***
I opened my eyes.
Flicking them left and right, the first thing I noticed was that I could in fact see. After a few minutes of blinking, my surroundings began to focus, but what continued to worry me was that I couldn’t see much at all, just a bright white light.
Was I dead?
The only thing I remembered since being hung up in Claudius’ torture chamber was a dream about two strikingly beautiful women, one dressed in a white, loose garment, the other in a black, tight fitting body suit. The two women had battled one another in vicious hand to hand combat for what seemed like days, neither one of them ever gaining the upper hand. They didn’t fight in the comic, cliché cat fighting and bitch slapping style normally associated with two women duking it out, but with intense punches, kicks, eye gouges, and hair ripping, but with absolutely no fondling.
This was my dream, damn it! At least some clothing should have come off.
But I wasn’t sure a lack of clothing would have saved me from the end because when both women finally noticed me, their duel ended and they shifted their attention toward me. Literal fire burning in their eyes, one set blue and the other green, both women turned to rush me, fists at the ready.
Hallucinations were a bitch.
I tried to put the disturbing dream out of my mind, and attempted to get a better look around. For all I knew, I may have been reacquired by Claudius. Maybe he was waiting for me to wake up before he tortured me again. I craned my neck to the right and noticed that I was in a tent, but the only objects I could see were a few empty tables and a desk.
I was distracted from my observation by a dark shape that positioned itself over my head. It took me a second to focus on the shape, but I didn’t need my eyes to know that it was Helena. I could recognize her scent from across the room. It was that pleasant.
She smiled down at me, her smile more gorgeous than I’d ever seen it, and placed a hand on my cheek, stroking my brow with a thumb. “Nice to see you up, sleepy head.”
“What happened?” I choked. “Where am I now?”
“You collapsed unconscious and Vincent had to carry you. We fought our way out of the city and made our way to the legion camp. We lost six men getting you out. You’re in a hospital tent, and you’ve been out for two days.”
That seemed like a good enough summary to me.
“Santino?”
She pulled back so that I could see past her. Behind her lay the figure of my friend, still unconscious, but breathing. I saw numerous bandages over his bare chest, arms and legs, and an IV drip poked into his forearm. In particular, I saw a bandage around his right wrist, renewing the image of his crucifixion in my mind.
“He’s fine,” she informed. “He’s in worse shape than you are, but he’ll make it. He lost a lot of blood, but Wang took good care of him. He says he’ll make a full recovery.”
“Good.”
Satisfied he was all right, I straightened my head to rest my neck, and Helena loomed over me again.
“Can you sit up?” She asked.
I strained my back, but I didn’t budge.
“Nope.”
She frowned and I saw her glance away. She obviously had something on her mind.
No surprise there.
I looked up at her. “You saw me naked.”
She looked back at me and a slight smile formed on her lips. “Yes. Yes I did.”
“Well this is awkward…”
Her smile evaporated and she pulled away as she looked at her hands in her lap. I turned my head to look at her, but didn’t say anything.
“Jacob, I… I just wanted to say I’m sorry for how I acted that night. I overreacted.”
My back was starting to hurt from idleness so I tried to shift my position on the table again. The slight movement shot pain through every inch of my body and I felt my body fighting against the inevitable blackout I knew was coming. I thought the combination was going to kill me, but the pain slowly went away and my senses sharpened. I looked at Helena, whose concern was very clearly evident.
“Are you sure you’re all right?” She asked. “I could come back if you want to rest.”
“No,” I said quickly. “Don’t leave. I… I need you right now.”
She leaned back. “Need?”
I closed my eyes. Maybe if I couldn’t see her, this would be easier. “I fucked up, Helena. All this time I thought I had all the answers and knew what was best for me, you, the team, everyone. But I don’t.” I opened my eyes when Helena didn’t say anything, but all she did was lean in closer to hover only a foot above me. “You didn’t overreact. Not in the least. The past few months have changed a part me, and not for the better. I don’t like it, and it’s…”
I trailed off when I noticed how intently Helena was staring at me. Her eyes were sad and distant but their intensity threw me. I couldn’t interpret what the expression meant. I was about to continue when Helena thrust herself at me and pressed her lips against mine, much as I did to her all those months ago. The shock wore off quickly and I found myself struggling to move my hand into her hair as she continued to work her lips lovingly against mine. I failed and the sound of my arm slapping against the table surprised Helena into pulling away.
“Oh, I’m sorry, did I hurt you?”
I gazed up at her lovely face and wonderful green eyes and smiled. “Of course not. I’m just a little surprised.”
“I know,” she said meekly. “Me too, but I couldn’t help myself.”
“You couldn’t help yourself, now??” I asked with a weak smile. “When my face looks like I went twelve rounds with Rocky?”
