CHAPTER XXI
THE OLD LIFE
That Christmas morning was like a dream to Maud.
To find herself in church with Jake by her side was a circumstance thatshe had been very far from expecting, and the experience was so uniquethat it seemed scarcely real.
It was by his suggestion that they were there, and he had overruled herhesitation as to leaving Bunny with a masterly skill that had enlistedBunny himself on his side.
So they had gone, like a sober married couple, as Maud said to herself,though the thought of Jake as her husband was somehow one that sheinvariably failed utterly to grasp. She herself found it impossible togive her undivided attention to the service with the perpetualconsciousness of his presence at her side. She could not tear her mindfrom him. He came between her and her devotions.
And yet he himself seemed to be wholly absorbed. Not once did thosewatchful eyes stray in her direction. He followed the entire servicewith reverence and a steady concentration that she envied but could notemulate.
When it was over and they were walking back, he drew a deep breath andremarked: "That's the first time I've been in church, except for ourwedding, for twenty years."
Maud looked at him in amazement. "So long as that?"
He nodded. "I used to go regularly till my mother died. After that, Iwent to sea and got out of the way of it."
There fell a silence upon his words. The colour that was always soquick to rise in Maud's cheeks spread upwards to her forehead.
It was with an evident effort that she said finally: "You haven't toldme anything about your mother yet, Jake."
He turned his head slowly towards her. "It didn't strike me that youwould care to hear," he said, with simplicity.
She conquered her embarrassment with difficulty, but her voice wascuriously devoid of enthusiasm as she said: "I am interested--ofcourse."
"Really?" said Jake. "I don't know why you should be. She was a veryfine woman, and she killed herself with hard work when my father failedas a farmer. That's about all her story."
"Oh, Jake, how dreadfully sad!" There was quick sympathy in Maud'stone. She put out a shy hand to him as they walked.
He took it, held it fast for a moment, and let it go. "A woman willalways attempt the impossible," he said, "for the sake of anyone shecares for. You would do the same for Bunny. I saw that the first day Imet you. I've seen it a hundred times in different parts of the world,and I guess it's one of the greatest things in life."
Maud uttered a sharp sigh. "I don't see anything great in doing whatone must," she said rather sadly. "It is very nice of you to admirewomen, but I expect it is chiefly because you don't understand them."
Jake's frank smile appeared at her words. "I'm not disputing that mostwomen need a burden of some sort," he said gently. "I guess that's justa woman's way. She wouldn't be happy if she hadn't one."
"And yet you want to take mine away!" The words were out almost beforeshe knew it. She repented them even as they fell.
Jake's smile passed, and an odd, dogged look took its place. "I reckonthat's different," he said. "You've carried too heavy a burden all yourlife. Do you know, Maud"--his voice softened though his face remainedunchanged--"that first time I saw you, I recognized that look ofdesperate endurance in your eyes that my mother used to have? It cutright through me. And you were so young, which made it worse."
"I don't feel young," she interposed.
"I know," he made answer. "You've missed it all. But when you'restronger--happier--you'll find you're not so old. There are quite a lotof good things in the world even for middle-aged folk like you and me."
She uttered a little dubious laugh.
"Yes, that's so," he asserted, in that calm, confident drawl of his."And that brings me round to what I've been wanting to say to you. Idon't want to deprive you of anything worth having, but I amwanting--real badly--to make a sound man of Bunny as soon as may be.Reckon you're wanting that too?"
Her heart gave a thick, hard throb. "Of course," she said ratherbreathlessly.
"Yes, of course," agreed Jake imperturbably. "Well, I had a letter lastnight from Capper, one of the biggest surgeons in the world. I had thegood luck to do him a small service, once, and he can't somehow forgetit. Now he's coming to England in a few weeks, and he'll look me up.I've told him about Bunny, and he's sort of interested. Say, Maud, itwould be a mighty big thing to let him examine the little chap and seewhat he thinks."
Maud's face was very pale. She walked in silence.
Jake glanced at her. "You'd be afraid?" he suggested.
"I don't know," she said, in that same breathless tone. "It--it seemsrather soon. And suppose--suppose he failed!"
