“Are you okay?” I could hear the fatigue in his voice.
I’d never be okay again. “Are you?” I questioned, instead, while managing to mask my confusion. I should have been fighting for my life. Instead, I was pulled into his arms.
“I don’t think I’m going to be okay for a long time.”
I don’t know why. Maybe it was the way he held me or the pain we shared, but I found myself crying against his chest. My tears mixed with Angel’s blood as I poured my soul onto Z’s chest.
“We should have never let him go in alone. Angel wanted us to hang back, and we just followed his orders like we always do,” he admitted bitterly. “He’s been up against worse and survived with barely a scratch.”
I didn’t speak as Z carved out pieces of my heart with his pain. For the barest of moments, I considered asking him to end my misery forever.
“I can’t believe he’s gone,” I heard myself say. It was the truth even if I had been the one to end his life. I felt his body stiffen just before his arms fell from around me. When he took a step back, I did the same. It was the frown on his face, however, that set my heart racing.
“He’s not gone, princess.”
It was my turn to frown. “What are you talking about?” My voice was steadier than it should have been.
His face relaxed. “Angel’s really fucked up, but the doctor said he’ll live. They’re keeping him sedated for a few days while he heals through the worst of the trauma.”
“H—how—” I cleared my throat to heal my broken voice. “How can that be? I—” I stopped short at the genuine confusion in Z’s gaze. Suddenly, I was more certain than ever that Z had no idea it was me who tried to kill Angel.
“What?” he urged when I continued to stare with my mouth open.
“I really thought he was dead,” I whispered instead.
Chapter Three
MIAN
EVERY STEP FELT like a step closer to the guillotine. I focused on keeping my breathing calm when reasoning with myself had failed. Angel wasn’t going to have me killed in a hospital, but it didn’t make facing him any easier.
“So, what did you do with the bodies?” I questioned once the elevators doors closed.
“We took care of it,” Lucas curtly answered. He stabbed the button to take us up and didn’t elaborate. A hospital wasn’t exactly the place to ask these kinds of questions, but it didn’t stop me from voicing them.
“And Bea?”
They glanced at each other, the silent exchange saying enough when they didn’t answer. The implication sent a shudder through me. “Oh, God.” I held Caylen tighter to my chest. If they could be so callous with Bea’s body, what mercy would they have for my son and me?
“We didn’t have a choice, princess. The cops would have asked too many questions.”
“But they’re going to ask questions anyway when they realize she’s missing. Does Angel know what you did with his mother?” It occurred to me that I didn’t have the actual details of what they’d done, but I didn’t need them. Bea made her mistakes, but she deserved the respect of a burial and for those who loved her to say a proper goodbye.
“He would have done the same.”
“You mean, toss his mother’s body to keep anyone from pointing fingers at him when his dirt blows from under the rug?”
“Bea knew the stakes.”
“Did she?” I was willing to bet my life that Bea had no idea who Art would become when she fell in love with him.
Neither of them answered as the elevator finished its ascent. The metal doors soundlessly slid open, revealing the brightly lit floor and the hospital staff moving around each other in practiced chaos.
“Come on,” Lucas muttered. His hand dropped to the small of my back to steer me down the hall past nurses and doctors and concerned family members of other patients. We stopped in front of two double doors at the end of the hall. The nurse at the small nurses’ nation casually glanced our way before pressing a button I couldn’t see. A soft buzz sounded, and then Z quickly grabbed one of the large gray doors and pulled it open.
“Go on.” Lucas pushed me forward gently.
“Aren’t you guys coming with me?”
“He’s still in critical condition, so only two visitors are allowed in at a time.”
I glanced past the door down the short hall. There was another nurses’ station to my right and rooms that lined the far wall.
“It’s okay,” Z implored. “Doctor says he hasn’t been awake since we brought him in.”
