Caroleverett: oh don’t be silly! We can meet now. Chat conference, u know?
Mindy_larsen: oh ok, wait up
Mindy_larsen: paul? My sister caroline’s online, she wants 2 uhm, meet u via this chat conference thing
Paulspears: oh that would be cool, I’m ready when u are
Mindy_larsen: ok wait
Paulspears has joined the conference.
Caroleverett has joined the conference.
Caroleverett: hello paul! I’ve heard about u from my sister
Mindy_larsen: oh trust me paul, it’s not much!
Paulspears: hello carol! It’s nice to uhm, meet u
Caroleverett: it’s nice 2 meet u too, paul! How’s Orleans?
Paulspears: great, but it was better when mindy was here
Caroleverett: aww ain’t that sweet? Saw that, minds?
Mindy_larsen: haha don’t bother trying to impress her, paul, she’s married
Paulspears: u know I meant what I said, mindy.
Caroleverett: I know he did, mindy God, u two should get together!
Paulspears:
Caroleverett: oh! Did I say something wrong?
Paulspears: no, of course not. So, how are u and your husband?
Caroleverett: we are very happy. We can never have kids, but we love each other, and that’s enough. More than enough.
Paulspears: now that’s love…
Caroleverett: so, what about u? uhm, I mean…are u better now? Have u already moved on from what happened 2 ur uhm…then girlfriend? I’m sorry about that. It must’ve been tough.
Mindy_larsen: that’s enough, c.
Caroleverett: oh God, I’m really sorry, really, sometimes I can be so tactless and--
Paulspears: it’s okay…
Caroleverett: I’m really sorry. Pls don’t get mad at my sister.
Paulspears: I won’t
Caroleverett: I should go. Hope 2 see u soon. Really sorry.
Paulspears: it’s alright.
Caroleverett has left the conference.
Caroleverett: minds, I’m so sorry
Mindy_larsen: u and ur big mouth!
Caroleverett: I know, I didn’t mean 2 do it, I’m sorry
Mindy_larsen: yeah well…
Caroleverett: tell him I’m sorry, ok?
Mindy_larsen: yeah yeah. Go get some rest.
Caroleverett: yeah thanks. U too.
Caroleverett has logged off.
Mindy_larsen: paul? I’m really sorry about that. Sometimes caroline could really get to be tactless…and I’m sorry, I didn’t mean 2 tell her about what happened to selina, it was just that leigh thought u were my boyfriend and—
paulspears: it’s ok.
Mindy_larsen: it’s my fault. I’m sorry.
Paulspears: don’t be. I’m fine. Besides, I trust u.
Mindy_larsen: thanks. It won’t happen again.
Paulspears: it’s ok.
Mindy_larsen: u miss her, don’t u? and now I made it even harder…
Paulspears: don’t say that.
Mindy_larsen: sorry.
Paulspears: it’s alright, I told u. u know, maybe we should just call it a night.
Mindy_larsen: yeah…I think so, too.
Paulspears: goodnight, bella.
Mindy_larsen: goodnight, belissimo.
14
Life is made up of meetings and partings. People come into your life for a few months, some a year, others a whole lifetime.
-Cecelia Ahern, “Thanks for the memories”
The following day, I was busy tinkering with my tumblr page, or more so, the page I created for my business. It’s been good, so far a number of people left me messages with their particulars, wanting to get paintings of some sort. One wanted a shrimp—she said she was fond of collecting anything with shrimps on them. Another one wanted a self-portrait, he e-mailed me a scanned copy of his picture. I’m supposed to meet them tomorrow for a meeting about the cost and what else they want to happen with the paintings.
My sister, Caroline then came inside the house.
“Minds!” She said as she saw me plopped down on the sofa. She instantly hugged me, “I am so sorry,” She said, “I didn’t mean to say that to Paul—“
“Relax,” I said, “It’s okay.”
“You’re not mad?”
“Like I could…”
She laughed, “Oh, Minds…” She muttered as she sat down beside me, “Whoa, hey,” She noticed my tumblr page, “That your page?”
“Uh-huh…”
“And you’re selling paintings?”
“I guess I am.”
“Geez, I’m so happy for you! This is awesome!”
“Just living by your example…”
She laughed and nudged me, “I like the name…Fairies and strawberry fields, reminds me of your childhood dreams…”
I smiled, “It was Paul’s idea.”
“It is? Wow…” She said and smiled, too, “You know, Minds, I think he likes you…but…But I think he’s also still stuck-up in the past.”
“You mean, the love of his life who died?”
“Exactly,” She said.
“C, she died. He loved her, of course, it’s gonna be hard.”
“I know, I know,” She said, “I’m not saying it’s easy, it’s not. But he has to cry his one last cry and move on.”
I sighed, “I don’t think he really did cry that way.”
“What?”
“He never went to her grave, or anything. He can’t.”
“Oh,” She muttered, “That’s….even harder.”
