CHAPTER IX
THE DESERT OF ASHES
Was it night? Was it morning? She could not tell. She opened her eyes toa weird and incomprehensible twilight, to the gurgling sound of water,the booming croak of a frog.
At first she thought that she was dreaming, that presently these vagueimpressions would fade from her consciousness, and she would awake tonormal things, to the sunlight beating across the verandah, to thecheery call of Everard's _saice_ in the compound, and the tramp ofimpatient hoofs. And Everard himself would rise up from her side, andstoop and kiss her before he went.
She began to wait for his kiss, first in genuine expectation, later witha semi-conscious tricking of the imagination. Never once had he left herwithout that kiss.
But she waited in vain, and as she waited the current of her thoughtsgrew gradually clearer. She began to remember the happenings of thenight. It dawned upon her slowly and terribly that Everard was dead.
When that memory came to her, her brain seemed to stand still. Therewas no passing on from that. Everard had been shot in the jungle--justas she had always known he would be. He had ridden on in spite of it.She pictured his grim endurance with shrinking vividness. He had riddenon to Major Ralston's bungalow and had collapsed there,--collapsed anddied before they could help him. Clearly before her inner vision rosethe scene,--Everard sinking down, broken and inert, all the indomitablestrength of him shattered at last, the steady courage quenched.
Yet what was it he had once said to her? It rushed across her now--wordshe had uttered long ago on the night he had taken her to the ruinedtemple at Khanmulla. "My love is not the kind that burns and goes out."She remembered the exact words, the quiver in the voice that had utteredthem. Then, that being so, he was loving her still. Across thedesert--her bitter desert of ashes--the lamp was shining even now. Lovelike his was immortal. Love such as that could never die.
That comforted her for a space, but soon the sense of desolationreturned. She remembered their cruel estrangement. She remembered theirchild. And that last thought, entering like an electric force, gave herstrength. Surely it was morning, and he would be needing her! Had notPeter said he would want her in the morning?
With a sharp effort she raised herself; she must go to him.
The next moment a sharp breath of amazement escaped her. Where was she?The strange twilight stretched up above her into infinite shadow. Beforeher was a broken archway through which vaguely she saw the heavy foliageof trees. Behind her she yet heard the splash and gurgle of water, thecroaking of frogs. And near at hand some tiny creature scratched andscuffled among loose stones.
She sat staring about her, doubting the evidence of her senses,marvelling if it could all be a dream. For she recognized the place. Itwas the ruined temple of Khanmulla in which she sat. There were thecrumbling steps on which she had stood with Everard on the night that hehad mercilessly claimed her love, had taken her in his arms and saidthat it was Kismet.
It was then that like a dagger-thrust the realization of his loss wentthrough her. It was then that she first tasted the hopeless anguish ofloneliness that awaited her, saw the long, long desert track stretchingout before her, leading she knew not whither. She bowed her head uponher arms and sat crushed, unconscious of all beside....
It must have been some time later that there fell a soft step besideher; a veiled figure, bent and slow of movement, stooped over her.
"_Mem-sahib_!" a low voice said.
She looked up, startled and wondering. "Hanani!" she said.
"Yes, it is Hanani." The woman's husky whisper came reassuringly inanswer. "Have no fear, _mem-sahib!_ You are safe here."
"What--happened?" questioned Stella, still half-doubting the evidence ofher senses. "Where--where is my baby?"
Hanani knelt down by her side. "_Mem-sahib_," she said very gently, "the_baba_ sleeps--in the keeping of God."
It was tenderly spoken, so tenderly that--it came to her afterwards--shereceived the news with no sense of shock. She even felt as if she musthave somehow known it before. In the utter greyness of her desert--shehad walked alone.
"He is dead?" she said.
"Not dead, _mem-sahib_," corrected the _ayah_ gently. She paused amoment, then in the same hushed voice that was scarcely more than awhisper: "He--passed, _mem-sahib_, in these arms, so easily, so gently,I knew not when the last breath came. You had been gone but a littlespace. I sent Peter to call you, but your room was empty. He returned,and I went to seek you myself. I reached you only as the storm broke."
"Ah!" A sharp shudder caught Stella. "What--happened?" she asked again.
"It was but a band of _budmashes, mem-sahib_." A note of contemptsounded in the quiet rejoinder. "I think they were looking for Monck_sahib_--for the captain _sahib_. But they found him not."
"No," Stella said. "No. They had killed him already--in the jungle. Atleast, they had shot him. He died--afterwards." She spoke dully; shefelt as if her heart had grown old within her, too old to feelpoignantly any more. "Go on!" she said, after a moment. "What happenedthen? Did they kill Bernard _sahib_ and Denvers _sahib_, too?"
