CHAPTER XIV. "THE MECHANISM OP CORRUPTION"
"Well, Heffernan," said Lord Castlereagh, as they sat over their winealone in a small dining-room of the Secretary's Lodge,--"well, even withHackett, we shall be run close. I don't fancy the thought of anotherdivision so nearly matched; our fellows don't see the honor of aThermopylae."
"Very true, my Lord; and the desertions are numerous, as they alwayswill be when men receive the bounty before they are enlisted."
"Yes; but what would you do? We make a man a Commissioner or asinecurist for his vote,--he vacates his seat on taking office; and,instead of standing the brunt of another election, coolly says, 'That,differing as he must do from his constituents on an important measure,he restores the trust they had committed into his hands--'"
"'He hopes unsullied,'--don't forget that, my Lord."
"Yes,--'he hopes unsullied,--and prefers to retire from the activecareer of politics, carrying with him the esteem and regard of hisformer friends, rather than endanger their good opinion by supportingmeasures to which they are conscientiously opposed.'"
"Felicitous conjuncture, that unites patriotism and profit!" exclaimedHeffernan. "Happy man, that can draw tears from the Mob, and twothousand a year from the Treasury!"
"And yet I see no remedy for it," sighed the Secretary.
"There is one, notwithstanding; but it demands considerable address andskill. You have always been too solicitous about the estimation of themen you bought were held in,--always thinking of what would be saidand thought of them. You pushed the system so far that the fellowsthemselves caught up the delusion, and began to fancy they hadcharacters to lose. All this was wrong,--radically, thoroughly wrong.When the butcher smears a red streak round a lamb's neck,--we call it'raddling' in Ireland, my Lord,--any child knows he 's destined forthe knife; now, when you 'raddled' your flock, you wanted the world tobelieve you were going to make pets of them, and you said as much, andso often that the beasts themselves believed it, and began cutting theirgambols accordingly. Why not have paraded them openly to the shambles?It was their bleating you wanted, and nothing else."
"You forget, Heffernan, how many men would have refused our offers if wehad not made a show, at least, of respect for their scruples."
"I don't think so, my Lord; you offered a bonus on prudery, and henceyou met nothing but coyness. I'd have taken another line with them."
"And what might that be?" asked Lord Castlereagh, eagerly.
"Compromise them," said Heffernan, sternly. "I never knew the manyet, nor woman either, that you could n't place in such a position ofentanglement that every effort to go right should seem a struggle to dowrong; and _vice versa_. You don't agree with me! Well, my Lord, I askyou if, in your experience of public men, you have ever met one lesslikely to be captured in this way than my friend Darcy?"
"From what I have seen and heard of the Knight of Gwynne, I acknowledgehis character has all those elements of frankness and candor whichshould except him from such an embarrassment."
"Well, he 's in the net already," said Heffernan, rubbing his handsgleefully.
"Why, you told me he refused to join us, and actually saw through yournegotiation."
"So he did, and, in return for his keen-sightedness, I 've compromisedhim with his party,--you did n't perceive it, but the trick succeeded toperfection. When the Knight told me that he would not vote on the Union,or any measure pertaining to it, I waited for Ponsonby's motion, andmade Holmes and Dawson spread the rumor at Daly's and through town thatDarcy was to speak on the division, well knowing he would not rise.About eleven o'clock, just as Toler sat down, Prendergast got up toreply, but there was a shout of 'Darcy! Darcy!' and Prendergast resumedhis seat amid great confusion. At that moment I left the bench besideyou, and walked over to Darcy's side of the House, and whispered a fewwords in his ear--an invitation to sup, I believe it was; but while hewas answering me, I nodded towards you, and, as I went down the steps,muttered loud enough to be heard, 'All right!' Every eye was turned atonce towards him, and he, having no intention of speaking, nor havingmade any preparation, felt both confused and amazed, and left the Houseabout five minutes afterwards, while Prendergast was bungling out histiresome reply. Before Darcy reached the Club House, the report wascurrent that he was bought, and old Gillespie was circumstantiallyrecounting how that his title was 'Lord Darcy in England,'--'BaronGwynne in that part of the United Kingdom called Ireland.'"
"Not even success, Heffernan," said the Secretary, with an air ofseverity,--"not even success will excuse a trick of this kind."
Heffernan looked steadily towards him, as if he half doubted thesincerity of the speech; it seemed something above or beyond hiscomprehension.
"Yes," said Lord Castlereagh, "you heard me quite correctly. I repeatit, advantages obtained in this fashion are too dearly purchased."
"What an admirable actor John Kemble is, my Lord," said Heffernan, witha quiet smile; "don't you think so?"
Lord Castlereagh nodded his assent: the transition was too abrupt toplease him, and he appeared to suspect that it concealed some otherobject than that of changing the topic.
