“Will you stop crying about Pepper next year, Mom?” Eddie asked.
“I hope I can, by next year, Eddie,” Harmony said. “I know it’s no fun when I cry.”
“It’s no fun, but I have Iggy to distract me,” Eddie said. “The best part of this trip so far is Iggy.”
As they were coming into New York the pilot announced that the passengers on the right side of the plane would have a good view of the World Trade Center and the Statue of Liberty. Fortunately Eddie and Harmony were on the right side of the plane. It was almost sunset. Eddie held Iggy up so Iggy too could see the Statue of Liberty. Iggy didn’t get the point—he yipped so much Eddie had to put him back under the seat.
“It doesn’t look big from up here,” Eddie said, studying the Statue of Liberty. “From up here it looks a little bit green.
“I’m still excited, though,” Eddie said. “It really is the real Statue of Liberty. And I can even see ships down there—big ships.”
Harmony looked down briefly but the plane tipped just as she did, and her stomach acted as if it was going to come up in her mouth.
“I want to go, Mom!” Eddie said. “I love the Statue of Liberty. When can we go?”
“I guess whenever you want to—tomorrow, even,” Harmony said.
“There’s sea gulls too—I can see them flying,” Eddie said, as the plane sank lower and lower over the suburbs of the great city of New York.
12.
“I thought New York was in America,” Neddie said, as they struggled through the corridors of La Guardia Airport, trying to find their way to the baggage claim.
“Mom, I can walk, I’m five and a half, put me down,” Eddie said. He was the only one of the group who was enjoying the experience of La Guardia Airport—he had been enjoying it more before his mother snatched him up and began carrying him.
“I’m afraid to put you down,” Harmony said. It was true. The airport was thick with people who looked as if they could be accomplished snatchers of little boys.
“Yeah, and if they don’t snatch him, they’ll snatch you,” Pat said. “This is Lech City, I can sense that already.”
“I don’t care about that, I just wonder where America went,” Neddie said. “I saw a bunch of people with turbans. I thought people with turbans lived over the sea, someplace.”
“They could be visitors,” Harmony told her. “We have people with turbans in the casinos, lots of times.”
Neddie began to smoke too much. She seemed to be developing an obsession about America. When they finally got to the baggage claim Neddie went around looking at all the signs over the baggage carousels, to be sure they had the names of American cities on them.
“I can’t help it, this just don’t seem like America to me,” Neddie said. “A lot of these people are jabbering in languages that ain’t American. I get confused real quick when I don’t hear American spoken.”
Eddie squirmed so that Harmony had to put him down. She had misgivings, though, and tried to keep no more than one step from him as he marched around amid the hundreds of people waiting for baggage. Eddie proceeded with complete aplomb—he loved the hustle and bustle of La Guardia Airport.
“I’m looking for my stuffed animals and when they come I’m going to look for someone to take us to the Statue of Liberty,” he said.
“Eddie, I’m sure the Statue of Liberty is closed for the night,” Harmony said. “We can go tomorrow. Let’s don’t wander off too far from Aunt Neddie and Aunt Pat. They might get lost.”
“Well,” Eddie said, continuing to wander. Often he said the word “Well” as if it constituted a full justification for whatever he wanted to do. In this case he seemed to be satisfied with it as a reply. Fortunately just as he spoke a red light came on and one of the carousels began to move. The very first piece of luggage that appeared was the box containing thirty-one stuffed animals—the coatimundi was in Harmony’s purse.
“Aunt Neddie and Aunt Pat smoke too much,” Eddie said, once Harmony had wrestled the box off the carousel. “They might give my stuffed animals lung cancer and they might even give me lung cancer.”
While he was speaking a very small man with a wispy mustache, a turban, and no front teeth arrived with a dolly and popped Eddie’s box on it, without being asked.
“I am Omar,” he said. “I will help you to your car—modest fee.”
Harmony decided on the spot that Omar could be trusted—he seemed sweet, and the fact that he had a wispy mustache and no front teeth was an endearing trait. She managed to locate her sisters and pointed them out to Omar.