“I know.”
“Do you like him?”
I looked at her.
“Minds?”
“I don’t know.”
“Of course you do. It’s obvious.”
“Fine,” I answered, “I guess I do. Or maybe, I don’t. Maybe I really just like talking to him, being his friend. We get each other, you know? He’s a jazz musician, I’m an artist. Together, we’re perfect. But I’m not sure if that means we’re perfect for each other. What if we’re bound to be just friends and I ruin this?”
She nodded her head, “Are you scared?”
I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and answered, “I guess we both are.”
15
Love happens accidentally—in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.
Paulspears: hey you.
Mindy_larsen: hey…I thought u would never talk 2 me again
Paulspears: that’s not gonna happen
Mindy_larsen: if u say so…
Paulspears: so how’s the site?
Mindy_larsen: good. I’m meeting some clients 2mrw then I’ll be visiting Belinda and dan after.
Paulspears: I knew u’d do good.
Mindy_larsen: that’s bcoz u believed in me.
Paulspears: well, I have some news for u
Mindy_larsen: oh! What is it?
Paulspears: an agent from this top recording company told me that they might want to produce an album for me…
Mindy_larsen: oh my God! That is awesome! I’m so happy for u, paul!
Paulspears: thank u…I still have to send them an original demo before I go there in NY
Mindy_larsen: I’m sure u could do it
Paulspears: I know. I’ve the perfect inspiration.
Mindy_larsen: u have to let me hear that thing…or at least, see the lyrics?
Paulspears: of course I will
Mindy_larsen: can’t wait
Paulspears: I should start writing tonight…I’ll hit u up soon, ok?
Mindy_larsen: break a leg!
Paulspears: give my regards to dan and b
Mindy_larsen: I will…’night, paul
Paulspears: ‘night, mindy…
***
??
?Oh my God, that is just the coolest thing ever!” Belinda exclaimed after I told her about Paul’s offer from the recording company when I visited her in her new apartment the following day. Dan was out, looking for a job. “Finally! It’s just about time!”
“I know,” I smiled, “He sure deserves this.”
“So, how are you two?” She asked as she drank some juice.
“We’re good, still friends—“
“Friends my ass.” She said, “Come on, I’m sure you’re subtly flirting or something…”
“B, you know he’s still sad over some things…”
“Well, whatever, he has you now.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“It should be that simple,” She said, “You love each other, what else is there to prove?”
“Let’s just see how it goes. Anyway, he’s coming here next week.”
“Wow! See? That’s what I’m talking about!”
“Oh, sorry to burst your bubble, sweetie, but again, it’s not like that. He’s just…going to accompany me to…see my dad. Well, the one I grew up with.”
“Oh.” She said, “Are you…nervous?”
“Honestly, I have no idea how I’m feeling. I mean, it has been a while since we last talked.”
She nodded her head, “You’ll be alright. Paul won’t let you down.”
I smiled a bit.
“So…uh, these things he’s sad about, have you been talking about them?”
“No, not really. I mean, sometimes I just don’t know how to ask him. He’s a strong person…I really couldn’t…I don’t know.”
“Paul never really talks about his emotions,” She said, “He tends to uhm…run away. Focus on other stuff. His music, you know…”
“Yeah, I think I saw that.”
“Maybe you should prod him on it,” She said, “He trusts you.”
“I’ll try my best.”
***
A few days later, I found an e-mail from Paul.
From:
[email protected] To:
[email protected] Hi minds. Here’s the song I wrote. Tell me what you think.
“Fairies and Strawberry fields”
She’s a wildflower,
She blooms through the summer
She makes me swoon, takes away my gloom
she’s a fairy, living in strawberry fields
she’s Cinderella who found her own shoe
she sees me through
she’s a ray of sunshine,
glimmering on the run
she has a tattoo,
oh, she beats you
I could tell her I love her
But I have no idea how to
She’s fragile, and strong
She’s lost, and found
She’s you and me
And yet she’s she…
She’s the fairy who loves strawberries…
There was a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. The song just felt so…real. That was the first time when I knew I had fallen in love with a guy named Paul Spears.
16
A very few times in life, if you’re lucky, you meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your two combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate souls to hinge together.
Paulspears: u got it?
Mindy_larsen: yes.
Paulspears: what do u think?
Mindy_larsen: it’s beautiful. Really beautiful.
Paulspears: it’s for u.
Mindy_larsen: wow..uhm…thank u. I just…the song, it almost made me cry, paul, no one has written something like that for me before. It’s special.
Paulspears: glad u like it.
Mindy_larsen: thank you.
Paulspears: no, thank u. I gtg for a bit, I have to send that to the recording studio…I’ll see u soon, ok? Like, real soon, really.
Mindy_larsen: take ur time.
Paulspears: take care, Cinderella.
Mindy_larsen: take care, paul.
***
Some two days passed and I woke up with a call from an unidentified number.
