CHAPTER NINE.
CONCERNING DOMESTIC ECONOMY AND DIFFICULTIES--SURPRISES ANDEXPLANATIONS.
How to "make the two ends meet," is a question that has engaged theattention and taxed the brains of hundreds and thousands of human beingsfrom time immemorial, and which will doubtless afford them free scopefor exercise to the end of time.
This condition of things would appear to arise from a misconception onthe part of those who are thus exercised as to the necessities of life.They seem to imagine, as a rule, that if their income should happen tobe, say three hundred pounds a year, it is absolutely impossible by anyeffort of ingenuity for them to live on less than two hundred andninety-nine pounds nineteen shillings and eleven-pence three farthing.They therefore attempt to regulate their expenditure accordingly, andrather plume themselves than otherwise on the fact that they are firmlyresolved to save and lay bye the farthing. They fail in this attempt asa matter of course, and hence the difficulty of making the two endsmeet. If these unfortunates had been bred to the profession ofengineering or "contracting," they would have known that it is what wemay style a law of human nature to under-estimate probable expenses. Sothoroughly is this understood by the men of the professions abovereferred to, that, after they have formed an estimate,--set down everyimaginable expense, and racked their brains in order to make sure thatthey have provided for every conceivable and inconceivable item, theycoolly add to the amount a pretty large sum as a "margin" to coverunexpected and unthought-of contingencies. But anything of this sortnever seems to enter into the calculations of the people who are so muchtormented with those obstinate "two ends" that won't meet. There is onesure and easy mode of escape for them, but they invariably hold thatmode to be ridiculous, until in dire extremity they are forced to adoptit. This is simply to make one's calculations for living _considerablywithin_ one's income!
We make no apology for going into the minutiae of this remarkable phaseof human existence, because it is necessary, in order to the correctappreciation of the circumstances and feelings of good little MrsTipps, when, several weeks after the accident described in a previouschapter, she sat down in her little parlour to reconsider the subject ofher annual expenditure.
Netta sat beside her looking somewhat pale, for she had not quiterecovered from the effects of her recent illness.
"My darling," said Mrs Tipps, "how _can_ you charge me with having madean error somewhere? Have I not got it all down here on black and white,as your dear father used to say? This is the identical paper on which Imade my calculations last year, and I have gone over them all and foundthem perfectly correct. Look there."
Mrs Tipps held up in triumph, as if it were an incontestable evidenceof the rectitude of her calculations, a sheet of note-paper so blottedand bespattered with figures, that it would have depressed the hearteven of an accountant, because, besides the strong probability that itwas intrinsically wrong, it was altogether illegible.
"Dear mamma," remonstrated Netta, with a twinkle of her eye, "I do notcall in question the correctness of your calculations, but I suggestthat there may perhaps be an error of some sort somewhere. At allevents the result would seem to indicate--to imply--that--thateverything was not _quite_ right, you know."
"Quite true, darling," replied Mrs Tipps, who was a candid thoughobtuse soul; "the result is unsatisfactory, eminently so; yet I cannotcharge myself with careless omissions. See--here it is; on one side aremy receipts. Your dear father always impressed it _so_ earnestly on methat I should keep the receipts of money on one side of the accounts,and the payments on the other. I never could remember, by the way, onwhich side to put the receipts, and on which the payments, until he hiton the idea of making me contradict myself, and then I should be sure tokeep right. He used to say (how well I remember it), `Now, darling,this is the way: Whenever you receive a sum of money to enter in yourcash-book, always say to yourself, What side shall I put it on? If yourmind suggests on the right, at once say No--because that would bewrong--right being _wrong_ in _this_ case,' and he did use to laugh soover that little pleasantry."
Mrs Tipps' gravity deepened as she recalled these interesting lessonsin book-keeping.
