece of fabric she had on. The jagged hem and ripped seams looked alarmingly like someone had tried to tear the outfit into two pieces. Horrified, I watched as the bottom of the dress began dripping water.
"No, no," I insisted. "Please, Kristen, put this one on. There's somethin
g wrong."
But she just shook her head and smiled sadly at me. 'T can 't, Abbey. I can't."
* * *
Mom was shaking my shoulder and calling my name when I finally woke up. My brain was still too foggy to process her costume, and I had no idea who the crazy person in front of me was. I just sat there, blinking, while her face gradually came into focus and Kristen's words faded from my mind.
"Are you awake now, Abbey?" she asked me. "We have to leave."
Mom was completely dressed in her costume, and Dad was polishing one of his shoes. I looked hazily around me. It was dark now, and the clock on the DVD player was blinking 5:30. I had been asleep for quite a while.
"Yeah, I'm awake, Mom. I'll see you guys later," I said.
She bent over to give me a hug, or the closest thing to it that her costume would allow, and I smiled sadly at her. "Go on," I whispered. "I'll be fine. Go have some fun."
"We need to get going sometime tonight," Dad called from the door.
Mom stood up. "I'm coming, I'm coming." Then she looked back at me. "Candy's on the table. We'll leave the porch light on. Be careful, and don't stay up too late." She patted her wig one last time and started toward Dad.
"Oh, and Abbey." She paused midstride. "Look behind your closet door." And with that they both gave me a final wave and stepped outside.
I wasn't really sure if I wanted to know what she had left me. Prom tickets taped to the mirror? A pumpkin costume for the Hollow Ball left by the door? I could only guess.
Unfortunately, for the next hour or so all I could do was guess. The doorbell kept ringing… and ringing… and ringing. It was a never ending flow of ghosts, goblins, witches, and one poor kid who'd gotten stuck trick-or-treating as a fire hydrant. I let him take two handfiils of candy.
When there was a lull in customers, I turned the porch light off so I could sneak upstairs to see what Mom had left. My jaw dropped when I opened the door and saw what was there.
Hanging on the back of the closet door was the most beautiful black ball gown I had ever seen.
I touched the skirt first. It had a fine layer of black tulle netting over ruched black taffeta that shimmered ever so slightly when the light hit it. The satin corset-style top felt cool and smooth under my fingertip as I traced a ribbon trailing down the front in an X pattern. She had even left a pair of black strappy heels that matched perfectly.
It was amazing.
I stared at the dress for a moment longer, then shook my head and closed the door very gently. She could be pushy, and aggravating to no end, but sometimes she was a very, very good mom.
As soon as I went back downstairs and flipped the porch light on again, the little monsters started lining up. They really wanted their candy. I started wondering if people were sending kids over from other towns, because the line kept getting longer and longer. The candy ended up running out before the trick-or-treaters did.
I tried turning out the porch light again, but that didn't work. They just rang the doorbell anyway. And after the eleventh sad little face turned away when I told the kid I was all out of candy, I just couldn't take it anymore.
Calling the closest drugstore, I found out that they were open till nine. And they had plenty of candy left. Since they were only five blocks away, it wouldn't take me long to get there either.
I thought about posting a GONE FOR MORE CANDY-BE BACK SOON sign on the door but decided against it. Might get the house egged by angry goblins who wanted their candy right then and there.
A nice cool breeze played along my face as I walked to the store, and a couple of wispy clouds filled the sky. I would have taken my time if I wasn't so worried about angry mobs of kids stampeding the house in search of candy. That terrifying thought made me walk just a little bit faster.
When I reached the drugstore, there was a black limo parked off to one side, and I couldn't figure out what it was doing there. Then I saw a window roll down and the brief flash of a tux inside.
The prom, of course.
A group of guys had probably rented it and were on their way to pick up their dates. I tried not to give too much thought to the reason why they would stop at a drugstore on prom night. Maybe they've run out of candy too?
Grinning to myself as I opened the door, I walked down two aisles and then hit the jackpot. It was all 50 percent off too. Double jackpot.
I was trying to decide whether I should go with a variety or just one kind of candy, when a voice from the next aisle over caught my attention.
"… he asked that weird girl, Abbey, but she turned him down flat," a girl said.
"Yeah, and she was a real bitch about it too. I had to ask him, like, twice before he agreed to go with me."
