Chapter 6 - Shattered Dreams
James didn’t feel like running, but he knew that he had to. He realized he had messed up and that the longer Catherine was able to dwell on what he had said, the longer it would take to repair the damage. Besides, she was supposed to tell him how to beat Dominic and the day was already getting late.
Unfortunately, he had no real clue on how to get back into the Academy, just a general direction. When he had left home, he had hardly paid any attention to the long road he and the driver had taken.
I seriously have to start paying attention! he thought angrily as he ran aimlessly through the village he had called home. He barely took in the sights and hardly thought of his friends as he instinctively ran through familiar passageways and shortcuts, jumping over the same potholes that were never fixed and the cobble ground that tore at his shoes. He didn’t pay any attention to the people looking at him in shock, seeing James not only home from the Academy, but actually running for the first time.
He was running so fast that he barely saw the hand that reached out and grabbed his shirt collar. James reached out toward his vague destination, but his assailant kept him back. His adrenaline died down as he looked up at his own father keeping him at bay.
“What on earth are you running to, boy? And why aren’t you at the Academy?”
“I’m trying to get back, seriously,” James huffed as he tried squirming free. His father kept his vice-like grip on him and continued the interrogation.
“What happened? You get kicked out or something?”
“No, it’s not like that. I tried getting some fresh air. That’s all. Can you please let me go?”
“Fine,” James’ father grunted, letting him go free. James tried making a break for it only to have his father grab his shirt tail and bring him back all over again.
“Listen, you might as well spend some time with your old man since you’re already out here,” he stated flatly. “It’s been weird not seeing you. Already you look a little bigger. What have they been feeding you?”
James wiped the dust off of his shirt and sighed, coming to terms that he’d just have to talk to Catherine that night. She was sure to be there…and hopefully in a forgiving mood. Although James knew she was a girl and therefore was a lot more sensitive than a guy, she did have a pretty tough hide. Surely she would forgive him.
Her parents must have been tough, he thought.
James mused over what they could have possibly been like. Probably the stereotypical old married couple that bickered a lot, forcing her to mature and look at the brighter side of things, realizing that there was more to a person’s comment than the surface value. Surely she realized that he hadn’t meant what he said. He didn’t mean it…not really.
Most of the time James just played around, searching for a smile or a read of her reactions. It wasn’t like she didn’t enjoy the excessive banter either. She definitely had her fair share of quips and jabs at his ego that left a numbing sting in his chest. Yet he laughed and admired her wit, waiting for the right moment in the conversation to pop up in which he could throw in his own clever mix of raillery. A battle of words that didn’t seem to have a clear end in sight.
He thought of the look he saw in her eyes as Scarlet had closed the doors in his face, and he realized that he didn’t want to make her feel like that ever again. He had been wrong to say there was no way Catherine could be a princess. She was after all, despite her unladylike manner, one of the coolest girls he had ever met—even cooler than Leidy—who yelled a lot and got on his nerves occasionally. Catherine had a sweetness about her that drew James in, but she was still able to hold her own when the situation arose. And he liked that.
Who cared what she looked like? If Catherine was a queen, she at least would be fun to hang around with. He didn’t remember the King much, but he heard that the King had known his subjects well. That had to count for something. Catherine would probably be the same way, knocking down the castle walls to invite everyone to a party or masquerade. That’s the kind of person she was.
James made up his mind that when he saw Catherine next, he’d tell her that she would make a great princess. He would just leave out the whole “not looking like it” part.
“Are you done?” his father asked, trying to decide whether to slap him or not. Apparently, he had been yelling at his son for quite some time, drawing a considerably sized crowd around them.
“Oh, you were talking. I’m sorry,” James said seriously, patting his dad on the shoulder.
His father looked at him like he had just placed a spider there.
“What is wrong with you, James? I swear you get weirder and weirder.”
“Maybe I’ll get so weird, I’ll burst and go right back to being normal, huh, dad?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Dad, I would love to chat and all, but seriously, what do I have to do to get back to the Academy? If they discover I snuck out, I could get in trouble.”
“It would serve you right. What are you doing out here anyways, and don’t give me that ‘breath of fresh air’ stuff.”
“Fine. I was with a girl, if you must know. She wanted to see the village.”
