Thursday July 1st, I drive out to Will Roger’s airport to pick Allie up for her weekend visit. When I first see her, I am taken aback by her appearance. She was in Reno during summer time and to me she looks paler. Instead of the freckles that pepper her face, her skin is all the same color. She has on great big black sunglasses that cover half her face, a giant brimmed hat, a long sleeved shirt and long pants. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she grew a couple of inches. I expect her to start sneezing when she gets near me but she doesn’t. When we skyped I didn’t notice the differences, I guess because she had the drapes closed in her hotel room to keep the glare off of her computer. It doesn’t matter, I am just glad to see her.
“How much did you pack? You’re only here until Monday, damn.” I carry her ginormous suitcase out to my car. “Mom made all of your favorites for dinner, I hope you brought your appetite.”
“You smell intriguing. What cologne do you have on?” She said to me.
“Huh? I don’t have any cologne on, just me.”
“Just me is working for you bro, it’s sorta woodsy smelling. I’m hoping to spend the fourth with you and Pru, I haven’t talked with her since her dad died. How is she doing? Are we going to stop by and see her?”
“Yeah, about that. I don’t think so, she has been a little moody lately. Not that I blame her, I can’t imagine how I’d feel if something happened to dad. Mom has dinner ready anyway.”
Our drive home starts just fine, at least the first minute or so went fine, after that? Downhill. My super bitchy sister decided to be just that… bitchy. Oh the joys of women.
Pulling down the sun visor she starts applying lip stuff, after smacking her lips together and flipping the visor up she said, “You wanna know what I think? I think you’re pathetic. You have it so bad for that bitch and she’ll never give you the time of day.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean? I’m pathetic? You can be such an ass.” I feel my teeth clench as I say the words.
“You are. I mean seriously, she doesn’t want you, she wants that loser Oakman or whatever his name is. I’d say you could do better, but probably not,” she said flatly.
Her words are pissing me off, I grip the steering wheel with both hands so I won’t reach over and strangle her scrawny neck. “Wow! I can see where I stand in your book. What in the hell is wrong with you? What did I do to you to deserve this tirade of super jackass sister?”
One thing is for certain, she is going for the jugular. I don’t even bother telling her about Chrissy, because I know I will drop her off on the side of the road if she said anything bad about her. The rest of the ride home consisted of verbal slams by both of us until we spent the last few minutes in silence.
I storm in the house telling my mom she can deal with Allie, and I am done with her. I have no intentions of spending time with her for this visit. She can kiss my ass. Talk about diva, you would think she was a big movie star. Please.
Our nice family dinner is eerily silent. Allie came in and bitched at our mom for making such starchy foods and there were too many calories in pie, she won’t eat it. She complained that there isn’t any herbal tea for her to drink to keep her vocal chords moist. She tells our dad his pants make him look like he had no ass, and he should consider a diet regime since he eats all of the starchy foods. She points her finger at Bryon wanting to know why his ass is sleeping in her bed and why in the hell is he still at the house when school is out for summer.
I hear my mother slamming dishes in the dishwasher, and my dad pouring himself a couple of shots. Bryon keeps making buggy eyes at me trying to figure out when Satan took over my sister. I try taking her outside and having a talk with her, needless to say it doesn’t go very well. She rants and raves at me that I think I am something special because I have a fancy car and a couple of muscles. My ability to restrain myself from beating her is impressive. Knowing that vampire venom is making her a raging bitch, I decide that I’d refrain from beating the living daylights out of her.
“Allie, why are you being so irrational? I mean seriously, you’re acting like you’ve lost your mind. Where is all of this hostility coming from?”
“Did you just call me hostile? Really? You’re a piece of work Abe, and not a good piece either.” She stomps her foot in a bratty tantrum.
“Stop being so aggressive you evil bitch! I can’t believe you actually stomped your foot, how immature is that.” I pull my keys out of my pocket and leaned in the house telling Bryon I am going out for a drive, if he wants to go with me to come on out.
“Do not ever, I mean EVER call me immature again.” She grabs me and pushes me up against the front door. Her strength is beyond strong, it is supernaturally strong. Oh no.
After I pry her hands off of me, Bryon and I leave for the night.
“Dude, I don’t know what is going on, but your sister is acting slightly off. Is she touched?” Bryon finally asked as we were cruising down the highway.
“You can call her that I guess. I don’t know, I’m thinking her hanging out with the Hollywood types has made a big impact on her.” Who am I kidding, she is acting like a whack job.
“Mmmm, okay. We’ll go with that. Are you going to tell Pru?” Bryon starts poking at different stations.
I brush his hand away and flip the channel back to the previous one. “Hey, I like that song. About telling Pru….good question. I’m not going to lie, she isn’t acting much better herself. Maybe the planets aren’t lined up right.” We laugh for a few minutes doing our best impersonation of them. It feels nice to just laugh.