Abby looked away into the garden, her cheeks heating slightly. He probably thinks it’s hilarious, Abby thought, that the boy is so desperate he’s fallen for a fat old redhead. That this was the farthest thought from Paul’s mind, Abby was not to know.
“He’s young and I’ve never encouraged him.”
“I’m sure you haven’t” was Paul’s surprising reply.
The birds sang and the breeze rustled some of the leaves. Abby turned to look at the man across from her. He really was incredibly handsome. His eyes were a shade of deep blue-green, clear and solemn in the sunlight. A lock of dark hair fell over his forehead, and Abby had the urge to brush it back.
The eyes and hair, combined with a perfectly shaped fore-head and nose, atop a mouth that did not smile enough, and added to all of that a strong jaw and chin: In Abby’s mind Paul Cameron was gorgeous. But he wasn’t Ian.
She was sure if the men stood side by side Paul would be the better-looking, but he didn’t look at her with eyes of love. He wasn’t the man that made her heart thunder in her chest when he walked into a room. He wasn’t the man of God who was a fine leader and head of their home. She liked Paul more than she had ever thought possible, but he just wasn’t Ian.
“How long has he been gone?” It was as though he read her mind.
“Forever,” she whispered.
“I know.” Paul’s reply was equally soft. “His name was Ian?”
“Ian Finlayson Jr.”
“Is Ian Finlayson Sr. alive?”
Abby had dreamed again of her father-in-law just the night before, and a shiver ran over her.
Paul’s hand came out to touch her arm. “What is it?”
Abby so wanted to talk with someone, and his voice was so kind, his look so tender.
“My father-in-law was devastated over Ian’s death. He blames me and I left Canada because I was afraid of what he would do. I’ve been having dreams about him coming after me, and sometimes I feel terrified.”
“Why does he blame you?”
“I led Ian to Christ shortly after we met, and he studied to be a minister after we were married. He took a church in his hometown because he was so burdened for his father’s salvation. We were living with Ian’s folks because we couldn’t afford a place of our own. Ian’s father didn’t like what had become of his son, but he loved him very much and was willing to hold his peace because he could see how happy Ian and I were.
“One night a woman who attended our church came and said her son and husband were having a terrible row. She begged Ian to come. It was an accident, everyone agreed, but it didn’t change the fact that Ian was dead. The son had pulled a gun and Ian was hit. I was told he didn’t live longer than a few minutes.”
So few words, Paul thought, so few words to describe so much pain. “Is there really a chance Ian’s father would come after you?”
“I’m not sure. After the funeral he was so angry. He said he wished I were dead.”
They sat in silence, and Abby couldn’t believe how much better she felt. Talking to someone, having shared her burden, lifted the weight from her shoulders.
Abby wondered if Paul would ever share with her. She hoped he would feel free, but he said nothing, just looked at her with eyes of compassion and concern. What a wonderful pastor he would make, Abby thought, but she kept the thought to herself. It was nearing noon and time to head in.
25
Dear Gram,
I’m sorry I haven’t written to you prior to this time, but I was not able. I am still laid up—but recovering, getting stronger each day. Mrs. Finlayson tells me she wrote you upon her arrival so you knew I was, in fact, alive. I’m sorry for your worry. I understand why you didn’t write. Thank you for sensing my need for time. A letter from you would be very welcome. I cannot promise to come directly there upon recovery. I am still undecided as to my destination. Please take care. I love you
Gram, Paul.
My Dearest Paul,
Thank you for your letter. I could sense it was not easy for you to write. I pray for you daily, asking for a recovery of health and spirit. I’ll not press you now for how you are. Just know that I pray always.
Please tell Abby an older man was here to see her. He would not give his name, so I did not tell him of her whereabouts. I hope I did right, but he acted so aggressive, I was a little afraid for her. I so wish you were both here. It’s so hard to have you down and not be by your side.
In the short time she was here, Abby became very dear to me, and this man being here made me worry for her.
I will close now and write again later. I love you, Paul. Please tell Abby of my love for her also. Gram.
“Anna?”
As Paul hoped, she came to the door. “Can you please tell Red I need her.”
Anna stared at him, not sure what he wanted.
“The nurse,” he said slowly.
Still she stared.
“Abby.”
Nothing.
“Mrs. Finlayson.”
Anna’s face lit with a smile, and she hustled out of the room. Paul shook his head as he adjusted himself in the chair and waited. It didn’t occur to him how his summons would scare her until she rushed, wide-eyed with concern, into the room.
“Paul?” she called him without thought. “What is it? Are you in pain?”
“Slow down, Abby. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just need to tell you something.”
Abby took a few minutes to calm her heart and dropped heavily into the rocking chair. Paul had never asked her for anything. Lately he had been more agreeable than ever, but he had never requested anything of her, always waiting for her to offer.
“You scared me half to death.”
“I’m sorry,” Paul said from his place across from her.
“What did you need?” Abby’s curiosity was much aroused as she stared at him.
“I heard from my grandmother. She said to tell you a man was in Baxter looking for you. He refused to give his name, so she didn’t tell him where you were.”
