She fell silent and then started again, quieter.
“She cried that night, Mom did. That night my grandmother came and screamed in her face. I heard her. Woke up like I knew she was doing it and laid in the little narrow bed I shared with my sister because Mom couldn’t afford to buy another bed. We were head to feet, the only way we could sleep in it and have room to move. And I listened to her cry. Sob. And I wonder to this day why she was crying. If she missed him. If she was brokenhearted because he’d killed her dream. If she wondered if she’d made the right choice not standing by him. If she thought maybe she should have tried to change him. If she was just angry and that was the way she let it out. Or if she was just tired of it all and she knew we had to pack up and move again the next day and she couldn’t face it, which is what we did.”
“You’ll never know, baby,” he whispered.
“No,” she agreed. “I’ll never know.”
She took in a deep breath and Johnny waited.
Then she gave him more.
“So I hate him. I hate him because of cheap sandals and because he hit my mom in the face with his fist so hard he knocked her down and kicked her after she hit the floor. I hate him because I warmed up soup for my sister and me because Mom couldn’t be there to cook for us and because all we could afford was soup. I hate him that he wasn’t around to bury our dead cat and Mom and me had to do it, tears streaming down our faces. I hate him that he didn’t take pictures of me before my prom, and I hate him that it seems like he doesn’t even care he missed that or my sixteenth birthday or when I won my scholarship or when Addie broke her wrist showing off on that skateboard of her boyfriend’s. I hate him because he broke my mom when she was with him and I hate him because he kept her broke after he was gone.”
He heard her take another deep breath, this one hitched, and Johnny tightened, getting ready for what came next.
“We weren’t happy. It was fake. We faked happy. My mom died after a life that ran her down because she worked so fucking hard, and one of the things she worked hard at was faking happy.”
On the last two words her voice broke, so Johnny let go of her hair and hand and did a crunch to grab her under her arms, pulling her up and twisting her until he could lay her torso on top of his.
He rounded her with his arms, laid back.
Izzy shoved her face in his neck and wept.
Johnny stared at the stars and let her, holding her close with one arm, stroking her hair with another.
He gave it time.
Then he told her what he knew. What he saw in those pictures in her tack room.
“You actually were happy, spätzchen. You know that, right?”
She nodded with her face still in his neck.
“I . . . I . . . kn-know,” she pushed out. “I’m just being dramatic.”
“You’re just being honest,” he replied.
“I’m . . . I’m ruining our camping night.”
“No way, Izzy. You ever give that up to anyone?” he asked.
She shook her head this time but didn’t say anything.
“Then you just gave me something beautiful, baby. Precious. I’ll remember it forever. So you’re not ruining anything.”
The stars disappeared when she lifted her head, eyes to his.
“You sure?” she asked.
He slid a hand to the side of her head and rubbed his thumb across her wet cheek.
“Yeah,” he answered.
She studied him in the moonlight, wiped her hand across her other cheek then scooted down a little and dropped her head to rest against his pec.
Johnny slid his hand in her hair again.
They lay together in silence for a while before she broke it.
“Mom said we should never hate anyone. But I can’t help it, Johnny. I hate him.”
“I hate him too and I didn’t live through that, Iz. So give yourself a break, yeah?”
She nodded, her cheek and hair moving on his chest.
“Did you ever . . . I mean, you talk about your dad’s folks but not your mom’s. Did you at least have them?” she asked, turning the subject to him, he suspected to get it off where they were.
He decided she’d had enough so he allowed that.
“When we were older and we asked, Dad told us that Mom told him the home she grew up in was not a good one so she left the minute she could and never went back. Dad never even met them. He asked us if we wanted him to find them for us, and Toby made that decision, saying if we had her for the time we did and they didn’t give a shit enough to find her, and doing that us, then he didn’t think Dad should waste his time. I thought that was sound logic so I agreed and Dad honored that.”
“It does sound like sound logic,” she said.
“Yeah.”
She took a deep breath, turned her head and rubbed her face in his chest in that way of hers that was so sweet, then she settled back in.
“What would you do if she came back?” she asked.
“Hear her out and make my decision,” he answered then turned it on her. “What would you do if he came back?”
“I’d ask if I had any siblings, and if I did I’d ask where to find them and then I’d shut the door in his face,” she answered.
Johnny grinned at the stars, murmuring, “That’s my girl.”
She sounded like she was smiling when she replied, “Yeah.”
They fell into their own thoughts until Iz shifted, putting her chin to his chest. Lifting his head, he took his hand from her hair, put it behind his head and caught her eyes.
“I’m sorry I brought him—” she began.
“Shh,” he shushed.
“With Perry showing and you throwing the plate—”
“Baby, did you not hear me say how much it means you gave me that?”
“You make me happy and I . . . now that I know how it feels when it’s real, I guess I just—”
At that, he angled up taking her up with him and dragging her ass into his lap.
“You done with the stars and the moonlight or you wanna fuck out here under them?” he asked.
