Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life You were only waiting for
this moment to be free
Blackbird fly,
blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night
Blackbird fly,
blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night
Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
The three boys waited in the hospital, the stench of recent sanitation invading their nostrils with each breath. Each minute staring at the bland, white walls and listening to the soft buzz of electricity seemed to last for ten. It was agony. If it was time for Mark to go, they all hoped it would at least be pain-free. Brad, somewhat selfishly, he realized, secretly prayed Mark would pull through. And praying was something that didn't come easily for him. Mark was handed a flowing stream of shit luck, and if there was a God, Brad was pretty upset with him for allowing his best friend to suffer through so much in such an epigrammatic period of time.
He had a feeling the guys felt the same way he did. Content with Mark passing, but still hankering for more time with him. Brad invoked his esoteric desire out loud, causing Jake to pat him on the back.
"If it's time for him to go, dude, it's time." Jake told him.
"I know. I just didn't want it to be like this," Brad replied.
"Like what?" Daniel interjected.
Brad clenched his eyes closed and leaned forward in his chair. "Like this. In a hospital. He should have died with us...in his home. We should have been there."
"We're here now," Jake pointed out.
"It's not the same. He tried to die at home and I acted rashly and feel like I may have robbed him of his wish. If he pulls through this, what if he fucking hates me for it. He made a choice and I over-ruled it. I had no right to do that."
"You did have the right, bro," Daniel assured him. "Look man, if he pulls through this, you saved his life. He obviously wasn't in his right mind. That bitch fucked him up, bad. He was confused."
The door opened and all three boys looked up, breathes baited, waiting for whatever news the doctor was going to lay on them.
"Gentlemen," the doctor said, looking down at his clipboard. The three boys stood up from each of their indistinguishable motif of tweed-padded hospital chairs to brace the divulgation. "Your friend is alive and awake." The trio let out a collected sigh.
"Can we see him?" Brad asked.
"Not just yet," the doctor responded. "I need to ask you a few questions."
"Okay," Brad answered wearily.
"Mr. Briggs is assuring me this was not a suicide attempt. He said he was tired and confused and must have taken too many pills by accident." The boys looked at the doctor, paying close attention to every word that emerged from him. "Do you have any reason to believe it was anything other than an accident?"
Brad thought back to the note Mark had left on his phone. It was thoroughly discernible what Mark's intention had been when he swallowed the pills. He could sense his friends' gazes resting upon him as he was prolonging the decision of how to answer. Nothing good would come of Mark being on suicide watch. He decided to discard the obvious. "I know for a fact it was an accident. That's why I was there. He called me. Said he thinked he messed up. I didn't know what he meant and the call ended. I rushed over there and saw him in bed. I induced vomiting and the rest you know."
"So you are telling me you do not believe Mr. Briggs is a risk to himself?"
"Yes. That is what I am telling you."
The doctor looked down towards his clipboard again, silently adjudicating how to proceed. He removed his glasses and slipped them into his lab coat pocket. "Look boys, your friend does not have much time left. I'm sure that is apparent to you." Jake and Daniel slightly nodded their heads. Brad stayed perfectly still. "I will release him but I will require a nurse to be there."
"He has a nurse," Daniel informed him.
"He has a nurse that stops by once a day," the doc retorted. "I will require a nurse to stay with him at nearly all times. He or she will handle all his prescriptions and have them on hand to ease his pain whenever he needs it and will be there to overlook his intake and assure the proper dosages. From here on out our main goal is to make Mr. Briggs as comfortable as possible. It is only going to get worse. I need you gentlemen to understand that. I do not see him surviving for more than a month. Maybe even less. The nurse will give me updates as to his condition, and when I feel it is time, Hospice will come in to make sure his passing is as easy on him as possible. They also help with the body after the soul departs and will assist you in any needs you may have concerning what comes next."
Brad snapped out of his frozen gaze and spoke up. "Can he leave the house? I mean, is it safe for him to leave?"