“Oh yeah? So someone finally took a liking to you, huh? I wonder what it is she sees in you.”
James sighed. When would his father ever respect him?
“Dad, the Academy…”
“Alright, well, if you just go back through those doors,” he said, pointing to where James had come from, “and keep following the exterior, eventually you’ll come to the south gate where the Academy is.”
“Are you serious? I have to go back?”
“That’s how it always is. If you mess up something the first time, you always have to go back to the beginning.”
“Thanks for the info,” James trailed off, ready to begin running again. His father stared at him as if he were a raccoon that had decided to announce itself in the daylight.
James took off and didn’t give his father another thought. It was almost dusk, and he not only had to somehow travel all the way back to the Academy, but also figure out a way to beat Dominic.
When he arrived at the doors of the eastern entrance, Scarlet was waiting for him, in the same unwavering pose as before. James slowed his pace, trying to read if she was really calm or not. He approached her with all the grace of a child trying to catch a bird. Scarlet noticed him right away but she let him get close first. She eventually turned her attention to him, but not without a look of disgust on her face. .
“Catherine asked me to bring you one. Said you’d never make it back in time for a decent night’s rest, and tomorrow is your third day.”
“How…is she? Did she say anything?”
“About how you pretty much laughed in her face and told her she was ugly? No, she failed to mention it audibly, but her tense shoulders and abundance of tears seemed to tell me that she might be an itty bit upset.”
“Where is she now?”
“She’s on her way back to the Academy.”
“I’m sorry I said those things.”
“Don’t tell me you’re sorry. I’m not the one crying.”
“Well, I’m apologizing to both of you. I know it wasn’t right for me to say that.”
“I don’t really care about how you think about me, but I do care about how you treat Catherine. She’s the only family I have left, and just because she’s found someone she can talk to, it doesn’t mean I’m going to let you walk all over her.”
“Doesn’t she have you to talk with?”
“Catherine is very sensitive to those she loves. Not so much about what they say to her, but about what they do. She can’t take it when one of them is tainted. She sees them differently. In her case, that’s a good thing—a precaution from trusting the wrong people. Most people only show their best behavior in the beginning and then slowly show their true nature over time. In my opinion, you’re no different. So maybe
what happened today is for the best.”
“Did Catherine say anything about me?”
“James, you have to go,” Scarlet said firmly.
“Okay,” he acquiesced. He didn’t bother pursuing the matter any further.
James climbed into the stagecoach, glancing momentarily at Scarlet’s statue-like composure, and decided to not think much more on her words, seeing as he had more important business to take care of. James leaned forward and placed his head in his hands. By the time he would get back and explain his folly to Catherine, there would be little time to prepare for the next day. It was like cramming for an exam in one night, and he hadn’t even been to class once. Catherine had the notes, but still, it wouldn’t help him much. Just the thought of seeing the tranquility in Dominic’s eyes sent goose bumps down James’ arm. How was he going to even get close to Dominic after he pulled out his eidolon? When he could sense changes in the air and see which muscles were ready to move before James was even aware of the moves he was about to make himself. Catherine had said that Kyran had almost made it by giving it his all, but James had to face the truth: Kyran was far more talented than James was.
Besides, even if James did have Kyran’s skill, there was still the matter of Dominic being able to sense every little thing he did. Any lunge or punch was sure to miss, and with Dominic already on guard from James’ little escapade, the upperclassman was probably going to knock him out the moment the test began, and James’ last chance would be gone. From what he figured, the only way to take out Dominic would be to outsmart him somehow. He had played on his ego yesterday, but that wasn’t going to work twice. He needed a surefire plan that he could enact quickly before Dominic shattered his dreams. But how?
James thought of the giant gymnasium where the test took place. There wasn’t much to use. Benches, a banner, walls. It was bare, probably designed that way so someone like James had to rely on skill and not something as mundane as choking his opponent with the banner. Although that wouldn’t work either. Any physical interaction—whether he had a sword or not—was suicide.
Here were the facts. The test would begin. Dominic was sure to rush at him and successfully cut him with the eidolon, rendering him unconscious. And James couldn’t just fake being unconscious either. Dominic would be sure to sense if he were. Trying to weather any pain that would follow was stupid as well. James obviously couldn’t dodge the attack…but there just had to be a way to win. It wouldn’t be a test if there weren’t a way to pass.