"Neither, my _mem-sahib._" Hanani's reply was prompt and confident."Bernard _sahib_ was struck on the head and senseless when we draggedhim in. Denvers _sahib_ was not touched. It was he who put out the lampand saved their lives. Afterwards, I know not how, he raised a greatoutcry so that they thought they were surrounded and fled. Truly,Denvers _sahib_ is great. After that, he went for help. And I,_mem-sahib_, fearing they might return to visit their vengeance uponyou--being the wife of the captain _sahib_ whom they could not find--Iwrapped a _saree_ about your head and carried you away." Humble pride inthe achievement sounded in Hanani's voice. "I knew that here you wouldbe safe," she ended. "All evil-doers fear this place. It is said to bethe abode of unquiet spirits."
Again Stella gazed around the place. Her eyes had become accustomed tothe green-hued twilight. The crumbling, damp-stained walls stretchedaway into darkness behind her, but the place held no terrors for her.She was too tired to be afraid. She only wondered, though without muchinterest, how Hanani had managed to accomplish the journey.
"Where is Peter?" she asked at last.
"Peter remained with Bernard _sahib_," Hanani answered. "He will tellthem where to seek for you."
Again Stella gazed about the place. It struck her as strange that Petershould have relinquished his guardianship of her, even in favour ofHanani. But the thought did not hold her for long. Evidently he hadknown that he could trust the woman as he trusted himself and herstrength must be almost superhuman. She was glad that he had stayedbehind with Bernard.
She leaned her chin upon her hands and sat silent for a space. Butgradually, as she reviewed the situation, curiosity began to strugglethrough her lethargy. She looked at Hanani crouched humbly beside her,looked at her again and again, and at last her wonder found vent inspeech.
"Hanani," she said, "I don't quite understand everything. How did youget me here?"
Hanani's veiled head was bent. She turned it towards her slowly, almostreluctantly it seemed to Stella.
"I carried you, _mem-sahib_," she said.
"You--carried--me!" Stella repeated the word incredulously. "But it is along way--a very long way--from Kurrumpore."
Hanani was silent for a moment or two, as though irresolute. Then: "Ibrought you by a way unknown to you, _mem-sahib_," she said. "Hafiz--youknow Hafiz?--he helped me."
"Hafiz!" Stella frowned a little. Yes, by sight she knew him well.Hafiz the crafty, was her private name for him.
"How did he help you?" she asked.
Again Hanani seemed to hesitate as one reluctant to give away a secret."From the shop of Hafiz--that is the shop of Rustam Karin in thebazaar," she said at length, and Stella quivered at the name, "there isa passage that leads under the ground into the jungle. To those whoknow, the way is easy. It was thus, _mem-sahib_, that I brought youhither."
"But how did you get me to the bazaar?" questioned Stella, still hardly
believing.
"It was very dark, _mem-sahib_; and the _budmashes_ were scattered. Theywould not touch an old woman such as Hanani. And you, my _mem-sahib_,were wrapped in a _saree_. With old Hanani you were safe."
"Ah, why should you take all that trouble to save my life?" Stella said,a little quiver of passion in her voice. "Do you think life is soprecious to me--now?"
Hanani made a protesting gesture with one arm. "Lo, it is yet night,_mem-sahib_," she said. "But is it not written in the sacred Book thatwith the dawn comes joy?"
"There can never be any joy for me again," Stella said.
Hanani leaned slowly forward. "Then will my _mem-sahib_ have missed themeaning of life," she said. "Listen then--listen to old Hanani--whoknows! It is true that the _baba_ cannot return to the _mem-sahib_, butwould she call him back to pain? Have I not read in her eyes night afternight the silent prayer that he might go in peace? Now that the God ofgods has answered that prayer--now that the _baba_ is in peace--would my_mem-sahib_ have it otherwise? Would she call that loved one back? Wouldshe not rather thank the God of spirits for His great mercy--and so goher way rejoicing?"
Again the utterance was too full of tenderness to give her pain. It sankdeep into Stella's heart, stilling for a space the anguish. She lookedat the strange, draped figure beside her that spoke those husky words ofcomfort with a dawning sense of reverence. She had a curious feeling asof one being guided through a holy place.
"You--comfort me, Hanani," she said after a moment. "I don't think I amreally grieving for the _baba_ yet. That will come after. I knowthat--as you say--he is at peace, and I would not call him back.But--Hanani--that is not all. It is not even the half or the beginningof my trouble. The loss of my _baba_ I can bear--I could bear--bravely.But the loss of--of--" Words failed her unexpectedly. She bowed her headagain upon her arms and wept the bitter tears of despair.
Hanani the _ayah_ sat very still by her side, her brown, bony handstightly gripped about her knees, her veiled head bent slightly forwardas though she watched for someone in the dimness of the broken archway.
At last very, very slowly she spoke.
"_Mem-sahib_, even in the desert the sun rises. There is always comfortfor those who go forward--even though they mourn."
