Following graduation, Abby had headed for the University of Washington in Seattle while Angela attended Washington State University in Pullman, the arch-rival school and her mother’s alma mater.
Even though they were an entire state apart, they’d communicated daily, and both of them had looked forward to Christmas break. Abby had saved a hundred things to tell her best friend, but mostly she wanted to update Angela on her relationship with Steve, her brother’s roommate, whom she’d recently started dating. It’d only been a couple of months, but Abby was sure this was love, she was absolutely convinced of it. Real love. In retrospect, Abby realized she had known nothing about love … and even less about loss.
Over the years a few friends from Cedar Cove had attempted to stay in touch, but Abby hadn’t responded to their letters or returned their Christmas cards. She hadn’t kept in touch with Patty, Marie, Suzie, or her other good friends since she’d moved away.
How would she ever be able to celebrate Christmas again? Abby did her best to ignore the holiday completely. It was the worst time of the year for her and it never seemed to get better.
For a time she had made an effort to keep in touch with Angela’s family, but they wanted no reminders of what had happened to their daughter. The truth was, they wanted nothing to do with her ever again. Although she desperately needed to hear from them, her letters were returned unopened.
When Abby could stand it no longer she asked her mother about the Whites, worrying as she did about them, but Linda Kincaid sidestepped her questions. When pressured, her mother confessed that matters had been difficult between the two families. Strained.
Not more than six months later, Abby’s father announced that he’d taken early retirement and the family home was on the real estate market. Abby had long suspected that her father’s retirement and the sudden desire to move had been prompted by what had happened that fateful December night. Both denied it, but Abby feared her parents were looking to protect her from the truth.
Either way, it no longer mattered. With her parents in Arizona, Abby had heaved a giant sigh of relief. She’d been grateful to put Cedar Cove behind her. Her parents’ retirement plans were the perfect excuse to put that part of her life behind her and strive to look forward.
Only Abby had never quite succeeded in forgetting. Really, how could she forget Angela? Or shove her to the back of her mind as if her life had been of no importance? She’d been the one driving. She was the one responsible. The blame was squarely on her shoulders. What it took her years to realize was that she’d lost far more than her best friend that night. Right along with everything else, Abby had lost her soul.
The carefree happy teenager she’d once been had died that night right alongside her best friend. Her entire life had changed afterward—even her personality. Before the accident she’d been gregarious, outgoing, and fun-loving. These days she was much more subdued, intense, and quiet. She dated, but not much. It seemed grossly wrong that she should continue on with a happy life while Angela was dead. And from everything she’d learned about the White family, they’d never recovered from the loss of their only daughter.
Eventually Abby had graduated from college and left Washington State, but she was never the same. She had few friends; she avoided getting close to anyone, for it always felt like a betrayal of Angela. She lived in regret, or so her counselor had once told her. Nothing she did, good or otherwise, would ever be enough to wash away the burden of guilt she carried.
Through the years, the fact that she was responsible for killing her best friend had become part and parcel of who she was, who she was destined to always be.
After obtaining her degree, Abby had accepted a job in management at the QVC fulfillment center in Port St. Lucie, Florida. Florida was just about as far away from Cedar Cove as she could get, both physically and otherwise. Living in a place of ninety-degree winter days, humidity, and alligators made it almost possible to believe that a small wooded town on a cove in the Pacific Northwest was just a dream.
With her parents living elsewhere and her only brother in Seattle, there’d never been a reason to revisit her childhood home. Until now.
The family was excited for Roger. He’d been in and out of relationships for years before he met Victoria. Their mother had been ecstatic with the news when Roger and Victoria announced their engagement. This was Linda and Tom’s best shot at being grandparents.
Everyone, Abby included, accepted that she would probably never marry. In many ways she felt like her entire life had been placed on hold following the accident. She’d grown accustomed to living in this emotional bubble.
Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she glanced at the bedside clock radio for the tenth time. It was after six now and still pitch dark. She’d slept, if she could even call it sleeping, for a grand total of three hours.
Turning on the lamp by the bed, Abby reached for a book she’d brought with her. Immersing herself in a good story would occupy her for a while, keep her mind busy until it was time to go downstairs and join Jo Marie and the other guest for breakfast.
Later she would venture into town to find the pharmacy Jo Marie had mentioned, and hope she didn’t run into anyone she knew in the process. Then, this afternoon, she would hook up with her parents and her brother for Roger and Victoria’s wedding rehearsal.
Abby was genuinely happy for her brother and resolved to put on a smile for his sake.
Chapter 6
Josh didn’t sleep well. Little wonder—the dreadful scene with Richard played continuously in his mind, like a movie that refused to be shut off. Despite his best efforts the confrontation had gone even worse than he’d imagined it would. If anything, Richard seemed to dislike him even more intensely. It made sense. Richard had every reason to resent Josh. He was alive but the favored son—the son he’d fathered—was dead.