"My dear," Jake said gently. "Capper won't fail. He'll either tacklethe job and carry it through, or he won't attempt it. That's the sortof man he is."
Maud dropped back into silence. The road at this point was somewhatsteep, and she was gasping for breath.
Suddenly Jake reached out, took her hand, and pulled it through his arm."All right, my girl, all right!" he said kindly. "We won't hustle any.I shan't say another word to Bunny on the subject till you have made upyour mind what you'd like done. Now you lean on me! I'll pull you up."
She did not want to lean on him, but for some reason she could not atonce withdraw her hand. They mounted the hill side by side.
Jake said no more upon the subject. He evidently regarded it as closed.As they turned in at length at the white gates, he said: "I waswondering if your mother could be persuaded to come up to tea if I wentand fetched her with the dog-cart. We couldn't squeeze Sheppard intothat if we tried."
She knew that he made the suggestion solely for her pleasure, and asudden warmth kindled within her.
"You are good to me, Jake!" she said gratefully.
"Oh, rats!" said Jake. "Being good to you is all one with being good tomyself. I'll go then as soon as dinner is over. Now who in thunder--"He stopped abruptly gazing straight ahead.
A momentary frown drew his level brows and passed. "Hullo!" he said, ina soft drawl.
Maud was looking ahead too. She saw a man's figure moving towards themover the stones of the yard; she heard the ring of spurs. And suddenlyshe stood still, white to the lips, panting, unnerved.
It could have been only for a second, that pause of hers; for at onceshe was aware of Jake's hand pushed lightly through her arm, leading herforward.
"I guess I don't need to introduce Lord Saltash," he said. "You've metbefore."
Yes, they had met before, met and parted, and the memory of it stabbedher to the heart. She moved forward, as it were mechanically, underJake's guidance. She had known that this ordeal would have to be faced,but it had taken her unawares. She was unprepared.
But the moment she heard his voice, his laugh, her agitation was gone.There was a subtle _camaraderie_ in Lord Saltash's greeting thatsmoothed the way. She remembered with a pang that it had ever been hiscustom to take the easiest course.
With his hand holding hers, and his ugly face laughing its debonairwelcome into her own, she could not feel tragic or even disconcerted anylonger, even though with his other hand he clapped Jake on the shoulder.
"So you've gone and got married, have you?" he said, his eyebrowsworking with monkeyish rapidity. "How original of you! I won't bebanal enough to congratulate. It's such a bore to have to reply to thatsort of thing. Let me wish you a happy Christmas instead! _Ma bellereine des roses, je te salue_! You are more faultily faultless thanever!"
He made her a sweeping, cavalier's bow, and lightly kissed her hand.
She laughed without effort. "How odd to meet you like this, Charlie! Ithought you were still abroad."
She was not even aware of uttering his Christian name, so naturally didit rise to her lips. It seemed to her suddenly that the old cruelbarrier had been removed. Since they could never again be lovers, theyw
ere free now to be friends.
Surely the same thought had struck him also, for his odd eyes smiledintimately, confidentially, into hers, ere he turned in his lightningfashion to Jake, standing solidly by her side.
"You knew we were old friends?" he questioned.
Jake's eyes, red-brown, intent, watched the swarthy, mobile face withoutthe smallest shade of expression. "Yes," he said, in his slow softvoice, "I knew."
Maud glanced at him quickly. How much did he know? Had Bunny everconfided in him upon the subject?
But his face, absolutely composed and normal, told her nothing. Heaccepted the hand that Lord Saltash extended, looking him full andstraight in the face. And through her mind unbidden there ran thememory of that strange story of treachery that Jake had once told to herand Bunny. Looking at the dark, keen countenance of this man who hadonce been so much more to her than friend, she tried to visualize hisdouble, and failed utterly. Surely there could be but one CharlieBurchester in all the world!
"What are you trying to see?" laughed Lord Saltash. "I carry neither myvirtues nor my vices in my face, being long past the ingenuous age.Have we time to go round the Stables? Or is your Christmas turkeyclamouring to be eaten?"
Maud shot a swift look at Jake who after a momentary pause said, "I cango round with you now if you wish, my lord."
Saltash made a quick grimace. "That's very obliging of you, Bolton.But don't let me interfere with your domestic arrangements! I can comeover again later."
