Chapter 41
‘She shot me down.’ Gavann said to Vann over a cool glass of beer. ‘Well, I mean, she shot everyone down, so I don’t feel so bad.’
Gavann had not been injured in the Molk attack but due to the lack of submarines he and most of Vann’s submates were on shore duty.
‘Hmm.’
‘You should’ve come watch the demo.’
‘You’re not serious.’
‘Yeah, it’s stupid. But I’ve never seen a girl like her.’
‘We’re talking about the gemeng?’
‘Yeah, no, the Astar girl just looks like all the other girls, pretty, but,’ he shrugged, ‘thinks we’re all depraved, so not going near her. But this one has hair darker than Azra’s! And these really green eyes! And a gemeng! Have you ever been with a gemeng? No! No one has!’
‘Please, don’t mention Azra. And uh, Gavi, I wouldn’t want to go out with any of the gemengs around here.’
‘Yeah, but she only has a few scales, Feilin said.’
They stopped talking and looked up at a commotion near the entrance.
‘That’s them!’
Vann saw a group of four. A big, brown haired guy with a face like a brick. And… that must be the gemeng he thought.
She was standing near the back of the group, glaring at everyone. That was a very vehement, stay away from me kind of glare.
The brick faced guy was talking. ‘So this is what you do with your time.’ his voice carried over the crowded patio of The Porpoise and out into the night.
Vann wasn’t paying a lot of attention. Hair as black as night. True black, not dark brown, swept back from her face. It was long, a wavy fall of blackness that reached past her shoulders. As he looked more closely his eyes widened. Black? Black was a pale word to describe that colour. It was… it was alive. There was no way to describe the strangeness, inhuman otherness that was that colour. It was something else masquerading as black. He squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again, trying to clear them. What did that feel like? Would it feel like hair? Or would it be something else? Something as other in touch as it was in look? And then the colour seemed to shift and hide, become more human. He stared at it hard. Had he imagined that? As he looked the sense he was looking at something inhuman came back. He shook his head. He moved his eyes elsewhere. Maybe it’s just because I’ve never seen black hair before. He moved his eyes to her face and had to hook his heels around the chair legs. What was hiding in her hair shone from her face. Her skin was white. You didn’t see white skin in Coastside often. You had to be dedicated to not get a tan in Coastside. But it was not white like Mr Geiba’s or brickface’s though. He felt a strange awe deep inside as he looked at her. If the essence of life could be forced into one colour or face it had been done here. She was not human. You could not for a second look at this woman and think she was human. Humans paled beside her. Humans looked like ghosts beside her. How could such perfectly white skin seem to shine with life? It made a strange contrast with such black hair. But not a contrast. They were the same. In all that mattered, her black hair and white skin were the same. That was how it was supposed to be.
‘Vann.’ Someone was talking but Vann didn’t hear. There was something unsettling about her. But at the same time… something in him wanted to get closer. Would she feel the same as a human? Surely she couldn’t. It would have to be something else.
She moved like nothing he’d ever seen. As different as the rest of her. As easy as liquid. Movement suited her. And then when she paused to glare a little longer at someone he realised stillness suited her as well. Whatever state she chose to take, when she took it he could not imagine her ever doing anything else. She was a part of the world in a way the other people in this room weren’t. As if she lived here and they were just visiting.
And to see her fight.
Something in him flip-flopped.
It was almost a little scary to imagine this creature fighting.
‘Vann!’ Gavann hissed in his ear again.
Gavann was well aware Vann was ignoring him. His friend had his eyes glued to the gemeng girl.
Gavann kicked Vann under the table. He had to hear this!
That was enough to snap him out of it. Vann was almost relieved, actually. He shook his head and gave Gavann his attention. ‘What?’ he asked.
‘Listen!’
Brick face had been talking all along, Vann realised. As soon as he turned his attention back to the Astarians the gemeng had his attention.
And it was still there. All those thoughts were still there.
And then she looked at him.
He felt a jolt. He shivered.
Her eyes were green, he realised. Gavann had mentioned that. He was too far to see clearly.
