CHAPTER TEN.
He hath as fine a hand at picking a pocket as a woman, and is as nimble-fingered as a juggler. If an unlucky session does not cut the rope of his life, I pronounce he will be a great man in history.
_Beggar's Opera_.
"It is an old proverb that `one half of the world do not know _how_ theother half live.' Add to it, nor _where_ they live, and it will be astrue. There is a class of people, of whose existence the public are toowell aware; but of whose resorts, and manners, and customs, among theirown fraternity, they are quite as ignorant now as they were one hundredyears back. Like the Chinese and the castes of the East, they neverchange their profession, but bequeath it from father to son, as anentailed estate from which they are to derive their subsistence. Theclass to which I refer, consists of those members of the community atlarge, who gain their livelihood by inserting their hands into thepockets of other people,--not but that all the world are doing the samething, and have, since the creation; but then it is only as _amateurs_--the class that I refer to, do it _professionally_, which, you mustobserve, makes a wide difference. From this class I am lineallydescended; and, at an early age, was duly initiated into all themysteries of my profession. I could filch a handkerchief as soon as Iwas high enough to reach a pocket, and was declared to be a mostpromising child.
"I must do my father and mother the justice to acknowledge, that whilethey initiated me in the mysteries of my future profession, they did notattempt to conceal that there were certain disagreeable penaltiesattached to `greatness;' but, when prepared from our earliest years, welook forward to our fate with resignation: and, as I was invariablytold, after my return from some daring feat, that my life would be ashort and a merry one, I was not dismayed at the words of my propheticmother, who observed, `Patrick, my boy, if you don't wish to bring mygrey hairs with sorrow to the grave, promise me to confine yourself topicking pockets; you will then only be transported: but if you try yourhand at higher work, you'll be hung before you're twenty.' My father,when I returned with a full assorted cargo, and emptied my pockets intohis hands, with as much rapidity as I had transferred the contents ofothers into my own, used to look at me with a smile of pride andsatisfaction, and, shaking his head, would exclaim--`Pat, you'llcertainly be hung.'
"Accustomed, therefore, from my infancy, to consider twenty summers,instead of threescore years and ten, as the allotted space of myexistence, I looked forward to my exit from this world, by the new drop,with the same placidity as the nobleman awaits the time appointed forthe entrance of his body into the vault containing the dust of hisancestors. At the age of eleven years, I considered myself a full-grownman, dared all that man could do, and was a constant, but unwillingattendant upon the police office, where my youth, and the promises of mymother that I should be reformed, assisted by showers of tears on herpart, and by apparent ingenuousness on mine, frequently pleaded in myfavour with the prosecutors.
"I often lamented, when at that early age, that my want of educationprevented me from attempting the higher walks of our profession; butthis object of my ambition was gained at last. I had taken apocket-book from a worthy Quaker, and, unfortunately, was perceived by aman at a shop window, who came out, collared, and delivered me into thehands of the prim gentleman. Having first secured his property, he thenwalked with me and a police officer to Bow-street. My innocent face,and my tears, induced the old gentleman, who was a member of thePhilanthropic Society, not only not to prefer the charge against me, butto send me to the institution at Blackfriars-road.
"I made rapid progress under their tuition, and after three years' closeapplication on my part, and continual inculcation, on the part of myinstructors, of the distinction between _meum_ and _tuum_, I wasconsidered not only a very clever boy, but a reformed character. TheQuaker gentleman, who had placed me in the institution, and who wasdelighted with the successful results of his own penetration, selectedme as his servant, and took me home."
"Well, I'm glad you were so soon reformed," said Debriseau. "Where thedevil's my handkerchief?"
"Oh, I've not got it," answered McElvina, laughing. "But you are asmuch mistaken now as the Quaker was at that time. A wild beast may betamed, and will remain so, provided he be not permitted again to tasteblood. Then all his ferocious propensities will reappear, and provethat his education has been thrown away. So it was with me. At first,I felt no desire to return to my old employment; and had not my mastertrusted me too much, I might have remained honest. You often hearmasters exclaiming against the dishonesty of servants. I know it to bea fact, that most of them have been made dishonest by the carelessnessof their employers, in having allowed temptations to lie in their way,which were too strong to be resisted. My master used to send me up tohis bureau, for small sums which he required, out of a yellow canvasbag, full of gold and silver. I am convinced that he frequently used togive me the key, when in company with his friends, in order that, afterI had left the room, he might tell my history, and prove the beneficialeffects of the Society. One day the yellow bag and I both disappeared.
"I threw off the modest grey coat in which I was equipped, and soonprocured more fashionable attire. I looked in the glass, and scarcelyknew myself; I had, therefore, no fear of being recognised by my formermaster. Not wishing to be idle, I hired myself out as tiger and valetto a young nobleman, who was spending ten thousand pounds a year upon anallowance of seven hundred. He was a complete _roue_, and I mustgratefully own that I learnt a great deal from him, independently of thesecret of tying my neckcloth correctly;--but we soon parted."
"How was that?" said Debriseau, knocking the ashes out of his pipe.
"Why, he had several diamond rings, and as he only wore two or three ata time, I sported the others at our parties. A malicious fellow, whowas envious of the dash I cut, observed in my hearing that it wasimpossible to tell real stones from good paste. I took the hint, andone by one the diamonds vanished, and paste usurped their places.Shortly after, the creditors, not being able to touch my master's moneyor his person, seized his effects, and the diamond rings were almost theonly articles which escaped. My master, who always looked out for arainy day, had collected these rings as a sort of stand-by, to `raisethe wind' when required. By ill luck, he took them to the same jewellerwho had been employed by me to substitute the paste, and to whom I hadsold the real stones. He came home in a great rage, accused me ofdishonesty, and sent for a constable. I told him that I did notconsider his conduct to be that of a gentleman, and wished him goodmorning. I had indeed intended to quit him, as he was _done up_, andonly waited his return to tell him so. I had moved my trunks,accordingly, before he was out of bed. I believe a few of his suits,and some of his linen, were put in with mine, in my extreme haste; butthen he owed me wages.
