“Hey,” Avian cut me off, pulling me into his arms. “It’s okay.”
“No,” I said. It felt like something wild and dangerous was in my throat, quickly rising up, choking me. “It’s not. I need out. I can’t breathe.”
“Whoa,” Avian said, stepping back just a bit so he could look down into my face. “Eve, if you need a break, I’m sure we could tell Elijah. He’ll find someone to fill in.”
“I don’t need a break,” I said, my voice sounding disgusted. I instantly felt ashamed at myself. “Forget what I said. I’m…fine.”
“Eve, you’re obviously not fine,” he said, concern flooding his face. “You’ve been on the verge of a lash-out for the last week. It’s understandable that moving into the city and having all these adjustments would be hard on you.”
I shook my head, the back of my eyes stinging. My line of sight rose to the ceiling and I couldn’t look back at Avian because I felt so disgusted with myself. “I am not that weak. I am not that human.”
“Eve,” Avian said, his voice hard and stern. It took me off guard enough to meet his eyes again. “You are human. And it is okay.”
“I’m going to talk to Dr. Beeson,” I said, taking a step away from him, my eyes falling to the floor this time. “This last adjustment was too much. You two were right. I can’t handle any more of these.”
Avian stopped short. Everything in his posture and stance said that he didn’t know what to say.
Gathering myself, I turned and headed back toward the kitchen.
An hour after the outsiders went to bed, I lied down, staring up at the dark ceiling. I was working very hard to not think or feel anything.
My door opened but I didn’t bother turning to see who it was. A warm body slipped into the bed next to me, strong arms circling my waist. I numbly turned on my side and rested my head on Avian’s chest.
“I understand how hard you are trying to be empathetic with West,” he said in a low voice. “And how you’re trying your best to be like the rest of us. I know you’re trying to understand the crazy emotions we all have to deal with.”
He pressed his lips into my hair, gathering me tighter against his body. He took several deep breaths and I realized the way I had been behaving the last week had not been hard on me alone.
“But you seem to think that you need to rediscover who you are now that you know the truth about your origins.”
He pulled away from me slightly so he could meet my eyes. His own burned with intensity. “Eve, there is nothing wrong with who you are. With the way you are. You are you, Eve, and not anyone else. You’re tough and you’re stubborn, and you don’t always understand emotions and what you or everyone else is feeling, but that is part of who you are.
“I fell in love with a girl who was okay with not fully understanding her past. I fell in love with a girl who stood on her own and owned her present and future. That is who you are, Eve. You don’t need to be anyone else, for anyone else.”
For the second time in my life, I felt a bead of moisture rolling down my cheek.
Not because Avian had made me sad or hurt my feelings.
But because I had never had that much acceptance of myself. I had never thought someone could fully love me the way I was—twisted, manipulated, and engineered.
He was right. I didn’t need to rediscover who I was. I didn’t need to change into someone different. That was betraying myself. That was the worst kind of self-loathing I could imagine.
I pressed my forehead to Avian’s and breathed for a moment, emotions swelling in my chest. This time, I didn’t mind them.
“I am not me without you,” I said. “Thank you for always standing by my side.”
Avian brushed his lips against mine. His hand pressed into the back of my neck, his fingers tangling in my hair.
It took a man capable of an immeasurable amount of understanding to strip away the insecurities I’d felt after learning what I was. It took a man capable of loving me until the end of the world to make me accept myself.
And I would move heaven and hell to keep him.
Always.
I breathed a little easier the next morning. I just had to survive today and tomorrow and then these outsiders would leave.
And then Dr. Beeson would have time to fix me. To make me me again. And maybe I wouldn’t have a nuclear meltdown.
Avian and I switched places, he headed for the lobby, and I started for the kitchen.
I was about to walk into the dining area when I heard two voices followed by a laugh, and froze. I ducked just outside of the doorway and listened.
“Come on,” a female voice said. “You did not get scars like that falling out of a truck.”
Even though she was asking about a heavy subject, her voice was light, like she was amused at the conversation.
It could only be Elijah or West who would answer, and I knew exactly where Elijah was and that wasn’t down here in the dining area.
“Are you calling me a liar?” West responded.
“Yeah,” the girl said with a laugh. “I guess I am.”
“Maybe I’m Frankenstein’s monster,” he said. I could almost see the way he would raise his eyebrow at her.
“You’re pretty scary looking,” she said. “But not quite that scary.”
“I am a monster,” he said, his tone growing more serious. “Just not that kind.”
Hot urgency burned through my veins. I wasn’t going to sit and listen to this anymore. I stormed into the dining area and over to their table. I barely glanced at the girl he sat with. I grabbed West by the front of his thick shirt and hauled him out into the hall and into a closet.
“You need to be more careful,” I said between clenched teeth. “You’re going to expose us all.”
“Get off me, Eve,” he said, his voice escalating as he tried to shove me. I didn’t budge.
I had him pinned against the shelves, my forearm across his shoulders.