What would he see in her eyes? The same as he’d seen in every other aspect of her?
Then she turned away.
Brick face had stopped talking.
And just like that she walked away.
Vann didn’t move. He felt like all the air had been knocked out of him. He couldn’t move.
‘Can you believe those guys! Depraved? What the hell does that mean anyway? The gemeng was nice, though, right?’
‘Right.’ Vann answered, and he downed the rest of his beer. ‘Right.’
The next morning Vann went to the demonstration.
All the submariners in Coastside at the moment were gathered in an open space in the Blocks. The ground was bricked and there were a few trees around, shading the buildings. They stopped the dorms from getting too hot in summer.
The submariners were gathered in a loose semicircle. Opposite them were the three human Astarians. In the middle was the gemeng, looking as pleased to be there as she had last night.
When Vann looked at her he realised he was much closer than last night. What he saw from afar last night hit him like a sledgehammer this morning.
‘Everyone who is not injured will fight the gemeng. Every day. Until you learn proper fear.’ Captain Turis announced. Not everyone had fought yesterday as the Astarians had arrived too late in the morning. Most of the submariners had already left by the time they arrived.
Vann jerked his eyes from the gemeng to Captain Turis. It took more effort than he cared to acknowledge. He felt a prick of intense dislike for the man. The submariners did fear gemengs. They knew all too well what they were capable of. They just didn’t let that control them. This Astarian fool had no idea.
And then his eyes belonged to her again. What was her name? She was travelling with them, surely they knew her name. Why not use it?
What did her voice sound like?
‘I have a list of submariners here. This will go much slower if I have to call out names.’
‘We’re just waiting for you to shut up.’ A submariner stepped forward, it was Vann’s captain. He looked annoyed. ‘Do you have a name, gemeng?’
She looked at Garis Endis. Vann held his breath. He needed to know this.
‘Riley.’ she said after a pause.
Her voice was curiously normal compared to the rest of her.
A swarm of butterflies had just taken flight inside of Vann.
Riley.
Garis’ eyes were back on Captain Turis. ‘Riley’s a part of your squad, isn’t she? You should treat her with more respect.’
How could Garis speak when she was near?
Captain Turis gazed back at Garis. ‘All of my subordinates are treated with respect, not that you would know what that means.’
‘Hmph.’ Garis’ mouth curved up in a grim, sarcastic smile. His eyes were hard with dislike. ‘Alright, Riley, I have one request before you begin beating the shit out of me.’
Surprised, she asked, ‘what is it?’
‘Just stay away from my face.’
There was some laughter from the submariners. Some called out good naturedly, ‘oh, she’d improve it, Captain!’, and, ‘can’t get any worse!’
Captain Turis’ eyes roved over the laughing submariners. His
face was blank.
Riley didn’t say a word. She just glided over to Garis. In a swift sweep of her leg she knocked his legs from under him. At the same time she grabbed him, controlling his fall so he didn’t slam into the bricks.
Once he was on the ground Garis began counting loudly. ‘One… two… three!’ He jumped up spritely. ‘pleasure fighting you, Riley.’ he shook her hand.
She looked stunned.
Vann suddenly wanted to fight her, for the chance to shake her hand afterwards.
Would it feel human?
He didn’t know what would affect him more, if it was a human hand or a hand as strange as it looked.
‘Ok, boys, let’s move this along!’ He called as he disappeared into the throng of submariners. ‘We’ve all got better things to be doing!’
The fights went quickly. Vann was riveted by her, but a part of him also managed to be concerned for his fellow submariners. That concern faded as he realised she wasn’t hurting them. And that only made him want to get closer. She wasn’t dangerous. She looked so unsettling, inhuman, but she didn’t hurt them. Could something human live inside her? The more he saw the more he wanted to know. Needed to know.
There was no other way he wanted to spend his morning than watching her move. She was dizzyingly graceful. It was like he’d never seen anything move before. He didn’t mind if she did this all day.
How was it that no one else was gazing at her like he was?
Then a submariner stepped forward with a lightning rod.