"Kemble," continued Heffernan, while he sipped his wine carelessly,--"Kemble is, I suspect strongly, the greatest actor we have ever had onthe English stage. Have you seen him in 'Macbeth'?"
"Several times, and always with renewed pleasure," said the Secretary,gradually recovering from his reserve.
"What a force of passion he throws into the part! How terrible he makesthe conflict between a great purpose and a weak nature! Do you rememberhis horror at the murderers who come to tell of Banquo's death? Thesight of their bloody hands shocks him as though they were not theevidences of his own success."
Lord Castlereagh's calm countenance became for a second crimson, and hislip trembled with struggling indignation; and then, as if subduingthe temptation of anger, he broke into a low, easy laugh, and withan imitation at Kemble's manner, called out, "There 's blood upon thyface!"
"Talking of a bloody hand, my Lord," said Heffernan, at once resuminghis former easy jocularity, "reminds me of that Mr. Hickman, or HickmanO'Reilly, as the fashion is to call him: is he to have the baronetcy?"
"Not, certainly, if we can secure him without it."
"And I think we ought. It should be quite sufficient remuneration for aman like him to vote with the Government; his father became a Protestantbecause it was the gentlemanly faith; and I don't see why the son shouldnot choose his politics on the same principle. Have you ever asked himto dinner, my Lord?"
"Yes, and his father, too. I have had the three generations, but Irather fear the party did not go off well. I had not in those days,Heffernan, the benefit of your admirable counsels, and picked my companyunwisely."
"A great mistake with such men as these," said Heffernan, oracularly;"the guests should have been the cream of your Lordship's nobleacquaintance. I 'd have had an Earl and a Marquis at either side of eachof them; I 'd have turned their heads with noble names, and pelted themwith the Peerage the whole time of dinner; when he had taken wine witha chamberlain and some lords-in-waiting, if your Lordship wouldonly address him, in a voice loud enough to be heard, as 'O'Reilly,'referring to him on a point of sporting etiquette or country gentleman'slife, I think you might spare the baronetage the honor of his alliance.Do you think, on a proper representation, and with due securitiesagainst the repetition of the offence, the chancellor would let himselfbe called 'Clare'? only for once, remember,--because I 'm satisfied, ifthis could be arranged, O'Reilly is yours."
"I 'd rather depute you to ask the question," said Lord Castlereagh,laughing; "assuredly I 'll not do so myself. But when do these peoplecome to town?--to-morrow or next day, I suppose."
"On Friday next they will all be here. Old Hickman comes up to receivesomething like two hundred and twenty thousand pounds,--for Darcy hasraised the money to pay off the incumbrances,--the son is coming for thedebate, and the grandson is to be balloted for at Daly's."
"You have m
ade yourself master of all their arrangements, Heffernan: mayI ask if they afford you any clew to assisting us in our object?"
"When can you give a dinner, my Lord?" said the other.
"Any day after Wednesday,--nay, Wednesday itself; I might easily get offBrooke's dinner for that day."
"The sooner the better; time is of great consequence now. Shall we sayWednesday?"
"Be it so; now for the party."
"A small one: selectness is the type of cordiality. The invitation mustbe verbal, done in your own admirable way: 'Don't be late, gentlemen,for Beerhaven and Drogheda are to meet you, and you know they scold ifthe soup suffers,'--something in that style. Now let us see who are ourmen."
"Begin with Beerhaven and Drogheda, they are sure cards."
"Well, then, Massey Hamilton,--but he's only a commoner,--to be sure hisuncle's a Duke, but, confound him, he never talks of him! I might drawhim out about the Highlands and deer-stalking, and the Christmas revelsat Clanchattagan; he 's three--Kilgoff four; he 's first-rate, and willdiscuss his noble descent till his carriage is announced. Loughdooner,five--"
"He's another bore, Heffernan."
"I know he is, my Lord; but he has seven daughters, and willconsequently make up to young Beecham, who is a great prize in the wheelmatrimonial. We shall want a Bishop to say grace; I think Dunmore is theman: he is the last of your Lordship's making, and can't refuse a shortinvitation."
"Six, and the three Hickmans nine, and ourselves eleven; now for thetwelfth--"
"Darcy, of course," said Heffernan; "he must be asked, and, if possible,induced to come; Hickman O'Reilly will be far more easily managed if wemake him suppose that we have already secured Darcy ourselves."
"He'll decline, Heffernan; depend upon it, he'll not come."
"You think he saw through my _ruse_ in the House,--not a bit of it;he is the least suspecting man in Ireland, and I 'll make that verycircumstance the reason of his coming. Hint to him that rumor says heis coquetting with the Government, and he 'll go any lengths to bravepublic opinion by confronting it,--that's Darcy, or I 'm much mistakenin my man; and, to say truth, my Lord, it's an error I rarely fallinto." A smile of self-satisfaction lit up Heffernan's features as hespoke; for, like many cunning people, his weak point was vanity.