“Royce doesn’t want them knowing about the Extractor,” I said, my eyes burning into his. “And you’re about to blow that.”
“It’s a little difficult keeping that secret, walking around looking like this,” he said. “And hiding this.” He ripped his button up shirt open, exposing his inhibitor through the thin white shirt he wore underneath.
“Stay away from them if you have to,” I said, backing off because my bones were starting to splinter being so close to West.
“No,” he said indignantly. “I am not going to lock myself up in some room because you can’t stand the sight of me actually talking to another woman.”
“Oh my gosh,” I said, not able to help rolling my eyes. “We so need to get over this. This is a lot bigger than our little love triangle past.”
West shook his head and stormed out of the closet.
I stood in the dark for a moment, trying to pull in the wild pieces that seemed to be breaking off of me.
Avian was right. I was on the verge of a break down, and I was going to hurt someone.
And I knew who that someone would be.
The second these people left, I’d have Dr. Beeson fix me.
Because I didn’t know how to function as a human. I was part Bane, and I was finally ready to accept that.
NINE
“All units to the auditorium.”
The radio crackled to life, static for just a moment, followed by a harsh, demanding voice. Royce.
I shot out of bed, adrenaline flooding my system. For a moment I was back in my tent, ready to track a Bane down through the woods, shotgun in hand.
“What’d that just say?” Avian asked groggily in the dark.
“All units to the auditorium,” I repeated, my pants already pulled on and tying the laces on my boots. “It was Royce.”
I was impatient, waiting for Avian’s sleepy self to get ready to move. We both jogged down the hall toward the auditorium, each of us with a rifle in one hand, a handgun in another pocket. Avian’s necklace bounced softly on my
chest as we ran.
We stepped into the dimly lit space and found what looked to be every one of the outsiders gathered on the stage. Raj, Nick, Elijah, and Royce all surrounded them, guns pointed in their directions.
Half a dozen other soldiers burst into the auditorium the same time Avian and I did, and we joined those on the stage.
“What’s going on?” I asked at the same time as Bill.
“This one was trying to sneak out through the stairway,” Raj said in his heavy accent, pointing to one of the outsiders. “He was trying to get to the roof with that.” He pointed to a small black box that sat in the middle of the stage. It was maybe six inches by six inches.
“What is it?” I asked.
“They’re not saying,” Royce said, his jaw so tight I thought his teeth might crack. His eyes blazed and every muscle in his body was flexed. He looked ready to kill someone.
Dr. Beeson suddenly appeared in the doorway and jogged down the stairs.
“Is this it?” he asked, pointing to the box when he reached the stage.
“That’s what he was trying to get to the roof,” Raj said with a nod.
Dr. Beeson crossed to the box, and carefully picked it up. He lifted a lid and his face was illuminated with a flashing green light.
“Bomb?” Graye asked, automatically taking a step back.
Dr. Beeson’s face paled, but he shook his head. He tipped the box and something small slipped out into his hand.
It was a two inch, silver cylinder. A green light flashed at the top of it every two seconds.
“If I’m not mistaken,” Dr. Beeson said with a shaking voice. “It’s a beacon.”
“A beacon?” Avian said. “What kind of beacon?”
“You built a beacon to call out the Bane?” Royce bellowed. Something hot and wild flashed across his eyes. He slammed the butt of his gun to the back of Alistar’s head. He collapsed in a limp heap.
Instantly, everyone was drawing weapons and two handguns and a crossbow were pointed in my own direction.
“You better start talking,” Elijah said through clenched teeth. “Or this is going to turn into a blood bath.”
“Alright,” Margaret said, closing her eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath. “You have your devices and we have ours. Together we could clear the entire west coast.”
“And you were what? Just going to set off your beacon and hope we’d power up the Pulse for you to wipe out the Bane that would come flooding into the city?” Royce growled.
“You have a device that could save the rest of humanity and you aren’t using it,” she said, turning cold, hard eyes on him.
“We don’t even know that it will work again,” he growled. “It requires an astronomical amount of power that has to be built up over days. If you’d set that thing off tonight, you would have killed us all.”
“Surely you have it ready should the need for it arise,” she said, her voice disbelieving.
“It isn’t something easily turned on and off on a whim,” Dr. Beeson said.
“Are you really so comfortable here in your little city that you think it safe to let your defenses down?” Margaret scoffed.
“You’ll leave as soon as it is light outside,” Royce growled.
“We are not done discussing this matter,” Margaret answered.
“Trust me, we are.”
“And how are you certain that this is the only beacon we brought with us?” she asked. “How do you know we didn’t plant another before you found us?”
Royce crossed through the group and roughly grabbed Margaret’s arm. “You’re coming with me. The rest of you, keep them here.”
I met the eyes of the girl whom West had been talking with.
My stomach disappeared when a slow smile curled on her lips.
We stood like that, for two hours. Guns and crossbows and even bows and arrows pointed at each other.
