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“It is best if I do not explain,” Guro said. “But know this—you will not be tied to the ritual in any way when it is done. I simply need your assistance to create the ating-ating, the amulet that will steal your friend’s magic and drain his strength. ”
That sounded pretty awful. Guro wasn’t pulling any punches; he was being straight with me, even in this. And he was giving both of us the chance to refuse. Hoping we would refuse. But Keirran looked at me, silently pleading, and I swallowed the dryness in my throat. Well, we’d come this far, and Keirran would never forgive me if I said no. I didn’t like the idea of being part of this dark ritual, but I trusted Guro. He wouldn’t ask me to participate if it was too dangerous.
At least, I hoped not.
“Sure,” I rasped out. “I’ll do it. ”
Guro exhaled. “I need some time to prepare,” he said, sounding weary all of a sudden. “Ethan, do you have your swords?”
The question threw me, but I bobbed my head. “Yes, Guro. ”
“And you. ” He glanced at Keirran and the sword across his back. “You carry a weapon, as well. Do you know how to use it?”
“Yes. My father taught me. ”
“Good. Let me gather a few things, then I will take you to the ritual spot. ”
“Ritual spot?” I blinked. “Where is it?”
“Not here,” Guro answered simply. “But not far. Ethan,” he continued, beckoning me to follow him out of the room, “may I speak to you for a moment?”
Silently, I trailed Guro into the kitchen. He laid both hands on the counter and closed his eyes, before looking up.
“Are you certain you are willing to do this?” he asked. “I have never performed this ritual before, but I know it will get very dark by the end. It is not something I do lightly, and to be honest, I would never consider it had your friend not asked. But I want you to be certain, Ethan. ” He glanced back at the living room, where I could just hear Razor buzzing away on Kenzie’s shoulder. “Your friend walks a dangerous line,” Guro mused, his worried voice making my skin prickle. “He tampers with forces unseen, and he does not see the darkness rising up inside him. This ritual may bring that all to the surface. ”
I paused a moment, considering. “Keirran is family,” I said as Guro turned back to me. “And. . . he’s my friend. Even if he isn’t thinking straight, I can’t let him do this alone. ”
“Your loyalty is commendable, Ethan,” Guro said, smiling faintly. “Just make sure you give it to those worthy of having it. ” He opened a drawer, took out a box of matches and stepped away. “I will need to prepare a few things before we leave. It should not take long. Wait here, and when I am ready, I will call for you. ”
* * *
Keirran didn’t leave Annwyl’s side the whole time.
“How’re they doing?” I asked Kenzie, who came out of the living room alone, looking tired. Razor had abandoned her, it seemed, as he was no longer crouched on her shoulder, probably in the room with Keirran. She filched a soda from the fridge and slid onto one of the breakfast stools, opening the can with a hiss.
“The same,” she murmured, not looking at me. “Annwyl doesn’t look like she’s getting any worse, but Keirran isn’t going to take any chances. He’s not letting her out of his sight. ”
She looked tired. Exhausted, really. Her eyes were dull, and circles crouched under them, sullen and dark. I reminded myself that we’d basically been up all night and had been running from crazy faeries nonstop ever since the goblin market.
I moved beside her, resting my elbows on the granite counter. She didn’t look at me, gazing down at the aluminum between her hands. I could feel the gulf between us, the simmering hurt and anger, and swallowed the last of my damn pride.
“I’m sorry,” I offered quietly. “For everything. I’m sorry I took off without you, and left you behind, and didn’t tell you where we were going. It was a shitty thing to do and. . . I’m sorry. ”
She took a deep breath, exhaled slowly. “I know why you did it,” she replied, still not looking at me. “But. . . you really hurt me, Ethan. After everything I told you about my dad and my sickness, and wishing people would let me live my life the way I wanted. I thought you trusted me. Haven’t I proven that I can handle the faery world just as well as you?”
“Better than me,” I said truthfully.
“Then why—”
“Because I don’t want to lose you to Them like I lost Meghan!” My outburst made her blink. It startled me, too. I bowed my head and ran both hands through my hair.