It was then that Maud very quietly intervened. "If you care to join usat dinner I am sure we shall be very pleased, and you can go and see thestud afterwards."
"What! Really?" said Lord Saltash. "Of course I shall be delighted.There are to-morrow's events at Graydown, Bolton, I want you to post meup with the latest. Sure I shan't be in the way?"
He put the question directly to Jake, who replied without haste orhesitation: "I reckon no guest of ours could be that."
There was nothing in his manner to indicate if he were pleased orotherwise by the arrangement. He seemed to be in a mood of extremereticence, and Maud wondered as they walked to the house if she hadvexed him by taking upon herself to extend hospitality to his patron.
But then it had been the only course open to her. Surely he must seethat! She and Charlie were such old friends; they could not begin to bestrangers now.
Yet the doubt worried her. Jake was plainly not upon very intimateterms with Lord Saltash. Or was it her presence that caused constraint?She wished she knew, but she had no means of ascertaining. She couldonly do her best, ably seconded by Saltash, to smooth over any slightdifficulties that might arise from a situation that was certainly nonetoo easy.
Despite her efforts she could not fail to note that Jake was moreself-contained, more unresponsive, than she had ever before seen him,and for a time she felt her own manner to be strained and unnatural inconsequence.
Lord Saltash plainly noticed nothing. Throughout that Christmas dinnerhe was just as gay, as debonair, as audacious, as he had been in the olddays, complimented her with his usual effrontery, provoked her tolaughter with all his old quick wit. She found it impossible not torespond, impossible not to expand in the warmth of his good comradeship.She seemed to be drawn into a magic circle of gaiety that could notlast, that was all the more precious because it could not last. Bunnyalso was well within that charmed region. He was full of animation,eager, excited, even merry. She had an uneasy fear that he would payfor his high spirits later, but for the time she had not the heart tocheck him. She understood his feelings so thoroughly. It was so goodto have Charlie with them again and to bury all the troubles of thepast, so good to see the flower of friendship spring from the dead rootof passion. so good to be on easy terms again with this man whom inspite of everything, she could not but regard as a kindred spirit.
They had always been sympathetic. They looked upon much in life withthe same eyes. They had the same tastes, the same intuitions, often thesame impulses. Yes, he had shown himself unworthy. There was a fatalflaw in his character. He was wild, lawless, immoral; but he was herfriend. Somehow she could not feel that anything could ever alter that.They had been too near, too intimate. He had become like one of thefamily. She could not regard him in any other light. He had woundedher to the heart, but yet, with a woman's odd faithfulness, she forgavehim, pitied him, understood him. Only upon that one point she had stoodfirm. Her innate purity had arisen as an angel with a flaming sword,dividing them. She had not been able to overlook his sins and marryhim. She had known him too well--too well. Possibly even she had lovedhim too well also.
But all that was over now. The pain was stifled, the sacrifice waspast. She could suffer herself to accept his easy friendship with nodread for the future. She could let herself be at ease with him oncemore, knowing herself to be beyond his reach. Once very sorely she hadbeen tempted to yield to him, but that temptation could never occuragain. Her marriage was a safe anchor from which she could never breakfree and drift out to sea. She could afford now to be kind, sincehenceforth no more than kindness could ever be expected from her. Andit was so good to be with him again. With all his waywardness andinstability Charlie Burchester was the most satisfying friend she had.He never wearied her. He always caught and charmed her mood. He was sorarely sensitive, so delicately alive, to every change of feeling.There was even something almost uncanny sometimes in the way he read herwoman's heart, a feat for which he himself accounted by declaring thatthey had been born under the same star.
It all came back to her as they sat at the same board on that ChristmasDay. It was just as if there had never been any lift in theirfriendship. The memory of the man's passionate pleading and her ownanguished refusal had faded into an evil dream. They were back oncemore in the old happy days of comradeship before he had ever spoken toher of love.
Only Jake's presence held her to the present, and when at the end ofdinner he rose to carry out his suggestion with regard to fetching hermother in the dog-cart she felt, as soon as the door closed upon him,that the old life she knew and loved had wholly returned. She and Bunnyand Saltash were just children together, and they settled down to enjoythemselves as such.