I now know that the chief priests and the scribes plotted to kill Jesus but not during the Passover because they were afraid that the people would start and uproar. One of my guards said they had overheard them talking and discussing how they might rid themselves of Him. He said that it amazed him how they fought among themselves over someone who had done nothing but good to them. How they were afraid that the people might turn on them and they would lose some of their prestige. He later ask me to tell him more about Jesus and I was able to share the gospel with him. I wish I could say that he became a believer right at that moment but he did not but the seed of the Savior has been planted and I realize that here even in this cell my Lord has not forgotten me.
Jesus Anointed at Bethany (3 - 9)
While we were at Bethany one of purest acts of love that a human is capable of was done for Jesus. We were sitting around the table in Simon the leper's house when a woman came up to Jesus holding and alabaster flask of ointment of pure nard. I know that it probably had to be her greatest treasure for it was very expensive. She took it and broke the flask that was holding it and poured the contents over Jesus head. At once there was an outpouring of indignation some were saying why was this not given to the poor, others were saying what is this crazy woman doing while others were thinking as I was what a mess to clean up. I do not think that there was one person there who commended what she did except for one that is. He just sat there and let the ointment run down His face and body. I think because He just sat there and made no comment, everyone became very quiet as if expecting Him to also reprimand her. Instead as He usually did He reprimanded us in that way that He had of doing it. That way of making you look at yourself in a different way than you had before. He said to all of us in a calm quiet voice, "leave her alone why do you trouble her she has done a beautiful thing for me." Then He looked at Judas and said," The poor you always have with you and you can do well for them anytime but I will not always be with you." Then He said something that shocked us for we still did not understand what was coming. He said," She had anointed my body beforehand before my burial." No one said a word at this for we could not comprehend what He was talking about. Then He said something else we did not understand at the time. He said," when this gospel is proclaimed before the whole world this act that she did will also be remembered", so I guess if you are reading this it proves He was once again right.
Judas to Betray Jesus (10 - 11)
I always knew that Judas and I did not see eye to eye on a number of things but I never dreamed how really far apart we were on the person of Jesus. After Mary had anointed Jesus with the perfume there seemed to be an even different spirit about Judas than before. He became more aloof than the rest of us. He did not seem to want to share as much in the things that Jesus did and said. I know that Jesus noticed this but He never really said anything to any of us at that time about the way Judas was acting. I never learned until later that it was at this time that Judas secretly went to the chief priests in order to betray Jesus. I also learned that they were overjoyed to have one the twelve that Jesus had picked joined up with them. I guess they thought that this was just the beginning of a major defection back over their side. I have often thought that maybe if I had just been friendlier to Judas that perhaps this would not have happened but then I realized that if he would not believe Jesus then he would never have believed me. This night of anointing seemed to begin a new path for us. Looking back on it I see that Jesus really began to try and prepare us for His death. How do you prepare for the death of the most important person in your life? How do you prepare for the loss of someone you gave your whole life to? How do you prepare when every fiber of your being was wrapped up in that person? I just praise Him that He knew that what would seem to be our greatest loss would become our greatest gain.
The Passover with the Disciples (12 - 21)
We were on our way to Jerusalem and it was the time of the Passover one of the twelve asked Jesus where we were going to go to celebrate the Passover. An amazing thing took place after that question was asked but I must add that every day with Jesus was amazing. Jesus said," go into to town and a man carrying a jar of water will meet you. Follow him and when he goes into his master's house say to the master that the Teacher wants to eat the Passover here and he will show you a large furnished room. Then prepare it, for it is there that we will eat the Passover." My mouth just fell open in amazement when they came back and reported that it was just as He said. That evening as we sat round the table eating Jesus looked at each one of us in the eyes with a sorrowful and penetrating look then quietly said one of you who is dipping bread with me will betray me. I cannot tell you the relief I felt because my stomach was acting up and I had not eaten anything as we sat there. I watched and each of His disciples stopped what they were doing as if frozen in time and just stared into their bowls. Then one of them and I will not say which one softly spoke and said is it I and in succession each one said the same thing. When the question came around to Judas, he also said surely it is not I, Master. Jesus looked at him and said," Yes it is you." I think that each of us realized that in ourselves we were capable of just about anything and were at that moment even afraid of ourselves. Then Jesus said one the most frightening statements I have ever heard. He said that He knew what was going to happen to Himself but it would have been better for the one who was going to betray if he had never been born. It was just a brief moment after that the Judas got up and left the room.