"How do you mean?"
"I mean, like, can we take him to a movie or to the park or something if he gets cabin fever?"
"That decision will be up to him. If you are asking if he is contagious and a danger to the public, he is not. He is sick though, and with that will come extreme fatigue and debilitation. So it is really up to him what he wants to do. He has a wheelchair, yes?"
"Yeah."
"Then that should make it a little easier on him. Just don't overdo it. Also, the medication the nurse will be administering from here on out will serve one purpose and one purpose only; to make the pain less. There's no getting better. I need you to understand that. Once this morphine concentrate starts, it really is the beginning of the very end. This isn't the medical marijuana or Oxycontin or the Fentanyl patch, or even the morphine he's used to. This is, you know, the hard stuff. Liquid concentrate. It may cause mood swings or delirium, but that is perfectly normal. Just bear with it. From here on out you need to make sure your friend is as comfortable as possible. Now, I will sign his release papers if you agree to all of what I've said." The boys stood silent. "Do we have an agreement."
"Yes. Yes sir," Brad answered.
"Yes sir," Daniel and Jake answered in unison.
"Very well, then," the doctor said, extending his hand. When all formalities were completed, he turned his attention back to the clipboard for a moment. "Remember, men. Do not overdo it."
When the doctor exited the waiting room and the door closed, assuring he was well out of earshot, Jake asked, "So, are we going to overdo it?"
A smile formed on the other boy's faces. Brad was the first to answer, "Fuck yeah, we are."
When the slow parade went past
When it felt so good you knew it couldn't last
And all too soon the end was gonna come without a
warning
And you'd have to just go home
And the way it all went by
And somebody said "come on its getting late"
And you thought the world might end if you just looked the other way
And now you wish that you had stayed
And there's so much more that you could see if you just stick around
And all the street light secrets whispering for you to come back out
Oh no
There's so much more that you need to work out
Oh no
You don't want that parade to leave you now
&nbs
p; And the days are all the same
And the town so big and no one knows your name
And the people fade away
And all stars are just a flicker
And you're left there all alone
When there's so much more that you could see if you just stick around
And all the street light secrets whispering for you to come back out
Oh no
There's so much more that you need to work out
Oh no
You don't want that parade to leave you now
When the music's over
But the song stays in your head
Oh no
There's so much more that you need to work out
Oh no
You don't want that parade to leave you now
Yeah
There's so much more that you need to work out
Yeah
You don't want that parade to leave you now
Mark was returned to his home, complete with a new nurse who would be sharing duties with his previous one. His current nurse was a man who stopped by once or twice a day to make sure he was comfortable. The new one is a slightly pudgy but pretty-faced, fairly-young blonde woman named Vallesa.
Brad and Daniel were sitting by Mark's beside, lazily watching some pathetic sitcom on television when she first arrived. Jake was mad that he didn't get to be there, but he was scheduled to be at work for the morning shift today, and having already missed the past two days due to the emergency, he figured he better show up, no matter how dead-end he thought the job absolutely was.
Vallesa knocked on the door and Daniel got up to let her in. She was wearing plain, light-blue scrubs and carrying a purse and a small medical bag. He introduced himself and led her to the bedroom where Mark was propped up.
"Hi guys," she greeted them as she entered the room. Brad stood up to shake her hand and introduce himself.
He pointed to Mark and said, "Lazy Bones over there would be your patient. Don't expect much from him."
Mark attempted to laugh but ended up coughing as he struggled, but finally got out, "Go fuck yourself." He looked Vallesa in the eyes and continued, "What a dick. Anyway," he coughed again, "I'm Mark. And yes, don't expect much from me."
"Can we get you anything. I mean, do you need anything?" Daniel offered. "Brad was in charge of shopping this week so I'm sure there are plenty of chips and energy drinks."
Vallesa smiled and said, "No thank you."
