Once again we were to prove how little we knew of Jesus and how much we knew of this world. Jesus had been ministering to a great crowd of people for three days and many had not eaten. Jesus said to us, I have compassion on the people because they have been with us three days and have nothing to eat. If I send them away hungry to their homes they will faint on the way. And some of them have come from far away." Several of the disciples said, "How can one feed these people with bread here in this desolate place?" Jesus just looked at all of us as if He was waiting for us to say something else. After a while when no one spoke Jesus ask, "How many loaves do you have?" Someone said, "Seven." Jesus directed the crowd to sit on the ground and then took the seven loaves and gave thanks and then gave them to the disciples to set before the people. The disciples did so in complete silence as we all began to realize that desolate places and lack of supplies meant nothing to Jesus. Again I was embarrassed because we should have already learned this lesson. We also had a few small fishes and Jesus took and blessed them also and told the disciples that these also should be set before the people. The people then began to eat and were satisfied and the disciples took up what was left which came to seven baskets. Jesus never said a word about this to us. Often His silence taught us as much or more than His words. We just hung our heads and got in the boat that He got in and went to the district of Dalmanutha. Oh, the crowd there on that day numbered about four thousand.
The Pharisees demand a Sign (11 - 13)
Sometimes in this life, no often times in this life we do things just to please others even when it is not the right thing to do. I guess I was brought up to try to solve every problem, right every wrong and please everyone. One day as I traveled with Jesus He showed me how really impossible this was to do. The group called the Pharisees came again looking to find fault with this one who only a short while ago feed four thousand people with just a few loaves of bread and a few small fish. They approached us with that smug look on their faces. I was thinking to myself how we can please these people. Without as much as a hello, or a greeting they began to question and argue with Jesus. They began to demand from Him a sign from Heaven that would prove Himself to them. I could see that Jesus was deeply bothered in His spirit almost as if He were moaning in Himself although no one could hear that. He spoke the next words very softly almost as if it hurt Him to say them, "Why does this generation seek for a sign? Truly, I say unto you no sign will be given to this generation." At first I was puzzled by His response but later as I pondered it I think I understood a little of what He was sadly saying to them. They really came not to seek a sign at all for their minds were already made up. I think if He would have called down lighting from Heaven or split the earth in two it would have made no difference to them. For they were only looking to find fault because what was happening was going against what they thought should be happening. I thought to myself how often I have found fault because things did not go as I planned. Yet on the other side of that coin I thought how often I have tried to appease others just to get their approval when no matter what I said I would not gain their approval for they were not looking to approve. They were only looking or questioning me because they had already made up their minds about it. Jesus taught me a great lesson that day sometimes you just have to get in the boat and row away. I think the term I am looking for is discernment. I did not realize that day how often I would have to face this kind of opposition even when I just wanted to do the right thing. I think a little more of me on that day quit looking for the approval of other men who were just like me. I think a little more of me just wanted the approval of the one I was following. Yes that day He taught me that He was looking for those who would follow Him with their hearts and spirits. He knew I would make mistakes but He was more concerned with my heart. Mistakes could be corrected or be learned from but the hardness of the heart could not be changed though a man would rise from the dead.
The Leaven of the Pharisee and Herod (14 - 21)
We had rowed almost three quarters of the way across the lake when James said what happened to all of the bread that was left over. To our dismay we discovered that we had only one loaf with us out of the seven baskets that we had picked up. Of course an argument broke out as to who should have brought the baskets. Jesus finally got our attention again by splashing the water with His hand. We stopped to look at what He was doing because it was impossible to get our attention by just speaking as we were too engrossed in what we were saying to one another about who forgot the bread. He said to us," Beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and of Herod." He then said, "Why are you discussing the fact that you have no bread?" He was kind with His words as we were actually very heated in what we were saying to one another. Jesus then asked us another question and a rather humiliating one at that. He said, "Do you have eyes yet you cannot see, do you have ears and you cannot hear? Do you not remember that when we fed the five thousand we had twelve baskets of bread left and when we fed the four thousand we had seven baskets of bread left? Do you not yet understand?" It was that little three letter word "yet" that got me to thinking. Do you not "yet" understand? I soon forgot all about that little word as we were busy rowing and doing all the things that keep one too busy to think about little words. That night as lay down to rest that one little word came back. Do you not "yet" understand? As I prayed I think I began to get a little insight into what Jesus was trying to teach us. We get so busy with our little rituals that we forget the purpose as to why we are here. We become so obsessed with being right that we forget that Jesus said forget about your supposed rightness and have compassion on those who need to know God. The Pharisees had become so self-righteous that they forgot the reason they were supposed to be there and that was to show the world that we were all unrighteous before our heavenly Father. That night I realized how much I needed to be near this man Jesus for if I did not stay near Him it would not be long before I would fall into the same traps as the Pharisees and Herod. Again with just a little word Jesus taught a giant lesson.