She smiled. “I don’t want to kiss you because of your face, Jacob, but because of what you said. I’ve felt you pulling away for months now, placing more and more burdens upon yourself and slowly pushing your friends, and me, away. What you said before you left about not needing me hurt.” She looked at me almost angrily now as she relived the memory. “I didn’t want to accept where that comment came from, but it had become difficult not to.”
I glanced at Santino again to make sure he was still asleep. Our conversation was becoming increasingly personal and I didn’t want him overhearing us. Luckily, he still seemed out cold. I turned back to Helena and frowned. “Helena I’m still the man I was before. Just…”
“No you’re not. You’re darker, more selfish, and more introspective, and not in a good way. It’s become obsessive. I can understand not coming to me, but you’ve neglected even your best friend.” She pointed at Santino. “I can count the number of conversations you’ve had with him over the past winter on one hand. You never go to him for help or advice, and you know damn well it’s not always that bad. Why do you think he volunteered to go with you and Agrippina?”
I didn’t have an answer.
“Because he’s your brother!” She said. “The story you told me about what happened in North Korea forced it on you two, and you should be grateful for that shithole because of it. But he’s just as worried about your recklessness as I am and wanted to keep an eye on you.”
“How do you know that? Did he tell you?”
“He didn’t have to, Jacob,” she said softly. “I know.”
“So why now?”
“Because I care for you, Jacob. I have for a very long time. I want to be with you and be there for you. When I saw you on that cross I was horrified. I couldn’t believe how close I came to losing you. ”
I stared at the ceiling, the memory of my torture the only thing I could focus on despite Helena’s loving words. “They were crucifying me, Helena. Crucifying.”
“I know,” she said, her tone shifting dourly. “When I came in and saw you and Santino hanging there, I couldn’t believe it. Seeing it actually happen... it’s hard to believe.”
“Tell me about it.”
“I’m sorry. I can only imagine how painful it must have been
.”
“I really doubt it.” I took a deep breath. “I’m just glad it’s over.”
“So am I,” another voice chimed in, interrupting us, “and I am extremely happy to see you awake.”
As the voice came closer, I looked to my right to see Vincent approach and stand opposite Helena. He looked down. “How are you feeling, son?”
“Better,” I answered. “Come to give me my last rites?”
He smiled. “No.”
As I lay there, looking up at him, an epiphany sparked in my head. It was as though I had finally figured out this nagging feeling I’d had about him since we first arrived here. I didn’t know why, maybe it was the drugs, but something in his expression and mannerism just screamed at me, triggered by how he had called me, “son.”
I turned my head, and studied his face. “You’re not a priest, are you?”
Vincent straightened while Helena shifted her look toward him, a confusion spreading across her face. He stood there for only a few seconds before he crossed his arms, and looked at me. His face suggested he was trying to find the best way to answer and he shifted his feet and looked at the floor.
“What gave me away?” He replied, raising his eyes.
I heard a sharp intake of breath from Helena, just slightly more surprised than I was. I met his eyes before responding.
“I’ve had my suspicions for a while, to be honest, but it wasn’t until just now that I confirmed it. The way you called me “son” and not “my son” did it. You’ve done it before, but maybe my drugged up state has given me some advanced powers of observation, but the way you said it just clicked. The fact you’ve never insisted on presiding over Mass on Sundays didn’t help much, either.”
“There’s just no fooling you, is there?”
I shrugged, immediately regretting it.
“Well… you’re right. I am no priest. I’ve spent my entire life since leaving the Swiss military in the Pope’s Swiss Guard, and I’ve spent more time in the Vatican than I have anywhere else. The Pope himself suggested the idea that we have a member of the clergy on the team, and he wanted me ordained, but I told him no.” He sighed. “I’ve felt lots of things in my life, but never the calling to become a priest. Pope Gregory understood the sentiment, himself not having felt the call until somewhat later in his life. Instead, knowing I was the most experienced and willing man for the post, he gave me his blessing to assume the role, to act as a symbol and a reminder of who and what we were working for.” He stopped himself, and looked at the floor again. “I guess there’s no need to keep pretending then, is there? Ancient Rome has no need for Catholic priests. Especially phony ones.”
“That doesn’t exactly sound like something a pope would just allow,” I said, skeptically.
“Desperate situations call for desperate answers, Jacob. Not many priests are fit for military duty.”
“So, why didn’t you go through with it?” Helena asked.
He looked thoughtful as he glanced at her, his look lingering ever so slightly. “I… have my reasons, but I think it’s because I still want to have a family of my own one day. I’m not that old, you know.”
“Why didn’t you tell us?” I asked.
He sighed. “At eighteen our convictions are hills from which we look; at forty-five they are caves in which we hide.”
I squinted. “Hemingway?”
“Fitzgerald,” Helena answered for him with a smirk. “F. Scott.”
I returned the look. “Smart ass.”
Vincent smiled at us. “Were I a younger man, I may have come out with it, but time slows us down. Helps us think. Makes us patient. Hell,” he paused, suddenly taking a moment to ponder his next thought. After an awkward moment, he continued, “Hell, were I a younger man, I may have taken my vows. Either way, it seemed best to keep my cover locked in a cave until you figured it out for yourself.”