He could try blocking the eidolon with his sword…if only he could see Dominic’s movements…maybe the eidolon could be broken with his sword. That might work, but the eidolon was probably very durable and…
James’ head shot up in revelation. Was that the only way to beat Dominic? Was that the only way to continue on in the Sage classes? Why didn’t he realize it earlier?
He had to bring forth his eidolon.
How could he have been so stupid as to not think of it before?
James shuddered in anxiety and fear. It seemed unfathomable. Almost impossible. As if coming up with a clever strategy—even with a minimal hope of executing it successfully—seemed easier than figuring out how to wield an eidolon. Was it possible? To dig deep down and bring forth a part of his very soul, and do it in the little amount of time he had left? Surely an eidolon’s manifestation must take a long time to master. Dominic had probably spent long and arduous hours working at it.
Still, an eidolon was one’s soul. Technically, the eidolon was already within him. James just had to bring it out, but how was he going to manage that? Plenty of recruits had to have come to this same conclusion and failed. James wanted to believe that he was different, and that he would go beyond others’ failures, but nothing so far had showed him that he was special. Arimus and Kyran had both failed, and they were the pinnacle of valor in his mind. Could he surpass them in a few short hours? If so, there was no time to lose. The moment he got off the stage coach he would have to talk to some of the other recruits, feelings hurt or not. He had to find out what they had to do to release the eidolon, and go beyond. He didn’t even know how one could do such a thing. Arimus would probably have the answer for that.
He could ask Dominic how he did it, but the upperclassman would probably just laugh in his face. Unfortunately, the more he thought about it, the more it looked like the apologies to Catherine would have to wait. He didn’t have an hour to discuss his feelings, what he had meant, what she thought, and all that other stuff. Catherine did say that she knew how he might defeat Dominic, but in hindsight, it was probably the same conclusion that he had arrived at. After all, why make him spend the day with her if it was so simple? She could have told him this theory in a matter of seconds, if not minutes. On top of that, if she did know exactly how to pull out an eidolon, not only would she have passed the tests, but she also would have told him earlier, giving him time to practice or train or whatever it required.
The more James thought about the wasted day, the angrier he got. How could Catherine have taken up so much of his time?
She probably thinks I’m going to fail and decided to let me have some fun before the big disappointment.
James grunted in response to his own thought, and turned his mind back to the task at hand. Placing his fist on his left shoulder as Dominic had done, he meditated, trying to mentally will his soul out of his body. Suddenly afraid, he pulled his hand away. Better to get more information before he just started pulling spirit from flesh. There had to be rules.
During the rest of the ride back, James thought of all the possible ways a soul could be extracted from a body, but nothing came to mind. He was never a very spiritual person. He wasn’t an outright atheist, but his mind was just so involved in the distractions and cares of everyday life that he never bothered to think of spiritual things. Back when he was at the farm, with no motivation or goals on the mind, he remained linear, his thoughts only dwelling on what was needed at the moment: sleep, food, games, fun, play, food, sleep, more food, etc. He had barely thought of the Kingdom’s politics, let alone religion.
James sighed as the stage coach came to a halt. All his worrying and speculation would get him nowhere. Leaping off the steps of the stage coach, he bounded through the courtyard doors, vaguely aware of the silhouette that was watching him from up above, sitting comfortably on the cold granite wall. It was probably a guard, making sure no one was entering who didn’t belong. James couldn’t help but think of the Quietus.
As powerful as a Sage was, these Quietus had nearly wiped out their entire livelihood with some careful planning. So what if the King of Quietus was known for his honesty? That didn’t mean he would always stick to it. People were unpredictable. All it took was a fleeting thought to enter a person’s mind and they would run with it as if it carried them on a leash. What if the King grew tired of the so-called treaty and attacked on a whim? It’s not like the Quietus couldn’t wipe Allay out, especially now that their best were gone. Who was left to stop them? The pathetic infantry? A Sage in training? Were there any contingency plans for the King changing his mind?
