***
As expected, he felt guilty in the morning, when he woke to find the girl snuggled next to him sleeping peacefully in the guest bedroom. He didn’t even know her name and he wasn’t sure if that made it better or worse. Either way, his first instinct was to leave as soon as possible.
Carefully, so as not to wake her, Marius crept out of bed, pulled on his tunic, which he’d left on the floor, and left the room in search of food to break his fast. The smell of baking bread led him through the corridors and out into the courtyard to the kitchens, which were set to the far side of the palace and already busy with preparations for the day ahead. After a quick chat with the servants, Marius walked away with some freshly made bread and sat in the sunny garden to eat the warm treat, which was so different from a soldier’s rations.
To sit in the sun was rare in this cold and damp land, so it was a real pleasure to be able to soak up the warm rays in peace and quiet. And it was blessed relief not to be on horseback.
“Did you sleep well?” The question shattered the moment, bringing cold reality over him as if the sun had gone behind a cloud.
Marius opened his eyes to see Junius settle himself on the seat a few feet away from him.
“I went to your room, but didn’t find you there.” His friend was smiling, hinting that he had found the girl there instead.
Marius was still annoyed with him despite his attempts to make amends. “You won’t tell Alia? Please, Junius.”
The younger Roman shook his head. “You have my word. It is none of my business. Did you learn anything from her?”
Marius sighed. Junius and Alia got on well together and he’d been a frequent guest at their humble house in the vicus, but he would keep his word, and certainly wouldn’t judge. “No, she only wanted to know about Rome and then I fell asleep, I’m afraid.”
Junius nodded. “May I?” he asked indicating the bread.
Marius pulled a section off and handed it to his friend. “What about you? Did you learn anything more about the dangerous mushrooms?”
Junius shook his head and swallowed before answering. “Like yours, she merely wanted to know about Rome and the Emperor.”
“I was going to come and wake you; I’m surprised to see you up.”
Junius stared into the garden, then slowly lifted his gaze to look at Marius. “I didn’t go to bed.”
“But the girl?”
Junius smiled sadly. “Was disappointed.”
There were a multitude of things that Marius had been burning to ask his friend since they’d left Syria but he’d never felt that it was an appropriate time to ask them. However, now might be the right opportunity.
“Since Persepolis, have you, uh… have you actually spent the night with a woman?”
Junius’s eyes burned into his and for a moment he thought that the younger man would throw a punch at him, but to his surprise, Junius almost imperceptibly shook his head.
“I daren’t,” he said quietly and Marius could hear the anguish in his voice. “I told you, I’m scared. I fear letting go. I don’t know what would happen if I did.” He stopped, and chewed his lip. “You know that the Kin use sex? They manipulate the passion and desire inside a person and change it somehow. I don’t know what would happen to me if I let those sorts of emotions take over again.”
“I didn’t realise this, Junius. I’m sorry,” Marius said quietly. “I suspected that you were keeping yourself away, but I had no idea why.”
Junius fiddled with the bread in his hands, looking vulnerable and uncertain. He glanced up and smiled. “I have a daughter, as you know, but her mother was a slave, so she doesn’t count to my family. It’ll be up to my two younger brothers to make my parents proud, and from what I’ve heard they’ll have no problems continuing the family line.” He smiled ruefully. “I was thinking of dedicating myself to Diana, there’s at least some honour in that.”
“When this is over, we’ll go back to Nasir and take up his offer for you to meet the others who’ve escaped from the Kin. He promised you that you could live a normal life.”
Junius looked at him. “You think he’ll want anything to do with me after my confession?”
“He doesn’t need to know,” Marius pointed out.
Junius frowned. “But were these others as embroiled as I was? I don’t know if there’s a difference?”
“Nasir will know,” Marius told him, sounding more certain than he felt. Now he felt that he had to confess something. “Junius, I thought that… well… the Emperor.”
His friend smiled, amused by his awkward question. “No, Marius, Hadrian is a good man, he won’t force any one. I told you. We are friends, nothing more.”
“But the way he looked at you,” Marius blurted out.
Junius laughed. “He’s content to look, Marius, and he gets pleasure from that. Now what time are we meeting with the quaestor?”
Marius looked up at his friend, who was fiddling with the bread in his hands. “An hour before noon.”
Junius thought for a moment. “We’ll leave tomorrow morning then. No point leaving today. Let’s enjoy another night in a warm bed. The mushrooms can wait.”
Marius stood as well. “You think it’s that then, and not the fungus in the grains?”
Junius shrugged. “We’ll find out,” he replied and walked away popping a morsel of bread into his mouth.