“Hello?” I greeted into the receiver as I tried to get up from bed. It was 7:30 in the morning.
“Did I wake you up?” It was a familiar voice. A voice that unmistakably belonged to Paul.
“Paul? Is that you?”
“It sure is, Morticia,” He said, “Good morning.”
“Hey…where are you?”
“I think I’m in Central Park…”
“In New York? You’re here?”
“I think I am.”
“Oh my God, you are here!”
He laughed, “Yes, sweetie, I am. I got into this hotel in the wee hours of the morning, took a short nap and now, I’m here.”
“Geez, you didn’t tell me today was the day!”
“I wanted to surprise you.”
“Well, you surprised me, all right.”
“Can you see me today? But no pressure, I mean, anytime will do. It’s still early, anyway…I just wanted to wake you up.”
“Are you kidding? I’ll be there in a bit.”
“Okay, I’ll just have a pretzel and wait for m’lady…”
I laughed, “I’ll see you.”
***
A few minutes later, I was there. I wore this light blue dress with some chiffon trimmings and some really large necklaces. And I saw him. He was wearing this black trenchcoat, a white tee and denim jeans.
“Paul!” I called out.
He looked at me and instantly walked to my direction.
“You are here!” I exclaimed and we hugged, “God, I’m sorry…”
He laughed, “I missed you.” He said.
“I missed you, too.”
We were sitting on a bench while eating hotdogs and some soda.
“Can you believe that I’ve never been here in New York before?” He asked me with a smile on his face.
“Wow. Why not?”
He shrugged, “No reason to. And besides, I always thought New Yorkers were snotty…until I met you.”
I smiled, “And here you go, flattering me again.”
He laughed, “I’m serious.” He paused, seeming to remember something and then, “Selina wanted to go here, though.”
“Oh.”
He took a deep breath, “It was one of the things I regret. Not bringing her here.”
“You didn’t know what would happen.”
“Yeah, but…” He took another deep breath, “Anyway…do you want to go to your dad’s place today?”
“I was thinking that maybe you’d wanna visit Dan and B first…”
He fixed his gaze on me and held my hand, “We have all day to do that. And don’t worry, I already called them after I called you.”
“It’s still early.”
He shook his head and smiled, “Fine. After lunch, then?”
“Yeah.” I said unsurely.
“Okay, let’s go to Dan and B’s first…let’s go buy some food.”
“Let’s.” I smiled.
***
“Are you kidding, man?” Dan said while the four of us were eating burgers at their apartment, “Those recording people would be crazy to turn you down!”
Paul laughed, “Well, whatever happens happens.”
“We sure you’d make it,” Belinda said, “And well, while waiting for that, there are a few bars out here…Wait, how long are you planning to stay here, by the way?”
“I don’t know, really,” He said, “Maybe, a few weeks? Months? We’ll see.”
“Man, you could stay here at our place, it’s much cheaper than a hotel…”
“Thanks.” He smiled.
“So, okay, you two are going to see Mindy’s dad later?”
“Yes,” He said, “I just wanna do the right thing, you know? They deserve to talk.”
“Hello, I’m here…” I muttered and they all laughed.
“You think you’re ready to face him?” Dan asked.
“Maybe, I don’t know, we’ll see.” I answered.
“Yes we will.” Paul muttered and squeezed my hand.
17
She understood what it was like to stand
right in front of people you loved, even though they could not see you.
-Jodi Picoult, “Second Glance”
“You look nervous.” Paul told me as we got out of the cab and were now standing in front of my dad’s house. My old house. The house I and my siblings grew up in. It felt like forever since I’ve been here.
I tried to smile a bit, “I guess I am.”
He put an arm around my shoulder, “Don’t be. I’m here.”
I looked up at him, “Thanks.” I smiled.
I took a deep breath, “Okay, this is it,” I said as I rang the doorbell. I wonder if dad will come out, or if a maid will. Who knew if he had a maid? Or maybe, Dana’s living in with him. I didn’t really know. Seconds later, someone opened the gate.
Daddy.
I saw the look of surprise in his eyes, how his mouth opened but no words came.
“Hi,” I muttered.
“Mindy,” He said.
“Good morning, mister Larsen,” Paul greeted.
“Hi, you are?” Dad extended his hand.
“Paul,” Paul answered, “I’m a friend of Mindy’s from New Orleans.”
“Oh, hello.” Dad said, “Come in.”
He led us into the house and it felt familiar yet unfamiliar. This was the house I grew up in, and yet, I feel like a stranger. Like I never really belonged here.
Dad told a maid to make us some drinks then he told us to sit down. It was a new couch. Maybe, dad didn’t want to keep any memorabilias of years gone by.
“So, what can I do for you?” He asked.
“Go on,” Paul told me silently.
I couldn’t speak for a few seconds until I decided I had to. “I just…uhm…I wanted to…to talk to you,” I said, “I’m sorry. For everything.”