"Yes," she continued, with a sigh, "and then he would go on to say, that`if it was wrong to go to the right, of course it must be right to gothe other way.' At first I used to be a good deal puzzled, and said,`But suppose my mind, when I receive a sum of money, should suggestputting it on the _left_, am I to contradict myself _then_?' `Oh no!'he would say, with another laugh, `in that case you will remember thatyour mind is to be _left_ alone to carry out its suggestion.' I got tounderstand it at last, after several years of training, but I never_could_ quite approve of it for it causes so much waste of paper. Justlook here!" she said, holding up a little account-book, "here are allthe right pages quite filled up, while all the left pages are blank. Ittakes only four lines to enter my receipts, because you know I receivemy money only once a quarter. Well, that brings me back to the point.Here are all the receipts on one side; my whole income, deductingincome-tax--which, by the way, I cannot help regarding as a very unjusttax--amounts to two hundred and fifty pounds seventeen shillings andtwo-pence. Then here you have my paper of calculations--everything setdown--rent, taxes, water rates, food, clothing, coals, gas, candles,sundries (sundries, my darling, including such small articles as soap,starch, etcetera); nothing omitted, even the cat's food provided for,the whole mounting to two hundred and forty-five pounds. You see I wasso anxious to keep within my income, that I resolved to leave fivepounds seventeen shillings and two-pence for contingencies. But howdoes the case actually stand?" Here poor Mrs Tipps pointed indignantlyto her account-book, and to a pile of papers that lay before her, as ifthey were the guilty cause of all her troubles. "How does it stand?The whole two hundred and fifty pounds seventeen shillings spent--onlythe two-pence left--and accounts to tradesmen, amounting to fiftypounds, remaining unpaid!"
"And have we _nothing_ left to pay them?" asked Netta, in some anxiety.
"Nothing, my love," replied Mrs Tipps, with a perplexed look, "except,"she added, after a moment's thought, "the tuppence!"
The poor lady whimpered as she said this, seeing which Netta burst intotears; whereupon her mother sprang up, scattered the accounts right andleft, and blaming herself for having spoken on these disagreeablesubjects at all, threw her arms round Netta's neck and hugged her.
"Don't think me foolish, mamma," said Netta, drying her eyes in amoment; "really it almost makes me laugh to think that _I_ should evercome to cry so easily; but you know illness does weaken one so, thatsometimes, in spite of myself, I feel inclined to cry. But don't mindme; there, it's past now. Let us resume our business talk."
"Indeed I will not," protested Mrs Tipps.
"Then I will call nurse, and go into the subject with her," said Netta.
"Don't be foolish, dear."
"Well, then, go on with it, mamma. Tell me, now, is there nothing thatwe could sell?"
"Nothing. To be sure there is my gold watch, but that would not fetchmore than a few pounds; and my wedding-ring, which I would sooner diethan part with."
Netta glanced, as she spoke, at an unusually superb diamond ring, ofEastern manufacture, which adorned her own delicate hand. It was herfather's last gift to her a few days before he died.
"What are you thinking of, darling?" inquired Mrs Tipps.
"Of many things," replied Netta slowly. "It is not easy to tell youexactly what--"
Here she was saved the necessity of further explanation by the entranceof Joseph Tipps, who, after kissing his mother and sister heartily,threw his hat and gloves into a corner, and, rubbing his hands togetheras he sat down, inquired if Edwin Gurwood had been there.
"No, we have neither seen nor heard of him," said Netta.
"Then you shall have him to luncheon in half-an-hour, or so," saidJoseph, consulting his watch. "I got leave of absence to-day, andintend to spend part of my holiday in introducing him to Capta
in Lee,who has promised to get him a situation in the head office. You've noidea what a fine hearty fellow he is," continued Tipps enthusiastically,"so full of humour and good sense. But what have you been discussing?Not accounts, surely! Why, mother, what's the use of boring your brainswith such things? Let me have 'em, I'll go over them for you. Whatd'you want done? The additions checked, eh?"
On learning that it was not the accounts so much as the discrepancybetween the estimate and the actual expenditure that puzzled his mother,Tipps seized her book, and, turning over the leaves, said, "Here, let mesee, I'll soon find it out--ah, well, rent yes; taxes, h'm; wine to MrsNatly, you put that, in your estimate, under the head of food, Isuppose?"
"N-no, I think not."
"Under physic, then?"
"No, not under that. I have no head for that."
"What! no head for physic? If you'd said you had no stomach for it Icould have understood you; but--well--what _did_ you put it under;sundries, eh?"
"I'm afraid, Joseph, that I have not taken note of that in my extract--your dear father used to call the thing he did with his cash-book at theend of the year an extract--I think I've omitted that."
"Just so," said Tipps, jotting down with a pencil on the back of aletter. "I'll soon account to you for the discrepancy. Here are sixbottles of wine to Mrs Natly, the railway porter's wife, atthree-and-six--one pound one--not provided for in your estimate. Anymore physic, I wonder? H'm, subscription for coals to the poor.Half-a-guinea--no head for charities in your estimate, I suppose?"
"Of course," pleaded Mrs Tipps, "in making an estimate, I was thinkingonly of my own expenses, you know--not of charities and such-likethings; but when poor people come, you know, what _is_ one to do?"