Breakfast was on the table when Josh came down the stairs. Jo Marie greeted him with a bright, “Good morning.” Her natural cheerfulness caught him off guard. Just seeing her helped lighten his mood. Although she’d said he was her first guest since taking over the B&B, she was a natural. As far as he could tell she was the perfect hostess, seeing to his care, allowing him to set the parameters of how much attention he wanted.
Josh returned her greeting, then sat down at the table in the formal dining room. The room was bathed in sunlight, as if in reflection of Jo Marie’s enthusiasm for the new day, and a welcome change from the gloom of the day before. His mother had been a morning person, Josh remembered. She’d sometimes woken him for school by singing to him. He grinned at the memory. Her chipper mood had irritated him at the time. Grumbling, he’d bury his head beneath his pillow.
Richard had been a different person back then. He’d always been in a rush to get out the door in the mornings and he often ate his breakfast standing up, gulping down one last sip of coffee before heading out the back door. No matter how much of a hurry Richard had been in, he’d always taken the time to kiss Teresa good-bye. Sometimes they kissed with such enthusiasm that Josh had been forced to look away. His stepfather had been a happier man back then.
Hearing footsteps behind him, Josh glanced over his shoulder. Jo Marie had mentioned another guest would be joining them. The woman looked about the same way as he felt. She kept her gaze lowered and smiled faintly when Jo Marie called out her cheery morning greeting.
The other woman didn’t seem to notice him until she sat down at the table. Surprise registered on her face when she looked up.
“Morning,” he said. While he didn’t really feel like making conversation he didn’t want to be rude.
“Morning,” she replied with what seemed to be a certain reluctance.
“Josh Weaver, meet Abby Kincaid,” Jo Marie said as she returned to the dining room, carrying a pitcher of orange juice.
Josh noticed that his coffee mug was already full. The casserole rested in the middle of the table along with a plate of crisp bacon, a stack of buttered toast with an
array of jellies and jams, and home-baked muffins.
“Orange juice?” Jo Marie asked him.
“Please.”
“None for me, thank you,” Abby said.
Josh discovered he was ravenous. He hadn’t eaten dinner the night before, although he’d enjoyed a late lunch with Michelle. They’d stayed at the Pancake Palace for nearly three hours, talking about everything under the sun, other than Richard. Pride wouldn’t allow him to show how upset his stepfather had made him.
After he’d dropped Michelle off at her parents’ house, Josh had driven around for another couple of hours, familiarizing himself with the town and the outlying areas around it once again. Cedar Cove was the only real home he’d ever known, and it felt strange to be back.
Michelle hadn’t exaggerated the situation with Richard. Josh didn’t doubt that his stepfather was dying and, odd as it seemed, he felt a twinge of loss. The end of an era, even if not a happy one. The end of his chance to make things, if not right, then different than they had been.
Perhaps his sadness was related to the fact that he would be all alone in the world once Richard died. And yet, that didn’t make sense, because basically he already was alone. The two hadn’t spoken in years.
Still, there it was, this feeling that he was on the verge of losing something important. He barely remembered his biological father, an alcoholic who’d abandoned him and his mother when Josh was five. His mother had died thirteen years later and then his stepbrother.
Josh noticed that he’d been staring sightlessly out the dining room window and ignoring everyone else. He spooned a large serving of the egg dish Jo Marie had brought into the room and ate it with gusto.
The meal was delicious. Josh had two helpings, which was unusual for him. By contrast, Abby barely touched her breakfast. She just shuffled food around on her plate when she assumed someone was watching. Josh doubted she’d swallowed more than a bite or two, if that. He guessed she hadn’t experienced such a great night herself.
It seemed like they had each come to Cedar Cove weighed down with burdens. He didn’t speak of his and she didn’t either, which suited him just fine, although they exchanged polite conversation.
“Will either of you be available for dinner?” Jo Marie asked, sweeping into the dining room with a fresh pot of coffee.
“I don’t have dinner plans,” Josh confirmed. “But don’t count on me.”
“I’ll be with my family,” Abby returned apologetically.
“It’s not a problem,” Jo Marie assured them both and laid a hand on the top rung of the ladder-back chair behind Josh. “Is everything to your liking?”
After the scrumptious breakfast she had prepared, Josh could again hardly believe she was new to this. “It’s wonderful.”
Abby didn’t respond; she seemed to be caught up in her own thoughts.
“Abby,” Jo Marie prodded gently. “Anything more I can get you?”
Abby made an effort to smile, and failed. “Everything was … perfect. Thank you so much.”
“No problem.”
Jo Marie was like a bumblebee flirting from flower to flower, buzzing about the room. “I had the most wonderful night,” she said as if she couldn’t hold it in a moment longer. “I sat by the fireplace and soaked up the quiet. I can’t remember an evening that peaceful in a very long while.”
Josh was pleased that someone had found solace. He doubted it was possible for him while he was in Cedar Cove. He would like nothing better than to retrieve the few things he wanted and, if possible, leave that very morning.
He left the B&B shortly after breakfast. Michelle had said she’d meet him at her parents’ house to try again with Richard. Josh appreciated her company.