Brad stood up and said, "Speaking of energy drinks," then walked out of the room, returning a few seconds later popping the tab of a Lo-Carb Monster, the ksh sound of carbonation escaping the can drawing everyone's attention. "Anybody else want one?"
"I'll take one," Mark said softly while slowly raising his hand.
"No no no no no," Vallesa interrupted. "You are not drinking any caffeine. You get juice and water and maybe, if you're nice, some Gatorade."
"What a jip," Mark protested. "What's it gonna do, kill me?"
"Not on my watch, Bucko." She opened up her medical bag and removed several pill bottles and a few vials. "So here's what we have." Daniel and Brad walked over to the various medications to examine them. "No touch!" Vallesa mockingly snapped at them. "I am the only one to administer these medications. Absolutely no exceptions, and that goes double for you, Mister," looking squarely at Mark, still propped up on a pillow.
"Yowsa, boss."
"Now, here's the million dollar question. How are you feeling right now?"
"I'm good right now," Mark said, raising his right arm to show her the brown square stuck just above his armpit. "I got a fresh fentanyl patch and it's kicking in, baby doll."
"I can tell," she said wryly. There was a knock on the door and everyone turned in time to see Jake saunter on in, still wearing his work clothes.
"Knock knock, guess who got off early, bitches!" Jake exclaimed as he was entering the bedroom. Upon noticing Vallesa, he quickly tried to back pedal. "Shit. Them bitches, not you bitches. Not that you're a bitch. I'm sure you're not. I just meant-"
Brad decided to ease Jake's suffering and interjected. "Vallesa, this is our friend Jake. Jake, this is Mark's new nurse, Vallesa."
Vallesa blushed a little bit as she said hello. It was quite obvious to Brad, Daniel and Mark that she found Jake attractive. Brad chuckled a bit which caused Vallesa to turn even redder.
Jake, however, oblivious and still stumbling over his previous mishap, raised his hand in a pathetic attempt of a Hello gesture. It made him look more like he was being sworn in to office than waving. He squeaked out a soft, "Hey," accompanied with a chicken-like head peck. Mark and Brad exchanged glances, both thinking the same thing; What the fuck?
Vallesa killed the awkward silence that followed. "I was just explaining to the boys here exactly what medications I have and instructed them that, under no circumstance, were they allowed to touch them. Do I need to go over this again with you?"
"Don't touch," Jake answered. "Got it."
"Well boys, it looks like we'll probably be spending a lot of time together in the future." She put all the drugs back into her bag, "It's not that I don't trust you guys, but, well, I guess I don't trust you guys." She smiled and giggled a bit, "Seriously though, when other people are in the house I'm not allowed to leave the drugs unattended. Nothing personal. Where is the bathroom?" Brad pointed her in the right direction and she left the room, bag-in-hand.
"She seems nice, dude," Brad said to Mark.
"Yeah," Daniel agreed. "Much better than the other guy. That guy's kind of a dick."
Mark cough-laughed again and added, "Just because he wouldn't give your loser-ass some medical marijuana."
"Whatever man. Anyway, I think she'll work out nicely."
"Me too," Jake said, taking a seat on the small futon against the far wall of the room. "Dude, this seat sucks. You can't even see the TV from here."
"Oh man, I sure do feel bad for you," Mark told him.
Vallesa came back in to the room, still holding her bag. "Anyway, guys, I'll leave you alone. If you guys need anything, just let me know. Do you have your bell?"
Mark answered by reaching under his blanket, retrieving a small silver bell and ringing it obnoxiously.
"Good to know. Use it sparingly, that thing is annoying." She turned and made her way into the living room. After Mark had fallen asleep, the boys began working on their plan.
"He wanted his ashes spread over the Pacific Ocean," Brad informed them, "and when I found him he had that Everclear song Santa Monica on repeat."
"So what are you thinking, dude?" Daniel asked.