"We'll not discuss that just now, mother. Hallo! `ten guineas doctor'sfee!' Of course you have not that in the estimate, seeing that you didnot know Netta was going to be ill. What's this?--`five pounds fortwenty wax dolls--naked--(to be dressed by ---)'"
"Really, Joseph, the book is too private to be read aloud," said MrsTipps, snatching it out of her son's hand. "These dolls were for abazaar in aid of the funds of a blind asylum, and I dressed them allmyself last winter."
"Well, well, mother," said Tipps, laughing, "I don't want to pry intosuch secrets; but here, you see, we have seventeen pounds odd of thediscrepancy discovered already, and I've no doubt that the remaindercould soon be fished up."
"Yes," sighed Mrs Tipps, sadly, "I see it now. As the poet trulysays,--`Evil is wrought by want of thought as well as want of heart.' Ihave been assisting the poor at the expense of my trades-people."
"Mother," exclaimed Tipps, indignantly, "you have been doing nothing ofthe sort. Don't imagine that I could for a moment insinuate such athing. You have only made a little mistake in your calculations, andall that you have got to do is to _put down a larger sum forcontingencies_ next time. What nonsense you talk about yourtrades-people! Every one of them shall be paid to the last farthing--"
Here Tipps was interrupted by the entrance of Edwin Gurwood, who at oncebegan with much interest to inquire into the health of Mrs Tipps, andhoped that she had not suffered in any way from her recent accident.
Mrs Tipps replied she was thankful to say that she had not suffered inany way, beyond being a little shaken and dreadfully alarmed.
"But railways have suffered," said Tipps, laughing, "for mother is sostrongly set against them now that she would not enter one for athousand pounds."
"They have suffered in worse ways than that," said Gurwood, "if all thatI hear be true, for that accident has produced a number of seriouscompensation cases."
Hereupon Gurwood and his friend plunged into an animated conversationabout railway accidents and their consequences, to the intense interestand horror of Mrs Tipps.
Meanwhile Netta left the room, and went to her old nurse's apartment.
"Nurse," she said, hurriedly, "when did you say you proposed paying yourbrother in London a visit--about this time, was it not?"
"Yes, dear," said old Mrs Durby, taking off her tortoise-shellspectacles and laying down her work, "I thought of going next week, ifit is quite convenient."
"It _is_ quite convenient, nurse," continued Netta, in a somewhatflurried manner; "it would be still more convenient if you could goto-morrow or next day."
"Deary me--what's wrong?" inquired Mrs Durby, in some surprise.
"Listen, I have not time to explain much," said Netta, earnestly,sitting down beside her faithful nurse and putting her hand on hershoulder. "We have got into difficulties, nurse--temporarydifficulties, I hope--but they must be got over somehow. Now, I wantyou to take this diamond ring to London with you--pawn it for as much asyou can get, and bring me the money."
"Me pawn it, my dear! I never pawned a thing in my life, and don't knowhow to go about it."
"But your brother knows how to do it," suggested Netta. "Now, you won'trefuse me this favour, dear nurse? I know it is an unpleasant business,but what else can be done? The ring is my own; besides, I hope to beable to redeem it soon. I know no more about pawning than yourself, butI do know that a considerable time must elapse before the ring shall belost to me. And, you know, our bills _must_ be paid."
Good Mrs Durby did not require much persuasion. She consented to setoff as soon as possible, if she should obtain permission from MrsTipps, who was aware that she had intended to visit her brother aboutthat time. She received the precious ring, which, for security, was putinto a pill-box; this was introduced into an empty match-box, whichNetta wrapped in a sheet of note-paper and put Mrs Durby's name on it.For further security Mrs Durby enlarged the parcel by thrusting thematch-box into an old slipper, the heel of which she doubled over thetoe, and then wrapped the whole in several sheets of brown paper untilthe parcel assumed somewhat the shape and size of her own head. It wasalso fastened with strong cords, but Mrs Durby's powers of making aparcel were so poor that she left several uncouth corners and raggedends of paper sticking out here and there. She wrote on it in pencilthe simple name--Durby.
Meanwhile Joseph and his friend, having finished luncheon, prepared toset out on their visit to Captain Lee. As they quitted the house, Tippsran back to the door and called his sister out of the parlour.
"I say, Netta, what about this fifty pounds that mother was talking of?"he said. "Do you mean to say that you are really short of that sum, andin debt?"