James made it a mental note to ask Arimus this question when he saw him, but there was no time to think about it now. There was work to be done. James eventually made his way to the west wing where the recruits were congregating around their idol again. Dominic was, of course, in the middle of the crowd, basking in his glory with hearty laughter, his subjects beaming with envy and respect. James shook his head in disgust and smirked slightly when he noticed that Dominic’s hearty demeanor dropped at his sight. Surely the students had heard about the visible wound on Dominic’s cheek…and who had caused it.
“And where have you been all day?” Dominic asked with authority.
“None of your business. You’re not in charge of me.”
“One could argue that,” he said, moving his way through the crowd to James. “A little birdy told me that you were out with Catherine.”
&nbs
p; The crowd gasped in horror as Dominic remained stoic, waiting for an answer.
“Is it true?” he asked flatly. James glanced around the room.
“What’s the big deal? I know what you’re thinking. Relationships aren’t allowed at the Academy. I know already, and besides, you don’t even have the facts straight. We’re just friends. That’s it. Not even great friends. We just talk to each other from time to time.”
“I’m sure she’ll be glad to hear you think so highly of her,” Dominic said between grit teeth. “Tell me, James, why are you just friends? You sure you don’t have a thing for her? I mean, she is quite sexy.”
James scoffed.
“I wouldn’t say that. She’s cute alright, but that’s where it ends.” James trailed off as he realized he was talking about Catherine in front of most of the school. It didn’t feel right. He sighed and decided to start thinking more before he spoke.
“Not that your opinion matters,” Dominic laughed. “You are just a grunt 10th class and you don’t seem to have a clue of how things go around here. I know I’m giving you your preliminary tests right now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t treat my girl with some respect.”
“Your girl?!”
“What’s so funny?”
“Why are you so bent out of shape over Catherine? I mean, she’s funny to be around and all, but it’s not like she’s the best catch of the day.”
So much for thinking first, James thought as he slapped his forehead.
“I would appreciate it if you didn’t refer to my lady as a fish,” Dominic grit his teeth as he balled up his right hand.
“Don’t look at me like that,” James spat, the adrenaline of taking Dominic down a notch raising his spirits. “I didn’t know she was your girl, but I gotta say, it’s pretty funny. You’re this big and powerful wannabe Sage and you got this plain looking—”
Dominic finished James’ insults with a sucker punch to the face. James went sprawling to the ground. He jumped back to his feet and charged Dominic as the upperclassman pushed people back to give them some room. James headed for Dominic straight on and lunged, only to come in contact with a blinding white light. James cringed as his vision worsened and he coughed violently as he belly-flopped onto the floor from a punch to the stomach. He clutched his abdomen in pain and rolled over to see Dominic staring down at him like he was a crushed caterpillar.
“What was that?” James coughed as he struggled to his feet. The crowd of recruits behind him stayed back, refusing to help him to his feet.
“I activated the process of unleashing my eidolon, but I didn’t pull it out. All I needed was the bright light to throw you off. You get to see enough of my eidolon as it is...as well as the cuts it leaves behind.”
Dominic stomped powerfully over to James and pointed right in his face. James tensed his jaw, waiting for the right moment to hit him.
“And another thing, 10th class. You don’t ever talk about my betrothed that way again, do you hear me?”
James coughed back a laugh. “Betrothed. Who says that?”
“That’s what her father, the King, called me,” Dominic stated triumphantly as James scrunched his face in confusion.
“What?”
“Listen, dummy. Your head is too dense to comprehend this, but Catherine is the Princess of Allay. The sole remaining heir to the throne. Got it?”
James lowered his eyes as the information sunk in. Feeling like scum, he plopped back down on the floor, wondering how he could be so blind. Dominic snickered and waved the crowd off, leaving James to his thoughts while he walked off into the distance. James punched the floor in irritation. He didn’t know how to deal with this pain.
How had he been so stupid?
How could he not have seen it? Why hadn’t he understood why everyone was so fearful of her? Why everyone avoided her? It wasn’t because of anything she had done to them. Catherine was too sweet of a person to hurt people. It was because of her position—her status—that drove them away. The Princess of Allay…that knowledge wasn’t what hurt him most. It was the memory of the looks she had given him. The smile on her lips and the glimmer of adoration in her eye.
In an instant, he became one of them.
Knowing full well that she loved him, he realized that he could never love her back.
He refused. She didn’t deserve that.