"You may call me as a witness to character whenever you please," saidLord Castlereagh, who, in indulging the self-glorification of the other,was now taking his own revenge; "you certainly knew Upton better than Idid."
"Depend upon it," said Heffernan, as he leaned back in his chair anddelivered his words in a tone of authority,--"depend upon it, the greatevents of life never betray the man, it is the small, every-day droppingoccurrences both make and mar him. I made Upton my friend for life bymissing a woodcock he aimed at; _he_ brought down the bird, and I baggedthe sportsman. Ah, my Lord, the real science of life is knowing how tobe gracefully in the wrong; how to make those slips that reflect on yourown prudence, by exhibiting the superior wisdom of your acquaintances.Of the men who compassionate your folly or deplore your weakness, youmay borrow money, from the fellows who envy your abilities and extolyour capacity, you 'll never get sixpence."
"How came it, Heffernan, that you never took office?" said LordCastlereagh, suddenly, as if the idea forced itself abruptly upon him.
"I'll tell you, my Lord," replied Heffernan, speaking in a lower tone,and as if imparting a deep secret, "they could not spare me--that's thereal fact--they could not spare me. Reflect, for a moment, what kindof thing the Government of Ireland is; see the difficulty, nay, theimpossibility, of any set of men arriving here fresh from England beingable to find out their way, or make any guess at the leadingcharacters about them: every retiring official likes to embarrass hissuccessor,--that's all natural and fair; then, what a mass of blundersand mistakes await the newly come Viceroy or Secretary! In the midstof the bleak expanse of pathless waste I was the sign-post. The newplayers, who took up the cards when the game was half over, could knownothing of what trumps were in, or what tricks were taken. I was thereto tell them all; they soon saw that I could do this; and they also sawthat I wanted nothing from any party."
"That must be confessed on every hand, Heffernan. Never was support moregenerous and independent than yours! and the subject reminds me ofa namesake, and, as I hear, a nephew of yours, the Reverend JoshuaHeffernan,--is not that the name?"
"It is, my Lord, my nephew; but I'm not aware of having asked anythingfor him; I never--"
"But I did, Heffernan, and I do. He shall have the living of Drumslade;I spoke to the Lord-Lieutenant about it yesterday. There is a hitchsomewhere, but we'll get over it."
"What may be the obstacle you allude to?" said Heffernan, with moreanxiety than he wished to evince.
"Lord Killgobbin says the presentation was promised to his brother, forhis influence over Rochfort."
"Not a bit of it, my Lord. It was I secured Rochfort. The case wasthis. He is separated from his wife, Lady Mary, who had a life annuitychargeable on Rochfort's pension from the Ordnance. Cook enabled me toget him twelve thousand pounds on the secret service list, provided hesurrendered the pension. Rochfort was only too happy to do so, becauseit would spite his wife; and the next Gazette announced 'that the memberfor Dun raven had declared his intention of voting with the Government,but, to prevent even the breath of slander on his motives, hadsurrendered his retiring pension as a Store-keeper-General.' There neverwas a finer theme for editorial panegyric, and in good sooth yourLordship's press made the most of it. What a patriot!"
"What a scoundrel!" muttered Lord Castlereagh; and it would havepuzzled a listener, had there been one, to say on whom the epithet wasconferred.
"As for Killgobbin or his brother having influence over Rochfort, it'sall absurd. Why, my Lord, it was that same brother married Rochfort toLady Mary."
"That is conclusive," said Lord Castlereagh, laughing.
"Faith, I think so," rejoined Heffernan; "if you do recover after beinghanged, I don't see that you want to make a friend of the fellow thatpinioned your hands in the 'press-room.' If there's no other reasonagainst Jos's promotion than this--"
"If there were, I 'd endeavor to overcome it," said Lord Castlereagh."Won't you take more wine? Pray let's have another bottle."
"No more, my Lord; it's only in such safe company I ever drink sofreely," said Heffernan, laughing, as he rose to say, "Good-night."
"You 'll take measures for Wednesday, then; that is agreed upon?"
"All settled," said Heffernan, as he left the room. "Good-bye."
"There's a building debt on that same living of seventeen hundredpounds," said Lord Castlereagh, musing; "I'll easily satisfy Killgobbinthat we mean to do better for his brother."
"Take office, indeed!" muttered Heffernan, as he lay back in hiscarriage; "there 's something better than that,--governing the men thathold office, holding the reins, pocketing the fare, and never paying thebreakage when the coach upsets. No, no, my Lord, you are a cleverfellow for your years, but you must live longer before you measure ConHeffernan."