“We don’t have a car but we do have luggage, Omar,” she said.
Omar winked at Eddie, who winked back.
“We’re going to the Statue of Liberty sometime—but not tonight, though,” Eddie informed Omar.
“My friend Salah will take you,” Omar said. “All your problems solved. Salah has two cars, one is no-smoking car.”
“Who’s this A-rab, get him out of here,” Pat said brusquely, when Omar wheeled his dolly over to where she and Neddie waited.
“Pat, don’t be prejudiced, this is Omar,” Harmony said. “He has a friend who can take us to the Statue of Liberty.”
“How about a hotel—only make sure it’s in America,” Neddie said.
“Not worry, all will be hunky-dory,” Omar said, winking at Pat, who was just reaching for one of her bags. Omar reached more quickly, and popped the bag onto his dolly beside the box of stuffed animals.
“I can lift my own suitcase, thanks,” Pat said, but Omar was undeterred.
The fact that her sisters didn’t appear to like Omar made Harmony feel a little gloomy, inasmuch as it was a repeat of the story of her life. Her sisters had never liked the men she liked. They had different standards, or something. The fact that Omar wore a turban—it wasn’t exactly a spotlessly clean turban, either—and had no front teeth and walked in tennis shoes so old that the little strings were beginning to show through the fabric didn’t mean he wasn’t a perfectly nice man. After all, she wasn’t getting married to Omar, she was just letting him help with their bags.
“Have you ever seen an auk?” Eddie asked, walking up to Omar. “They’re supposed to be extinct but I thought there might be a few left in your country.”
“What is your country, buddy?” asked Neddie, in a tone that was fairly friendly.
“I am from Benares, City of Light,” Omar said. “Omar is not my real name. At home I am called Kushwat.”
“If you’re Kushwat at home why are you Omar here?” Pat asked.
“Americans don’t like people from India,” Omar said. “They like people from Lebanon better, so I am Omar here.”
Just then another man in a turban wandered up to them. He wore a bright blue shirt, dirty white trousers, and wading boots.
“Go away, I am waiting on these ladies,” Omar said, before the other man even spoke. “They wish to go to the Statue of Liberty soon.”
“Statue of Liberty is fifty-dollar ride,” the new arrival informed them.
“He is parked illegal,” Omar said. “Maybe we can hurry.”
“You didn’t answer my question about the auk,” Eddie reminded Omar.
“The flesh of the bustard is oily,” the new arrival said.
“I’m getting less and less of a feeling that we’re in America,” Neddie said.
“Did you eat an auk?” Eddie asked the man. “If you ate the last one that’s why they are extinct.”
“Salah, go away please, guard your vehicle,” Omar said. “We come very soon.”
“You better come very soon or I will be in jail with big fines looming,” Salah said, with a touch of gloom.
“He is pessimist,” Omar said cheerfully, watching his friend depart. “I am optimist.”
“I wonder if there’s anybody at all from northern Oklahoma here?” Pat asked. “I get homesick real quick when I don’t have no one from northern Oklahoma to talk to. I don’t know what it is about northern Okl
ahoma but I just love it.”
“It’s just a special place,” Neddie said. “Lord, I miss the breeze up there on the plains.”
“I don’t think your friend should have eaten the last auk,” Eddie said. He was carrying Iggy in his cage and Iggy was yipping indignantly. He wanted to get out and experience New York for himself.
Harmony was beginning to find the bustle of La Guardia a little exciting. At least there were a lot of people around, talking and insulting one another. La Guardia Airport was really like a big, dirty casino. There were no slot machines, but there were plenty of the kinds of people who would be feeding money into the slot machines if they were in Las Vegas. It was heartening to see the activity and be part of the energy—that was what she had always liked about casinos.
“I like it here, Mom,” Eddie said. “It’s a little like the Circus-Circus.”
“My life’s ambition wasn’t to be in no place where everybody wears turbans,” Neddie said.