Things hadn’t gone as planned at all. His princess was supposed to be an angel of legendary beauty…not…his one and only friend. How? How could she be the Princess?
“I’m such a fool,” James muttered as he pounded the wall next to him. She was the princess and he had barely shown her any respect. Why hadn’t she told him? Why hadn’t she stopped him whenever he made a snide comment her way? Now he looked like he was being insubordinate this whole time, as if he had no respect for her. He hadn’t known that she was a woman of status.
James had thought that people avoided her because she smelled, or because they just didn’t like her feisty attitude, but this made so much more sense. How could one offend the Princess, heir to the throne, and not have their life affected? Arimus, Kyran, Scarlet—they had known all along and they had warned him. Scarlet had told him that he had to be careful how he interacted with her. Arimus had told him that there were no relationships in the Academy, but he didn’t listen. He was so naïve and so childish to believe that she was unimportant just because of how she looked and how she dressed. Just because she looked like everyone else, he had assumed that she didn’t matter.
How shallow, he thought bitterly, gritting his teeth, streams of tears flowing freely down his face. How pig-headed.
She had been just a follower to him, the one who would be first to witness his ascension into glory. The first to tell the tale of how she had known the mighty Sage, James. Was that all she was to him?
James leaned against the wall as he tried to justify his actions toward her, thinking that maybe he could make his mistakes right again. Maybe he hadn’t said anything too bad to her.
I laughed at her when she asked if she could be the princess!
James felt like throwing up, and he started coughing violently as he paced the hallway. Even she had given him clues to her identity, and he had laughed in the princess’s face! There was no way around it. His father’s farm was probably going to be taken away and his whole family would be banished to a life in the dark forest. He would spend his days in solitude, a hermit married to his love of frog gigging and telling tall tales of how he was an excommunicated Sage of the Allay Kingdom.
And even if she wasn’t the princess, there was no excuse for his actions and disrespect toward her. He had been starting to get used to her coming to see him too. Well, that was gone now. He wasn’t that much of an idiot. It was obvious when a girl liked a boy and he saw that Catherine had had her eyes on him, yet he had shunned her away because she wasn’t the spitting image of his goddess.
She had probably gone to Dominic and told him the story, and he had probably expressed just how foolish she was for leaving him, for even thinking about being with someone else, that there was no way a princess could be with a commoner. Dominic would forgive her, obviously, not really caring what she looked like since he had known from the beginning who she was. He would have had time to get over her beauty, and fall in love with her. Not her character, mind you, but her status. He probably could’ve handled it if she looked like a hunchback, as long as she was the princess. James was certain that Dominic didn’t care what Catherine said or did as long as he would someday get to be King, and rule the land of Allay with his ego by his side.
James shuddered at the thought. He had to do something. Of course, he would not pursue a relationship with Catherine. That was wrong, and he was grateful that he had some kind of morals left. If he couldn’t accept her for who she was before he had known she was the princess, he refused to fall for her now.
But that did not mean she should be with Dominic.
&nbs
p; He wasn’t right for her either. All he cared about was the status. He would never give her attention, or laugh at her jokes, or give her a kiss on the forehead as she drifted off to sleep. As long as he was King, his rule would succeed her own. Who knows? He may even stoop so low as to cast her away and get another wife.
James refused to stand by and watch Catherine get thrown to the wayside. At the very least, for all she had done for him, he had to help her get out of Dominic’s reach. After all, if it wasn’t for her, he would have utterly failed on the second day of his test. He had to help her see the light, to show her what kind of a man Dominic was, while maintaining his own distance from her. She deserved better than either of them. James grit his teeth as he realized that, at the heart of the matter, he was probably no different than Dominic, and would have acted just like him if their roles had been reversed.
It sickened him to his core.
“I have to change,” James whispered to the dim lights as he struck the wall. “But even if I do, I still can’t be with her. If she was still a recruit in my mind, I wouldn’t want to be with her. The fact that she’s a princess appeals to me but...”
“…not her,” James’ voice broke as he rubbed his eyes hard, refusing to let anyone beyond the thin doors hear him mourn.
With a clearing of his throat, James made his way to his room while a silent vow to himself. A promise to never fall in love with the princess, and even if he did, he would never pursue it and never act upon it.
She deserved better than that.