“But if he is awake,” Lucas added, “I’m sure he’ll want to talk.” His voice held a weird note, and I could swear something peeked from behind the veil in his silver gaze. Just as quickly as it happened, however, his signature indifference returned making me wonder if I had imagined it.
“Okay,” I agreed reluctantly. I had a feeling I never had a choice. The nurse was now watching us with interest, so I slowly walked through the door Z still held open.
“His room is the third on the left,” Z called. I looked back in time to see him let go of the door. They both continued to watch me, Z with sympathy and Lucas with curiosity, until the door clicked shut.
I took a deep breath and returned the nurses’ smiles as I passed. My skin grew colder with each step. The air smelled like death. I made the mistake of looking in the first room I passed. Inside, I glimpsed a man with a hospital tube protruding from his throat, and a frail woman bent over his bedside. Her lips moved rapidly, but no sound came. I glanced away and quickened my pace.
I reached the third door just as a young nurse, not much older than me, emerged. “Oh, hi,” she greeted kindly. “Are you here to see Mr. Knight?”
“Um…yes.” Her perfect smile made me fidget. I bet she’d never stabbed a man she once believed she could love. “Um…is he awake?”
“He was moments ago, but we keep him heavily medicated. I’ve just finished giving him a sponge bath.” Was it incredibly unfair and immature for me to feel jealousy at her touching him in such an intimate way? It was her job. Point understood. But Angel was a man who could make women’s hearts and other parts flutter even when he was weak.
“I guess I’ll be quick then.” I’d take any excuse not to stick around.
Still blocking the door, her eyes dropped to Caylen. “Oh, my goodness. Is this your brother?”
“He’s my son,” I said on a curt note.
Her happy mask fell for a moment as she sputtered her apology. “I’m sorry to assume. You’re just so young,” she quickly explained. She didn’t say anything I haven’t heard many times already. At the grocery store, in the doctor’s office, on the street… it was always the same thing.
I was too young to be a mom.
What a shame to grow up so young.
It’s not too late.
Is the father around?
Your mother and father must have been heartbroken.
“I’m not that young,” I flatly stated. My driver’s license may have said I was only nineteen, but my soul had already lived a thousand lifetimes.
I pushed forward, not giving her any choice but to move out of the way. The moment I was alone, I set Caylen on his feet. He didn’t seem to mind at all when he immediately tottered over to Angel’s hospital bed. The bed was too high for him to climb, so I picked him up and set him on the bed by Angel’s side.
Stepping back, I watched as he stared at Angel. He seemed uncertain, and a moment later, he reached out. “Anggg,” he called as his tiny fist pulled at the sheet. When Angel didn’t stir, Caylen tugged again. “Anggg.”
Oh, God.
My vision blurred, and I quickly wiped at my tears before more could fall. I looked around, desperate to focus on anything but the bond that had been unintentionally forged between my son and my enemy. I blamed Angel. I blamed myself.
How could we have let this happen?
I was grateful the room was dark even if there was no one around to witness as I broke apart. Because I
didn’t know what else to do, I took a seat by his bedside and waited. Caylen’s eyelids eventually grew heavy with sleep. He curled against Angel’s side, leaving me alone with my thoughts. My fingers itched to draw them, but as heart-wrenchingly beautiful as they looked together, I didn’t want to keep the memory. It would have only been a reminder that Angel had taken my soul.
Unable to deny the resentment burning in my heart any longer, I scooted closer and bent low until my lips were level with his ear. He might have been in a drug-induced sleep, but it didn’t stop me from saying, “You were supposed to die.” My woeful whisper was drowned by the steady beeping of the machines surrounding him. I watched his chest move with each breath he took as he slept. “I’m not sorry for what I did…” I’d always believed Angel was larger than life—someone who couldn’t be hurt or killed. He was always so fast, so strong, so cunning. Until I almost made him a corpse. “It’s not fair that it hurts me to see you like this.” He was the one who betrayed me. “The pain is deeper than even you could have caused. It’s not fair.”