As he drove toward his old neighborhood, he realized that while he and Michelle had spent a good portion of the day together, he still didn’t know that much about her. He hadn’t realized it at the time, but he’d done the majority of the talking. Michelle had seemed curious about his time away from Cedar Cove. She’d asked about his stint in the army and plied him with questions regarding his schooling and his jobs around the country. Josh couldn’t remember a time he’d had a three-hour conversation with anyone that wasn’t job related. Afterward he’d felt close to her, closer than he had to any woman in a very long while. He wasn’t sure what to make of this, if anything, but it played on his mind.
Josh had never married, but it hadn’t been a conscious decision. He’d dated plenty over the years and had been in three serious relationships. Eventually they’d fizzled out.
Josh wasn’t sure why, other than the fact that he had never stayed in one place for long. One broken relationship was understandable, two was questionable, but three times? Really, that said it all. Clearly the trouble rested squarely with him. Josh supposed he was a prime candidate for counseling. No doubt he had unresolved issues regarding the father who had deserted him, and the depressing relationship he had with his stepfather.
When he arrived at the Nelsons’, Josh noticed that the lights were on inside the house. Not so with his stepfather’s place. Instantly alarmed, he started toward the run-down family home and stopped himself in the nick of time. If he rushed into the house and found Richard sitting up in a chair, he’d appear a fool. Best to stick with the plan. Get in. Get out. Get away.
Michelle opened the front door as he strolled up the walkway to her house. She held a mug in both hands. “Morning,” she called out.
“Morning.” Even now it was difficult to get used to the fact that this lovely woman was Michelle. The girl he remembered had been shy and retiring, seemingly uncomfortable in her own skin. They’d taken the school bus together for years.
She’d had friends. Josh was sure of that, but he simply couldn’t remember who they were. What he did remember was the names the other kids called her. Michelle had ignored them, but still that must have hurt. A couple of times he’d put an end to it, but that had backfired on him. The kids had started to tease him, saying he was sweet on her.
“How about a cup of coffee?” Michelle asked.
“Sure.” He wasn’t so much interested in coffee as he was in delaying the inevitable—another confrontation with his stepfather. He followed Michelle into the kitchen and sat at the kitchen counter while she filled his mug.
“How long ago did you lose the weight?” he asked. That was probably not the best conversation starter, but it was the one question that kept popping up in his head.
Michelle shrugged as though it was no big deal. Josh wasn’t fooled, it had been a major turning point in her life; it must have been.
“It’s been a few years now.”
Knowing how much she’d loved Dylan from afar, he asked, “Did Dylan ever see you … like this?” He wasn’t sure how to phrase it and he hoped he hadn’t insulted her.
“I’d lost quite a bit of weight by the time of his accident, but I doubt he noticed.”
Josh found that hard to believe.
“Dylan wasn’t living at home at the time,” she clarified. “I didn’t see him that often; he was involved with Brooke.”
“Brooke Davis?” Josh asked. Dylan had been attracted to Brooke in high school. She was a wild child with bright red hair and a temperament to match. As far as Josh was concerned, Brooke was bad news. She’d brought out the worst in Dylan.
“They were living together?” he asked.
Michelle nodded. Josh realized he’d been naive to assume that Dylan had remained at home. It had always been understood that Josh was expected to move on as soon as he was out of school, but for Dylan it’d been a different story, and Josh had never thought otherwise.
Hiding his reaction to the news that Dylan had been living with Brooke, Josh sipped his coffee. Discussing his stepbrother upset him and so he abruptly changed the subject. “We talked a lot about me last night. What about you? You’re not married either, right?”
“Not now.”
“But you were?” This, too, came as a surprise, alth
ough it shouldn’t have. Again he’d made a false assumption. Since she was so close to her family and helping out around the house, he’d naturally thought … well, he’d been wrong.
“I was briefly married,” Michelle continued. “It was a mistake that I regretted almost immediately. I married Jason when I was twenty and we were divorced by the time I turned twenty-one. He’s since remarried and moved out of the area.”
“I’m sorry,” Josh said, not exactly sure what to say. Although she made light of her failed marriage, he supposed it had cut deep emotional wounds in her heart.
“Yes, so am I,” she said with a shrug.
Josh noticed that she didn’t make excuses, lay blame, or list the reasons for the divorce like some of the women he’d dated tended to do. He considered that a sign of maturity on her part. He took another sip of coffee. “After I dropped you off, I realized I hardly asked anything about you.”
“What do you want to know?” she challenged.
“Well, for one, where do you live?”
“I have a condo on the water in Manchester.”
Those must be new. Josh didn’t remember any condos over there. “Do you enjoy your job? It can’t be easy to be in social work when so many people need help.”
“Actually, I love my work. I’m fortunate to work on the adoption end, and to be in charge of finding permanent homes for children who need them. It’s rewarding on a number of levels.”
He hesitated, not wanting to make her feel like he was grilling her with questions. “I’m grateful you’re helping me with Richard … I want you to know that. I’m hoping today will go better.”