“Seems this outfit is full of surprises,” I said. “What’s next? Is Santino really a cross dresser?”
“I heard that,” said a weak and raspy voice, “and could you keep it down? I’m trying to sleep.”
The three of us turned to look over at Santino, who had his eyes open, but kept his head facing toward the roof of the tent. Helena pulled her chair next to him, and gripped his hand.
“How are you feeling?” She asked.
“Like I was just crucified. Oh, wait. Remind me not to let that happen again.”
Helena smiled down at him. “Well, it’s nice to see you haven’t lost your charming personality.”
I saw Santino’s jaw working, and I assumed he was trying to keep his mouth from drying up, but then it looked like he was almost going to cry.
“I lost my knife,” he said, as though it had been his mother.
“Don’t worry,” Helena told him, “we’ll get you another one. A bigger one. I promise.”
“Oh, that’s nice…” he muttered, slowly drifting unconscious again.
“Get better, John,” Helena told him, leaning down to give him a quick peck on the lips.
“I could get used to that,” he mumbled as his small smile faded along with his consciousness.
“So are you upset with me?” Vincent asked as Helena returned to my side
“No.” I answered firmly. “I’m a military man. I’m used to my commanders lying to me.”
“And you?” He asked, looking at Helena.
She considered for a moment. “No, sir.”
“Good. I was hoping you’d say that, the both of you. Honestly, I feel quite relieved. Maybe I can curse every once in a while now.”
“That would be refreshing, sir, and since you’re here, mind telling me how and why you came to rescue us?”
“It was Helena’s idea,” he answered immediately. “After you left, she came to me and voiced her dissent of the mission. She explained how you admitted to her that you didn’t trust Agrippina, and that you knew something was off about the mission. However, since you couldn’t refuse to help a grieving mother, you hoped to expose her plot by going through with it.”
“I said all that, huh?” I asked, looking up at Helena. She gave me a look that suggested I shut the hell up and roll with it.
“So, once the legion arrived outside of Rome a few days later, and after you hadn’t reported in, I asked Caligula if we could go in under cover of an artillery barrage, and get you out. He was reluctant to condone such an action, but in the end, decided it would send a strong message to the city’s inhabitants. So he agreed, and even offered a contingent of his own troops to help.”
“How did you find us?”
“After we snuck through one of the gates,” Helena answered for him, “we asked some folks along the way for directions. They were very forthcoming. Besides, we had Santino’s UAV.”
“Ah, right.” I took a deep breath, feeling the need for sleep wash over me. “Thanks.”
Vincent smiled, and patted me on the shoulder. “Get some rest. We’re going to need you one of these days.” He nodded to Helena, and left the tent.
She watched him go. “Didn’t see that coming.”
“Yah,” I replied. “Me neither, but I’m getting pretty good at reading people these days.”
I thought about Agrippina, and how I was certain she was implicated in Santino and I getting our asses kicked and how she had so easily played us. I hadn’t seen her clearly in that moment before I fell unconscious, but I knew it had to be her.
“Then again, maybe I’m not,” I thought out loud.
Helena reached over and intertwined her fingers through my own. I looked over at her, and saw the same bloodshot and puffy eyes I had seen the day I left for Rome. I felt just as sleepy as she looked, but I finally found the strength to reach a hand up and grab her head. I stared at her for only a moment before I pulled her toward me. “Come here.”
She didn’t resist and I brought her into another kiss, this one sw
eeter and far more intoxicating than the last. Helena was right. We’d danced around our feelings and emotions for far too long. I’ve cared for her just as long as she has for me, probably longer. She pulled back after a few moments and kissed me lightly on the forehead.
“Like I said before Vincent arrived, you’re heading in the right direction. The man I grew to care for is there again. For you to admit that you were wrong was a huge step. Your words and attitude are far more compelling than your face ever was, and I want to be there to help.” She smirked. “Then again… I did see you naked.”
I looked at her happily, more happy than I’d been in a long, long time. “Like what you saw, Miss Strauss?”
She shrugged. “I suppose so, but it’s not like I have many references to compare it to.”
“Ouch, Helena. Ouch. Maybe you’d care to return the favor? I’d love to offer you some constructive criticism. Trust me, it’d be my pleasure”
She reached down to cup the side of my cheek while unzipping her combat shirt, stopping the process just above her navel. “Don’t get any ideas, Lieutenant. There’ll be plenty of time for that…” she let go of the zipper just before things got interesting “…later.”
“You’re such a tease.”
“Shut up, Jacob,” she said as she tore the blanket covering my body away and slipped in next to me, pressing herself up against me gently. She kissed me again and laid her head against my shoulder as she wrapped an arm across my body carefully. “Don’t worry. The hero always gets the girl. You’ll just have to be more patient than most.”