No one dared utter a word, for fear of setting everyone off.
Finally, a voice crackled over the radio.
“All newcomers are to be taken out the south entrance of the hospital.” Royce. He said no more.
“I want you to move out, single file,” Elijah said in his rough voice. “Out that door, down the hall, and through the south doors. Nick, take the lead.”
My entire body tensed when all the outsiders looked at us for a long moment. There was indecision in their eyes, like they weren’t sure if they should do as they were told, or stay and fight.
I didn’t relax though when they started following in a careful line behind Nick out the door. I glanced over at Avian once before I followed along the line. He just nodded.
One by one, we walked down the hall, descended the stairs, and out the front doors.
We stopped outside the hospital, and waited for orders.
Margaret’s form appeared in the door. Followed by Royce.
He had a gun pressed square to the back of her head.
“What’s going on?” an outsider yelled. Half of them stepped forward.
I pressed the barrel of my shotgun to a man’s chest and shook my head. “I suggest you don’t move.”
“The lot of you will leave this city immediately!” Royce shouted so all would hear him. “You will head out now or I will shoot her right here.”
A shot rang out. Royce darted to the left, rolling on the ground as Margaret dashed forward.
I turned, my barrel scanning the crowd around me.
Margaret and a few of her men had turned down the road and were sprinting west.
I took off after them, my shotgun leveled.
There was a decision to make in that moment. Did I shoot them dead and become a murderer but keep them from possibly murdering us? Or did I show mercy and risk them flooding our city with Bane?
They cut around a corner, killing the choice.
“Eve!” I heard Avian shout from behind me.
I turned just briefly enough to see him knock a man unconscious with the butt of his shotgun and take off after me.
“I got this!” I bellowed, kicking up my speed.
I turned the corner and faltered for just a moment. Margaret was in sight. But her men were gone.
Something embedded itself into my side and every muscle in my body locked up. Air froze in my lungs, and black lines flickered across my vision. I hit the ground like a freshly cut tree. Across the street and just around the corner, I could see Avian, his fist connecting with another man’s jaw.
I rolled as I hit the ground, my vision turning up to the cloudy sky. A man’s face entered my field of vision. He had something in his hands and everything in me wanted to fight back as he covered my head with it.
But then everything shut down.
TEN
The ground was moving and it made my stomach sick.
A quick tug upward, and then a stomach dropping downward motion. Repeat.
Over and over I bobbed.
I was on water.
My eyes felt like sandpaper as I tried to pull them open. Everything was black and blur. And I couldn’t find my body. I was aware that it was still there, but it may as well have been dead. Nothing could move.
I could however hear feet shuffling. They sounded like they were behind a door maybe. Muffled.
Air couldn’t move past my dead lips, couldn’t cry out for answers. Or help.
Suddenly, there were voices.
“You really think this doctor of yours can fix me?”
Something inside of me died when I recognized that voice.
West.
“He was the best heart surgeon there was on the West Coast before the Evolution.”
And instantly I was full of fire and wrath.
That was the girl he’d been talking to in the dining area.
“I just hope this wasn’t a mistake,” he said, his voice growing quieter. “Cause I’m a dead man if he can’t take that scrap out.”
The pieces of the puzzle started sliding into place with only a few words.
I calculated in my head the amount of time West had. I got the sense we’d left New Eden and were headed back to wherever these people were from. I couldn’t gauge how long we’d been traveling. But it had been just over a week from the time West came out of Extraction to the time before I got knocked out.
West only had about five days. Seven if he was really lucky.
He really was a dead man if this supposed doctor couldn’t fix him.
Had my harshness toward him really driven him to do this? To betray his family and look for an elusive fix?
But I also had to consider why I was here, drugged and bound. I couldn’t imagine anyone else would have given away my secret. Had West traded it for the surgery? Had they tricked it out of him? Had he let it slip?
“Don’t look so down,” the female voice said. “You made the right choice.”
“I know I needed away from her,” West’s voice grew quieter. “But I just feel weird about leaving everyone. About leaving her. I searched for her for five years, and now I’m just walking away.”
“You made the right choice,” she said again, her words starting to slur in my ears.
Shadows started climbing in my brain, heavy and thick. I tried to keep them out, to find a door to close to them. But they were fog and mist and they crept in through all the cracks in my head.
There was light dancing behind my eyelids. It was dull and gray. But it was light.
“A little too effective,” a voice said. “Wouldn’t you say?”
“Yes ma’am,” another responded, shame and fear in it.
“See if you can rouse her.” The voice was female.
Something hard and cold whipped my head sharply to the left. But the rest of my body held firmly in place.
My eyes flashed open.
The outsiders were gathered around me, Margaret at the forefront of them all. Alistar stood at her side and another man with a gun stood just to the side of me. It was him that had just woken me with the butt end of his rifle.
I was bound to what looked like a moving-dolly with heavy chains. I tried jerking my arms, but didn’t move an inch. I wasn’t going anywhere.