Paul did not, until that moment, realize the fear under which she had been living. The color was draining away from her face and, had he not reached to block her flight, she would have run from the room.
“Abby,” he spoke leaning over in his chair with his hands on the arms of the rocker, “it’s alright. You don’t know it was your father-in-law. And if it was, he doesn’t know where you are.”
“How did he know to go to Baxter?”
“Maggie lives there. Abby, you need to trust God in this as you do for everything else.”
Paul didn’t know who was more surprised, Abby or himself, at his statement. “I didn’t tell you to scare you. But you need to be aware of what’s going on. You’re safe here at the Becketts. Everything is going to be fine.”
And it was fine. Abby’s fears were calmed as she stayed in the rocker and Paul talked to her. He was gentle and his wonderful voice and convincing manner soothed her. She wouldn’t have been surprised if he asked her to pray with him, so tender and almost loving was his manner.
Near the time for Abby to see to supper, she said gently and in complete ignorance, “Your voice and manner are so comforting, Paul. You would make a wonderful pastor.”
The look that came over his face was nearly frightening. Abby watched pain, anger, frustration, and finally a wall being erected in front of whatever he was feeling—and suddenly she knew.
“Tell me, Paul, that what I’m thinking is wrong. Tell me you were not a pastor and in bitterness you walked away from it.” Abby’s voice pleaded with him to deny it.
His face was angry, shuttered, and she knew she had guessed rightly. Abby jumped to her feet.
“How could you? How could you walk away from such a calling? To be used of God to teach the Word and tell people of His Son, and then just walk away from it all! What’s become of your church? Did you just leave without notice?”
“I couldn’t—wouldn’t—go on preaching about a God who doesn’t answer praye
r,” he gritted out in anger.
“Not answer your prayers?”
“He let my wife die.”
Abby stared at him aghast. Her voice was heavy with scorn when she went on. “So God’s plan didn’t fit in with the high and mighty plans of Paul Cameron! Paul asks and Paul gets! Well, let me tell you something, Mr. Cameron: God answered your prayer alright and the answer was no. You asked God to spare Corrine and He said no. Where I come from, a “no” answer is still an answer.”
Abby was out of breath from her speech but not finished. “When I think of Ian’s zeal for God and his hunger to spread the Word and no longer alive to share it, and you still here obviously gifted to such a calling but unwilling, I can’t,” Abby’s voice broke, “I can hardly stand to look at you.” Abby’s actions were as good as her words. She lifted her skirts and fled.
26
Abby was feeling desperate for some time away from her job. She had taken care of Paul’s needs throughout supper and early evening, and it had been miserable for both of them. The anger and words between them were like an unscalable wall, and all their past disputes were made to look like child’s play in the face of it.
Patient and nurse tried not to look at each other. When their eyes did meet, hers were shuttered, and Paul’s remote. Abby knew she had to get away, if for no more than a few hours.
“Lenore,” Abby approached her hostess before bed, “would it be a terrible inconvenience if I left the house for a while tomorrow?”
“Why no, Abby.” She looked surprised, and Abby was sure she had misunderstood.
“It would mean your taking care of Paul. If you’ve got plans, I’ll understand.”
“You don’t need to ask twice Abby,” Mr. Beckett broke in. “I suspect Lenore has always wished she was a nurse, so being offered the chance to care for your patient is enough to make her day.”
Sam smiled at Lenore, and she grinned at him almost shyly. Abby knew they had a special relationship.
“Actually, I don’t know why we didn’t offer first,” Sam went on. “I’m sure no one expects you to work every day.”
“Who should work every day?” Ross wanted to know as he sauntered into the room.
“Abby is taking the day off tomorrow,” Ross’ father informed him, looking pointedly at the hat still atop his son’s head. Ross whipped the hat off and sent it sailing toward a chair, making his mother’s eyes roll with long-suffering.
“Where are you going?” Ross asked Abby as he took a seat, not even glancing to see if his hat made it onto the chair.
“Probably just for a walk around town.”
“I’m free tomorrow, and I could take you out for a drive in the buggy. We could pack a picnic and make a day of it.”
Abby hesitated, sure that such a day would lead Ross to believe there could be a more serious relationship between them. She was also very aware of Sam and Lenore’s eyes on her.
“Just as friends,” Ross said quietly but loud enough for his parents to hear. Abby smiled at him in relief; he had understood her hesitation. She knew well that a person couldn’t just decide not to care for someone, but Ross’ words told her he understood where their relationship stood.
Plans were made for the next day before Abby retired for the night. Abby would sleep as late as she wanted, and they would leave with a basket of food when she arose.
Even as she drifted off to sleep, her heart still angry at what she had learned about Paul, she felt deep compassion over his bedridden state and then thought that his body was healthy compared to the malady of bitterness in his heart.
27
Abby did not sleep well in the night, so the sun was moving high in the sky by the time she and Ross set out.
“I had planned to pack the lunch for us. I feel badly that Anna had to do it.”
“I don’t think she minded. She likes you, and of course she adores me.” Ross winked at Abby, and she laughed at his audacity.