Her body jerked in surprise at his question.
He waited impatiently for her to answer it.
“I . . . well . . .” Her eyes darted side to side before coming back to his. “Is there anyone around us?”
“No clue.”
“Well, if there is, do you think they’d take a walk at night?”
“Tent,” he decided, surged up and took her with him when he did that too.
He had her hand in his and he was dragging her to the tent.
Ranger followed.
Ranger would have to wait outside for a while.
“Can we go back and gaze at the stars after?” she asked when Johnny had bent low to get into the tent.
He twisted his neck to look up at her. “After, if you can still move, we’ll do anything you want.”
He could swear he saw her face flush in the moonlight.
Johnny just pulled her into the tent behind him.
She couldn’t move when he was done with her, so it was Johnny who had to move to go deal with the fire and let Ranger in.
Then he zipped his woman and himself in their double sleeping bag, she curled into him deep, Ranger arranged himself on their feet, and Johnny Gamble and his woman slept in a tent under the stars.
That night, Daphne Forrester would have said her daughter’s moon was in the fifth house.
And she would have been right.
Johnny sat in the grass by Izzy the next morning while they ate the pancakes he’d made for them over the fire.
She was staring at the fire, quiet.
He kicked her sock-covered foot with his.
She turned her head to him.
“Happy?” he asked.
“I have pancakes and Johnny, you have to ask?” she answered.
He felt his face get lazy and he bent in to kiss her.
When he turned his attention back to his pancakes
, she whispered, “It’s just that . . . I was thinking . . . it’s not that I’m sad even though it’s sad but it’s a sad I’m used to. That is, I wanted something for her. Something she didn’t really get. A long stretch of time when she didn’t have to take care of us. Time when she could just be Daphne. Time when me and Addie could worry about the kids in our lives and she could just spoil them. Time when she could find a man and not have to worry about whether or not he wanted a readymade family, just know in her heart that he wanted Daphne. Time to ride my horses and tend her tomatoes. Time to help Addie show Brooks how to be a good man and time to teach my daughters how to make her facials. Time when she could just be happy.”
Johnny didn’t look at her.
But he did tangle one of his legs with hers.
She kept whispering.
“She shouldn’t have looked for the dreamers. She should have found a man who knows all the different types of motor oil.”
Christ, they’d had sex before he made her pancakes and now he needed to fuck her again.
“Iz?” he called.
“Yes, Johnny.”
“So I have the strength to hike outta here, stop being sweet.”
There was a smile in her voice when she said, “Message received, Ghostrider.”
He gave a soft laugh.
“Johnny?” she called.
“Yeah, Iz.”
“Can we come camping again?”
He looked at her and caught her eyes.
“Absolutely.”
Fruit-Infused Vodka
Johnny
“GOOD CHRIST, WOMAN! What’s on your face?” Dave shouted half a second after he walked into Izzy’s dining room.
Johnny followed him in, Charlie behind Johnny, Toby coming in after Charlie.
Once in, he saw Iz, Addie, Margot and Deanna sitting around Izzy’s round white table, their asses on distressed white chairs. There were two weathered barn doors resting against a wall for some reason and a huge chandelier that was almost bigger than the table hanging low over it that you’d have to look close to see the crystals that were missing.
Johnny had looked close.
There were fifteen crystals missing.
He moved around the table to give all the men room to join them, but also to get to his woman, and he did this with his eyes on Izzy’s face, a big smile on his mouth.
Her face was covered in goo.
White goo with bits in.
“This, my girls, is why the magic happens without the man in your life bearing witness to it,” Margot drawled to the women around the table. She turned to Dave. “And David, please, I beg you for the five hundred and fifteenth time in our marriage, do not take the Lord’s name in vain.”
“This is not an answer to what you got all over your face, Margot,” Dave replied.
She swept a hand along the air at the side of her white goo slathered face like she was a model demonstrating high-end facial care. “It’s a facial mask as concocted by Adeline that her mother taught her to make that I already can feel wrings miracles.”
Johnny made it to Izzy and he bent toward her as she twisted her neck to look up at him, getting a whiff of yogurt and honey when he got close.
He then made a remark out loud that he thought in his head on more than a rare occasion.
“I don’t know whether to kiss you or eat you.”
She rolled her eyes.
He decided to kiss the top of her head.
After he did that he looked at her again.
“I’m gooey and you’re filthy,” she murmured.
It was three Saturdays after their camping trip.
Three Saturdays with three good weeks in between of family and friends, and them just being together punctuated only by the need to sleep in order to keep going and work in order to afford to eat (or Izzy’s work was that, Johnny was stinking rich and could have quit but then he’d be bored stiff and working on cars anyway so he might as well do it and make his garage more money).
Addie was off work at the grocery store that day so the women decided to have a girls’ day out, which meant the men could have a boys’ day.
They’d all started it meeting at Izzy’s and going their separate ways with the plan to meet back and mix genders for dinner.