Riley glanced at it. From the look on her face she didn’t know what it was.
Vann felt uneasy. He had an urge to warn her, but that was a submariner up there. He’d be using the low settings. And could she be hurt, anyway?
Riley approached this submariner carefully. She kept her eye on the dusky gold rod.
The submariner waited. He didn’t do anything except watch.
Then suddenly Riley was moving quickly. She was keeping out of reach of the rod though as she moved in to finish the fight.
The submariner squeezed the handle.
Crackling white light tore across the open space.
It collided with her.
Shock crossed her face. She stood frozen.
Vann stared. Something chaotic and confused was twisting painfully inside him. She felt it. She felt the lightning rod. He needed to yell, stop it. However she looked, she could feel.
The implications.
Before he could demand the submariner turn the lightning rod off Riley moved. In two steps she was at the submariner. She knocked his wrist so hard he dropped the rod. The light disappeared.
She glared at him, her brows drawn down in anger, her green eyes fierce. But in the same way as all the rest, she beat him without hurting him.
When he was gone Riley shook her head, as if shaking off water.
As if nothing had happened, Captain Turis called for the next person to come forward.
And on and on. Until it was done.
‘Be out here tomorrow, same time. We do this every day, until you learn. You are a disgrace to Coastside.’ Captain Turis announced.
‘Wait.’ Vann snapped. He stepped forward, desire to touch her and anger at Captain Turis mingling in him.
‘Do you have something to say, submariner?’ Captain Turis demanded.
‘No, she just hasn’t beaten me up yet.’
Riley was looking at him. He felt her eyes like two coals. He couldn’t look. If he looked he wouldn’t be able to talk. Standing near her, stringing a sentence together near her. That was enough.
‘You have a broken arm.’ Captain Turis said, as if this was a joke he was tired of. ‘Injured submariners are excused.’
‘Why does that matter? It’s not any more ridiculous than anything else you have us doing.’
‘I’ll fight him.’ a voice piped up.
It was her.
His heart skipped a beat. His stomach was doing acrobatics. What would she feel like?
‘He won’t be any easier than the others.’
Captain Turis turned his gaze to the woman standing beside him.
Slowly, for it was so hard, Vann turned to look too.
Those green eyes were looking at him. All thought fled from him. Green…
‘No. Clearly he’s trying to make us look like fools.’
‘Oh, you’re doing that fine yourselves.’ Vann snapped, his eyes yanked from Riley. He needed to look at those eyes longer. ‘We know gemengs, Captain. We see them every day in the subs and on patrols. This fighting doesn’t prove anything. We already fight them. I broke my arm fighting them and lost seven crew members. Fearing them doesn’t mean letting that the fear rule you, Captain.’
The Captain’s face twitched. ‘And yet,’ he said after a silence, ‘you behave in such depraved ways. Wasteful behaviour that plays right into their hands. If you really understood them you would not behave as you do. Drinking, wasting resources, pointless copulation-’
Vann’s eyes widened in surprise. Then he laughed.
There was nothing to do but laugh.
‘Get on a sub, captain. Maybe then you’ll open your eyes.’
There was nothing else to say. So he turned and walked away. All the time he was painfully aware of her presence.
Vann spent the next few hours by the side beach.
Zap Zap visited him here nearly every day. After Vann had found out about the fish people bringing dead bodies ashore he had asked Zap Zap if his people were bothered by dead humans in the ocean.
Zap Zap had said they hadn’t really stopped to check if they were alive, they had just tried to get everyone. Perhaps the humans could fix them. They didn’t know. So they’d collected everyone.
Vann had conveyed thanks on behalf of all of Coastside.
Zap Zap had beamed and smiled, his tail splashing. He’d thanked them in turn for killing Molk.
The ocean sparkled in the sun, and as he looked out over the blue green water his thoughts drifted.
He wondered briefly about his mother. She had gotten on a sub soon after he was born, after his father was already gone. What had possessed her to do that? Leave her baby son alone, with the other parent already dead?
This was a familiar thought. Today he moved on quicker than usual. Those thoughts would not help his mood.