Driving around the streets of town, Ross pointed out sights of interest. There was a mansion in town, and he drove by slowly to let Abby look her fill.
They passed timber companies, the boardinghouse, a hotel, and numerous saloons. Abby looked with interest at everything and listened attentively to Ross’ running commentary.
The buggy and horse were headed out of town after their tour, and Ross took Abby to a peaceful spot along the Namekagen River that the town had grown up around.
They withdrew from the buggy with a blanket and the basket and were soon seated along the banks of the river. The sun was hot overhead and the day promising.
Abby had not eaten and planned to dig right into the basket. Ross, at the age of constant hunger, gave her no argument. As with all the meals at the Beckett home, Anna did not disappoint them. Abby pulled out from the basket: chicken, muffins, a tin of nuts, boiled eggs, cheese, crackers, tomato slices, and a layer cake, along with jugs of cold water and apple cider.
Abby had everything set out when Ross asked, “Why couldn’t you have come into town and fallen in love with me the first time we met?” His tone was light, but Abby caught the underlying, very real desire.
She looked across the food-strewn blanket and into his eyes. “It’s not that you would be impossible to love—”
“But I’m too young, right?”
“I wasn’t going to say that. It’s just that I’ve already given my heart, and even though Ian isn’t here to hold it, I still take that commitment seriously.”
“I think Ian was a lucky guy.”
“I don’t know about luck, Ross, but Ian and I were very blessed to be given each other.”
Very blessed, Ross thought, she’s always saying things like that. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“It might make you mad.”
Abby looked surprised but said nothing, so Ross went on. “I heard you praying one day in your room. I know I shouldn’t have listened, but when I heard you talking I wanted to know who was in there with you and well, I guess I just stood in the hall and eavesdropped.”
Feeling embarrassed after his admission, Ross saw that Abby didn’t look angry, and he desperately wanted to ask her about it. “Abby, do you really believe God can hear you? I mean all those things you said to Him about taking care of your family and healing Mr. Cameron. Do you really think God can do all of that?”
Abby was quiet for a few minutes, and Ross wondered what she was thinking. He would have been surprised to find out she was praying.
“Ross, I’m glad you felt you could ask me,” she finally began in a gentle voice. “I’m not ashamed of my belief in God, so I’m not upset that you heard me pray. When I was a little girl, my grandmother died. I cried and cried for days, but my grandfather never shed a tear.
“It took me some time, but I finally asked him why. He told me that he and my grandmother had grown up together and one day a traveling preacher came to town. The man said that Jesus Christ was God’s Son and that He had died on the cross for sinners. Well, my grandpa said he knew he was a sinner and needed a Savior and that day he believed on Jesus Christ. He said grandma believed that day too, and he knew she was with Christ and that’s why he didn’t cry. He was going to see her again.
“He asked me that day if I had ever made that decision, and I had to say no. He wanted me to pray with him right then and tell God of my sin and believe He died for me, but I said no. A few years later my grandfather lay on his deathbed and I went in to be near him. There was no fear on his face because he knew where he was going. Jesus was his Savior and grandpa was going to be with Him and see grandma again.
“Before my grandfather died that day, I knelt by his bed and with his hand holding mine I told God of my need for a Savior. The Bible says to ‘believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved.’ Well, Ross, I did believe and I’ve never been the same.
“The God of all creation lives inside of me, and without Him I am nothing. I grew up in a home where prayer—talking with God—
was a daily occurrence. Jesus Christ is my best friend, and when I pray, I pray believing He loves me and His will for me will be perfect. It was hard to lose Ian, but I know it was God’s will and that I’ll see Ian again.”
Abby was sure she had rambled on too long. It was Ian who was the preacher, not she; Ross would be thoroughly confused.
“How can I know your God?”
Abby couldn’t believe her ears. She had been so absorbed in the recounting of her story, she had missed the look on Ross’ face. It was a look of wonder and searching. Abby wanted to throw her arms around him.
With a trembling voice, Abby answered. “John 3:16 says ‘For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.’ All you need to do is believe in Him, that He can save you from sin, and He does all the rest. He receives you as His child, and you’re His for all eternity.”
Ross nodded slowly, and Abby felt her heart pound as she asked, “Ross, would you like me to pray with you?”
“No,” he said softly, “I think I understand.”
Abby watched quietly, tears swimming in her eyes, as Ross bowed his head before God. She prayed also. When he raised his head, Abby was working hard at removing the evidence of tears from her face.
“I don’t feel any different.”
“Do you believe you are a sinner, Ross, and do you believe Christ died for that sin?”
He nodded and Abby said, “Then you are now a child of God. You don’t need to feel any different. God promised in the Bible that those who believe on Him would be saved, and He never breaks a promise.”
“I want to know more about the Bible,” Ross stated simply, and Abby laughed in delight.
“Your wanting to read God’s Word is one of the signs that there has been a change.”
Ross smiled at her and laughed too. He thought she had come here to be his wife, but now he could see her purpose had been altogether different. Ross’ smile nearly stretched off his face when words came to his heart that he had never said before: “Thank You, God.”