Brooks was the odd man out, considering he couldn’t reach the grips on an ATV, so he had to stick with the women.
“Too bad with all this company we can’t take a shower,” he murmured back.
“Johnathon, please. No sexual innuendo at a lady’s dining room table,” Margot scolded. “It’s crass.”
Johnny straightened and looked at her. “It wasn’t innuendo, Margot. It was just sexual.”
Toby busted out laughing. Charlie chuckled. Dave shook his head at him, but did it grinning. Deanna and Addie smiled at each other.
Margot’s eyes narrowed. “We’re sampling Eliza’s excellent infused vodkas and I’m in a chipper mood. I’d thank you not to upset that.”
“I’d thank you too. My woman’s gonna feel good about her skin and be drunk, this bodes good things,” Dave delivered his own sexual innuendo, leaning into the table, grabbing the bottle that was closest that looked like it had strawberries and mint leaves in it, pouring a healthy dose into the glass in front of Margot and then he leaned back and shot the whole thing.
“David, you sip,” Margot snapped.
Dave put the glass down, ignored his wife and winked at Izzy. “I don’t even know what that was but you got my approval, child.”
Izzy beamed at him.
“I hope you all have changes of clothes seeing as you all need showers before we feed you,” Margot declared. She then turned to Izzy. “Take note of this, darlin’. In case you weren’t aware, ATV stands for all-terrain vehicle, and when they’re on one, they attempt to discover every type of terrain they can, the muddier, the better.”
Izzy, apparently unaffected by her man having dried mud caked up to his hips, just nodded and replied, “So noted, Margot.”
“I’m gonna go home and shower,” Charlie said then bent and kissed Deanna under her ear. “I’ll be back for dinner.”
“Iz, can I jump in your shower?” Toby asked.
“Sure,” Izzy answered.
“It’s my shower at this juncture so you should ask me,” Addie put in. “Unless you’re going to the master.”
“I’m in the master,” Johnny stated.
“Adeline, can I use your shower?” Toby asked.
“Sure,” she answered on a big grin.
He shook his head at her and strolled out, Charlie following him.
Dave took a chair that was against the wall and started twisting it to the table.
“Halt!” Margot shouted.
Dave froze.
“Do you think you’re sitting in your muddy jeans in Eliza’s chair?” she asked.
“It’s chipped and dented and has no pad,” he stated.
“It’s shabby chic,” Margot returned with emphasis on words Dave didn’t understand and even if he did, he wouldn’t give that first shit about.
“It’s fine, really. I have cats, dogs, and these chairs cost me four dollars each,” Izzy entered the conversation. “Except the one Deanna’s sitting in had a missing leg so I got that one thrown in for free. Anyway, a home is a home, not a showplace. Everyone is welcome, muddy jeans and all.”
“See?” Dave asked his wife.
“You’ll remain standing until you’re showered,” Margot returned.
“Both showers are taken ’cause Tobe has no respect for his elders,” Dave shot back. “And I’m sitting,” he declared, finished twisting his seat and then he put his ass in it.
Margot turned to Izzy. “You should take note of this as well, my beautiful girl. He’s quite right. Tobias should have let David go first. He’s also demonstrating how he doesn’t respect me by sitting in that chair. Don’t let that start. If you do, it never stops.”
“I respected you enough when I paid that credit
card bill yesterday,” Dave retorted and looked at Johnny. “Take note, son. Seven-hundred-dollar shoes. And I’m not even kidding.”
He felt Izzy’s gaze and looked down at her.
“I’d never buy seven-hundred-dollar shoes unless they were seriously on sale,” Izzy told him.
“It comes to a time I’m paying our credit card bill, feel free to buy as many seven-hundred-dollar shoes as you want,” he replied.
“I love him,” Deanna declared.
“Easy for him to say, he’s a millionaire,” Dave muttered.
Izzy’s eyes in the goo got huge.
Fuck.
“You’re a millionaire?” she whispered.
Damn.
“Yeah,” he grunted.
“Oh . . . my . . . God!” Addie shouted. “I take it back! I’m totally letting you pay my attorney’s fees!”
Brooks, in his mom’s lap, squealed with glee.
“Iz?” he called when she just stared at him.
“I’ve always wanted a pair of Louboutins,” she said softly.
He grinned, bent his head and kissed her hard.
He got goo all over his mouth and chin.
But she tasted great.
After dinner, Johnny stood at the back door in the kitchen looking out the window.
Izzy was on the porch, standing as well, directly opposite him, and watching what was happening in the backyard through the screen.
She was goo-less, in a pretty sundress, arms and legs tanned, no shoes, no makeup, hair in a ponytail at the base of her neck streaming down her back, and he only had her profile but he saw a small, happy smile on her face.
He looked beyond her to what was making her happy.
In the yard under the tree that still was hung with crystals and strung with Christmas lights that were not yet turned on because the sun was just beginning to set, Toby had hold of Brooks and was swinging him around, dipping him down, lifting him up, like he was flying.