go to the country and become
grasshoppers if
living in town and being
cockroaches is getting
too difficult for you
i was astonished
at the simplicity of the
solution but as i
thought it over it occurred
to me that
perhaps it sounded more
statesmanlike than it
really was
how i asked him are
cockroaches to become
grasshoppers
that is a mere
detail he said which i
leave to you for
solution i have outlined
the general scheme for your
salvation so do not ask
me to settle the mere
details i trust to you for
that you must do
something for yourself
we philosophers cannot do it all
for you unaided you
must learn self help
but alas i fear that
your inherent stupidity will
balk all efforts
to improve your condition
boss i offer you
this little story
for what it is worth
if you are able to
find in it something
analogous to a number
of easy schemes
for the improvement of the
human race you
may do immense good by
printing it
yours for reform
archy
a ragout where i may drop in for a warm bath and a bite to eat
spring
i get about
a good deal
among the insects
especially when
spring arrives
and yesterday
i heard an
argument between
an early cricket
and a busy bee
the cricket spoke
in part as follows
the harps of spring
are in the air
the blackbird
sings
i do not care
a damn if school
keeps in
or not
the jonquil says
all work is rot
the pollywog
has hours to spare
let us rejoice
and from us tear
in glee
our winter
underwear
and let us
dance
and let us
swat
the harps of spring
considering
the lilies there
how do the wicked
ploughmen dare
to lard
their fields with sweav
and plot
increase of gear
by toil begot
we scorn them
we that dance
and bear
the harps of spring
to which the
little busy bee
retorted hummingly
you bards and birds
make such a din
when april s
heedless days begin
flouting
all honest industry
all providence
and husbandry
from every
flower thatched
wayside inn
though heaven
may forgive your sin
of mockery
yet none may win
earth s pardon
for such levity
you bards
and birds
when winter s
sleets
pierce plume and skin
then comes
the ploughman s turn
to grin
by hearth logs
blazing merrily
and feasting burghers
laugh to see
such piping tune fools
cold and thin
you bards and birds
the argument
is one that
does not touch me
personally
no matter what
the season
i can always find
a ragout
where i may drop in
for a warm bath
and a bite to eat
archy the cockroach
the author s desk
i climbed upon my boss his desk
to type a flaming ballad
and there i found a heap grotesque
of socks and songs and salad
some swedenborgian dope on hell
with modernistic hunches
remnants of plays that would not jell
and old forgotten lunches
a plate once flushed with pride and pie
now chill with pallid verses
a corkless jug of ink hard by
sobbed out its life with curses
six sad bedraggled things lay there
inertly as dead cats
three sexless rhymes that could not pair
and three discouraged spats
the feet of song be tender things
like to the feet of waiters
and need when winter bites and stings
sesquipedalian gaiters
peter the pup sprawled on the heap
disputing all approaches
or growled and grumbled in his sleep
or waked and snapped at roaches
i found a treatise on the soul
which bragged it undefeated
and a bill for thirteen tons of coal
by fate left unreceipted
books on the modern girl s advance
wrapped in a cutey sark
with honi soit qui mal y pense
worked for its laundry mark
mid broken glass the spider slinks
while memories stir and glow
of olden happy far off drinks
and bottles long ago
such is the litter at the root
of song and story rising
or noisome pipe or cast off boot
feeding and fertilizing
as lilies burgeon from the dirt
into the golden day
dud epic and lost undershirt
survive times slow decay
still burrowing far and deep i found
a razor coldly soapy
and at the center of the mound
some most surprising opi
some modest pages chaste and shy
for pocket poke or sporran
written by archy published by
doubleday and doran
archy the cockroach
what the ants are saying
dear boss i was talking with an ant
the other day
and he handed me a lot of
gossip which ants the world around
are chewing over among themselves
i pass it on to you
in the hope that you may relay it to other
human beings and hurt their feelings with it
no insect likes human beings
and if you think you can see why
the only reason i tolerate you is because
you seem less human to me than most of them
here is what the ants are saying
it wont be long now it wont be long
man is making deserts of the earth
it wont be long now
before man will have used it up
so that nothing but ants
and centipedes and scorpions
can find a living on it
man has oppressed us for a million years
but he goes on steadily
cutting the ground from under
his own feet making deserts deserts deserts
we ants remember
> and have it all recorded
in our tribal lore
when gobi was a paradise
swarming with men and rich
in human prosperity
it is a desert now and the home
of scorpions ants and centipedes
what man calls civilization
always results in deserts
man is never on the square
he uses up the fat and greenery of the earth
each generation wastes a little more
of the future with greed and lust for riches
north africa was once a garden spot
and then came carthage and rome
and despoiled the storehouse
and now you have sahara
sahara ants and centipedes
toltecs and aztecs had a mighty
civilization on this continent
but they robbed the soil and wasted nature
and now you have deserts scorpions ants and centipedes
and the deserts of the near east
followed egypt and babylon and assyria
and persia and rome and the turk
the ant is the inheritor of tamerlane
and the scorpion succeeds the caesars
america was once a paradise
of timberland and stream
but it is dying because of the greed
and money lust of a thousand little kings
who slashed the timber all to hell
and would not be controlled
and changed the climate
and stole the rainfall from posterity
and it wont be long now
it wont be long
till everything is desert
from the alleghenies to the rockies
the deserts are coming
the deserts are spreading
the springs and streams are drying up
one day the mississippi itself
will be a bed of sand
ants and scorpions and centipedes
shall inherit the earth
men talk of money and industry
of hard times and recoveries
of finance and economics
but the ants wait and the scorpions wait
for while men talk they are making deserts all the time
getting the world ready for the conquering ant
drought and erosion and desert
because men cannot learn
rainfall passing off in flood and freshet
and carrying good soil with it
because there are no longer forests
to withhold the water in
the billion meticulations of the roots
it wont be long now it won’t be long
till earth is barren as the moon
and sapless as a mumbled bone
dear boss i relay this information
without any fear that humanity
will take warning and reform
archy
Don Marquis, The Lives and Times of Archy and Mehitabel
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