whom I send receives me; and whomever receives me receives him who sent me.”
“Who will lift their heel against you?” Simon Peter spoke, looking to Jesus. “Is it one who has broken bread with us in the last few days?”
“Very truly, I tell you, one of you will betray me.” There was frustration in Jesus’ raised voice.
“Surely not I, Lord,” several of the apostles replied.
John looked around the table into his fellows’ eyes and saw they were doing the same. Betrayal? Certainly none of these men could bring harm to Jesus, to the son of God. Who would, after seeing all they had seen by his side, as servants of his message?
Simon Peter touched John’s shoulder, motioning him near. “Ask him,” Peter whispered. “He favors you. Which one of us does he speak of?”
John turned from Simon Peter and looked to Jesus. I wish I could relieve the pain in your eyes, Lord, he thought. He took a breath, steadying his nerves. “Lord, who is it?”
Jesus took a piece of bread from his plate, which was almost all that remained of his food, and held it up. “It is the one whom I give this bread when I have dipped it in the dish.” He took the bread and dipped it in honey, and then passed it across the table to Judas.
Judas took it and set it on his plate. His expression did not change.
Why? Why has Jesus given Judas the bread? Judas cannot betray Jesus. John’s mind was foggy somehow.
Jesus held Judas’ gaze. “Do quickly what you are going to do.”
Judas stood, looking doubtingly at Jesus before exiting the room. Cool night air came from the Upper Room’s balcony as his footsteps left their hearing. The candles in the chamber flickered.
Did Jesus instruct him to purchase something for the festival before we arrived here, or possibly to give something to the poor? John watched Judas’ empty place, uncertain of what had happened. Whatever it was, John looked to Jesus once more and saw again the deep love for them all. He did not know who would betray Jesus, but was comforted to see his Lord’s soul calmed. The apostles were twelve men. Surely they could protect him from whatever danger would come.
Jesus held his hands before him. “Now the Son of Man has been glorified, and God has been glorified in him. God will also glorify him in himself and glorify him at once. Little children, I am with you only a little longer. You will look for me; and as I said to the Jews so now I say to you, ‘Where I am going, you cannot come.’ I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
There was silence for a moment and then Simon Peter broke it, confusion on his face as he looked to Jesus’ eyes. “Lord, where are you going?”
Jesus breathed a deep breath, closing his eyes as silence again moved through them. “Where I am going, you cannot follow me now; but you will follow afterward.”
John saw Simon Peter’s hands shaking as he responded. “Lord, why can I not follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.”
Jesus met his apostle’s hand on the table, looking at him with love, and yet something else, some longing perhaps. “Will you lay down your life for me? Very truly I tell you, before the cock crows, you will have denied me three times.”
How could Simon Peter deny our Lord? John thought, feeling a chill in his heart. Peter would never deny Jesus. If he denies Jesus, then what am I capable of?
Jesus let his touch from Simon Peter’s hand go and then looked to the others, meeting each apostle’s eyes. “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house there are many dwelling places. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, so that where I am, there you may be also. And you know the way to the Lord where I am going.”
“Lord,” Thomas’ voice came. “We do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?”
Jesus touched his breast. “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you know me, you will know the Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him.”
“Lord, show us the Father and we will be satisfied.” Philip leaned over the table.
“Have I been with you all this time, Philip, and you still do not know me?” Jesus responded. There was a warmth in his voice that somehow comforted John. John watched Philip’s body relax. “Whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own; but the Father who dwells in me does his works. Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; but if you do not, then believe me because of the works themselves. Very truly, I tell you, the one who believes in me will also do the works that I do and, in fact, will do greater works than these, because I am going to the Father. I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If in my name you ask me for anything, I will do it.”
The strength of John’s faith was in him now. The room seemed to breathe the life of the Lord, an energizing life that moved the spirits of the apostles. The darkness of the world remained over them, but Jesus’ light warmed and brought the spirit of God over their mortality.
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” Jesus said. “And I will ask the Father and he will give you another Advocate, to be with you forever. This is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, because he abides with you, and he will be among you.
“I will not leave you orphaned; I am coming to you. In a little while the world will no longer see me, but you will see me; because I live. On that day you will know that I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you. They who have my commandments and keep them are those who love me; and those who love me will be loved by my Father, and I will love them and reveal myself to them.”
“Lord, how is it that you will reveal yourself to us, and not to the world?” Thaddaeus asked.
Jesus met his eyes. “Those who love me will keep my word, and my Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them. Whoever does not love me does not keep my words; and the word that you hear is not mine, but is from the Father that sent me.
“I have said these things to you while I am still with you. But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you everything, and remind you of all that I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid. You heard me say to you, ‘I am going away, and I am coming to you.’ If you loved me, you would rejoice that I am going to the Father, because the Father is greater than I. And now I have told you this before it occurs, so that when it does occur, you may believe. I will no longer talk much with you, for the ruler of this world is coming. He has no power over me; but I do as the Father has commanded me, so that the world may know that I love the Father.” Jesus stopped speaking for a moment and silent warmth lingered in the air.
John’s eyes caught on the loaf of bread and cup of wine still before Jesus on the table. He had not thought of them while consuming his meal, but now watched as Jesus took the loaf of bread in his hands.
“Blessed are You, Father, King of the universe, who brings forth bread from the earth.” Jesus took the loaf of bread and broke it, placing portions of the loaf into the apostles’ hands as they reached to take his gift. Jesus also was reaching over the table.
As John took the bread Jesus’ hand touched his. He felt the warmth of the Lord in that embrace.
“Take, eat; this is my body.” Jesus told them.
John placed the bread in his mouth, holding it there for a moment as he reflected on the words. Jesus has reminded us that the bread is
a gift from God through the earth, and has now broken it and called it his body. He is a gift from God as well. What greater gift could we be given? Praise to you, Lord, for all you provide. As he chewed the bread, continuing to think of this, he watched Jesus lift the cup of wine.
“Blessed are You, Father, King of the universe, Creator of the fruit of the vine.” Jesus took the cup and held it out. “Drink from it, all of you; for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. I tell you, I will never again drink of this fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father’s kingdom.”
Jesus passed the cup to John first and John took it. As he drank the wine it seared his throat. You will give your blood for our sins? The reality of it finally struck him. The gift was so great that he still could not fully believe. The wine was good and yet bitter as it rested on his taste buds.
“Come, let us sing,” Jesus spoke when they had passed and drank from the cup. Jesus began and as John recognized the hymn he joined with the other apostles.
“I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.
The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave came over me;
I was overcome by distress and