“I know that’s a selfish reason,” I muttered, staring at the counter. “But when Meghan left. . . it screwed me up pretty bad. I practically worshipped her, you know, when I was little. ” The words felt strange, coming from my mouth. I’d never told anyone this before. “For a long time, I believed she would come back. That whenever she finished what she had to do in Faery, she would come home. But she never did, not to stay. And then when Samantha got hurt. . . I lost her, too. She was my only friend, and. . . ”
I trailed off, embarrassed. Kenzie was quiet, though I could feel her watching me. “That’s not an excuse,” I admitted. “I know that. But this scares me, Kenzie. Having you so close to this world, when all it’s done is rip things away from me. . . ” I sighed, studying my hands so I didn’t have to look at her. “I panicked. I thought it would be better to keep you away from Them, even if it meant leaving you behind. ”
Kenzie’s soft fingers on my arm surprised me, and I glanced up into her serious brown eyes. “I don’t want you to protect me, Ethan,” she said, squeezing my wrist. “I want to stand beside you when you face whatever Faery has to offer. And I want you to know that you’re not alone, that you don’t have to shoulder this all by yourself anymore. I know I’m sick, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to roll over and die. I just wish you would trust me enough to share some of that burden. ”
I swallowed hard. “I promise,” I said, holding her gaze. “From now on, I won’t ever try to keep you away. I’ll still probably be insanely paranoid and overprotective, but if you want to march into the Nevernever and wave a stick at a dragon, I won’t try to stop you. ”
She raised a disbelieving eyebrow, a faint smile crossing her face. “Really? You won’t try to stop me at all. ”
“Nope. I’ll just be sure to stand in front of the dragon with a shield when it tries to cook you. ”
The smile broke through. “I think you have the roles backward, tough guy. Of the two of us, who’s more likely to go waving their sticks at a dragon?”
“Hey, I have swords now. If I’m going to be picking a fight with a dragon, you can be sure it’s not going to be with a stick. ”
“Ethan?”
“Yeah?”
“Shut up and kiss me. ”
The tightness in my chest deflated, and I straightened. Stepping forward, I drew her into my arms, stool and all, and brought my lips down to hers. She tilted her head up, her hands climbing my chest to the side of my face, burying her fingers in my hair. I groaned, clutching her tighter, feeling relief spread through me, and something else. Dammit, I couldn’t stop her from following me into danger, but I sure as hell was going to protect her while she was here. I would throw myself in front of the dragon if it came down to that.
My heart pounded, and I kissed her deeper, my stomach twisting as she parted her lips, letting me in. Her tongue teased mine, and everything that had brought us here—Keirran, Annwyl, the Fade—rushed out of my head. I’d never felt anything like this before: these crazy, swirling emotions, all centered around the girl in my arms. Kenzie scared me, infuriated me, challenged me, and faeries or no, I couldn’t imagine a world without this girl. I loved her more than anything else in my life.
My heart turned over, and the air caught in my throat. I pulled back, breathless with the realization.
I. . . was in love. With Kenzie.
The first sensation that rushed through me after that insight was terror. I’d never meant to fall in love; the fey hurt everyone I truly cared for. I’d resolved never to be so vulnerable, never to open myself up to that again. Everyone I loved became victims and targets. . . .
Stop it, Ethan. You’ve had this argument a thousand times. It doesn’t work with Kenzie, remember?
Okay, yeah. I knew that much. Kenzie wouldn’t go for that excuse and wouldn’t let me get away with it, either. So, now what?
“Uh-oh. ” Kenzie’s voice brought my attention back to her. She peered up at me with a half smile, her fingers gently stroking the nape of my neck, making my stomach dance. “I know that look. What’s going through your head, tough guy?”
I love you, Mackenzie. And it’s freaking me out a little. I swallowed. “Nothing,” I said, kissing her lightly on the mouth. She gave me a dubious look, and I smiled, running a strand of hair through my fingers. “Are we okay?” I asked instead. “Am I forgiven?”
I expected a smart-ass response, but Kenzie just nodded, leaning into me and laying her head on my chest. A little alarmed, my arms tightened around her. “You all right?”
“Just tired,” she murmured, which did not ease the alarm. The last time I’d pulled her into this craziness, she’d ended up in the hospital. I didn’t think the stress of running around fighting evil faeries and having her whole family mind-scrambled was helping her condition. “Why don’t you try to get some sleep?” I told her, feeling her relax against me. “It’s been a long night. ”
But she shook her head, leaning back. “No, I’m okay. I just need a Red Bull or something. Besides, I can’t sleep until I know what will happen to Annwyl. ”
Or Keirran, I thought.
Footsteps, and then Guro entered the kitchen, looking tired but firm. He had dressed all in black, and for some reason, he looked a little frightening. Which was weird; I never thought of him like that. His sharp black eyes flickered to me, and he nodded gravely.