"We are, but I see a way out of the difficulty. Don't distressyourself, Joe; we shall have everything squared up, as you call it in afew days."
"Are you _quite_ sure of that?" asked Tipps, with a doubting look. "Youknow I have got an uncommonly cheap lodging, and a remarkably economicallandlady, who manages so splendidly that I feed on a mere trifle a week.Seventy-five pounds a year, you know, is more than I know what to dowith. I can live on thirty-five or so, and the other forty is--"
"We don't require it Joe," said Netta, laughing. "There, go away, youare giving me cold by keeping me in the passage, and your friend isgetting impatient."
She pushed him out, nodded, and shut the door. Tipps hastened after hisfriend, apologised for the delay, and, stepping out smartly, they weresoon ushered into Captain Lee's drawing-room. The captain was writing.Emma was seated near the window sewing.
"Ha! Tipps, my fine fellow, glad to see you; why, I was just thinkingof you," said the captain, extending his hand.
"I have called," began Tipps, bowing to Emma and shaking the captain'shand, "to introduce my--my--eh!--ah, my--what's the matter?"
There was some reason for these exclamations, for Captain Lee stoodgazing in mute amazement at young Gurwood, while the latter returned thecompliment with his eyebrows raised to the roots of his hair. Thesimilarity of their expressions did not, however, last long, for Edwinbecame gradually confused, while the captain grew red andcholeric-looking.
"So," said the latter at length, in a very stern voice, "_this_ is yourfriend, Mr Tipps?"
"Sir," exclaimed Edwin, flushi
ng crimson, "you ought not to condemn anyone unheard."
"_I_ do not condemn you, sir," retorted the captain.
"By word, no, but by look and tone and gesture you do."
"Captain Lee," exclaimed Tipps, who had stood perfectly aghast withamazement at this scene, "what _do_ you mean?--surely."
"I mean," said the captain, "that this youth was taken up by one of ourown detectives as a thief, some weeks ago, and was found travelling in afirst-class carriage without a ticket."
Young Gurwood, who had by this time recovered his self-possession,turned to his friend and said,--"Explain this matter, Tipps, you knowall about it. The only point that can puzzle you is, that I did notknow the name of Captain Lee when I travelled with him, and thereforedid not connect him with the gentleman to whom you said you meant tointroduce me."
Tipps drew a long breath.
"Oh," said he, "I see it all now. Why, Captain Lee, my friend is_perfectly_ innocent. It was quite a mistake, I assure you; and thebest proof of it is that he is a personal friend of our policesuperintendent, who was on the spot at the time the accident occurred,but we were all thrown into such confusion at the time, that I don'twonder things were not cleared up."
Tipps hereupon went into a detailed account of the matter as far as heknew it, at first to the surprise and then to the amusement of CaptainLee. Fortunately for Gurwood, who would have found it difficult toexplain the circumstance of his travelling without a ticket, the captainwas as prompt to acknowledge his erroneous impression as he had been tocondemn. Instead of listening to Tipps, he stopped him by suddenlygrasping Gurwood's hand, and thanking him heartily for the prompt andable assistance he had rendered in rescuing his daughter from herperilous position on the day of the accident.
Of course Edwin would not admit that "rescue" was the proper term toapply to his action, and refused to admit that Miss Lee was in theslightest degree indebted to him, at the same time assuring her and herfather that it had afforded him the highest possible pleasure to havebeen of the slightest service to them. The end of it was that they allbecame extremely good friends, and the captain in particular becamequite jocular in reference to mistakes in general and stealing inparticular, until Tipps, pulling out his watch, declared thatprocrastination was the thief of time, and that as he happened to havebusiness to transact with the police superintendent in reference to thevery accident which had caused them all so much trouble, he mustunwillingly bid them adieu.
"Stay, Tipps," exclaimed the captain, rising, "I shall accompany you tothe station, and introduce our friend Gurwood to the scene of his futurelabours, where," continued the captain, turning with a hearty air andpatronising smile to Edwin, "I hope you will lay the foundation of acareer which will end in a manager's or secretary's situation, or someimportant post of that sort. Good-bye, Emma I'll not be back tilldinner-time."
Emma bowed to the young men, and said good-bye to her father with asmile so ineffably captivating, that Edwin resolved then and there tolay the foundation of a career which would end in a wife with nut-brownhair and large lustrous eyes.
Poor Edwin! He was not the first man whose wayward spirit had beenchained, his impulses directed to good ends and aims, and his destinyfixed, by the smile of an innocent, loving, pretty girl. Assuredly,also, he was not the last!