When all the baggage finally came Omar rolled it outside, where the lights of two police cars were flashing. Salah and a dark-skinned teenager with big sad eyes were surrounded by police.
“Here we are, what is commotion? VIP guests arrive!” Omar yelled. He had a surprisingly deep voice.
“What VIPs?” one cop said. “These don’t look like VIPs, they don’t give you no right to park in the red zone.”
“Sally Jessy Raphael, she is in disguise,” Omar said, pointing to Harmony. The information gave the policemen pause. They immediately began to act as if Harmony was a celebrity. They cast their eyes downward and kept them there.
“Seen any auks?” Eddie asked one of the cops. “There might be a few that aren’t extinct.”
“What’s he talking about?” one cop asked.
“It’s a character in a TV show,” an older cop said. “You know, like them teenage turtles.”
The older cop ruffled Eddie’s hair, attention Eddie didn’t particularly welcome.
“An auk is a bird—it isn’t a teenage mutant turtle,” Eddie informed him coolly. “Don’t say words that are stupid to me. I want to know about auks. I hate teenage mutant ninja turtles.”
“Make him be polite, Harmony,” Pat said. “I was in jail once in Meridian, Mississippi, but I have a feeling being in jail here would be worse.”
“Which is the no-smoking car?” Eddie asked, looking at Omar.
“No-smoking car is temporarily broken down, please get in quick,” Omar said.
“Where do you think you’re taking us, buddy?” Neddie asked.
“Taking you away from cops, then we can decide on destination,” Omar said.
At this point Salah began to raise objections.
“This is my car, not his,” he informed them. “Omar is merely baggage handler. Abdul and I are car drivers. We will take you to Bayonne—you can spend comfortable night in swank motel.”
“What part of the world is Bayonne in?” Pat asked.
“New Jersey part of the world,” the dark-skinned teenager said. “My home is nearby—next block.”
“I don’t think my stuffed animals will fit in this car,” Eddie said.
“They might but if they do our suitcases won’t,” Pat said, only to be proven wrong within a matter of minutes. Omar, Salah, and Abdul quickly squeezed all their baggage into the trunk of the car, including the box of stuffed animals. There was even room for Omar’s luggage dolly, although Salah was irritated that Omar wanted to desert his post so early.
“What about night flight from L.A., many tips?” he said.
“I have heartburn,” Omar replied. “I want to go home.”
Soon they were all in the car. Eddie sat on Harmony’s lap, and Iggy sat on Eddie’s lap.
“It’ll sure be nice to see Oklahoma again,” Neddie said, as they pulled away from the airport.
“If we ever do,” Pat said.
“Pat, shut up, my daughter died,” Harmony said. Her sister’s absurd worry that they would never see Oklahoma again was beginning to get on her nerves.
“What’s the name of this swank motel you’re taking us to?” Neddie asked Salah.
“Is called No-tel Motel,” Salah said. “Is owned by my cousins.”
“Mom and Dad would have a turnover in their graves if they knew we were racing around New York with a bunch of Arab terrorists,” Neddie said.
“Neddie, they aren’t in their graves, they’re down in Oklahoma watching Letterman,” Harmony pointed out.
“Lights of Manhattan, take good look,” Abdul said, pointing out the window. Sure enough, there across the way were the lights of New York City. Great towers, speckled with lights, rose into the dark sky.
“I like it, Mom,” Eddie said. “I like it a lot, and Iggy likes it too.”
“It does look like a real town,” Pat said. “There must be a guy who can step lively, over there somewhere, if I can just find him.”
“Yeah, but where would you plant tomatoes, if you was in a planting mood?” Neddie asked.
Harmony just looked at the lights and the tall buildings. She felt as she had when she took the bus into Reno, to go back to Ross, not long after Pepper became a star at the Stardust—only the lights of Manhattan were a hundred times more startling than the lights of Reno, which, after all, was just a town with a desert all around.
13.