Jesus Heals a Blind Man at Bethsaida (22 - 26)
Even though so many were against Him it did not stop Jesus from doing the things that He said He was sent here to do. I know in myself that if I had faced such opposition and only had people like myself to back me up it would not take long for me to quit. It seems that Jesus got such strength and determination for Himself when He prayed. I knew if I and the others were to ever truly follow Him with 100% of our heart and soul we too would have to find and know this strength He got while praying. We had come into Bethsaida and some people brought Him a blind man and begged Jesus to heal him. Jesus took him by the hand and led Him out of the village as if to say you will not need to be here begging anymore. After we had gotten a little way out of the village I was shocked when Jesus brought the man up close and actually spit on his eyes and then laid His hands on him. Jesus then asked him, "do you see anything." The man said, "I see men but they look like trees walking." Jesus again laid His eyes on the man's eyes and the man opened His eyes and fell to his knees and began to thank Jesus for he proclaimed that he could see everything clearly. That night as I tried to pray I prayed about the day's events wondering why Jesus did not just heal the man with a word as I had often seen Him do. I began to think about my own life and how I had come to believe in Jesus. It did not come all at once as matter of fact it was almost like His words were spraying and sinking into me as the spit did on the man's eyes and then one day my eyes were fully opened and I believed that this man Jesus was God's Son sent here for us sinners. I thought some more about the blind man and wondered what would have happened if he had not followed the light that he had when Jesus asked him the first time what did he see. If he had just walked away he would have been able to see some light but by staying and letting Jesus lay his hands on him again his sight was fully restored. That night I asked for the strength to keep going on with J
esus until the very end. It was then I remember that Jesus had told the man to go home and do not even go back into the village. I thought about this in comparison with my own life for I had seen others come along side of Jesus and then turn and go back when things did not go as they expected. I must admit that there had been times when I was tempted to go back to my blacksmith business with my brother and just play it safe and it was at that moment my eyes were opened a little bit more as God brought into my remembrance all the things that I had seen Jesus do, the raising of the little girl, the lame made to walk, the feeding of the five thousand, Jesus stilling the waves and then walking on the water. I think that God did answer my prayer that night as my eyes opened a little more and His strength came into me to stay until the end whatever that might be.
Peter Confesses Jesus as the Christ (27 - 30)
It was on the way to Caesarea Philippi that I felt my bond with Peter grow a lot stronger. We were just walking along talking with one another when Jesus asked us all, "Who do people say I am?". Someone spoke up and said John the Baptist; someone else said they are saying that you are Elijah or one of the prophets. Then Jesus asked, "But who do you say I am?" It became very quiet then and Jesus stopped and just stood there with that penetrating look that went down into your very soul. Then quietly Peter said, "You are the Christ." I think everybody already knew this but to hear it expressed there in the open had a stunning effect on all of us. We were walking, living, talking, and interacting with the Christ the anointed one of God. We who were just a ragged bunch of men with no special skills or abilities were actually interacting with the Savior of the world. He was not in a Kings palace or dressed in fine clothes, His feet were dusty as were ours and there was sweat on His brow yet He stood among us. I thought to myself that the whole world needs to know of Him but could not imagine how that could be. He then puzzled me again as He so often did when He sternly told us to tell no one about Him in this way.
Jesus Foretells His Death and Resurrection (31 - 38)
It had been long and hard day as we sat down to eat that night around a glowing campfire. I think we all felt elated after sharing with Jesus who we thought and felt He was in our hearts. All seemed very content that night except for Judas who seemed somewhat disturbed yet he kept quiet although I could tell he did not quite share in our views. After dinner Jesus became very solemn and asked us all to listen to Him and not say anything. He then began to tell us that the chief priests, the scribes and the elders did not believe in Him at all and were planning to kill Him. He then said a remarkable thing. He said though they would kill Him, He would rise from the dead again in three days. I was very confused as were the rest of us how could they take Him, the man who I had seen raise a man from the dead and kill Him. Surely one with Jesus’s power and closeness with God would not let this happen. Peter was the only one of us who spoke out but I know we were all thinking the same thing. Then Jesus took Peter by the arm and very sternly said, "Get behind me, Satan for you are not setting your mind on the things of God but on the things of man." He spoke so sternly to Peter that it hushed all of us up. Jesus then said," if you are going to follow me you must deny yourself take up your cross and follow. If you are worried about saving your life then you are going to lose it but if you lose your life for my sake and gospels you will save it." I think that Jesus was talking to himself as well as us. I think He was saying I am going to do the will of the one who sent me and it does not matter if I like it or not it is necessary and although you do not understand now you soon will. Then He said," what would it matter if you could gain the whole world and lose your own soul. What can you give in return for your soul? " He said this with such conviction that I felt as if He had been offered the whole world with all of its riches and glitter and turned it down to come and be with people like us. I knew in my heart that He was saying that if we were to follow we would have to have that same attitude about Him that He had about the world. To follow Him would have to be the most important thing above all things. I knew I was right when in His next words He said, "For whoever is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when He comes in the glory of His Father with the holy angels." The turning point had come again but in a different way as I sat and thought how can I follow if He would not be here.