"Oh, I'll tell you what I'm thinkin', bitch. I'm thinking road trip. We steal him from his soul-killing confines, we rent a van and we cut down to Santa Monica."
Jake raised his concerns. "He's not going to go for that. Besides, you heard the doctor. He is on borrowed time and will be exhausted. We can't just throw him in a van and take off. Besides, he needs drugs."
"We can worry about that later. Right now, I need to know if you guys are in."
Daniel spoke up immediately, "Hell yeah, I'm in. I'll just tell my dad I won't be able to work for a while. That's easy for me. You guys have real jobs though."
"Yeah, and they're not exactly good jobs, dude," Jake added. "Do either of you have any money? Because I sure as shit don't."
"Dude," Brad responded, "we'll worry about that shit later. Are you in or what? If we agree to do this, we can work out the kinks and form a real plan. We all need to be on the same page first, though."
Jake sat silent for a moment before slowly nodding his head. "Yeah, man. I'm in."
"Fant
astic. Now let's figure out how the hell we're going to do this."
"Dude, this is going to be impossible. What makes you think Mark will even want to go?" Daniel asked.
"Well," Brad answered, "we'll ultimately leave it up to him, but as long as he thinks he has the strength to go, I don't see what would keep him here. We need to all chip in and help him, though. That means helping with bathroom trips, eating, making him comfortable and giving him his medicine."
"Shit dude," Jake said, "how the hell are we going to get the medicine?"
"We'll have to steal it."
"How the hell are we supposed to steal it? Vallesa out there just said she can't let it out of her sight. Furthermore, how the hell are we going to get Mark out of here?"
"The doctor said we could take him out when he was feeling well, we'll just say-"
"Bro," Daniel interrupted, "I'm pretty sure Vallesa is smart enough to realize we're packing clothes and leaving with her patient. We're going to have to come up with something a little more stealth than that."
"Okay," Brad agreed, "you're right. We'll come back to that. First and foremost, we need to get money. I was thinking, I have a 401k. Maybe I can take a loan against it."
"Aw man, I don't want you to have to do that. I've got a couple thousand in the bank we can use."
"Dude, I have like seven-hundred bucks, but we can totally use it...Not like my parents charge me rent," Jake added.
"That's not going to cut it, boys. I'll see how long it takes to get the loan. If we're taking Mark out in style I don't want to be a penny pincher. I want to go all out."
"Do what you gotta do, man. Me and Danny will help all we can. Is Jen going to go for this, though? Dude, you're the only one with a family."
"I'll talk to her, I think she'll be okay with it. She'll have my parents and her parents to help with Carolyn and she knows how important this is. And she loves Mark, and you guys."
"What about the 401k?"
"Oh, she doesn't need to know about that." The boys shared a chuckle then decided to let Mark get his rest. They would begin setting the plan in to motion tomorrow. They all stood up and headed back out in to the living room, finding Vallesa sitting on the sofa, the medical bag resting against her. She was absent-mindedly swimming the channels. Behind her, the lowering sun peeked through the curtains, setting her aglow. "Hey Vallesa, we're going to take off."
"Oh, you guys don't have to go. You're more than welcome to hang out and watch TV with me or something."
"Thanks for the invitation," Jake said, "but we really need to go."
"You sure you can't stay?" she asked, looking straight at Jake.
Brad turned to Daniel, giving him an elbow nudge. Daniel snorted after his failed attempt to contain his laughter.
"Sorry, we really need to go," Jake insisted. "We'll be back later, though. I promise." Vallesa cheeks turned beet red again.
"Promise?"
While Jake and Vallesa continued their childish flirtation, Brad tried to think of a plausible way to steal the drugs from the bag without being caught. As for now, he was stumped. They said their farewells and took off. "I'll text you guys in the morning," Brad told them, "right now I'm going to go talk to Jen, get this thing figured out."
"Good luck, buddy."
"Yeah," Daniel added. "Good luck, homes."