Institution of the Lord's Supper (22 - 25)
Even after this tragic moment Jesus still wanted to have supper with us. He said some things that did not make sense to me at the time but it seemed that things were happening so rapidly that I never got the chance to ask Him about it. Here is what He said at supper after he had broken the bread," Take this is my body, then He took a cup and gave thanks and then gave it to all to drink from and said this is my blood of the covenant which is poured out for many." He then said another strange thing which did not make sense at the time but now is ever so clear to me. He said," I will not drink of the fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new in the Kingdom of God."
Jesus Foretells Peter's Denial (26 - 31)
We finished supper with a hymn and then went walking out to the Mount of Olives, as we approached it Jesus said," you will all fall away for it is written I will strike the shepherd and the sheep will be scattered." This statement went through all of us like a knife especially after what had just happened with Judas. I think that all of us had the thought that after all we had been through with Him how could He think that we would ever desert Him. Peter was the only one who had the nerve to speak up. I was glad I did not for after what Jesus said next to Peter I think I would have melted right into the ground. Peter spoke up and said," even if they all fall away from you I will not." Jesus looked at Peter and said," Before the rooster crows twice, you will deny me three times." Peter said," no never! Even if I must die with you I will not deny you." Others began to join in with the same statement. So as they did I did and yet in my heart I was not so sure that I was as brave as the others appeared to be. The biggest part of what Jesus said went sailing right over our heads and not until later did it come back to memory. He also said, "But after I am raised up I will go before you in Galilee." Again we were so consumed with ourselves that no one even thought about asking Him about being raised up.
Jesus Prays in Gethsemane (32 - 42)
After this we went to the Garden of Gethsemane and it was there where the real nightmare and the things which Jesus had been trying to warn us about began to become a reality. Little did we realize what was about to transpire for if we had maybe we would have not been so careless. We came into the garden and Jesus told us to sit under the olive trees while He went to pray. He then told Peter, James and John to go farther with Him. James later told us that Jesus told them that His soul was very sorro
wful, even to death. Remain here and watch. James said they watched Him as He walked into the garden when it suddenly looked as if He collapsed on the ground. He said He started to get up to run to see what was the matter but then Jesus got to His knees and bowed His head in prayer. James said he then decided to stay and watch. He said the next thing He knew Jesus was tapping Peter on the shoulder and saying, "Simon are you asleep? Could you not watch with me one hour? Watch and pray that you enter not into temptation. The spirit is indeed willing but the flesh is weak." Then He went back to pray again. James said that they all determined to keep each other awake but again the next thing he knew Jesus was waking them again and they were so embarrassed that they did not know what to say. Jesus went away a third time and came back and said to them," are you still sleeping and taking your rest? It is enough arise: the hour has come. The Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. Rise let us be going my betrayer is at hand." The nightmare then came to life for all of us for as Jesus approached us from one way Judas with his band approached from the opposite direction.
