thus spread my table in the wilderness: Ilearned to look more upon the bright side of my condition, and less uponthe dark side, and to consider what I enjoyed, rather than what Iwanted: and this gave me sometimes such secret comforts, that I cannotexpress them; and which I take notice of here, to put those discontentedpeople in mind of it, who cannot enjoy comfortably what God has giventhem, because they see and covet something that he has not given them.All our discontents about what we want, appeared to me to spring fromthe want of thankfulness for what we have.
Another reflection was of great use to me, and doubtless would be so toany one that should fall into such distress as mine was; and this was,to compare my present condition with what I at first expected it wouldbe; nay, with what it would certainly have been, if the good providenceof God had not wonderfully ordered the ship to be cast up near to theshore, where I not only could come at her, but could bring what I gotout of her to the shore, for my relief and comfort; without which, I hadwanted for tools to work, weapons for defence, and gunpowder and shotfor getting my food.
I spent whole hours, I may say whole days, in representing to myself, inthe most lively colours, how I must have acted if I had got nothing outof the ship. I could not have so much as got any food, except fish andturtles; and that, as it was long before I found any of them, I musthave perished; that I should have lived, if I had not perished, like amere savage; that if I had killed a goat or a fowl, by any contrivance,I had no way to flay or open it, or part the flesh from the skin and thebowels, or to cut it up; but must gnaw it with my teeth, and pull itwith my claws, like a beast.
These reflections made me very sensible of the goodness of Providence tome, and very thankful for my present condition, with all its hardshipsand misfortunes: and this part also I cannot but recommend to thereflection of those who are apt, in their misery, to say, Is anyaffliction like mine? Let them consider how much worse the cases of somepeople are, and their case might have been, if Providence hadthought fit.
I had another reflection, which assisted me also to comfort my mind withhopes; and this was comparing my present condition with what I haddeserved, and had therefore reason to expect from the hand ofProvidence. I had lived a dreadful life, perfectly destitute of theknowledge and fear of God. I had been well instructed by my father andmother; neither had they been wanting to me, in their endeavours toinfuse an early religious awe of God into my mind, a sense of my duty,and what the nature and end of my being required of me. But, alas!falling early into the seafaring life, which, of all lives, is the mostdestitute of the fear of God, though his terrors are always before them;I say, falling early into the seafaring life, and into seafaringcompany, all that little sense of religion which I had entertained waslaughed out of me by my messmates; by a hardened despising of dangers,and the views of death, which grew habitual to me; by my long absencefrom all manner of opportunities to converse with any thing but what waslike myself, or to hear any thing that was good, or tending towards it.
So void was I of every thing that was good, or of the least sense ofwhat I was, or was to be, that in the greatest deliverances I enjoyed(such as my escape from Sallee, my being taken up by the Portuguesemaster of a ship, my being planted so well in the Brazils, my receivingthe cargo from England, and the like,) I never had once the words, ThankGod, so much as on my mind, or in my mouth; nor in the greatest distresshad I so much as a thought to pray to him, or so much as to say, Lord,have mercy upon me! no, nor to mention the name of God, unless it was toswear by, and blaspheme it.
I had terrible reflections upon my mind for many months, as I havealready observed, on account of my wicked and hardened life past; andwhen I looked about me, and considered what particular providences hadattended me since my coming into this place, and how God had dealtbountifully with me,--had not only punished me less than my iniquity haddeserved, but had so plentifully provided for me,--this gave me greathopes that my repentance was accepted, and that God had yet mercies instore for me.