I shoved my hands under my thighs to keep from touching him and closed my eyes to hide my unshed tears even though we were alone. I wanted to kiss his lips and watch him come to life, but I kept my kisses. After all, this wasn’t a fairy tale.
“His doctor says he’ll be out for a while.” The sound of Lucas’s voice jarred me. Twisting to look behind me, I found him leaning a powerful shoulder against the door. “But I’m sure if the sound of your voice could numb the pain better than any drug.” His eyes bore into me from across the room. The chill in his gaze couldn’t be mistaken.
“I’ve said all I have to say to him.”
“Are you sure?”
“Do you have a suggestion?” I shot back.
His smile was chilling. “I don’t care to meddle in a lover’s quarrel.”
Wisely, I didn’t take his bait, although I was pretty sure not doing so implicated me just as well. I hadn’t admitted the truth to him, but I didn’t call him a fool, either.
“I don’t know what you mean,” I attempted too late.
“Funny,” he popped a stick of gum in his mouth, “I think you do.”
“Can I help you with something?”
“It’s been a couple of hours. I came to see if Caylen needed anything.”
Caylen. Not me.
I used the moment to turn away and stroked my fingers through the soft wisps of Caylen’s hair. “He’s fine.”
“And you?” he questioned after a brief pause.
“I’m fine, too.” I kept my tone level and my gaze from straying away from my son. It worked for only a moment. I couldn’t stop my head from turning, but it didn’t matter. He was gone.
I glared at the spot he had abandoned and dug my fingernails deep into the meat of my thigh. Lucas and I could never be friends, and now I knew why. He was too much like Angel. But Lucas and I didn’t share a burning desire to own the other completely. It would be a lie to deny Lucas was sexy as hell. He’d also expressed with his eyes, mouth, and hands that he wouldn’t mind fucking me… but he wasn’t Angel, and that made his arrogance and dominant personality intolerable.
It was becoming clear that Lucas suspected something. Could he know it was me who stabbed Angel? I shook the thought off as soon as it formed. If Lucas was sure I had tried to kill Angel, he wouldn’t have let me near him. He would have killed me by now or locked me in a place where I’d never see daylight again.
Either way, I had to be careful. I may not be locked behind a door anymore, but I was far from free.
Lucas didn’t wait long to return. This time, he chose to sit quietly in the corner. I had lasted five minutes before his scrutiny got the better of me, and I left Angel’s room in search of fresh air. I left Caylen napping by Angel’s side because, even though Lucas didn’t trust me, I knew he would keep my son safe.
I pushed through the double doors and headed for the elevator. I was too distracted to notice them at first as I neared the end of the hall.
“Where you headed, princess?”
My head turned sharply at the sound of Z’s voice. In a hidden corner a few feet away, he stood in front of the nurse who had been attending to Angel. Her back was against the wall, and only a few inches of space separated them. I could see the blush that had yet to fade from her cheeks and took a guess at what I’d interrupted. I refrained from an eye roll at Z’s lack of shame. The glossed over look in the nurse’s eyes told me she was far from thinking clearly either.
“I’m taking a walk, Zachariah.” His gaze narrowed at my use of his full name. “I need some air.”
“I’ll come with you.”
“I prefer to be alone.”
“I’ll come with you,” he repeated. He was already backing away from the nurse who was now pouting. She made her displeasure known when her pout turned into a frustrated glower.
I nodded to his companion. “Don’t you need to finish up?” I should have been appalled that he could flirt with a nurse while his best friend was in critical care, but I had been around them long enough now to know she was somehow a pawn for something.
There was a twinkle in his eye and a smirk on his kissable lips before he turned back to the nurse. “I’ll call you, Carly.” He didn’t waste time taking my hand and leading me past three of Angel’s men and to the elevator.
“I can walk and breathe on my own, you know. I don’t need you to hold my hand.”
