RUPERT'S JOURNAL--_Continued_.
_May_ 27, 1907.
A whole week has gone since I saw my Love! There it is; no doubtwhatever is left in my mind about it now! Since I saw her my passion hasgrown and grown by leaps and bounds, as novelists put it. It has nowbecome so vast as to overwhelm me, to wipe out all thought of doubt ordifficulty. I suppose it must be what men suffered--suffering need notmean pain--under enchantments in old times. I am but as a straw whirledin the resistless eddies of a whirlpool. I feel that I _must_ see heragain, even if it be but in her tomb in the crypt. I must, I suppose,prepare myself for the venture, for many things have to be thought of.The visit must not be at night, for in such case I might miss her, didshe come to me again here . . .
The morning came and went, but my wish and intention still remained; andso in the full tide of noon, with the sun in all its fiery force, I setout for the old church of St. Sava. I carried with me a lantern withpowerful lens. I had wrapped it up secretly, for I had a feeling that Ishould not like anyone to know that I had such a thing with me.
On this occasion I had no misgivings. On the former visit I had for amoment been overwhelmed at the unexpected sight of the body of the womanI thought I loved--I knew it now--lying in her tomb. But now I knew all,and it was to see this woman, though in her tomb, that I came.
When I had lit my lantern, which I did as soon as I had pushed open thegreat door, which was once again unlocked, I turned my steps to the stepsof the crypt, which lay behind the richly carven wood screen. This Icould see, with the better light, was a noble piece of work of pricelessbeauty and worth. I tried to keep my heart in full courage with thoughtsof my Lady, and of the sweetness and dignity of our last meeting; but,despite all, it sank down, down, and turned to water as I passed withuncertain feet down the narrow, tortuous steps. My concern, I am nowconvinced, was not for myself, but that she whom I adored should have toendure such a fearful place. As anodyne to my own pain I thought what itwould be, and how I should feel, when I should have won for her a way outof that horror, at any rate. This thought reassured me somewhat, andrestored my courage. It was in something of the same fashion which hashitherto carried me out of tight places as well as into them that at lastI pushed open the low, narrow door at the foot of the rock-hewn staircaseand entered the crypt.
Without delay I made my way to the glass-covered tomb set beneath thehanging chain. I could see by the flashing of the light around me thatmy hand which held the lantern trembled. With a great effort I steadiedmyself, and raising the lantern, turned its light down into thesarcophagus.
Once again the fallen lantern rang on the tingling glass, and I stoodalone in the darkness, for an instant almost paralyzed with surpriseddisappointment.
The tomb was empty! Even the trappings of the dead had been removed.
I knew not what happened till I found myself groping my way up thewinding stair. Here, in comparison with the solid darkness of the crypt,it seemed almost light. The dim expanse of the church sent a fewstraggling rays down the vaulted steps, and as I could see, be it neverso dimly, I felt I was not in absolute darkness. With the light came asense of power and fresh courage, and I groped my way back into the cryptagain. There, by now and again lighting matches, I found my way to thetomb and recovered my lantern. Then I took my way slowly--for I wishedto prove, if not my own courage, at least such vestiges of self-respectas the venture had left me--through the church, where I extinguished mylantern, and out through the great door into the open sunlight. I seemedto have heard, both in the darkness of the crypt and through the dimnessof the church, mysterious sounds as of whispers and suppressed breathing;but the memory of these did not count for much when once I was free. Iwas only satisfied of my own consciousness and identity when I foundmyself on the broad rock terrace in front of the church, with the fiercesunlight beating on my upturned face, and, looking downward, saw farbelow me the rippled blue of the open sea.