"When I wished his lordship good morning, I certainly imagined that Ihad little more to learn; but I must acknowledge that I was mistaken. Iknew that there was a club established for servants out of place, andhad been a subscriber for two years,--as there were many advantagesarising from it, independently of economy. I was now a member by right,which, as long as I was in place, I was not. To this club I repaired,and I soon found that I, who fancied myself perfect, was but a _tyro_ inthe profession. It was a grand school certainly, and well organised.We had our president, vice-president, auditors of accounts,corresponding members, and our secretary. Our seal was a bunch of greenpoplar rods, with `_Service is no inheritance_' as a motto.
"But not to weary you with a life of adventures which would fillvolumes, I shall merely state, that I was in place, out of place,following up my profession in every way, with great credit among ourfraternity, until, one day, I found myself, after a tedious confinementin Newgate, decorated with a yellow jacket, and pair of fetters, onboard of a vessel of three hundred tons burthen, bound to New SouthWales. We sailed for Sydney, where I had been recommended, by thegentleman in a large wig, to remain seven years for change of air. Thesame night that the vessel came into th
e cove, having more liberty thanthe rest of my shipmates (from my good behaviour during the passage), Ievaded the sentry, and slipping down by the cable into the water, swamto a ship lying near, which, I had been informed, was to sail on theensuing day for India.
"The captain being very short of hands, headed me up in a cask; and,although the vessel was not permitted to sail until very strict searchhad been made for me, I was not discovered, and it was supposed that Ihad been drowned in making the attempt. Aware that it would not be goodfor my health to return previously to the expiration of the seven years,I determined to learn a new _profession_--that of a sailor, for which Ialways had a predilection; besides, it quieted my conscience as to theimpropriety of not submitting to the just punishment of the law, as youwill acknowledge that seven years at sea, and seven years'transportation, are one and the same thing. From Batavia I went toCalcutta, and worked before the mast in the country vessels to Bombayand the Persian Gulf, for four years, when I thought myself capable oftaking higher rank in the service, if I could get it; especially as Ihad picked up sufficient navigation to be able to work the ship'sreckoning.
"At Calcutta, I obtained a situation as second mate of a fast-sailingschooner employed in the smuggling of opium into China, and, after threevoyages, rose to the office of chief mate. Had I remained anothervoyage I should have been captain of the vessel; but my seven years wereout, and I was anxious to return to England, and look the _Robin RedBreasts_ boldly in the face. I had saved enough money to pay mypassage, and was determined to go home like a gentleman, if I had notexactly gone out in that character. What little cash remained after mypassage was paid, I lost at play to an army officer, who was returningin the same ship.
"When I landed at Portsmouth, I retained a suit of `long togs,' as wecall them, and, disposing of all the rest of my stock to the Jews, Istarted for London. On my arrival I found that my father and motherwere both dead, and I was meditating upon my future course of _life_,when an accident determined me. I picked up a pocket-book,"--(hereCaptain Debriseau eyed him hard)--"I know what you mean, continuedMcElvina, but it _was_ on the pavement, and not _in a pocket_, as youwould imply by your looks. It was full of slips and scraps of paper ofall sorts, which I did not take the trouble to read. The only availablearticles it contained, were three one-pound notes. The owner's name andaddress were written on the first blank leaf. I cannot tell whatpossessed me, but I had an irresistible desire to be honest once in mylife, and the temptation to be otherwise not being very great, I tookthe pocket-book to the address, and arrived at the house, just as theold gentleman to whom it belonged was giving _directions_ to have itadvertised. He was in evident perturbation at his loss--and I came justat the fortunate moment. He seized his book with rapture, examined allthe papers, and counted over the bills and notes.
"`Honesty is a scarce commodity, young man,' said he, as he passed theleathern tongue of the book through the strap. `You have brought me mybook without waiting till a reward was offered. I desired my clerk tooffer twenty guineas in the advertisement--I will now give you a largersum.' He sat down, opened a cheque-book, and wrote me a draft on hisbanker. It was for one hundred pounds! I was profuse in myacknowledgments, while he replaced his book in his inside-pocket, andbuttoned up his coat. `Honesty is a scarce commodity, young man,'repeated he; `call here to-morrow at one o'clock, and I will see if Ican be of any further service to you.'
"I returned to my lodgings in a very thoughtful mood. I was astonishedat the old man's generosity, and still more at my having honestlyobtained so large a sum. I went to bed, and reflected on what hadpassed. The words of the old gentleman still rang in my ears--`Honestyis a scarce commodity.' I communed with myself. Here have I beennearly all my life, exercising all my talents, exerting all my energiesin dishonest practices, and when did I, even at the most successful hit,obtain as much money as I have by an honest act? I recalled the manydays of anxious waiting that I had found necessary to accomplish ascheme of fraud--the doubtful success--the necessity of satisfying myassociates--the inability of turning into ready money the articlespurloined until the hue and cry was over--the trifling sum which I wasobliged to take from the purchasers of stolen articles, who knew that Iwas at their mercy--the destitute condition I occasionally was in--andthe life of constant anxiety that I had led. These reflections forcedthe truth upon my mind, that there was more, in the end, to be gained byhonesty than by roguery.
"Once convinced, I determined to lead a new life, and from that moment Iassumed as my motto, `Honesty is the best policy.' Do you hear,youngster?--`always be honest.'"