“Longest suspension bridge in the world, Verrazano Narrows,” Abdul announced, as they were crossing a very long bridge. There had been confusion on the roads. One minute the towers of Manhattan were on their right, the next minute they were on their left. Omar had immediately passed out and, without his counsel, Salah had made a bad choice of exits. Neddie was snoring. Then, several bad choices later, no one was awake but Harmony, Eddie, Iggy, Salah, and Abdul.
Eddie was the most bright-eyed of the lot.
“I love this place, Mom,” he said. “It’s all bridges and skyscrapers.”
“I’m glad you like it, honey,” Harmony said. “I think I may like it too.”
She was a little nervous, though. Just before Omar fell asleep he leaned over the seat and whispered that he was in love with her. Also, Abdul had turned the rearview mirror so he could watch her in it, considerably handicapping Salah in his efforts to get them safely to Bayonne. Salah, for his part, twisted around whenever possible in order to be able to stare at Harmony, which may have had something to do with the confusion about exits—that and the fact, revealed by Abdul, that Salah had only arrived in America two days before.
“He is new driver, always getting lost,” Abdul said.
Harmony was glad that the strain of having to be somewhere other than northern Oklahoma had finally worn her sisters out. Pat was slumped against one door, Neddie against the other. Eddie looked as if he planned to stay awake forever, though.
“I don’t want to miss a minute, Mom,” he said. “Maybe I’ll go to sleep tomorrow, after we see the Statue of Liberty.” A minute later he yawned and fell fast asleep, his arm around Iggy.
“Very cute little boy, would you like to marry me?” Salah asked.
“Excuse me?” Harmony said, hoping she hadn’t heard what she thought she had heard.
“We could live with my family until we get started,” Salah said. “They have nice place in Queens.”
“She is not wanting to get in bed with you, I can tell,” Abdul said.
“You are idiot boy, don’t understand women,” Salah replied. “She is wanting to get in bed with me promptly when we get to motel.”
“We will make beautiful children,” he added.
“None of this will ever be happening,” Abdul said. “You are terrible driver, we will be at the bottom of the sea pretty soon.
“No beds at the bottom of the sea,” he added.
“I will learn all these roads tomorrow,” Salah assured him. “I only arrived two days ago—takes a little time to learn these roads, but takes no time to go to bed with beautiful woman.”
Perhaps sensing that
his rivals were gaining ground, Omar woke up. When he looked out the window he saw that they were still on the Verrazano Narrows Bridge.
“Why are we on this bridge?” he asked, sleepily. Then he turned to look at Harmony.
“On bridge because no place to turn,” Salah said, sulkily. “Very few places to turn in New York City.”
“Millions of places to turn,” Abdul informed him.
Omar turned and looked at Harmony.
“If you will marry me we will make beautiful children,” Omar said, echoing Salah’s sentiments of a few minutes earlier.
“He is an old man, don’t listen to him,” Abdul said. “He is an old man, he has no teeth. His organ is short. I am young man, good-sized organ.” He smiled at her sleepily when he said it, as if he wouldn’t mind having a little nap.
Harmony decided to ignore all marriage proposals, expressions of lust, and the like and just concentrate on serious matters, such as the taxi meter, which was clicking continually. Now they seemed to be heading out to sea.
“He is a boy, he doesn’t know arts of pleasure,” Omar said. “He is like rabbit, jerk, jerk, too quick.”
Abdul merely continued to stare at her with big sleepy eyes.
“Don’t look at my fiancée!” Salah said loudly. “Is forbidden by the Koran!”
“Salah, I’m not your fiancée,” Harmony said, just as the taxi scraped the side of the Verrazano Narrows Bridge, waking everybody.
“Good Lord, this pond we’re going over here is bigger than Lake Texhoma,” Neddie said. “Why are we crossing all this water?”
At that point Omar, Salah, and Abdul began to yell at one another, while, from time to time, the taxi continued to scrape the side of the bridge.
“We will never be at motel, this man is going wrong direction, we will be in the Bronx, crack places,” Omar said. “Salah is not licensed cabdriver, he is gypsy cabdriver.”