With these reflections, I worked my mind up, not only to a resignationto the will of God in the present disposition of my circumstances, buteven to a sincere thankfulness for my condition; and that I, who was yeta living man, ought not to complain, seeing I had not the due punishmentof my sins; that I enjoyed so many mercies which I had no reason to haveexpected in that place, that I ought never more to repine at mycondition, but to rejoice, and to give daily thanks for that dailybread, which nothing but a crowd of wonders could have brought; that Iought to consider I had been fed by a miracle, even as great as that offeeding Elijah by ravens; nay, by a long series of miracles: and that Icould hardly have named a place in the uninhabitable part of the worldwhere I could have been cast more to my advantage; a place where, as Ihad no society, which was my affliction on one hand, so I found noravenous beasts, no furious wolves or tigers, to threaten my life; novenomous or poisonous creatures which I might feed on to my hurt; nosavages to murder and devour me. In a word, as my life was a life ofsorrow one way, so it was a life of mercy another; and I wanted nothingto make it a life of comfort, but to make myself sensible of God'sgoodness to me, and care over me in this condition; and after I did makea just improvement of these things, I went away, and was no more sad.
I had now been here so long, that many things which I brought on shorefor my help were either quite gone, or very much wasted, and near spent.
My ink, as I observed, had been gone for some time, all but a verylittle, which I eked out with water, a little and a little, till it wasso pale, it scarce left any appearance of black upon the paper. As longas it lasted, I made use of it to minute down the days of the month onwhich any remarkable thing happened to me: and, first, by casting uptimes past, I remember that there was a strange concurrence of days inthe various providences which befel me, and which, if I had beensuperstitiously inclined to observe days as fatal or fortunate, I mighthave had reason to have looked upon with a great deal of curiosity.
First, I had observed, that the same day that I broke away from myfather and my friends, and ran away to Hull, in order to go to sea, thesame day afterwards I was taken by the Sallee man of war, and made aslave: the same day of the year that I escaped out of the wreck of theship in Yarmouth Roads, that same day-year afterwards I made my escapefrom Sallee in the boat: and the same day of the year I was born on,viz. the 30th of September, that same day I had my life so miraculouslysaved twenty-six years after, when I was cast on shore in this island:so that my wicked life and my solitary life began both on one day.
The next thing to my ink being wasted, was that of my bread, I mean thebiscuit which I brought out of the ship; this I had husbanded to thelast degree, allowing myself but one cake of bread a day for above ayear; and yet I was quite without bread for near a year before I got anycorn of my own; and great reason I had to be thankful that I had any atall, the getting it being, as has been already observed, next tomiraculous.
My clothes, too, began to decay mightily: as to linen, I had none for agreat while, except some chequered shirts which I found in the chests ofthe other seamen, and which I carefully preserved, because many times Icould bear no clothes on but a shirt; and it was a very great help to methat I had, among all the men's clothes of the ship, almost three dozenof shirts. There were also, indeed, several thick watch-coats of theseamen's which were left, but they were too hot to wear: and though itis true that the weather was so violently hot that there was no need ofclothes, yet I could not go quite naked, no, though I had been inclinedto it, which I was not, nor could I abide the thought of it, though, Iwas all alone. The reason why I could not go quite naked was, I couldnot bear the heat of the sun so well when quite naked as with someclothes on; nay, the very heat frequently blistered my skin: whereas,with a shirt on, the air itself made some motion, and whistling underthe shirt, was twofold cooler than without it. No more could I everbring myself to go out in the heat of the sun without a cap or hat; theheat of the sun beating with such violence as it does in that place,would give me the head-ach presently, by dart
ing so directly upon myhead, without a cap or hat on, so that I could not bear it; whereas, ifI put on my hat, it would presently go away.
Upon these views, I began to consider about putting the few rags I had,which I called clothes, into some order: I had worn out all thewaistcoats I had, and my business was now to try if I could not makejackets out of the great watch-coats that I had by me, and with suchother materials as I had; so I set to work a tailoring, or rather,indeed; a botching, for I made most piteous work of it. However, I madeshift to make two or three new waistcoats, which I hoped would serve mea great while: as for breeches or drawers, I made but a very sorry shiftindeed till afterwards.
I have mentioned, that I saved the skins of all the creatures that Ikilled, I mean four-footed ones; and I had hung them up, stretched outwith sticks, in the sun, by which means some of them were so dry andhard that they were fit for little, but others I found very useful. Thefirst thing I made of these was a great