Betrayal and Arrest of Jesus (43 - 50)
The shame of what I did next still haunts me to this day. Even though I know that I have been forgiven it is something I will never forget. As a matter of fact I hope I never forget what we all did that night for in remembering and regretting it makes me see how much more I need my Savior. Let me tell you what happened. Jesus had no sooner said the words, "my betrayer is at hand", when Judas was there with a band of men holding swords and clubs. To my astonishment Judas walked up to Jesus and said Rabbi and then kissed Him on the cheek. At this the men seized Him. I know that one of us I think it was Peter for the night was foggy and very dark took a sword and cut off one the soldiers' ear's at least I think it was one of the soldiers. I heard Jesus say," Have you come out as against a robber with swords and clubs to capture me? Day after day I was with you in the Temple teaching and you did not seize me. But let the Scriptures be fulfilled." My brother if you are reading this I must tell you that what happened next is one of the most shameful moments of my life. I took off running and ran like I have never run in my life. I do believe that as I ran demons were mocking me and laughing. I ran and ran until I finally ended up at a trash sight where I collapsed into filth and rotten food. I laid there and cried for what seemed like hours then walked out to the Jordan River to that same place where I first saw Him. I washed myself and remembered that first day I saw Him there in the river with John the Baptist and then I wept some more.
A Young Man Flees (51 - 52)
I know that I was not the only one who ran and felt this shame and I often think of a young named John Mark and wonder what happen to him and how he felt. For you see as we all began to run he was wearing only a linen cloth around himself and they grabbed him but he spun around in that cloth and ran away naked. I hope that he also knows how forgiving our Savior is and has made peace with Him and with Himself.
Jesus before the Council (53 - 65)
I did not see Peter or the others many times after that night but one of the few times when I did meet up with him he told me what happened to Jesus after they had arrested Him. He said he followed them staying out of sight and when they got to the courtyard of the High Priest he snuck in behind them and stood by the fire. He said the High Priest and others were trying to get people to give testimony about Jesus but that none of them could agree with the other one. Peter said that one man stood up and said that they had heard Jesus say that He would destroy this temple made with hands and in three days He would build another one. Yet they could not even agree on this testimony. Peter then said that the High Priest stood up and said," Have you no answer to make? What is this that these men testify against you?" Peter said Jesus just stood there and made no answer. The High Priest then asked Him," Are you the Christ, the Son of the Blessed?" Jesus looked him straight in the face and answered, "I am and you will see the Son of Man seated at the right hand of God and coming with the clouds of Heaven." Peter said at this all kinds of commotion started and the High Priest tore his garments and said," What further witnesses do you need? You have heard this blasphemy. What is your decision?" And they all condemned Him as deserving death. At this many began to spit on him and covered His face with a garment shouting, Prophesy, and began to strike Him and even the guards did the same. Then Peter choked up and with tears in his eyes told me what happened next.
Peter Denies Jesus (66 - 72)
Peter said he was standing by the fire and one of the servant girls of the High Priest also came up to the fire. She stood looking at him and he tried to shield his face from her because he was afraid that she would recognize him. Sure enough she spoke up in front of all who were there and said, "You also were with the Nazarene Jesus." He said he looked around and every eye in the place was also staring at him and not a sound could be heard in the entire courtyard. Peter said he just blurted out," I neither know nor understand what you mean." He then quickly went out into the gateway and in the distance he heard a rooster crow. To his utter terror the servant girl followed him and again said," Certainly you are one them for you are a Galilean." As we talked Peter's voice was starting to quiver a little bit and his tone became so low that I had to lean over close to him to hear what he said next. He looked at me and then looked down at the ground and with a voice filled with such remorse that my heart just ached for him he said that he then started cursing and swearing," I do not know this man of whom you speak." As soon as the words were out of his mouth he heard the rooster crow again and remembered the words that Jesus had said," before the rooster crows twice you will deny me." He said he looked up and somehow through the great crowd of people he was able to catch a glimpse of Jesus’s face as He turned and looked at Peter. He said he ran just like I had run and finally fell down in an alley where he wept for hours. I could only tell him of my own failure and together we prayed again and thanked Jesus for His unending love and amazing grace. If you are reading this and have failed somewhere I can only say that I thank our Savior that if it was not too late for us then it is not too late for you, Praise God.