When Zap Zap appeared Vann considered asking him what gemeng girls liked. But, his face turning red, he decided against it. She wasn’t a fish person. He could try what usually worked first.
What usually worked? How would his usual approach work on someone like that?
He stopped that train of thought. Stopped it and stood up.
He couldn’t sit here thinking about her. It was painful. He had to go talk to her.
He said his goodbyes to Zap Zap and headed back to the blocks to find her.
He wandered around the block for half an hour with no luck. Eventually he asked one of the dining hall staff.
‘Eats in her room.’ the man shrugged. ‘Had a little trouble with the boys here.’ and he grinned.
‘What sort of trouble?’ he demanded, his ire rising. Who had given her trouble?! How could anything give her trouble?
‘Ooh, all the boys were inviting her out to dinner.’
‘Oh.’ Yes, Gavi had mentioned that. She’d said no. To all of them. He felt a touch of unease. He stood frozen for an instant. To her, we must all seem the same, came unbidden to his mind. He killed that thought. He was a submariner. He would go talk to her.
‘She might be in her room. The Astarians are staying in the guest quarters.’
‘Thanks.’ Vann replied.
He had to stop himself from running all the way there.
There weren’t that many rooms in the guest quarters. As far as he knew, the Astarians were the only ones staying there at the moment. He knocked on two doors before one finally opened.
‘Hello.’ Riley said glaring at him suspiciously. She only opened the door halfway.
She was so close. Vann couldn’t look away, his eyes travelling over her features. An explosion had just gone off in his head and blown all thought into next week.
Her eyes narrowed and her glare got even darker as he stood there not saying anything.
‘Riley.’ he managed. Later, he might berate himself for not saying anything better, but that required more thoughts than he had at the moment.
‘Yes?’
‘A-are you ok?’ he finally managed.
Her frown became more confused than suspicious. ‘Am I ok?’
‘The lightning rod. I know they hurt.’
‘Yes. Is that what it’s called?’ she seemed almost curious.
That was enough to send his senses reeling. She could be curious. Her.
And he latched onto that. ‘Yes. Here.’ he pulled his lightning rod from his belt and held it out. Then remembering where he’d been he quickly retracted it and began changing the settings.
Riley watched him.
‘Sorry,’ he said, feeling like a bumbling idiot. ‘I was on the side beach. It was set to maximum. Ok, here.’
‘Hmm,’ she picked it up carefully and held it up. Her eyes were on it, not him. ‘How does it work?’
‘By squeezing or hitting something with it.’
‘Are they very effective?’ she turned it round, examining it closely.
He shrugged. ‘Depends against what. They work against leapers.’
‘Leapers?’ her eyes were on him. They were bright.
Tingling warmth was spreading through him. Please let me know you.
‘You can see them around the side beach sometimes. They leap out of the water and attack you. You should stay away from there.’ he added. His first impression that she couldn’t possibly be harmed had been proven wrong by the lightning rod.
‘What do they look like?’
‘Not much bigger than a human, big legs though. Skinny. Slimy. Claws. There are pictures in the Blocks’ library and up at records. I could show you…’ he trailed off as dark suspicion filled her eyes.
‘I could give you directions?’ he tried again. That warmth was disappearing.
The suspicion lightened, but didn’t disappear entirely. ‘No, thank you.’ she handed his lightning rod back. ‘I’ll find it myself.’
‘Without directions?’ he asked, bewildered.
‘I’ll find it.’ she repeated, glaring at him before she began closing the door.
‘Wait!’ he grabbed the door.
She stopped, glaring at him from narrowed eyes.
‘My name’s Vann.’
He was surprised she shook his hand. It was so fast. Her skin was soft and smooth. So human. He didn’t grab her hand, but allowed it to slip away. His hand seemed to pulse where it had touched her.
She began closing the door again.
‘Wait!’ he cried again.
She stopped, but the door was only open a slit now.
He stared at those green eyes peering from the darkness of the room beyond.
‘There are other places to eat, where submariners don’t hang out. You don’t have to stay in there-’
‘No.’