While driving home, Brad thought about different ways to broach the subject with his wife. She was wonderfully kind and thoughtful and had always fully supported him in all decisions he made, but he worried that being gone for a couple weeks would be too much of a strain on her. Plus, it was going to be hard for him, too, being away for so long, missing his beautiful daughter and wife. He drove on in silence, noticing the lack of snow on the ground, odd for so late in the year.
Carolyn was napping peacefully when he returned home and told Jeni he needed to talk to her about something important. At first she seemed worried, but he almost immediately corrected himself and assured her it was nothing bad. She took a seat at the table and slid out the chair opposite her with her right foot, inviting her husband to sit with her. He did.
"Okay, I need to know how you would feel about me being gone for a few weeks."
She pursed her lips together in wonder. "Why?"
"Mark's not doing well. Obviously. But, the doctor said he's only got a month or so to go, maybe less."
Jen gave him a sympathetic smile, "I know, babe. I'm sorry."
"It's okay, but here's the thing. You remember how I told you what his suicide note said; how he wanted his ashes spread over the Pacific Ocean?"
"Yeah..."
"Well, me and the guys, we thought...Well, we were wondering...Okay, look, we want to steal him and drive him to Santa Monica, California."
"What?" Jeni said, her face drawing backwards in bewilderment. "You can't just remove him from his care. Baby, he is sick. He is going to die. He needs proper care. You don't want him to be in pain. He won't even have the strength to-"
"I know. It's fucking stupid and it's a horrible idea; I just..." His voice caught and tears were forming in his eyes. He took a second to try and collect himself, but as soon as he continued on he just got worse. "He's my best friend. And I love him, and I don't want to lose him."
"Baby," Jeni said, in an attempt to make him feel better, but it just made it worse as she had begun to cry, as well.
"I have to do this for him. We have to do this."
"You're right. You go. We'll be here waiting for you when you get back."
Brad stood up and walked around the table to his wife, bending over to hug her. The tighter she held him the harder he sobbed.
"Just do me one favor," she said. Brad released his grip on her and retracted a bit to look her in the eyes. "Bring him by one last time before you go. I want to see him. I'm sure Cari would, too."
Brad sniffed and wiped his face dry, "I will. Thank you, babe. I love you."
"Check in with me?"
"Every day."
"I love you, too" She grabbed his face and pulled it into hers, giving him a soft kiss on the lips.
Getting time off would be the most difficult for Brad. If worse came to worst, he thought, he would just quit. It was a shitty job, anyway, and he was bitter for having it. A college graduate working a dead-end job at a shitty local drug store. Pathetic, he thought.
Jake called his boss at home and explained the situation. They had plenty of help and other workers were begging for more hours. He assured Jake he would have no problem filling his slots.
Daniel told his dad exactly what was going on and that he wouldn't be on the farm for a while. He said that was fine, there was little else he could say.
Brad's boss agreed to permit him to take his two weeks' worth of vacation, starting at the beginning of the next schedule. He could leave this week, sans stipendium, as long as he got all his shifts covered. He made a few more phone calls, offered up a few bribes to his co-workers, and after forty-five minutes on the phone, was good to go.
He then sorted through his document drawer, eventually finding his latest 401k statement. He skimmed through the print, finally landing on a phone number. He dialed and waited on hold to talk to a representative. She informed him there were two ways to take money out; one way was to borrow against the fund and pay it back weekly via a deduction from his paycheck, or he could choose to file a hardship and not have to pay it back. She explained to him that he would be taxed and several fees would be tacked on with the latter choice. He rolled it around in his mind for a bit before settling on the hardship. Retirement was still a long way off for him, he thought. Fuck it. The representative told
him ten-thousand dollars would be deposited in his bank account by the end of business tomorrow if he could print, sign and fax all the paperwork back to her by the end of business today. He promised her she would have it within the hour.
Now, all they had to do was form the rest of the plan. And talk Mark in to going.