Chapter 14
Finding a Home
Thursday was a bright and sunny morning, full of blue skies and the brightness only a California sun can bring. I grabbed my sunglasses and was out the door, where I stopped for a moment to smell the jasmine vine which covered our front wall and listened to the crested blue jay scold a little wren too close to the bird feeder for his liking. Marin County is beautiful place, and I felt fortunate to live there.
On my way to meet the possible new fost-adopt parents for Nutmeg, I found myself hoping this was a good match and also wondering if I wouldn’t like to have this child myself. The latter didn’t make much realistic sense. My husband and youngest daughter from a previous marriage had moved to California recently and were just beginning to be able to settle in. My youngest was then 15 and likely wouldn’t care much for sharing with a seven-year-old, having had to share with three older sisters for many years. Only recently she had remarked: “It’s rather nice being an only child!” We’d only have another year with Sue: she was a junior in high school now and college bound. And I knew my husband wasn’t keen on having more children of any age. No, that wouldn’t work.
As I drove up the winding roads of Mount Tamapais, light morning fog encircled the top of the mountain, but was burning off in the bright sunlight leaving streaks of green and gold in the sunlit areas. A golden light streamed through the redwoods and mixed with patches of bright sun and fog, I felt as though I was driving into a fairyland where mushroom fairies played in the groves. I guess I’ll always be a child at heart.
Back to reality, I quickly found Strawberry Drive on the hill overlooking the quaint small city of Mill Valley. The home at 3400 was within easy walking distance of the well known Strawberry Point School, one of the finest in the area. That would be good for Nutmeg, I thought. The school had a well known program for gifted children, and Nutmeg certainly qualified for such programs given her exceptionally high IQ. She was reading at age seven more than four years above her age level, and would need and benefit from the stimulation of such a program.
As I drove into the large circular driveway, a young woman, strawberry blond with sparkling blue eyes, ran out to meet me as I stopped the car. Accompanying her was an adorable bouncing Bichon Frise, all white and fluffy as a puffball. She’d obviously been watching for me to arrive.
“Sit, Buffy,” she said as she reached out to shake my hand. The pup sat, still wiggling it’s little behind, but continuing to sit until she said “OK” to it.
“Hmm, I thought, she can certainly train a dog ... I wonder if she does as well with children.”I was reminded of an old saying: “Children are like puppies: they need to know their limits and boundaries.” Well, it was certainly true for the abused children who came to Children’s Garden!
“Good morning. I am Sue. Welcome to our home,” the young woman had a pleasant voice and charming manners. Would you like a cup of coffee? I baked some blueberry muffins for us, and Jack is waiting for us in the kitchen, “she said as we strolled toward the house through a lovely rock garden entrance into a large sunny courtyard.” Under the spreading yew I heard a lovely song, and saw the cage which was intertwined around the branches of the tree with three lovely yellow songbirds enjoying the morning air and shade of the tree as they boisterously sang their trilling notes. Thinking of Nutmeg’s criteria, my brain did a quick calculation review: “a blonde Mommy and birds!”
“Thanks, no coffee as I don’t drink it, but I’d love a blueberry muffin!” I replied, noting the well kept floral gardens in the courtyard. The kitchen was sunlit and lovely with a long teak harvest table and very comfy captain’s chairs around it, modern appliances, watercolors of fruits on the walls with a Turkish rug under the long table and a child’s art work on the refrigerator made it a very comfortable and warm family gathering place.
Sue introduced me to her husband, a tall, rather swarthy dark man with a wavy beard and a very full head of black wavy hair. Though there was an air of aristocracy about him, he greeted me warmly and we all sat down as Sue poured the coffee for him and herself and tea for me.
“We are certainly glad to welcome you here,” Jack said at the outset as we settled in with food and drink. We’ve been wondering how to adopt another child for some time, and this seems a perfect solution. Do you have a photo of the child?”
“Yes, well, let’s get the necessary preliminaries out of the way and then we can talk about your desire and Nutmeg’s needs. I have not brought a photo. We prefer that we complete our investigation and interviews before we show a child to anyone,’ I replied.
“Jack looked a bit taken aback.” “I see. Well, OK then,” he said. “What is it you need to know? Our finances?”
“Well, eventually, yes.” I replied. “But first, tell me about you two. How did you meet? How long have you been married -- your family history, and why you want a child.” I looked him in the eye. “Money doesn’t solve our children’s problems, Jack, and while love is crucial and important, it’s not enough either. I really need to get to know you and Sue, to understand your desires and needs, and to weigh whether or not Nutmeg would be able to attach to and love you. I need also to know how open you are to receiving the help and guidance you will need from our Children’s Garden staff to learn to help and shape Nutmeg’s behavior problems. While she has made remarkable progress in a short time with us, she will need continued special care to keep growing better and well. This will take several interviews, and then I’d like a chance to meet your daughter Kim and the extended family. Also, I may ask you to visit with Dr. Solomon, the psychiatrist who is treating Nutmeg, so he can form an opinion about how Nutmeg is reacting to this change in her environment and you can know from him as well the risks of taking on the life of a disturbed child.”
Jack backed off. “Of course,” he said thoughtfully. “I just hope it can work out.”
“Of course, I understand, Jack… and I too hope for you and Nutmeg that it can.”
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Over several interviews in the next two and a half months, a visit to interview the older couple who would become grandparents if Nutmeg were to take on this placement, and the charming eight year old daughter, Kim, as well as Buffy the dog, and Sheila the cat, I began more and more to believe that this family were indeed “the right one” for Nutmeg. They had the intellectual and social environment which would certainly enhance any child’s upbringing, the finances to manage a good college education for a bright child, and the love and expectations we all hoped our children would find one day. In addition to all those necessary facts, they also fit very well the criteria Nutmeg had requested.
The time was coming when we wanted to introduce the family to Nutmeg. However, one major obstacle stood in the way of such a possibility. The family‘s religious practice was that of Christian Science. As believers of this practice they would not use scientific medical practice when Nutmeg became ill, nor would they provide appropriate vaccinations or medical checkups. Instead, they would rely upon their faith in God to heal what the faithful believed were “God’s perfect children.” I had been upfront with them about this stumbling block in the Family Court system, which insisted on approved medical care for all state wards and all adoptions. Yet they continued to want to try this placement and asked if Children’s Garden would fight for them and their beliefs in the Court hearings to come.
Our staff weighed the pros and cons, sought other family options, and finally agreed that if the parents would agree to a yearly medical checkup and vaccinations required by the state and public schools for Nutmeg, would continue Nutmeg in therapy with Dr. Solomon, and would continue for a minimum of three years in our fost-adopt training and support program, we would indeed go to bat for them with the County Social Services agency and Family Court. We warned them it would be an uphill battle which might lead to heart break for them and for Nutmeg. And we felt placement should not occur at all until
this issue had been decided. Since Nutmeg didn’t yet know we were involved with a family for her, she was not disappointed. But the Braidons were unhappy with this decision, though they understood why we made it.