"Not for me," sobbed Stella. "Not for those--who part--inbitterness--and never--meet again!"
"Never, _mem-sahib?_" Hanani yet gazed straight before her. Suddenly shemade a movement as if to rise, but checked herself as one reminded byexertion of physical infirmity. "The _mem-sahib_ weeps for her lord,"she said. "How shall Hanani comfort her? Yet never is a cruel word. Mayit not be that he will--even now--return?"
"He is dead," whispered Stella.
"Not so, _mem-sahib_." Very gently Hanani corrected her. "The captain_sahib_ lives."
"He--lives?" Stella started upright with the words. In the gloom hereyes shone with a sudden feverish light; but it very swiftly died. "Ah,don't torture me, Hanani!" she said. "You mean well, but--it doesn'thelp."
"Hanani speaks the truth," protested the old _ayah_, and behind theenveloping veil came an answering gleam as if she smiled. "My lord thecaptain _sahib_ spoke with Hafiz this very night. Hafiz will tell the_mem-sahib_."
But Stella shook her head in hopeless unbelief. "I don't trust Hafiz,"she said wearily.
"Yet Hafiz would not lie to old Hanani," insisted the _ayah_ in thatsoft, insinuating whisper of hers.
Stella reached out a trembling hand and laid it upon her shoulder."Listen, Hanani!" she said. "I have never seen your face, yet I know youfor a friend."
"Ask not to see it, _mem-sahib_," swiftly interposed the _ayah_, "lestyou turn with loathing from one who loves you!"
Stella smiled, a quivering, piteous smile. "I should never do that,Hanani," she said. "But I do not need to see it. I know you love me. Butdo not--out of your love for me--tell me a lie! It is false comfort. Itcannot help me."
"But I have not lied, _mem-sahib_." There was earnest assurance inHanani's voice--such assurance as could not be disregarded. "I have toldyou the truth. The captain _sahib_ is not dead. It was a false report."
"Hanani! Are you--sure?" Stella's hand gripped the _ayah_'s shoulderwith convulsive, strength. "Then who--who--was the _sahib_ they shot inthe jungle--the _sahib_ who died at the bungalow of Ralston _sahib_?Did--Hafiz--tell you that?"
"That--" said Hanani, and paused as if considering how best to presentthe information,--"that was another _sahib_."
"Another _sahib?_" Stella was trembling violently. Her hold upon Hananiwas the clutch of desperation, "Who--what was his name?"
She felt in the momentary pause that followed that the eyes behind theveil were looking at her strangely, speculatively. Then very softlyHanani answered her.
"His name, _mem-sahib_, was Dacre."
"Dacre!" Stella repeated the name blankly. It seemed to hold too great ameaning for her to grasp.
"So Hafiz told Hanani," said the _ayah_.
"But--Dacre!" Stella hung upon the name as if it held her by afascination from which she could not shake free. "Is that--all youknow?" she said at last.
"Not all, my _mem-sahib_," answered Hanani, in the soothing tone of onewho instructs a child. "Hafiz knew the _sahib_ in the days before Hananicame to Kurrumpore. Hafiz told a strange story of the _sahib_. He hadmarried and had taken his wife to the mountains beyond Srinagar. Andthere an evil fate had overtaken him, and she--the _mem-sahib_--hadreturned alone."
Hanani paused dramatically.
"Go on!" gasped Stella almost inarticulately.
Hanani took up her tale again in a mysterious whisper that crept ineerie echoes about the ruined place in which they sat. "_Mem-sahib_,Hafiz said that there was doubtless a reason for which he feigned death.He said that Dacre _sahib_ was a bad man, and my lord the captain_sahib_ knew it. Wherefore he followed him to the mountains andcommanded him to be gone, and thus--he went."
"But who--told--Hafiz?" questioned Stella, still struggling againstunbelief.
"How should Hanani know?" murmured the _ayah_ deprecatingly "Hafiz livesin the bazaar. He hears many things--some true--some false. But thatDacre _sahib_ returned last night and that he now is dead is true,_mem-sahib_. And that my lord the captain _sahib_ lives is also true.Hanani swears it by her grey hairs."
"Then where--where is the captain _sahib_?" whispered Stella.
The _ayah_ shook her head. "It is not given to Hanani to know allthings," she protested. "But--she can find out. Does the _mem-sahib_desire her to find out?"
"Yes," Stella breathed.
The fantastic tale was running like a mad tarantella through her brain.Her thoughts were in a whirl. But she clung to the thought of Everard asa shipwrecked mariner clings to a rock. He yet lived; he had not passedout of her reach. It might be he was even then at Khanmulla a few shortmiles away. All her doubt of him, all evil suspicions, vanished in agreat and overwhelming longing for his presence. It suddenly came to herthat she had wronged him, and before that unquestionable conviction thestory of Ralph Dacre's return was dwarfed to utter insignificance. Whatwas Ralph Dacre to her? She had travelled far--oh, very far--throughthe desert since the days of that strange dream in the Himalayas. Livingor dead, surely he had no claim upon her now!