“What are you saying?” He waggled his eyebrows. “All the girls wanted to hold my hand in school.”
“Look around you, Zachariah. This is real life.” I pulled my hand from his and stepped inside the elevator.
He followed me in and said, “Then I should tell you that I never got to finish school. My mother was a druggie and needed to be taken care of more than I did. The system came and took me, and when I met Lucas, we ran away from the group home and lived on the streets until Art took us in.” He stopped walking and turned to face me with a pitiful look in his eyes that I suspected was all an act. “So you see, I never got to hold hands with a girl and walk the school halls or steal kisses between boring classes or feel her up in the girl’s—”
“Seriously, Z? All of that just to hold my hand?”
“Whatever it takes.” He winked. “Besides, it’s all true.”
“And so you share your sad story, so girls will pity you and let you touch them?”
“Of course not.” He frowned deeply, and this time, I had the feeling it was real. “I let girls touch me. Not the other way around.” His voice had dropped to a whisper at the end. He kept his past buried deep, but it still tortured him. His easygoing nature was nothing but a camouflage for his pain.
I placed my hand on his shoulder to comfort, but the flinch he tried to hide made me drop my hand and wondered what demon rode the back of someone seemingly carefree. As the elevator descended, he backed away when he didn’t think I was looking, putting an infinitesimal amount of space between us.
I was all too willing to give him the space he sought when we reached the ground floor. Witnessing him so vulnerable made me feel like I stepped out of my own skin. Surprisingly, though, he walked next to me until we stepped into the sun. “Don’t stray,” he ordered in a thick voice. “I need to make a phone call.” He walked away assuming I’d obey. I watched as he stepped under the shadow of a tree and lifted his phone to his ear. Turning away, I drunk in the fresh air, ignoring the feel of his gaze following me.
Breathe and walk.
One breath and one step at a time.
My mind sent my life scattering in pieces for me to sort through.
Angel had framed my father.
As hurt and angry as I was at his betrayal, it was my father’s betrayal that festered in my heart.
It had been hard to forgive my father for giving up even when a part of me had been afraid he really was guilty. But to find out he’d given up knowing he was innocent?
I wasn’t sure how I could forgive
him a second time.
He’d left me to the care and mercy of two people who hated me. Most of all, he’d lied to me. Somehow, I’d figure out how to visit him soon. I needed to hear the truth of his betrayal from him. I spent too many years enabling him and telling myself grief was the reason why he couldn’t love me after mom had died.
So who do I blame for my spiral downward? Angel? My father? Myself?
“You are a beautiful one.”
The familiar voice sent my heart plummeting into my stomach. Fear rooted me to the spot. I was afraid to turn around and see the monster attached to the voice. The air didn’t seem so fresh anymore. It was too thick to breathe in and was pungent with the stench of evil. I looked around for the best escape route and realized I was now in an unfamiliar part of the grounds. I hadn’t realized how far I’d wandered off. I could no longer see Z or the tree he stood under.
“My son isn’t always intelligent,” the voice continued, “but he has good taste.” I felt a crawling sensation on the bare skin of my arm and realized it wasn’t phantom. He was actually touching me. I spun around then, but the sickening feeling piercing my skin didn’t dissipate when his hand fell. I opened and closed my mouth several times but words—all words—escaped me. “What am I doing here?” the senator offered.
I could only nod.
“I’m here to see Angel.”
“You’re out of your mind.” I was startled by the threat in my own voice.
“You mistake my intentions, Ms. Ross. I simply want to call a truce. Angel is more valuable to me alive than dead.”
“You mean because he’s still alive, he’s more valuable to you as an ally than an enemy. You’re afraid of him.”
Angel was undoubtedly someone to be feared, but it still amazed me that he could hold someone as powerful as a senator under his thumb. And then came the reminder that I’d tried and failed to kill him. What would he do to me once he’d gained his strength back? My death could reinforce their allegiance if Angel took his revenge.