"I thought you said you only asked him once and he-"
"Yeah, whatever. Look, let's just get the cameras and go. The boys are waiting."
I peeked around the corner of the aisle. There were two girls in prom dresses standing there, and obviously one of them was the senior who had asked Ben out.
They each grabbed a disposable camera and then went up to the registers. Three people were already in line ahead of them, and I could tell that the girls were not happy about it. I moved back to the candy section, grabbed ten random bags, and slowly walked to the front. Luckily someone else had gotten in line behind them, so I didn't have to worry about getting too close for comfort.
But I was still close enough to hear every word they said. And they had a lot to say.
"He'll have a much better time with you," the girl in the pink dress assured the girl in yellow. At least they were color coded, so I knew who was who.
"Of course he will," yellow dress said, with a toss of her head. As she did this, I noticed that the price tag for her dress was still attached, and sticking out of her side zipper for the entire world to see. I wondered if pink dress would tell her about it.
But yellow dress kept right on talking. "I mean, how rude is she? She should have been grateful that someone asked her to go to the prom at all."
"I heard that the entire cheerleading squad had to practically beg people to ask her to go, as a personal favor to them."
"How pathetic do you have to be to get other people to find dates for you, and still end up with no one?"
That one hurt. I felt the sting inside, and an instant rush of tears. I'm not upset, I told myself. I'm pissed off. But it didn't matter which one I really was; my vision still got blurry.
I stared down at the candy in my hands, not really seeing it. Can't they get another cashier up there to help move the line along? I tried to tune everything out and not listen to the conversation, but it was like a bad car wreck. I couldn't turn away.
They were next, but they still kept talking.
"Did you see her at school this week?" asked pink dress.
"Ugh, yes. She looked terrible. Someone really needs to lay off the midnight margaritas on school nights."
"I know, right?"
"Someone should also tell her not to wear black all the time. It totally washes her out. What is she, a Goth girl? And it's called a haircut. Get one."
Pink dress laughed now. "Maybe she wears black because it's slimming. Could be hiding a few 'trouble spots.' You know, ever since her friend died, she has gotten weirder and weirder. She's such a loser. I wouldn't be surprised if she jumps off the bridge herself just to get some attention."
"She's totally trying to milk the pity," said yellow dress. "You know she is. First it gets her on the prom committee, and now I bet all the teachers are letting her turn in her homework late. She'll probably start skipping classes next so she can go sob on a counselor's shoulder about how much she misses her dead friend."
"Sometimes I think they planned this together or something, so that at least one of them would get some attention. It's not like the dead girl will be remembered for anything else. She was a bigger loser than Abbey."
My face went numb and my mind went blank. Nothing they said could hurt me. I was frozen insi
de. A wall of ice. I looked blankly at the floor, until the cashier finally got my attention. They were gone, and I was next in line.
I spaced out again while he rang up my purchases, and it was like he was speaking a foreign language when he asked if I wanted everything to be double bagged. I shook my head no. And then nodded my head yes.
He double bagged the candy and handed it over to me like I was contagious. I stumbled out of the store and headed for home. I don't remember actually walking home, but the next thing I knew, I was standing in front of my door. I went inside, dumped the candy into several bowls, and placed them all on the front porch.
I just wanted to be alone now.
Turning out all the lights, I curled up on the couch. Another scary movie was about to start, and I turned it on. But it didn't hold my attention. Nothing did. I kept hearing their voices.
I thought about what they had said in the store. I thought about being alone and miserable on the couch. I thought about the prom I was missing. I thought about the fact that Kristen wasn't here for any of it, and never would be. I thought about how much I missed my best friend. I thought about how awful my life was.
And I think all those thoughts pushed me to an edge. Suddenly I felt impulsive and full of wild energy, like I was teetering on the ledge of an impossible canyon and staring straight down. I jumped up from the couch and ran upstairs to my room. I knew what to do.
Opening the closet door, I grabbed the black gown off its hanger. Mom had taped a note behind it, and it momentarily stopped me. Even if you don't get the prom, you still deserve the dress. Love, Mom.
It only added fuel to the fire of my reckless abandon. I did deserve a dress. And a prom. A prom that I was going to give to myself. Changing into the ball gown, I passed over the strappy heels and put on my solid black boots. Then I took a moment to look at myself in the mirror. My eyes were stormy and bright, but my cheeks were deathly pale.