‘I could just give you direc-’
‘No.’
And the door was slammed in his face.
To say Vann was stunned was an understatement.
Someone was putting beer before him.
‘Said no to you too, huh?’ Gavann asked.
‘She wouldn’t even let me give her directions!’ he cried in disbelief. Disbelief was easier than all the other feelings she awakened in him.
‘Yeah… well, maybe she thinks you’re depraved too. Like the rest of that lot.’
Vann took a sip, then set the beer back down on the table. ‘I’ll try again.’ he was determined. He’d been rejected before. He’d accepted it and moved on. But not with her. Giving up did not cross his mind.
The need to know this creature had lodged in him.
‘Um, ok. We’ll all enjoy seeing you shot down again.’ Gavann grinned. ‘Can you do it somewhere public next time? You know, so we can watch?’
Vann just glared at him.
Two more rejections later Vann was stumped. He needed to know why she was so fond of ‘no’. More, he felt himself slipping dangerously into that unknown country called Panic.
Every time he saw her he was awed and unsettled and so many different things. And yet her voice was so normal. It was a lovely voice, with so many different inflections. But it was a normal voice. And her hand had felt so human. The mix captivated and entranced him.
The feelings didn’t go away. If anything they became stronger and deeper every time he saw her.
He approached Riley in that moment after the fighting was over and before she cloistered herself in her rooms again. His chest felt painfully tight and it felt like there was a lead weight in his stomach. What would it take just to get a smile out of her? What did he have to say?
At least she waited for him. Her arms were crossed and she was glaring at him. But at least she waited.
‘Hi.’ he said.
People were scattering from the courtyard.
She didn’t say anything. Her mouth was closed tightly.
At least she didn’t say no as soon as she saw him.
‘Are you enjoying Coastside?’ he asked, building his courage up to ask.
Her eyes narrowed even further. It was a glare within a glare.
‘You don’t want to see any of it?’
‘Not with you.’ she finally said. ‘How many times do I have to say it?’
‘Why?’ he asked.
‘You do know I’m a gemeng, don’t you?’
‘Yes.’ She mentioned that a lot. ‘Why does that matter?’
Her expression didn’t change. Perhaps there was only so much suspicion and leave-me-aloneness that could fit on one face. Even if that face was Riley’s.
‘Do you have someone, back in Astar?’ he asked calmly, but he had to drag those words out of himself. It would make sense. He could understand that. He’d back off then. He didn’t go after other guy’s girls. Not that he’d had much luck with this one, a little voice (which he ignored) said.
Her expression changed to outright surprise.
Before she could say anything though, he realized he wouldn’t back off. Whoever he was, he’d find himself with some competition.
‘N-no.’ she stuttered, too astounded to say anything but the truth. ‘Of course not.’
Vann almost smiled. Then ’why ‘of course’?’ he asked.
She peered at him, as if she was trying to catch him out in a lie. ‘What’s wrong with you?’ she said, though it wasn’t angry, exasperated mainly.
‘Riley, I don’t understand why you’re so against Coastside.’
Her eyes were on him. ‘I’m a gemeng. You’re a human. Besides…’ she trailed off. ‘I have to leave.’
‘Listen, I know what it’s like to be away from home, but maybe if you get out a bit more you won’t find Coastside so bad. And I don’t understand why it matters that you’re a gemeng.’
She just stared at him. She was not smiling, but Vann found it a lovely change from her usual expression.
‘Maybe it matters in Astar, but not in Coastside.’
‘Do humans often go out with gemengs in Coastside?’ she asked.
‘No but… most gemengs around here try to kill you, so,’ he shrugged.
She shook her head.
‘Do you not like humans then?’ he asked suddenly. Maybe she thought they were too soft, he thought, like what Azra thought of the shore siders.
Maybe she thought they were nothing but ghosts.
She looked stunned again. She gathered herself then and said, ‘I’m not staying in Coastside. I’m sorry, I’m not going anywhere with you.’ and she started walking away.
‘Wait.’ Vann walked quickly to catch her. ‘Ok, how about we just be friends?’