Impulsively she stooped towards Hanani. "Take me to him!" she said."Take me to him! I am sure you know where he is."
Hanani drew back slightly. "_Mem-sahib_, it will take time to find him,"she remonstrated. "Hanani is not a young woman. Moreover--" she stoppedsuddenly, and turned her head.
"What is it?" said Stella.
"I heard a sound, _mem-sahib_." Hanani rose slowly to her feet. Itseemed to Stella that she was more bent, more deliberate of movement,than usual. Doubtless the wild adventure of the night had told upon her.She watched her with a tinge of compunction as she made her somewhatdifficult way towards the archway at the top of the broken marble steps.A flying-fox flapped eerily past her as she went, dipping over the bent,veiled head with as little fear as if she were a r
ecognized inhabitantof that wild place.
A sharp sense of unreality stabbed Stella. She felt as one coming out ofan all-absorbing dream. Obeying an instinctive impulse, she rose upquickly to follow. But even as she did so, two things happened.
Hanani passed like a shadow from her sight, and a voice sheknew--Tommy's voice, somewhat high-pitched and anxious--called hername.
Swiftly she moved to meet him. "I am here, Tommy! I am here!"
And then she tottered, feeling her strength begin to fail.
"Oh, Tommy!" she gasped. "Help me!"
He sprang up the steps and caught her in his arms. "You hang on to me!"he said. "I've got you."
She leaned upon him quivering, with closed eyes. "I am afraid I must,"she said weakly. "Forgive me for being so stupid!"
"All right, darling. All right," he said. "You're not hurt?"
"No, oh no! Only giddy--stupid!" She fought desperately forself-command. "I shall be all right in a minute."
She heard the voices of men below her, but she could not open her eyesto look. Tommy supported her strongly, and in a few seconds she wasaware of someone on her other side, of a steady capable hand graspingher wrist.
"Drink this!" said Ralston's voice. "It'll help you."
He was holding something to her lips, and she drank mechanically.
"That's better," he said. "You've had a rough time, I'm afraid, but it'sover now. Think you can walk, or shall we carry you?"
The matter-of-fact tones seemed to calm the chaos of her brain. Shelooked up at him with a faint, brave smile.
"I will walk,--of course. There is nothing the matter with me. What hashappened at Kurrumpore? Is all well?"
He met her eyes. "Yes," he said quietly.
Her look flinched momentarily from his, but the next instant she met itsquarely. "I know about--my baby," she said.
He bent his head. "You could not wish it otherwise," he said, gently.
She answered him with firmness, "No."
The few words helped to restore her self-possession. With her hand uponTommy's arm she descended the steps into the green gloom of the jungle.The morning sun was smiting through the leaves. It gleamed in her eyeslike the flashing of a sword. But--though the simile held her mind for aspace--she felt no shrinking. She had a curious conviction that the pathlay open before her at last. The Angel with the Flaming Sword no longerbarred the way.
A party of Indian soldiers awaited her. She did not see how many.Perhaps she was too tired to take any very vivid interest in hersurroundings. A native litter stood a few yards from the foot of thesteps. Tommy guided her to it, Major Ralston walking on her other side.
She turned to the latter as they reached it. "Where is Hanani?" shesaid.
He raised his brows for a moment. "She has probably gone back to herpeople," he answered.
"She was here with me, only a minute ago," Stella said.
He glanced round. "She knows her way no doubt. We had better not waitnow. If you want her, I will find her for you later."
"Thank you," Stella said. But she still paused, looking from Ralston toTommy and back again, as one uncertain.
"What is it, darling?" said Tommy gently.
She put her hand to her head with a weary gesture of bewilderment. "I amvery stupid," she said. "I can't think properly. You are sure everythingis all right?"
"Quite sure, dear," he said. "Don't try to think now. You are done up.You must rest."
Her face quivered suddenly like the face of a tired child. "Iwant--Everard," she said piteously. "Won't you--can't you--bring him tome? There is something--I want--to say to him."
There was an instant's pause. She felt Tommy's arm tighten protectinglyaround her, but he did not speak.
It was Major Ralston who answered her. "Certainly he shall come to you.I will see that he does."
The confidence of his reply comforted her. She trusted Major Ralstoninstinctively. She entered the litter and sank down among the cushionswith a sigh.
As they bore her away along the narrow, winding path which once she hadtrodden with Everard Monck so long, long ago, on the night of hersurrender to the mastery of his love, utter exhaustion overcame her andthe sleep, which for so long she had denied herself, came upon her likean overwhelming flood, sweeping her once more into the deeps ofoblivion. She went without a backward thought.